Pregnant but baby's dad won't let me have a termination

[OneHeartyScroller]

Hi,
First time posting. Really need some advice!
I am currently very early on in pregnancy after failed contraception. I have spoken to the baby's dad about it and he is determined I am not to have a termination. I really don't think I am ready for a child at the moment, but he is determined I am going to have his child. Me and the dad are not together but he says he will support me and we can co-parent the child. Advice please??

Just go and get a termination, it’s your body, he can’t physically stop you. Do you really want to be raising this man’s child alone for the next 20 years just because he say you can’t terminate?

My sister had that problem about 16 years ago.
She did not want a baby she did say its her body but our baby.
I think it was a bit of all sorts going on in her mind but she really did not want a child.
So she came to mine and had a termination without him knowing.
Said she MC and had a coil fitted without him knowing.
Best choice she made he dumped her 3 months later.
Even today she said it was the best choice she made no regrets as she would have been tied to him in some way.

Did you know that in Japan, you need to obtain consent from the father before having an abortion?

Thank fuck we don't live in Japan. Do what you want with your own body. Women fought hard for you to have that right.

Every child should be a wanted child.

I'd also say if he really feels strongly that he'd never want a child of his to be aborted, he might want to not have sex unless in a committed relationship where both parties are clear what intentions would be in the event of conception, and contraception was watertight (two methods preferably) until conception was desirable.

Not screwing you, breaking up then trying to dictate what you do with your body (and life).

Me and the dad are not together

So why did you even tell him? Don what you want to do.

If you have the baby he will be controlling your life for the next 18 years minimum. Have a planned baby when the time is right for you.

As others have said, this is your choice. Plenty of men say they'll be committed dad's and be there to support you and the baby, then the baby is born and they're not there. And you can't always tell which ones are which.

I understand its hard to do something when the other person is so determined for you not to, but at the end of the day you shouldn't have a baby you don't want.

Your body. Your choice.

It isn't his choice and it's outrageous he feels it is

If you're not together why did you tell him? You're not together for a reason, remember that. What he says and what he does or will do is not guaranteed, then what happens. I would tell him you started your period and do what you have to do without telling anyone you don't 1000% trust. Otherwise word may get back to him. He has no right over your body, NONE! He will be living the single life. doing his thing and making demands on you: what you do, how you do it, when you do it, and with whom if you have this baby, you know this. Look at how he's trying to control you now. All the red flags are there. You have to be strong enough to look after your own interests.

HE won't LET you?????

What am I reading? It is 2024 not 1884. You have purchase over your own body. Men do not make decisions for women. Particularly men who are not commited to the potential mother of their child.
I despair at this world. Clearly, the glory-days of the 1980s and early 90s when women were actually in control and making decisions about their lives in relation to work, relationships and motherhood, was a normal thing, thanks to the feminists of the 60s and 70s
The world, particularly if the threads here are anything to go by, is one full of women unable to speak for themselves or are rendered incapable of even telling friends 'no'.

He doesn't sound capable of taking that information in without reacting in a bad way. I would just say you started your period end of. Otherwise he may tell anyone who will listen, that OP had a termination out of spite. OP, Keep it to yourself, you don't need or deserve the judgement from him. Don't make your life harder than it needs to be.

It's entirely your choice. Don't let him bully you. Look after yourself.

Shouldn't be his choice if you don't want to have this baby.

Run far away from him, say you've had a miscarriage if pushed but you should be able to have an abortion and it's fine.

Be prepared for him to leave you when things get tough, and they will if you keep the baby.
Children are wonderful but also very difficult and expensive. You go through the hardest times of your life raising them (but also the most lovely moments).
I think deep down you know this isn't right for you however and I wouldn't bring a child up unless you are willing to do it solo.

Another vote for, tell him you had a miscarriage, get the abortion and then block him.

Even then, to be fair, he has no say...

Sadly if you go yo the relationship board you will see loads of example of "red flag behaviour ". Timings not right for you dont have the baby .

Do what ever you want he has zero say. If you would like to have the baby, do, but only if that is what you want. He can swan off (I know there are legal obligations but still)

If you do terminate I think I would tell him you miscarried. That it is very common in early pregnancy (it is I have 4 times). You don't need the agro of him saying nasty things.

Bet your life if you went ahead, you wouldn't see him for dust in a few months time.

Do what you want to do for YOU.

Unless he's got you locked in a basement somewhere (inwhich case you should be really using your phone signal to get help not posting on mumsnet!) Just google 'early pregnancy clinic' & call or make an appointment with them to discuss it - even if its just what you've posted here they will 100% send you in the right direction (or even contact a abortion clinic for you to get the ball rolling)

Good luck & take care. Xx

Assuming she doesn't get tied to him for years & years & he just fucks up all her plans & big moments along the way!

That’s great @OneHeartyScroller

Please don’t let him make you feel guilty bout your choice either.
Depending on how insistent he is re the pg, Id even go as fas as saying that you should tell him you’ve had a miscarriage and leave it at that.

I wish you the best!

Your body, your choice, as others have said.
It's not his place to 'let you' do/not do anything. I do hope that you have other real life support in place.
Take care, lovely.

He doesn’t get to dictate that you are going to have a child. If you’re not even in a relationship with him, then he doesn’t get that much of an input.

It’s a really difficult and unenviable situation to be in, but given your circumstances, you have to do what is best for you.

His insistence that you have a child when you don’t want to reminded me of this..

https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/5b79z4/comment/d9mbpls/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3