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Original poster

Pregnant but baby's dad won't let me have a termination

220 replies

OneHeartyScroller · 28/02/2024 23:03

Hi,
First time posting. Really need some advice!
I am currently very early on in pregnancy after failed contraception. I have spoken to the baby's dad about it and he is determined I am not to have a termination. I really don't think I am ready for a child at the moment, but he is determined I am going to have his child. Me and the dad are not together but he says he will support me and we can co-parent the child. Advice please??

OP posts:
Heatherjayne1972 · 29/02/2024 11:16

The law is on your side. No one can stop you having or not having a baby
100% your choice

Poppyzo · 29/02/2024 11:17

I would ask him for space. Take time, get some professional advice. Having a child changes your life. If your not ready your not ready. You need to do what’s right for you. It is easier for a man to walk away not so much for women.

Trebormints74 · 29/02/2024 11:18

@Tatonka even if he is willing to adopt etc. it’s her body so she wouldn’t have to go through with the pregnancy if she doesn’t want to.

there is no circumstance in which it is not your decision OP. You can discuss and he can say his view but it’s your body, your choice.

5YearsLeft · 29/02/2024 11:24

I know a few people have mentioned this, OP, but do you feel that he could be dangerous? That is NOT a reason to not get a termination, but it may be good to talk to someone at Women’s Aid (even if you aren’t together, if you fear he might try to control your reproductive choices with violence, then he’s abusive) as I’m sure they’ve dealt with this before. Likewise, I’m sure they must have liaisons wherever you get the termination who can tell you how best to keep yourself safe, ie if you tell him it was a miscarriage, tell everyone it was, or what a miscarriage might look like at your stage so you can sound realistic about it if you are forced to discuss it. Also, Miners can possibly help you with information or signposting. Don’t feel forced into making a decision you don’t want because you feel unsafe. It sounds so stressful, I’m sorry you’re going this, and I hope it can be resolved quickly in the best way for you.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 29/02/2024 11:25

You do not need his permission!

And I’m sure plenty of blokes will say they’ll support you, only to disappear both in person and as regards money, once it suits them.

Thedance · 29/02/2024 11:26

He can't stop you from having an abortion. It is your body and your choice.
You said you are not together so what is right for you and stop engaging with him.

AllThePotatoesAreSinging · 29/02/2024 11:26

Block him. You aren’t together. You have chosen to have an abortion, and it’s your right to make that choice. He has no right to make this choice for you. You aren’t a couple, you won’t be co parenting - there’s no need or reason for you to speak to him again, so don’t speak to him again. Good luck x

Notwhatyouwanttohear · 29/02/2024 11:31

Your body your choice.

It is all well and good him saying he will support you but you will be the main care giver.

Wetblanket78 · 29/02/2024 11:34

It's your choice there's no baby yet just a bunch of cells. It's you that will have to carry the child and go through childbirth not him.

Flyeeeeer · 29/02/2024 11:36

This boils my blood. So he doesn't want to have a relationship with you (fine) but he wants to control what you do with your body, with implications for the rest of your life. Disgusting excuse of a man. Do what you need to do for you (and you have my sympathy that you have to do it and I hope you have some RL support and someone to go with you. Tell him if you want but don't feel obliged. You have no ties to him at all. All the best OP.

ForestFancies · 29/02/2024 11:41

I presume he spoke to you about his strong anti-termination views before having sex? I bet the answer was 'no'.

You are going to be shackled to this bully for the next 18+ years. Not only telling you what you can/can't do but I doubt very much he'll be interested in a sensible discussion over parenting choices. Breastfeeding, bedtimes, discipline, homework, car seats, device use... the issues could be endless.

Aintbaint · 29/02/2024 12:02

Go ahead and see your GP or the local sexual health clinic and they will arrange what you need.
This man, who you aren’t even with anymore, gets no say.

Gloriosaford · 29/02/2024 12:07

To echo everyone else, he ain't the boss of you!
Do what's right for you, don't keep him informed it's none of his business, drop him and block him.

SealHouse · 29/02/2024 12:07

Tatonka · 29/02/2024 05:40

I agree OP should terminate if she wants to, but it's quite harsh to assume that the father has no feelings. We can't have it both ways, men who should step up if they make someone pregnant, yet also men have no say in the matter.

Show quote history

No one is assuming that the father has no feelings, it's just that his feelings don't matter in this instance and are not a factor in OP's decision, nor should they be.

Justgorgeous · 29/02/2024 12:07

@Tatonka Stupid comment. He has no autonomy over the OP and her decisions. The guy sounds like an utter twat and I hope the OP makes the right decision for her.

Viviennemary · 29/02/2024 12:08

It isn't up to him to force you into continuing when you are legally allowed to terminate. He sounds very controlling. I would have as little to do with him as possible and seek advice on how to deal with his bullying.

Itslegitimatesalvage · 29/02/2024 12:09

You’re right. If your OP is serious then you are not ready to be a parent. Unbelievable. “He won’t let me.” Unless he has you locked in his basement then he has no control at all over you.

If you’re really too scared to just tell him to F off then get the termination and tell him you miscarried.

LuckySantangelo35 · 29/02/2024 12:10

He can’t stop you op

his opinion is irrelevant

TheFormidableMrsC · 29/02/2024 12:11

GrumpyPanda · 28/02/2024 23:08

He "won't let" you?!?

Tell him to fuck off and block him.

What she says.

It's none of his business and it's your body. What's he going to do. Tell him to get fucked and block him.

Newestname002 · 29/02/2024 12:16

DodgeDoggie · 28/02/2024 23:16

Book a termination without his knowledge and tell him after you’ve terminated. This is not his decision.

Absolutely this. Don't tell him or anyone else anything until afterwards. This is your decision 100% - don't accept pressure to do something against your will. 🌹

Wheresthebeach · 29/02/2024 12:18

Not his decision. Yours. Book a termination and tell him after. Stop engaging with him.

fatphalange · 29/02/2024 12:20

All the more reason to have the termination, OP. I don't like the sound of this man at all. What he is saying is entirely different to, for example, 'I will support you if you go ahead with the pregnancy'.
You don't think you're ready for a child
You aren't with the father
The father is being controlling

This is YOUR decision. Never make a decision as important as this on the say-so of someone else. He may well be full of shit and prove to be a crap father. What then?If the answer to 'what then?' is you are happy to be a single mother and want this pregnancy then that's fine. Or that you are happy to coparent with a controlling man who a relationship didn't work out with, that's also fine. Aborting is also fine. It's YOUR body and YOUR whole life which would change.

ginasevern · 29/02/2024 12:23

OP, do you genuinely believe you need his permission? Has he told you this? You do not need anyone's permission to have an abortion in this country. Absolutely nobody can make you go through with a pregnancy. I suggest you get far, far away from this man. He will not support you and you will be on your own with a baby.

frequentlyfrazzled · 29/02/2024 12:34

OneHeartyScroller · 28/02/2024 23:16

Hello,
Thankyou for your replies. One person asked if I am in the UK. Yes I am in the UK. After listening to all of your replies. I am going to do what I feel is best for me in the situation. Thankyou again. X

Well done for recognising that this decision has to be the right one for you. It might be worth you confiding in a close friend or family member so you have some support around you nearer the time.

Maria1982 · 29/02/2024 12:39

This is horrendous. It’s your body, your choice!!!
please get as far away as possible from this man

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