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Original poster

Pregnant but baby's dad won't let me have a termination

220 replies

OneHeartyScroller · 28/02/2024 23:03

Hi,
First time posting. Really need some advice!
I am currently very early on in pregnancy after failed contraception. I have spoken to the baby's dad about it and he is determined I am not to have a termination. I really don't think I am ready for a child at the moment, but he is determined I am going to have his child. Me and the dad are not together but he says he will support me and we can co-parent the child. Advice please??

OP posts:
Original poster
OneHeartyScroller · 28/02/2024 23:16

Hello,
Thankyou for your replies. One person asked if I am in the UK. Yes I am in the UK. After listening to all of your replies. I am going to do what I feel is best for me in the situation. Thankyou again. X

OP posts:
DodgeDoggie · 28/02/2024 23:16

Book a termination without his knowledge and tell him after you’ve terminated. This is not his decision.

LittleOwl153 · 28/02/2024 23:17

How did 'contraception fail' wouldn't be his responsibility would it...

AnnetteKurtan · 28/02/2024 23:18

Who does this twat think he is?

do what you want to do OP it’s your body and you are the one who is in charge of your future. Dont let him get a say in YOUR future . He can fuck off any day he likes.

(hopefully today, because this isn’t a guy you want be saddled with)

purplediscoblue · 28/02/2024 23:22

i get it as a man they don’t have a choice whether we keep the baby or not and it’s hard as it’s them too however they do not have to carry, give birth, be main care giver give up work/career.. loose themselves for a short while and a total life change.

my first year of motherhood was horrendous in terms of mental health and I wouldn’t wish that on anyone.

mske the decision for you and you only do not let him force you into the biggest change or your life one you cannot undo. I mean I love being a mum but sometimes I wish I’d waited a while but still end up with the same baby

TheMushroomFamily · 28/02/2024 23:24

And how will he stop you? You don’t need permission

unsync · 28/02/2024 23:50

It is not his decision to make. You do whatever you think is right for you.

chrisfromcardiff · 28/02/2024 23:59

OneHeartyScroller · 28/02/2024 23:03

Hi,
First time posting. Really need some advice!
I am currently very early on in pregnancy after failed contraception. I have spoken to the baby's dad about it and he is determined I am not to have a termination. I really don't think I am ready for a child at the moment, but he is determined I am going to have his child. Me and the dad are not together but he says he will support me and we can co-parent the child. Advice please??

The sperm donor has absolutely no say in what you do with your body. If you wish to terminate, then you do that. Then to block the asshole and never see him again.

WellThatEsculatedQuickly · 29/02/2024 00:07

He sounds controlling. Are you scared of him? Have you got any support around you?

It is absolutely your choice and not his. Is there anyone you can talk to?

plantlover34 · 29/02/2024 00:35

It's your choice and yours only. I've had two terminations in the past and now having a perfectly healthy pregnancy. I'm glad I waited for the right time.

I know they can be scary to deal with alone so I'd recommend talking to a friend or family member who can help support you.

If and when you speak to doctors or BPAS, they will tell you that it's your decision and want to know that no one is forcing you to do anything. I've generally found them to be wonderful, very understanding and supportive

TempleOfBloom · 29/02/2024 01:07

OP, listen to your own true self, not to this man.

You do not feel ready to have a baby. Trust your own feeling and self knowledge.

Having a baby is not something to take risks over, for your sake and any baby’s sake.

Take care of yourself,
💐

Italiangreyhound · 29/02/2024 01:10

You can do whatever you want.

I agee with skmissty

"Tell him you started your period.
Then discretely sort it. And never, ever see this man again.

Or yeah, tell him to go fuck himself. Your body, your choice."

Make sure you no longer see him and have nothing to do with him.

DreamTheMoors · 29/02/2024 01:13

“He won’t let me…”
”HE WON’T LET ME”???

This offends me in so many ways.

Is this dude your owner, your overseer, your lord and master??

You have dominion over your own body.
Do as you see fit and DON’T EVER LET SOMEBODY TELL YOU WHAT YOU MAY OR MAY OR MAY NOT DO WITH YOUR PERSON AGAIN.

Meadowfinch · 29/02/2024 01:17

Call BPAS. If you are still very early you will have a medical termination, using pills. You don't need his permission. He has no rights. It's your body

Any man who tries to force you to have a baby you don't want is abusive. You need to get some support in real life. Tell BPAS or your GP what he is trying to do to you and they will advise you.

Take care xx

Tatonka · 29/02/2024 01:30

GrumpyPanda · 28/02/2024 23:11

He's not going to have the pregnancy transfered over to himself to carry to term, is he? So no say either way. OP's not his broodmare.

Show quote history

I genuinely think the father should get some say in the matter as it is their baby, so that's why I think this would be the only reasonable option, he basically does everything

SleepingStandingUp · 29/02/2024 01:37

Op no one at any clinic is going to ask for his consent because it's YOUR body.

How early is early? If you're certain, I'd tell him you got your period late,and then go and sort out an abortion.

Good luck doing what you need to do for YOU

HoppingPavlova · 29/02/2024 02:41

@OneHeartyScroller so, if in UK, definitely absolutely no impediment to you doing whatever you want.

Ihadenough22 · 29/02/2024 03:36

He won't let you have an abortion. To be honest it's not his choice and there is no law to stop you from having an abortion in the UK. He might like the idea of a baby just now but that could change. Having a baby can be hard going in the strongest relationship but a baby will only make a poor relationship worse.

You have seen what he is like. Sort out an abortion and end things with him. In fact I say run as far you can away from him. He gets bored of the baby and you be left to pay for and do it all. You deserve better than this man.

Ihadenough22 · 29/02/2024 03:36

He won't let you have an abortion. To be honest it's not his choice and there is no law to stop you from having an abortion in the UK. He might like the idea of a baby just now but that could change. Having a baby can be hard going in the strongest relationship but a baby will only make a poor relationship worse.

You have seen what he is like. Sort out an abortion and end things with him. In fact I say run as far you can away from him. He gets bored of the baby and you be left to pay for and do it all. You deserve better than this man.

Orangeandgold · 29/02/2024 04:02

He sounds toxic. Controlling.

Wait and you are not even together!

I would be doing what I felt like I needed to do in this scenario.

Josette77 · 29/02/2024 04:04

He sounds scary.

Frankly I would have an abortion and tell him I miscarried.

Stay away from that man. He's not a good person.

thebestinterest · 29/02/2024 04:41

OneHeartyScroller · 28/02/2024 23:03

Hi,
First time posting. Really need some advice!
I am currently very early on in pregnancy after failed contraception. I have spoken to the baby's dad about it and he is determined I am not to have a termination. I really don't think I am ready for a child at the moment, but he is determined I am going to have his child. Me and the dad are not together but he says he will support me and we can co-parent the child. Advice please??

Your body, your choice.

Lwrenn · 29/02/2024 05:00

@Tatonka the man rightly has no say. Not their body going through pregancy or birth, not their choice what happens.

Op have a termination ASAP, tell him you miscarried and just block him. He sounds really controlling. You do not want to invite a controlling man into your life for 18 years, regardless of the pregancy.

Continuing this pregancy is a terrible idea and I'm not someone who takes termination lightly, but in this instance I'd be doing absolutely everything in my power to rid me of this man.

PansyOatZebra · 29/02/2024 05:18

His opinion is irrelevant. Your body, your choice.

Autienotnaughtie · 29/02/2024 05:23

Do what's best for you. You have no guarantee he will support you and you don't owe him anything.