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Original poster

Pregnant but baby's dad won't let me have a termination

220 replies

OneHeartyScroller · 28/02/2024 23:03

Hi,
First time posting. Really need some advice!
I am currently very early on in pregnancy after failed contraception. I have spoken to the baby's dad about it and he is determined I am not to have a termination. I really don't think I am ready for a child at the moment, but he is determined I am going to have his child. Me and the dad are not together but he says he will support me and we can co-parent the child. Advice please??

OP posts:
NewFriendlyLadybird · 29/02/2024 07:48

Adding my voice to everyone else’s — you don’t need his permission. Do what’s right for you.

Eddielizzard · 29/02/2024 07:50

Terminate and say you had a miscarriage. Personally I wouldn't contact him ever again. We fought long and hard to have control over our bodies and our futures.

ArchetypalBusyMum · 29/02/2024 07:51

The pregnancy is only step one.
18+ years of committed effort is then needed to raise a child who is a happy human.
Don't think you want to land yourself in that situation based on a promise to co-parent from a guy who isn't interested in your point of view on big issues.
Nothing in that scenario says he will ever put your interests at the heart of any decision he takes .. so embarking on raising his child is a massive massive risk.

Daffodilsandtuplips · 29/02/2024 07:51

You don’t need his permission to have an abortion.

1983Louise · 29/02/2024 07:52

If you knew you didn't want the baby why on earth did you tell him. It really is your choice not his so definitely have an abortion if you want. If anything like this happens again just go the chemist for the morning after pill, less drama that way.

Noseybookworm · 29/02/2024 07:55

I can understand him being upset but he doesn't get to tell you what to do. Your body, your choice. Personally I wouldn't have told him unless I was sure I was keeping the baby!

qualitystreetforme · 29/02/2024 07:56

Lwrenn · 29/02/2024 05:00

@Tatonka the man rightly has no say. Not their body going through pregancy or birth, not their choice what happens.

Op have a termination ASAP, tell him you miscarried and just block him. He sounds really controlling. You do not want to invite a controlling man into your life for 18 years, regardless of the pregancy.

Continuing this pregancy is a terrible idea and I'm not someone who takes termination lightly, but in this instance I'd be doing absolutely everything in my power to rid me of this man.

This says everything I was going to. Best wishes for your future Op.

TheTimeIsNowMaybeNow · 29/02/2024 08:12

Terminate and tell him you've had a miscarriage then never speak to this wanker again.

Believe me, you don't want to be saddled with him for the next 18 years. If he even bothers sticking around

jannier · 29/02/2024 08:13

How is he planning to stop you what can he hold over you if you're not together? Is he violent?

Livelovebehappy · 29/02/2024 08:19

Having a child is a huge life changing commitment. You need to be 100% onboard with it. You’re not, so have the abortion. He can offer you an opinion, but ultimately it’s your choice. If you go ahead, this guy is going to be linked in with your life forever - do you really want that?

Snead808 · 29/02/2024 08:21

He will 'support you and co-parent the child', the child you don't want and that he is trying to force you to have. Not even offering to take the child fully. What a hero. Regardless, it's your body, he doesn't get a say in this. 100% your decision what to do, good luck x

SKG231 · 29/02/2024 08:30

No man, or any other person for that matter gets to dictate what you do with your body. Do what you want to do and for the love of god cut this control pig out of your life.

dimllaishebiaith · 29/02/2024 08:38

Tatonka · 29/02/2024 05:40

I agree OP should terminate if she wants to, but it's quite harsh to assume that the father has no feelings. We can't have it both ways, men who should step up if they make someone pregnant, yet also men have no say in the matter.

Show quote history

Saying the father has no say isnt the same as saying he has no feelings

Its just sometimes the realities of life mean everyone's feelings cannot be taken into account

Yes men should step up if they get someone pregnant. And yes they have no say in abortion. They do have a say in whether or not they have sex, if they do what sort of contraception they use, if they have a vasectomy etc

This isn't some senario where men are trapped into unprotected sex

Ems1992 · 29/02/2024 08:40

Saying a person will co-parent and pay adequately towards the raising of a child are very different to the reality of doing so. Unless you are prepared to raise this child single handedly (which I assume from the post you are not) then use your right to choose the direction your life goes.
Yes, some men are great fathers, but likelihood of it being equal is basically zero, whether you’re married, together or not.

Toooldforthis36 · 29/02/2024 08:40

Why are you seeking permission from him? Your body.

TheSquareMile · 29/02/2024 08:47

Please make an appointment with your GP for today or tomorrow, so that every possible option is available to you.

This is a decision for you to make and only you.

Go and get the advice you need immediately. Things will look clearer then.

Wholettherabbitsout · 29/02/2024 08:50

Tatonka · 29/02/2024 06:59

Agree with this. I didn't mean a legal say, just that his feelings shouldn't be completely dismissed as some are doing here. I think it works both ways that's all.

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In that case you’re missing the subtext in OPs post. She’s scared. She’s written ´he won’t let me’ get a termination and not ´he doesn’t want me to’ or ´He doesn’t agree with my decision’.
Of course he’s allowed to have feelings. But it sounds like he thinks he can control OPs decision or that he’s entitled to have his preferences followed. That makes him potentially dangerous.

Zyq · 29/02/2024 08:53

Does he think you have to have his permission to terminate? Obviously he's wrong.

anyolddinosaur · 29/02/2024 08:53

Does he have other children? If no he has no idea what being a father means and may find he just cant manage it. You will be the one holding the baby.

Do what is right for you.

Y6yhnsr5 · 29/02/2024 08:58

Tatonka · 28/02/2024 23:08

Unless he's willing to adopt the baby and raise the baby on his own full time, he has no say

NO!!! He has no say period!

ArrrMeHearties · 29/02/2024 08:58

You are pregnant and you and only you have the right to decide what to do with your body. If you want a termination then that is what you do.

BeLemonFish · 29/02/2024 09:02

Your body, your choice. How’s he going to stop you anyway? Just do what’s best for you.

Woodyandbuzz1 · 29/02/2024 09:02

Tatonka · 29/02/2024 01:30

I genuinely think the father should get some say in the matter as it is their baby, so that's why I think this would be the only reasonable option, he basically does everything

Show quote history

He basically does everything

Carry the baby for 9 months and deal with all the shit pregnancy throws at you (sickness, pain, aches, heartburn, being uncomfotable, weight gain, stretch marks etc..) GIVE BIRTH (I don't need to elaborate on that one), cope with body and mental health changes, give up a baby after and all the feeling associated with that

Yeah sure, he'll end up doing everything 🙄

Men have ZERO say and that's how it should always be

Starspangledrodeopony · 29/02/2024 09:04

Will the arrogance of men know no bounds? Jesus fucking Christ. This is horrendous.

Starspangledrodeopony · 29/02/2024 09:05

Until men are the one’s risking their lives to carry and birth a baby, not to mention all the horrific aftershocks pregnancy has, they can birthright out and fuck off, frankly.