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Original poster

Pregnant but baby's dad won't let me have a termination

220 replies

OneHeartyScroller · 28/02/2024 23:03

Hi,
First time posting. Really need some advice!
I am currently very early on in pregnancy after failed contraception. I have spoken to the baby's dad about it and he is determined I am not to have a termination. I really don't think I am ready for a child at the moment, but he is determined I am going to have his child. Me and the dad are not together but he says he will support me and we can co-parent the child. Advice please??

OP posts:
FartSock5000 · 29/02/2024 09:52

@OneHeartyScroller you don't have to tell him anything either.

If he ever asks, you can say you miscarried and you don't want to talk about it or talk to him again and he is not to contact you again.

Move on and work on your boundaries. Don't ever let a man tell you what you can and cannot do, especially with your own body.

Good luck 🌺

Trulyme · 29/02/2024 09:53

In what way is he not letting you do it?

Is he threatening to end the relationship over it?

Its your body and your choice.
Its ok that he gives his opinion, but not ok that he’s telling you what you can and can’t do.

The fact that he’s saying things like this to you proves that even if you went ahead with the pregnancy, he is likely to end the relationship and then you’ll be left being a single parent.

It may be easier for you to have a termination without him knowing and pretend you’ve had a miscarriage.

Beautiful3 · 29/02/2024 09:55

Please don't listen to him. He's not even living with you. If you have this baby. You will be all alone, struggling. Ignore him, actually block him. Go and book in your abortion. It's your body and your choice. You know you can do so much better for yourself. Don't make your life difficult, just because a man told you to.

diddl · 29/02/2024 10:14

You have to do what is best for you Op.

I would imagine having a baby you aren't ready for & therefore ties to this chap for the next 18+yrs are not it!

Like others I'm wondering why you told him if you aren't ready & aren't even with him!

Iamnotalemming · 29/02/2024 10:23

Your body, your choice. Always.

Be kind to yourself. 💐

Ellie56 · 29/02/2024 10:24

OneHeartyScroller · 28/02/2024 23:03

Hi,
First time posting. Really need some advice!
I am currently very early on in pregnancy after failed contraception. I have spoken to the baby's dad about it and he is determined I am not to have a termination. I really don't think I am ready for a child at the moment, but he is determined I am going to have his child. Me and the dad are not together but he says he will support me and we can co-parent the child. Advice please??

This controlling arsehole doesn't get to tell you what to do with YOUR body.You do what you think is best for YOU.

Epidote · 29/02/2024 10:24

I don't like terminations and I think it will have to be a really bad stuff for me to have one. Once I said that he can fuck off, literally. He is no the one to make that decision is you. Do what do you think is best for you and the sooner the better.

MrsSkylerWhite · 29/02/2024 10:26

skmissty · Yesterday 23:10
**
Tell him you started your period.
Then discretely sort it. And never, ever see this man again.

This.

wombat15 · 29/02/2024 10:28

I'd be interesting to know how he is not letting you have an abortion. Just make an appointment with your GP. It's your body, and he has absolutely no right to try and tell you what to do.

sanityisamyth · 29/02/2024 10:29

It's not a baby. It's a collection of cells. Do want YOU want. Your body. Your choice.

Beacartoonheart · 29/02/2024 10:36

He won't let you?

He can't stop you! Do what you feel you need to do and never speak to him again.

TheBayLady · 29/02/2024 10:37

Just go and have the termination and tell him you miscarried. He wants you under his control. don't allow it.

Ihatebuswankers · 29/02/2024 10:39

OneHeartyScroller · 28/02/2024 23:03

Hi,
First time posting. Really need some advice!
I am currently very early on in pregnancy after failed contraception. I have spoken to the baby's dad about it and he is determined I am not to have a termination. I really don't think I am ready for a child at the moment, but he is determined I am going to have his child. Me and the dad are not together but he says he will support me and we can co-parent the child. Advice please??

Your body your choice.

Somepeoplearesnippy · 29/02/2024 10:42

If a partner won't 'let' you do anything, whether it's as trivial as a takeaway or a pedicure or as major as a termination that's a clear sign that they aren't the person for you.

Terminate the pregnancy and the relationship ASAP.

HROSESATTERS · 29/02/2024 10:46

It isn't up to him. It's also incredibly life changing to have a baby - it will totally change your life much more than you can even begin to possibly imagine. If you have doubts then speak to a doctor / professional to help you make your decision for you, not for anyone else. Xxx

BirthdayRainbow · 29/02/2024 10:47

I am so sorry you have found yourself pregnant and especially with having this pressure. Years ago I wrote a piece about the rights of men when a woman is pregnant and my advice, as I'm sure so many posters have said already, is ultimately it is 100% your choice. If you feel scared of his reaction I would say you miscarried in a few weeks tbh. I'd also end the relationship immediately.

Notjustabrunette · 29/02/2024 10:49

Ultimately this decision is on you, as you will be the main caregiver for the child. He could walk away at any time, and unfortunately many men do. If you don’t feel comfortable telling him you’ve had termination, tell him you’ve miscarried. It is unfortunately very common especially in the first trimester.

Ambivax · 29/02/2024 10:50

Josette77 · 29/02/2024 04:04

He sounds scary.

Frankly I would have an abortion and tell him I miscarried.

Stay away from that man. He's not a good person.

This with bells on

CandidHedgehog · 29/02/2024 10:55

Tatonka · 28/02/2024 23:08

Unless he's willing to adopt the baby and raise the baby on his own full time, he has no say

Not legally possible. He would have to produce a partner to adopt as the second parent. Otherwise, it doesn’t matter what promises he makes, the OP is on the hook for child support.

Denimdenimdenim · 29/02/2024 11:03

Your decision, OP.

If he's trying to control what you do with your body, try to imagine how he'll be when you eventually co-parent.

Big red flags here.

Justwondering36 · 29/02/2024 11:04

Your choice.

Does he still want a relationship and think he can get one with you this way?

I wonder what he’d say if you offered to have the baby, he can be the main carer and you’ll do EOW? It’s very easy to demand you have a baby and look after it while his life remains mostly unchanged.

SausageRoll58 · 29/02/2024 11:04

Dump him immediately and tell him to sod off 100%. It's YOUR body, not his, he has absolutely no right whatsoever to tell you what you can and can't do with your own body.

It's brilliant that he said he'll support you and the baby but it's still your choice only.

Do what's best for YOU not him.

VampireWeekday · 29/02/2024 11:05

Well done OP. it's the right tjhing - fuck being tied to a horrible controlling man for the next 20+ years!!

olympicsrock · 29/02/2024 11:10

He’s not the boss of you. Your body your life your decision.
Good luck!

Emotionalsupportviper · 29/02/2024 11:11

How is he going to stop you?

Have a termination. don't tell him until after the fact - tbh I'm not sure why you told him at all if you don't want to carry to term yourself.

See your doctor. Arrange the procedure. Have it done. Get on with your life - which will be much better without being stuck with any connection to this controlling man.