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Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

If my partner has kids with social involvement will they be involved with mine ?

186 replies

ConnieC2001 · 27/11/2023 12:20

just that really . Partner is in a custody battle and socials are involved with him and his kids mum. I just found out I’m pregnant again (first with my current partner , I have one from previous relationship) no socials were involved with me, but because they’re involved with his other kids will socials be involved with this new baby ?

OP posts:
LimeCheesecake · 27/11/2023 12:22

It’s robs my going to depend on why social services are involved with your DP’s children.

TeaKitten · 27/11/2023 12:24

If he’s seen as a risk to his children then yes. Depends on the situation.

YNK · 27/11/2023 12:26

Yes of course, you are the wider family to these children and should be part of their family assessment.

You are their stepmother ffs!

IncompleteSenten · 27/11/2023 12:28

I would certainly hope so, yes. They need to ensure all is well.

Marshmallowtoastie · 27/11/2023 12:31

Socials don’t get involved over custody afaik? So why are they actually involved. If it’s because he is a risk, then yes.

ABCXYZ17 · 27/11/2023 12:34

It sounds like he hasn’t been honest with you about why SS are involved. They do not get involved when custody can’t be agreed on. Those children are at risk and you need to find out who from. If it’s him then you’ve got some decisions to make. They will be involved with all children linked to the person deemed a risk.

Wishitsnows · 27/11/2023 12:36

Yes, as he is a risk so they will need to assess your baby’s safety. Is he someone you really want to have a child with?

LolaSmiles · 27/11/2023 12:37

Social services aren't usually involved with families for straightforward custody disagreements.

My concern would be that he hasn't been entirely honest with you.

What, or who, are the risk factors for the existing children?

goldfish90 · 27/11/2023 12:42

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines - previously banned poster.

NerrSnerr · 27/11/2023 12:50

Why are social services involved? It wouldn't just be due to a custody battle.

My advice is to be completely honest and take their advice. Your priority needs to be your children.

YNK · 27/11/2023 12:50

Nothing the OP has said indicates the father must be the concern.

He may be, or his older children may be 'in need' or 'at risk' due to something/someone else or more likely from being exposed to the custody dispute itself.

If their mother is the concern then as their wider family you will have a role to play in ensuring their needs are met.

Original poster
ConnieC2001 · 27/11/2023 12:51

socials are involved due to the children’s mother . She was on drugs (clean now) but still has her kids living in awful condition. Then obviously she was throwing out accusations, as was he, it’s all a bit of a mess that I don’t know much about . This pregnancy wasn’t at all planned as we only just started dating

OP posts:
Bobtheamazinggingerdog · 27/11/2023 12:53

She was throwing out accusations? And you're sure none of them are true despite only just getting with this guy?
To answer - yes, they probably will, if he's believed/known to be abusive.
It sounds like a situation you'd be better out of, if you can see your way to doing that.

keye · 27/11/2023 12:54

She was on drugs (clean now) but still has her kids living in awful condition.

She has them living in awful conditions?

What about him? What is he doing for these poor kids? Or does the blame for that just lie with the vagina?

LolaSmiles · 27/11/2023 12:58

socials are involved due to the children’s mother . She was on drugs (clean now) but still has her kids living in awful condition. Then obviously she was throwing out accusations, as was he, it’s all a bit of a mess that I don’t know much about . This pregnancy wasn’t at all planned as we only just started dating

Then social services are likely to be involved with your baby as their father is part of a chaotic situation where children, for whatever reason, are not living in a healthy and stable environment.

Their mother has the children living in awful conditions.
Their father, knowing his children are living in awful conditions, hasn't stepped up to ensure his children are living in appropriate conditions.

Two parents, one an ex drug user, are throwing around accusations, have ongoing custody issues, the children aren't living in appropriate conditions and a new partner has quickly become pregnant is the sort of situation SS are likely to want to keep an eye on.

gotomomo · 27/11/2023 12:58

Are you prepared to live full time with his kids, your existing kids and any joint ones? If not don't have a baby!

AuntieMarys · 27/11/2023 12:59

And you're having a baby with someone you've just met,???

YNK · 27/11/2023 13:01

OP, your DP is in a custody dispute which may result in the children living with him, and presumably you and your new baby - are you fully prepared for this and supporting his custody application?
You will need very good parenting skills to take on two potentially traumatised children just while you are trying to bond with your child - have you discussed the consequences with him?

It sounds to me as if he's setting you up!

LolaSmiles · 27/11/2023 13:04

It sounds to me as if he's setting you up!
I thought that, depressing and negative as it sounds.
Custody battle with ex
"Win" the battle and get the children to score points with his ex
Have a new partner pregnant quite quickly
She'll be home with baby anyway so she'll fall into doing the bulk of the parenting.

Nicole1111 · 27/11/2023 13:11

If social have concerns about his parenting then yes, they’ll want to assess the risk he poses to a new born and how well you could protect your child. If you don’t know what’s going on with social they should disclose it to you so you can make informed decisions if he has withheld information or minimised his role in the concerns

Dayoftheduvet · 27/11/2023 13:19

It would depend on whether social work have any concerns regarding the children being in his care, in addition to the issues with their mum. My stepkids had social work involvement but the concerns were only based on when they were with their mum, there was no concerns around my partner, and so when we had children together social work have not been involved in any way. We now have my stepkids full time and they now also have zero social work involvement because they are deemed to be safe now that they live with us.
If your stepkids mum has made accusations about your partner and social work are still in the process of investigating, I would imagine that they will likely have your own children on their radar until they have completed their investigation and know your partner is a safe and fit parent.

Dontbeme · 27/11/2023 13:23

This is going to sound awful (dons hard hat and prepares to be hammered) but I would be really thinking about whether to go ahead with this pregnancy. It seems like you are not dating very long, he is involved in a previous relationship with a very messy ending that is ongoing and he has children from that relationship that are so vulnerable that social services are involved. Have you fully considered the impact on your current child OP, are you prepared to have his other children living with you, or if living in separate homes the impact that will place on the amount of time and financial and emotional support he will be able to provide for your shared child?

changedusernameforthis1 · 27/11/2023 13:23

Possibly. I lived with my one DC and DW lived with her 2 DC and had social involvement. When she moved in with me, social came out and started a new assessment on us as a family unit.

However, I think it also could depend on the reasons for them being involved. DW had bad mental health after a traumatic loss and needed a lot of support so they wanted to make sure she was getting it when she moved in with me.

Headband · 27/11/2023 13:24

How long have you known him? Do you live together? It all sounds a bit of a mess, certainly a situation where you need to find out what exactly is going on if you plan to stay with him.

sandletown · 27/11/2023 13:24

You've got an existing child. This is a new relationship and you've just found out you are pregnant by your new boyfriend. He has ongoing involvement with social services regarding his children and his ex.

So there's a possibility that social services may be involved in any children you have with him in the future. Or if he gets custody of his children because his ex is unable to parent them you would have traumatised children in the mix with your existing child and a new baby.

I'd be thinking very hard about continuing with the pregnancy for the sake of your existing child if I were you.