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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

If my partner has kids with social involvement will they be involved with mine ?

186 replies

ConnieC2001 · 27/11/2023 12:20

just that really . Partner is in a custody battle and socials are involved with him and his kids mum. I just found out I’m pregnant again (first with my current partner , I have one from previous relationship) no socials were involved with me, but because they’re involved with his other kids will socials be involved with this new baby ?

OP posts:
ApolloandDaphne · 27/11/2023 13:27

If he is considered a risk to children they they will want to carry out a risk assessment. You might have to make some difficult choices depending on what they say.

AdultLounge · 27/11/2023 13:27

Have you thought how this mess could end for your current child? They may end up with new baby and 2 step siblings in the course of a few months.

I too would have to think long and hard about continuing with the pregnancy, especially as it's someone I haven't been dating for long. I assume you haven't known him long?

Reddog1 · 27/11/2023 13:28

Put your existing child first. Terminate the unplanned pregnancy and ditch this loser. Don’t be a stereotype.

Mummsypops · 27/11/2023 13:30

It would depend on why the social work are involved with the kids to begin with. Likelihood if it has been DV/emotional abuse then yes they will be involved with yours. Just protocol and they don't tend to stay around long x

N4ish · 27/11/2023 13:30

Are you sure you want to go ahead with the pregnancy? Sounds like a horribly messy situation to bring a baby in to. And you need to think about whether having this man in your life will be a positive thing for your older child.

Dayoftheduvet · 27/11/2023 13:33

sandletown · 27/11/2023 13:24

You've got an existing child. This is a new relationship and you've just found out you are pregnant by your new boyfriend. He has ongoing involvement with social services regarding his children and his ex.

So there's a possibility that social services may be involved in any children you have with him in the future. Or if he gets custody of his children because his ex is unable to parent them you would have traumatised children in the mix with your existing child and a new baby.

I'd be thinking very hard about continuing with the pregnancy for the sake of your existing child if I were you.

Or if he gets custody of his children because his ex is unable to parent them you would have traumatised children in the mix with your existing child and a new baby.

This is very possible and is exactly what happened to me. We got my stepchildren when my baby was a few weeks old and it has been the hardest thing I have ever had to do. My stepchildren are doing well and I have done everything possible to shield my own children from their siblings' trauma but it is very very very hard.

NerdyBird · 27/11/2023 13:33

Social services were involved with my stepkids due to high risk from their mother's new partner. DH was not a risk. When I moved in SS had a chat with DH and kids but I've never had to meet them. Our child has had no involvement at all.

However, it sounds like there's quite a lot going on here, so have a good think about whether this is the right time for another baby.

Noimaginationforaun · 27/11/2023 13:33

Yes, they will be. You’ll probably have to have assessments through social services, as well as your existing children and their biological Dad.

I’m an adoptive Mum and my son had a complex biological family dynamic. All information from his birth mother, birth father, additional children (half siblings, step children, cousins etc) are all included and were assessed during his birth history. I would also say take everything he says with a pinch of salt. The same story can have many different versions.

Honestly, think very hard if this man is worth bringing your children into this mess and if you want to continue to bring another child into this.

Xmaswomble · 27/11/2023 13:36

My only advice would be - do not have a baby with this man. Jesus Christ

Maddy70 · 27/11/2023 13:38

Honestly

I would be considering whether having this baby is the best thing...

User13579367337 · 27/11/2023 13:42

I’d ask yourself why his children are living in squalor with a druggie, if their dad was even halfway decent then he’d already have custody of them. Best case scenario I can think of is he is actually a decent parent and he gets awarded all of his children, which no doubt you will get lumbered with caring for. Worst case scenario he’s a complete piece of shit, there’s a very good reason why he’s got ss involvement, and he’ll bring all of this shit to your door and your own children will end up on child protection plans. Wise up and put the child you have first.

Crayfishforyou · 27/11/2023 13:44

Was he aware of the conditions his children were living? And if he wasn’t, why wasn’t he?
If you choose to go ahead with the pregnancy (personally, I don’t think you should) please only involve him with the bare minimum, for the sake of yourself and your children.
This is going to end badly. For everyone.

Rjahdhdvd · 27/11/2023 13:45

Honestly I’d run from this situation; they don’t get involved unless there is some evidence of harm. You don’t want that for your life with your DC.
Also what if you both end up looking after his DC? Are you happy for that?

Nanny0gg · 27/11/2023 13:51

ConnieC2001 · 27/11/2023 12:51

socials are involved due to the children’s mother . She was on drugs (clean now) but still has her kids living in awful condition. Then obviously she was throwing out accusations, as was he, it’s all a bit of a mess that I don’t know much about . This pregnancy wasn’t at all planned as we only just started dating

So is he a partner or a boyfriend?

Is he living with you and your child?

TeaKitten · 27/11/2023 13:52

ConnieC2001 · 27/11/2023 12:51

socials are involved due to the children’s mother . She was on drugs (clean now) but still has her kids living in awful condition. Then obviously she was throwing out accusations, as was he, it’s all a bit of a mess that I don’t know much about . This pregnancy wasn’t at all planned as we only just started dating

You’d be daft to leave yourself in this situation OP. Your child doesn’t need a looser like this in their life, leave him and his ex to it and put your child back in a situation where there’s no risk of social services being involved with them.

Mariposista · 27/11/2023 13:56

Reddog1 · 27/11/2023 13:28

Put your existing child first. Terminate the unplanned pregnancy and ditch this loser. Don’t be a stereotype.

This in spades

NotLactoseFree · 27/11/2023 13:58

I think you're crazy. If what he's telling you is true, then I would think at some point he would have the children most if not all of the time. Or he's lying to you and you're only getting half the story.
Either way, this is an early relationship and there is chaos and messiness on his side. You should be taking this very slow and easy, not adding another child to this situation.

tescocreditcard · 27/11/2023 14:00

Do yourself a massive favour and have a termination, focus on your existing kids and your earning potential.

keye · 27/11/2023 14:00

I think you're crazy. If what he's telling you is true, then I would think at some point he would have the children most if not all of the time

Why would he? If he was any sort of Dad at all he would have had them already instead of sticking his dick in the nearest available woman and creating another child.

Marshmallowtoastie · 27/11/2023 14:02

What were the accusations?
you’ve only just met the guy, have you got children already that he’s around?
how do you know the accusations are not true, you don’t know him. You’re saying he was throwing around accusations, do you think he was lying too then? So you know he’ll lie and accuse you of stuff too then if it suits him.
and he’s leaving his current children in unsuitable housing.
and likely lying to you about the full situation because it doesn’t really add up.
He’s probably not who I’d choose to be the father of my child.

JFDIYOLO · 27/11/2023 14:10

Why would you inflict a man with a chaotic background whose ex and children are not with him, where there are drugs and bad living conditions in the mix with soc services involved ... on your own child?? And why on earth are you breeding with him???

LimeCheesecake · 27/11/2023 14:10

I’m sad to say I’d also look at termination in this situation.

OurChristmasMiracle · 27/11/2023 14:12

Firstly - yes social services will want to do an assessment. As you haven’t been dating long (how long have you known him) this will raise a concern. They will also be looking at the accusations the previous partner has made.

At this point I would be contacting the police for a Clare’s law so you have information around any domestic abuse and violence he may have been accused of along with any other offences the police deem to be relevant.

has your partner met your existing child? Does he live with you? Has he told you the full extent of social services involvement.

they may also be concerned that he has failed to safeguard his children by allowing them to remain in unsatisfactory conditions.

Raspberrymoon49 · 27/11/2023 14:15

What is your partner doing to get his children out of living in awful conditions? That would be my first question to any man in this situation

Grimchmas · 27/11/2023 14:16

Don't be naive and assume that he is telling the truth and the whole truth.

A man who had had and raised children with a mother who is so unfit - the chances are he won't be a prize catch either, to put it mildly.

Echoing the others who say seriously think about what the next 18+ years of your life could be like having a baby with this man and seriously consider if a termination might be preferable.

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