Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

If my partner has kids with social involvement will they be involved with mine ?

186 replies

ConnieC2001 · 27/11/2023 12:20

just that really . Partner is in a custody battle and socials are involved with him and his kids mum. I just found out I’m pregnant again (first with my current partner , I have one from previous relationship) no socials were involved with me, but because they’re involved with his other kids will socials be involved with this new baby ?

OP posts:
momonpurpose · 27/11/2023 14:16

I would be very leary of trusting your dp saying it's all untrue. Especially since you already have a child much less a new pregnancy with someone you just started dating. I'd be doing some detective work

DwightShrutesgirlfriend · 27/11/2023 14:16

You're so young @ConnieC2001, I remember your other thread where you said you were 22 and suffered from anxiety. Your child must still be a newborn? I think you might need to be prepared to bring up two little ones on your own if you continue with this pregnancy so do think very carefully about the future.

RubySunset82 · 27/11/2023 14:18

The dreaded ‘socials’ what do you think OP?!

Bobtheamazinggingerdog · 27/11/2023 14:20

Have you done a Clare's law request?

ShinyBandana · 27/11/2023 14:21

How did you get pregnant? I mean, did he promise to pull out, or maybe he started with a condom and then took it off? I assume you’re not in the pill or other long term birth control? I’d be asking whether he impregnated you on purpose to tie you to him and to be the step mum/carer of his kids.

You've got a DC here and now and that child must be YOUR priority.

DidiAskYouThough · 27/11/2023 14:29

Oh no. You have a NEWBORN and you’re pregnant by a bloke whose essentially a stranger, whose life is a shitshow. I would hope social services are involved, a lot, all of these kids are going to need all the support they can get. Sad
Can you find out from them directly what these two people have done to their kids? Don’t take the new boyfriends word for anything.

User1775 · 27/11/2023 14:32

Yes yes of course, it is all the mothers fault. The blameless man, who just got his new girlfriend pregnant is a wonderful father.
Don't be so wilfully naive OP and get this man out of your house.

CurlewKate · 27/11/2023 14:34

You have no idea what you are getting into here-it sounds like a shitshow. If you're only just pregnant, do think about whether this is a good situation to bring a baby into. Consider that he might well not be telling the truth.

ManchesterLu · 27/11/2023 14:38

YNK · 27/11/2023 12:26

Yes of course, you are the wider family to these children and should be part of their family assessment.

You are their stepmother ffs!

Why are you being so rude? Was there any need for 'ffs'? Not everybody knows how social services work.

FlatWhiteExtraHot · 27/11/2023 14:39

ShinyBandana · 27/11/2023 14:21

How did you get pregnant? I mean, did he promise to pull out, or maybe he started with a condom and then took it off? I assume you’re not in the pill or other long term birth control? I’d be asking whether he impregnated you on purpose to tie you to him and to be the step mum/carer of his kids.

You've got a DC here and now and that child must be YOUR priority.

Really?

The OP’s sex life is none of your business. Accidental pregnancies happen across the board and she isn’t your teenager that you need to lecture.

How she got pregnant (presumably the usual way) is far less important than what she chooses to do next.

GladioliandSweetPeas · 27/11/2023 14:45

AuntieMarys · 27/11/2023 12:59

And you're having a baby with someone you've just met,???

Sometimes these things happen no matter how much precaution you take. Besides hysterectomy or abstinence! I got pregnant within 3 weeks, despite having an implant and him wearing a condom (he did so to prevent any possible STDs, obviously as we'd just met). Please tell me what else I could've done differently?!

user1471447924 · 27/11/2023 14:48

I’d be off like a shot. You can do better than aligning yourself with this kind of family. Judgemental, yes, but also probably correct.

Original poster
ConnieC2001 · 27/11/2023 14:48

Wow okay just logged on to see all your replies.
the concern is with the mother not the father ! He has his kids all the time she very rarely has them . he picks up the kids from his mothers and her house is absolutely disgusting and a health hazard , he sent it to socials and still nothing has been done . We don’t live together , he isn’t a stranger , I’ve known him for years . Just recently started dating . I was on the pill , so it clearly failed . Abortion is illegal here , so that’s not an option and neither is travel .

OP posts:
whatausername · 27/11/2023 14:48

GladioliandSweetPeas · 27/11/2023 14:45

Sometimes these things happen no matter how much precaution you take. Besides hysterectomy or abstinence! I got pregnant within 3 weeks, despite having an implant and him wearing a condom (he did so to prevent any possible STDs, obviously as we'd just met). Please tell me what else I could've done differently?!

Show quote history

Yes but you are the exception rather than the rule.

whatausername · 27/11/2023 14:49

@Marshmallowtoastie makes excellent points esp. re. his ability to make accusations and to exaggerate or lie to suit his agenda.

ShinyBandana · 27/11/2023 14:51

FlatWhiteExtraHot · 27/11/2023 14:39

Really?

The OP’s sex life is none of your business. Accidental pregnancies happen across the board and she isn’t your teenager that you need to lecture.

How she got pregnant (presumably the usual way) is far less important than what she chooses to do next.

Show quote history

Yes, I see why you’ve pulled me up on this. I tried not to sound judgy and I apologise to the OP that I didn’t manage that.

I meant to convey that the OP might consider whether he got her pregnant by stealth as that might help her work out her next steps.

losingthe · 27/11/2023 14:51

ConnieC2001 · 27/11/2023 14:48

Wow okay just logged on to see all your replies.
the concern is with the mother not the father ! He has his kids all the time she very rarely has them . he picks up the kids from his mothers and her house is absolutely disgusting and a health hazard , he sent it to socials and still nothing has been done . We don’t live together , he isn’t a stranger , I’ve known him for years . Just recently started dating . I was on the pill , so it clearly failed . Abortion is illegal here , so that’s not an option and neither is travel .

If they have no concerns with the father and it's just when the kids are in their mothers care, then no they won't open an assessment on you and your kids - I think they would only do an assessment if the kids came to live with you full time (but you've said you don't live with your partner)

Leah5678 · 27/11/2023 14:58

LolaSmiles · 27/11/2023 12:58

socials are involved due to the children’s mother . She was on drugs (clean now) but still has her kids living in awful condition. Then obviously she was throwing out accusations, as was he, it’s all a bit of a mess that I don’t know much about . This pregnancy wasn’t at all planned as we only just started dating

Then social services are likely to be involved with your baby as their father is part of a chaotic situation where children, for whatever reason, are not living in a healthy and stable environment.

Their mother has the children living in awful conditions.
Their father, knowing his children are living in awful conditions, hasn't stepped up to ensure his children are living in appropriate conditions.

Two parents, one an ex drug user, are throwing around accusations, have ongoing custody issues, the children aren't living in appropriate conditions and a new partner has quickly become pregnant is the sort of situation SS are likely to want to keep an eye on.

Is it fair based on the information we've been given to say "the father is doing nothing about the conditions" the ops post literally mentions a custody battle so assumedly he's trying to get full custody of them ?

AmazingSnakeHead · 27/11/2023 14:59

What is your plan going forward? How old is existing child? Do you intend to move in with man and raise his children?

I would be very weary of introducing a new baby, new partner whose life is a shambles, and the baggage of kids with a drug addict into the life of your existing child.

If abortion is illegal where you are, I'd seriously consider ditching the man and either putting baby up for adoption or riasing baby alone as a small family of three,.

Original poster
ConnieC2001 · 27/11/2023 14:59

Yes he’s trying to get full custody , he takes the kids at any opportunity he gets just to get them out of there

OP posts:
Original poster
ConnieC2001 · 27/11/2023 15:01

I haven’t made a plan yet , I’ve literally just found out I’m pregnant . I live with my mum , so I’m not sure if I’d just stay here or move in with him .

OP posts:
AmazingSnakeHead · 27/11/2023 15:02

Do not move in with him! Are the other posters right - you're early 20s with a newborn? Stay with your mum if she'll allow it. What country are you in as that will change advice on things like access to social housing?

LolaSmiles · 27/11/2023 15:05

Is it fair based on the information we've been given to say "the father is doing nothing about the conditions" the ops post literally mentions a custody battle so assumedly he's trying to get full custody of them ?
Perhaps not, I might have been rash.

It seems a bit off that a man who has had one set of children with an addict moves on to a new woman (who has a newborn from what other posters say) and there's suddenly another pregnancy though.

Most men would want to get their house in order and make sure their existing children are safe before having another baby, but I also appreciate that I'm quite cynical about men who quickly have new babies with new women when they've got a whole lot of unresolved baggage.

TeaKitten · 27/11/2023 15:06

LolaSmiles · 27/11/2023 15:05

Is it fair based on the information we've been given to say "the father is doing nothing about the conditions" the ops post literally mentions a custody battle so assumedly he's trying to get full custody of them ?
Perhaps not, I might have been rash.

It seems a bit off that a man who has had one set of children with an addict moves on to a new woman (who has a newborn from what other posters say) and there's suddenly another pregnancy though.

Most men would want to get their house in order and make sure their existing children are safe before having another baby, but I also appreciate that I'm quite cynical about men who quickly have new babies with new women when they've got a whole lot of unresolved baggage.

She was on the pill, he hasn’t deliberately made it fail.

ThankYoufortheDay · 27/11/2023 15:10

Op where is the father of your baby? according to your other thread your baby is only a few weeks old.