Pregnant Bridesmaid

[Firstimepregnancy]

I’m due to be a bridesmaid at 20 weeks in a few weeks time.
ive struggled with my pregnancy with bad morning sickness, tiredness and pelvic girdle pain.
I expressed to the bride that I will struggle the morning of the wedding as I’m feeling sick in the morning and finding my mornings are slower and harder. Having to have a 6am start ready for wedding at 1pm will be a real struggle. I asked if I could arrive later in the morning ahead of her getting dress on and photos I’d get my hair and make up done of course before hand but allowing my to come later will give me a better chance to last longer in the day!
she said I was causing her stress and I have to be there at 6am she knows a pregnant lady who same date as me and she is ‘fine’ which made me feel as though she thinks I’m lying about my struggles.
am I being unreasonable for wanting to come a little later?! I will of course do what she wants but I feel she is being a little unreasonable considering I’m coming to wedding rehearsal and dinner night before and am still doing a lot of duties on the day!

I had a baby 5 weeks ago and certainly didn't get up at 6am while pregnant unless I was going for a wee 😂 I don't think I know anyone who gets up at that time unless they're going to the airport!

I Take it it’s your first baby 😆, and you don’t have a city based or corporate job?

For those saying they'd expect the bridesmaid to continue as normal and just get on with the 6am start even if it triggers bad sickness, I'm genuinely curious about what you'd do if the bridesmaid is repeatedly vomiting from the early start?

Would you expect her to keep dashing to the loo every 5 minutes or just sit with the bridal party with a bowl? Wouldn't that be unpleasant for other guests too as no one really likes to be around sick and as someone else mentioned, wouldn't the sickness counteract the professional make up anyway?

@Skinthin first baby, and I'm a lawyer but up north and work from home!

Bride and a lot of the people agreeing with her seem like the type of people who would look at the poor girl like she'd just slaughtered a puppy right in front of them if she dared to be sick on the morning of the wedding. Then they would bitch about her ruining the whole day forever more.

Isn't the commitment "being a bridesmaid" and not "being in hair and makeup at 6am"?

FWIW I have a two year old and a five month old and a corporate job when not on maternity leave and I am pretty much never awake at 6am.

FWIW I have a two year old and a five month old and a corporate job when not on maternity leave and I am pretty much never awake at 6am

good for you 🙄. Obviously I didn’t mean to imply that all , or even most, pregnant women get up daily at 6am. Just that it’s perfectly doable to get up at 6am when pregnant and lots of women do, particularly on the odd occasion. I mentioned this only in response to a poster who said “it’s either acceptable to get up at 6am if you are 20 weeks preg or it’s not”..

Isn't the commitment "being a bridesmaid" and not "being in hair and makeup at 6am"

well that totally depends doesn’t it? It seems that in this case being a bridesmaid involved an agreement to get up at 6am for hair and makeup 🤷🏼‍♀️. Do I personally think that’s excessive , yes. But I’m not the bride, and it’s apparently what OP signed up for.

I mean I kind of doubt whether the 6am start was included in the T&Cs at the time the OP agreed to be a bridesmaid, which would have been before she was pregnant in any event.

The only person who is competent to decide whether a 6am start time is doable for a pregnant woman is the pregnant woman herself.

If my MOH couldn't and said so my other bridesmaids and friends would have.
The point is communication- I communicated what I wanted as a minimum my MOH basically told me to do one and gave me more.

What she didn't do was say she would/could then get upset with me weeks out. Anyway this is not about me this is about OP who as I said from the start should have used the energy she had to come to mn to speak with her friend and let her know she can't fulfil the duties requested or just step down.

Anyway not sure if OP is chat gtp or simply not coming back so will leave it there.

This is bulls* when I was preggers I couldn’t do anything. Poor you. Tell her to shove her wedding up her arse. But seriously, go in later, you won’t be able to last the day otherwise.

good for you 🙄. Obviously I didn’t mean to imply that all , or even most, pregnant women get up daily at 6am. Just that it’s perfectly doable to get up at 6am when pregnant and lots of women do, particularly on the odd occasion. I mentioned this only in response to a poster who said “it’s either acceptable to get up at 6am if you are 20 weeks preg or it’s not”.

Yes absolutely!

6am is a totally usual time for a 20 week preg woman to get up. As someone pointed out, if OP is planning to have some more she’s got a nasty shock 😂. OP was not a good friend to start reneging on commitments she made to bride on wedding day simply because she’s 20 weeks preg. However, given Op did ask, bride was not a good friend and extremely rude for saying no.

I 100% agree with this, and I think the OP is going to feel really daft for this thread one day. However, I do also agree with your point about the bride. If a pregnant bridesmaid of mine asked that I'd say it was fine (although I'd be inwardly rolling my eyes in disbelief) and just get on with it.

I think what truly proud is trying to say is it’s the effort that counts (like the thought that counts when gifting). Personally I’m not the kind of person to have a wedding with bridesmaids or generally make demands of anyone , but if I were and a friend started flaking out of the commitments she made to me on what is generally considered one of the most important days on one’s life (where she’d been given a special role to acknowledge the importance to me of our friendship) simply because they were 20 weeks pregnant and didn’t feel like getting out of bed in the morning (unless there were medical issues) I’d def start to question how much value they placed, and therefore I should place In turn , in the relationship. I think that’s what trulyproud is trying to say

This is really well explained.

That is really batshit, is what that is.

thanks for all the messages!

I did offer to step down from bridesmaid duties when I told the bride I was pregnant as I didn’t want to cause her any additional stress of dress not fitting or anything else they may or may not arise. The bride said this wasn’t an option as it would ruin the photos as they have equal amount of groomsmen to bridesmaids so if I step down her photos wouldn’t be symmetrical.

im wearing a bridesmaid dress that doesn’t fit (my boobs unfortunately have grown by 3 bra cups already so I’m busting out of the low cut dress) so not to cause any drama for the bride. So I feel I’m doing a lot to ensure I’m there for her on the day doing what she wants of me and still doing all the duties she’s asking me to!

I’m not usually a ‘precious’ person at all and would do anything for a friend, I’ve been a bridesmaid 4 times and have had 5am starts and not caused a fuss at all! I’m simply concerned as my sickness hasn’t gone yet (it’s not HG but from waking till sleeping it’s very bad nausea, and have spent a lot of days on the sofa or in bed) so I don’t want to cause extra stress for the bride on the day if I’m feeling awful and needing to lie down.

i was reprimanded for not being supportive enough by suggesting I come a little later so that I can be there for her fully throughout the day by the other bridesmaids and fiancé.

I will of course do it for her and just have to deal with how I feel (fingers crossed I feel better) on the day!

the messages have been great and supported me in feeling not so guilty for asking to come later. So thank you.

Yeah, she's bridezilla who only cares about her photos.

Serve her right if she comes out in hives the night before.

I knew it would be all about the photos, and not about seeing happy friends in the photos, but seeing symmetry!

How many other bridesmaids are there?

If your friend cares more about symmetry than the comfort or wellbeing of her friends and bridesmaids then I'd get out now!
I wouldn't ask for anyone to be at at 6am for my wedding day, he'll I wasn't up at that time for my own!

The bride said this wasn’t an option as it would ruin the photos as they have equal amount of groomsmen to bridesmaids so if I step down her photos wouldn’t be symmetrical. wtaf

Also, how are you going to look in the photos in a dress that no longer fits? 'Oh dear, I'm sorry bride, but I'm stepping down for you, to make sure that your photos aren't ruined.'

Fucking hell. I didn't even wake up this early to my own wedding. Come when it suits you. She doesn't need all of you there at the same time, you'll be sitting twiddling your thumbs and sleep is very important to reduce morning sickness. You will have enough time to settle your stomach and take it easy.

I wonder if any of the posters who thought the OP was in the wrong and should do everything she could for the bride if she was a true friend, might change their mind, as it is obviously now all about the photos and not friendship

Referring to getting your hair and makeup done as "delivering the vision" is bonkers.