Pregnant Bridesmaid

[Firstimepregnancy]

I’m due to be a bridesmaid at 20 weeks in a few weeks time.
ive struggled with my pregnancy with bad morning sickness, tiredness and pelvic girdle pain.
I expressed to the bride that I will struggle the morning of the wedding as I’m feeling sick in the morning and finding my mornings are slower and harder. Having to have a 6am start ready for wedding at 1pm will be a real struggle. I asked if I could arrive later in the morning ahead of her getting dress on and photos I’d get my hair and make up done of course before hand but allowing my to come later will give me a better chance to last longer in the day!
she said I was causing her stress and I have to be there at 6am she knows a pregnant lady who same date as me and she is ‘fine’ which made me feel as though she thinks I’m lying about my struggles.
am I being unreasonable for wanting to come a little later?! I will of course do what she wants but I feel she is being a little unreasonable considering I’m coming to wedding rehearsal and dinner night before and am still doing a lot of duties on the day!

Hmm when I was a bride I had a bridesmaid who was pregnant and I’d have happily made adjustments but when I was a pregnant bridesmaid I just got on with it if I’m honest (I had pelvic girdle pain too and very tired), my sickness stopped with my pregnancies by 17 weeks so hopefully that will be the same for you too.

She is being unreasonable, you’re not wrong!

Could you arrange your own hair and make up appointment so they can sort you at a slightly less ungodly hour? Or negotiate with the other bridesmaids to go last?

I hope as you enter the second trimester things improve for you.

Oh, she's a 'ITS MY DAY' bridezilla. Tell her you'll be arriving later or not at all.

She's a close enough friend that you're her bridesmaid, she should be supporting you and concerned for the health or you and your child!

"she knows a pregnant lady who same date as me and she is ‘fine’*

Well tell her you know a bride due to be married on the same day and she doesn't mind her bridesmaid being late.

I suffered from hyperemesis that lasted until the baby was born. If I wanted to get through a few hours without vomiting, it had to be planned well. So that is my perspective, you are setting yourself up to be tired and likely to have problems and potentially cause a scene if you don’t address this in advance.

If it were me, I would tell the bride we have two options, both of which I am fine with and will do whatever makes her day easiest. You can bow out and attend as a guest or you can step back from some bridesmaid duties and focus on being in shape and presentable to walk down the aisle at the right time.

Hard one because if I was the bride this would definitely be stressing me out.

But also it's a lot to ask of you if you're feeling really rough.

I don't think either of you are unreasonable.

Personally I wouldn't have minded making some adjustments but my wedding wasn't a big production so it wouldn't have mattered. Sounds like hers is - which does require a bit more cooperation from everyone.

I think you just have to do your best and hope it's alright on the night so to speak!

If she even has kids she’ll look at this with horror.

YANBU

6am ????? What do you have to be there at 6 for ?

Bin it off. Don't do it.
Getting ready at 11am is plenty of time.
6am is seven hours ahead of the wedding, plus her attitude is a red flag.
Send your apologies now and put your feet up.

This. WTF are you supposed to be doing all that time?

It's pretty normal in all the weddings I've been in that the wedding party are up early to be with the bride. Breakfast, 6 hairs/ make up and all the other things that need to be done. If you were my bridesmaid though I'd organise it that you were the last for hair/ makeup and allow you to join as late as possible.

Who is the bride? A good friend wouldn’t put you through that anyone else can go and whistle! Has the wedding been planned a long time? She’s probably miffed you are pregnant on HER day. Let her get on with it and you take it easy

Every pregnancy is different, just because one person is ok doesn't mean everyone will be! Hopefully you will be over the worst by then, but definitely worth telling her that if you are still bad, you won't be able to get there for 6. Throwing up on something on the morning of her wedding will cause much more stress than you arriving at a planned later time.

I was 30 weeks pregnant and my bride was lovely about it, we sat at the ceremony after we walked in and I could go whenever I wanted.

We had a 6am wake up too but I did it on no sleep as I had to share a hotel room with my mum the night before and she's a big snorer 😂

I left about 8pm

The maid of honour looked after me the most on the actual day so the bride could be nervous/excited and focus on herself

Just tell her you can't do it and go and have a nice spa day instead

Who the hell needs to be up at 6am for a 1pm wedding? Especially if you're pregnant and suffering! If she insists, then I think you have to decide if you push through it or step down as a bridesmaid.
She is being ridiculous. She won't need you from 6am, I'm sure she's more than capable of sorting her hair and makeup alone or with the other bridesmaids.
How many bridesmaids are there?

Why do you need to have breakfast together? What nonsense. How much time do you need for hair and makeup? She's gone bridezilla. Cancel.

I would let her know that you'll arrive by 9 which is 4 hours ahead of the wedding ceremony and plenty of time. Tell her you'll miss her evening reception due to tiredness if you are up at 5am to get to her for 6am. What would she prefer?

This.

It's a tough one - hair and makeup tends to get done in rounds for weddings, if one bridesmaid just arrives a few hours before the hairstylist might have already gone home or be busy doing the bride (who goes last in my experience for weddings I've been at / my own!).

If you're there for 6 and the wedding is at 1 - you'll all need to be ready before that time even if you're getting ready at the venue (even earlier if you need transporting!).

Honestly, I think you probably need to bow out of being a bridesmaid if you can - it'll be less stressful than trying to manage things if someone's showing up late / doing things on a different timeline. Then you should be able to enjoy yourself more and the bride doesn't need to worry?

This. Exactly

Why 6am? What could you possibly do for 7 hours before the wedding? Tell her you’ll be there at 8 as a compromise.

Oh, all sorts of Instagram nonsense in matching robes, no doubt.

Im going to go against the grain and say I think you are both being a bit precious 😆. I could understand your concern if you were 35+ but 20 weeks is really the easiest part of pregnancy. Unless there’s a medical issue, there shouldn’t be any reason at all you can’t go about your day as usual at 20 weeks. On the other hand she’s a bridezilla for making you get up at 6am, and to insist on it when you’ve said you are struggling and pregnant- that’s def rude. Do you have form for being a bit precious about stuff ?

I didn't even get up at 6 am for my own wedding. Never mind anyone else's. I'd bow out of being a bridesmaid. Tell her it's stressing you out too much .