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Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

Pregnant Bridesmaid

200 replies

Firstimepregnancy · 18/06/2023 19:42

I’m due to be a bridesmaid at 20 weeks in a few weeks time.
ive struggled with my pregnancy with bad morning sickness, tiredness and pelvic girdle pain.
I expressed to the bride that I will struggle the morning of the wedding as I’m feeling sick in the morning and finding my mornings are slower and harder. Having to have a 6am start ready for wedding at 1pm will be a real struggle. I asked if I could arrive later in the morning ahead of her getting dress on and photos I’d get my hair and make up done of course before hand but allowing my to come later will give me a better chance to last longer in the day!
she said I was causing her stress and I have to be there at 6am she knows a pregnant lady who same date as me and she is ‘fine’ which made me feel as though she thinks I’m lying about my struggles.
am I being unreasonable for wanting to come a little later?! I will of course do what she wants but I feel she is being a little unreasonable considering I’m coming to wedding rehearsal and dinner night before and am still doing a lot of duties on the day!

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Maireas · 19/06/2023 07:54

The difference being that as a mum you have to get up early and have broken nights.
Being a bridesmaid shouldn't be onerous or demanding in that way.

MargotBamborough · 19/06/2023 07:55

TrudyProud · 19/06/2023 07:49

Haahaa, exactly this! The one thing having a child teaches you is pregnancy is the easiest part!

Being pregnant with a 14 month old. I wish I only had to wake at 6am to get my makeup done 🤣

Show quote history

Again, everyone is different. My friend had three kids in 4 years and such horrible pregnancies that she definitely wouldn't say pregnancy was the easy part.

Can your partner step up in the mornings and leave you to sleep in a bit?

TrudyProud · 19/06/2023 07:56

@MargotBamborough OP will be 20 weeks- arguably the easiest time in a pregnancy is 2nd trimester

Thank you @surreygirl1987 for saying everything I'm thinking

Looks like @Firstimepregnancy has gone missing since many have mentioned she's being ridiculous. I really hope you don't damage your friendship because of hypothetical tiredness in 3 months time. As many have said, pregnant women work, pregnant women raise families and most times this involves more than just sitting still and getting your makeup done..

TrudyProud · 19/06/2023 07:57

@MargotBamborough surely couldn't have been that bad given she chose to have 3 kids in 4 years

MargotBamborough · 19/06/2023 08:01

Maireas · 19/06/2023 07:54

The difference being that as a mum you have to get up early and have broken nights.
Being a bridesmaid shouldn't be onerous or demanding in that way.

Yes, this is very true.

I mean, I did find being a bridesmaid onerous and demanding (and bloody knackering), but it wasn't because the bride told me I had to be up at 6am. And I wasn't pregnant at the time either.

It's reasonable to expect being a bridesmaid to be much harder work than being a regular guest (and for the bride to recognise that her friend is doing her a favour by agreeing to be her bridesmaid, not the other way round) but I don't think you should expect someone to literally lose sleep over being your bridesmaid.

MargotBamborough · 19/06/2023 08:01

TrudyProud · 19/06/2023 07:57

@MargotBamborough surely couldn't have been that bad given she chose to have 3 kids in 4 years

I guess she loves babies so much that she decided it was worth it!

MargotBamborough · 19/06/2023 08:04

TrudyProud · 19/06/2023 07:56

@MargotBamborough OP will be 20 weeks- arguably the easiest time in a pregnancy is 2nd trimester

Thank you @surreygirl1987 for saying everything I'm thinking

Looks like @Firstimepregnancy has gone missing since many have mentioned she's being ridiculous. I really hope you don't damage your friendship because of hypothetical tiredness in 3 months time. As many have said, pregnant women work, pregnant women raise families and most times this involves more than just sitting still and getting your makeup done..

Maybe that was the easiest time for you.

Every pregnancy is different, and if your body hasn't read the manual and doesn't realise you're supposed to be glowing at this point, other people saying the second trimester is when you're full of energy and feeling fabulous is the opposite of helpful.

saraclara · 19/06/2023 08:07

My daughter's a nurse. She was up at 5:30 every working day of her pregnancy and then doing a 12 hour shift. And her first pregnancy was plagued with nerve pain and other issues.
Then she was a 28 week pregnant bride.

I think you're being a bit precious. Are you working throughout your pregnancy?

toomuchlaundry · 19/06/2023 08:09

I never glowed during pregnancy, kept waiting for that but it never happened!

If someone who isn’t pregnant but has bad nausea or back pain which makes walking difficult, would you be sympathetic towards them and make allowances for them when planning something with them. Why is it different when a woman is pregnant and other women tell them to suck it up it isn’t an illness? Same with a c section, any other abdominal surgery you are told to look after yourself, a c section just get over yourself

Sissynova · 19/06/2023 08:09

I really cannot think of a wedding menu in the uk that would be unsuitable for a pregnant women beyond personal preference.

MargotBamborough · 19/06/2023 08:14

toomuchlaundry · 19/06/2023 08:09

I never glowed during pregnancy, kept waiting for that but it never happened!

If someone who isn’t pregnant but has bad nausea or back pain which makes walking difficult, would you be sympathetic towards them and make allowances for them when planning something with them. Why is it different when a woman is pregnant and other women tell them to suck it up it isn’t an illness? Same with a c section, any other abdominal surgery you are told to look after yourself, a c section just get over yourself

This!

How is it remotely helpful for a woman suffering from extreme fatigue, nausea and vomiting or pelvic pain to be told that other pregnant women are feeling great so she should be feeling fine too?

It's not.

I mean, what's the implication here? That it's all in her head and if she adopts the right attitude her physical ailments will magically disappear?

As a bride, I didn't take my pregnant guests' dietary requirements into account when planning my menu, which I didn't realise until a couple of years later when I was pregnant myself, and they were too polite to say anything. If I had already been pregnant this would have been on my radar and I would have made sure they were properly catered for.

But I literally can't imagine telling a pregnant friend, whether they were a bridesmaid or just a regular guest, to just suck it up if they had specifically told me they thought they might struggle with some aspect of the wedding arrangements.

MargotBamborough · 19/06/2023 08:15

Sissynova · 19/06/2023 08:09

I really cannot think of a wedding menu in the uk that would be unsuitable for a pregnant women beyond personal preference.

It wasn't in the UK, as I explained.

Mummyme87 · 19/06/2023 08:16

6am is ridiculous. I got married two years ago, had 8 sets of hair and make up to do, still had breakfast at the hotel we were staying at, drove to the venue to get ready, had photos etc, nice and relaxed…. And yet we only met at about 7.45 for the breakfast, 9am at the venue.

she’s a bridezilla. I would tell her you cannot make it there that early if you’re feeling like you are now

toomuchlaundry · 19/06/2023 08:29

As a bride there was no way I would be getting up at 6 for hair and make up so certainly wouldn’t be expecting anyone else to either, pregnant or not

MargotBamborough · 19/06/2023 08:40

Also @TrudyProud, where are you getting "hypothetical tiredness in 3 months' time" from?

She's said the wedding is in a few weeks' time, so perhaps she was expecting to feel better by now but isn't, and isn't counting on that changing in the next few weeks.

Your comment about hoping she doesn't damage the friendship was really unkind. If the bride is a good friend and just getting very stressed in the run up to her big day, it may well be that in a year or two when she is pregnant herself she looks back on this and thinks, "Oh god, I was so unreasonable."

When I got married I had a bit of a bridezilla moment (not pregnancy related). My husband asked one of his female friends to be a witness and I got overly hung up about the fact that all the male members of the wedding party would have a tie matching my bridesmaids' dresses but she wouldn't have anything to mark her out as a member of the wedding party and also that she might make the photos look weird if her outfit didn't go with the (difficult to match) colour. I vetoed several colours that she suggested and eventually said maybe it would he safest for her to wear black and choose accessories to match the wedding colour, which she did without complaining (to me at least). Looking back I can't believe I thought it was OK to tell my husband's friend what she could and couldn't wear to our wedding and I still feel embarrassed about it five years later. I think I would feel much worse if what I'd done was refuse to accommodate a reasonable request by a pregnant woman who was feeling rotten.

cushioncovers · 19/06/2023 08:46

Yanbu at all. Tell her you wanted to be last to have your hair and makeup done and turn up later. Set your boundaries op. Yes it's her day but not at the expense of everyone else's health or comfort.

Greeneyegirl · 19/06/2023 08:55

As a bride I'd be accommodating but as a bridesmaid I'd just get on with it. Rest the next day. I was a bridesmaid at 19 weeks with hideous PGP. It was one day and I didn't Sunday resting

Skinthin · 19/06/2023 09:00

surreygirl1987 · 18/06/2023 22:56

Also, if waking up at 6am is so impossible for a pregnant woman... the OP will get a shock if she decides to have a second child within a couple of years of her first!

😆😆😆😆

gettingoldisshit · 19/06/2023 12:56

Tbh op I think you are being precious! I have suffered with horrendous nausea and sickness and spd in each of my 4 pregnancies but you just have to get on with it! Life doesn't revolve around you because you feel ropey and this one day is your friends day! It's not going to kill you to just get on with it for one day!

stealthbanana · 19/06/2023 13:03

Getting to a venue at 6am (so waking up at, what, 5am?) is absolutely ludicrous, pregnant or not. If you’re the bride and you expect a bridesmaid to have her hair done 7 hours before a wedding you need to hire another set if hairdressers/make up artists. I cannot believe anyone thinks this is an acceptable time to get up to prepare for an event, let alone inflicting that on their friends.

Tell her you’ll get your own breakfast and you’ll see her there at 9am. Presumably one of the bridesmaids gets their hair done last before the bride - why can’t that be you?

toomuchlaundry · 19/06/2023 13:37

Brides expecting their bridesmaids to be at the venue at 6am is all about the photos.

My SIL when she got married wanted us to be ready hours before the event. I was the only adult bridesmaid and there were 2 younger flower girls. The mums of them dropped them off at SIL’s house to get ready and then they ran away sharpish so they could relax. Before she left one mum gave me a pack of knickers for her little girl, saying she has frequent wee accidents, good luck! Photographer turned up about 4 hours before the wedding, no -one was in their outfit! Keeping 2 flower girls clean and dry before the wedding was stressful. I was very happy to pass them back to their mums once the ceremony was over

MaydinEssex · 19/06/2023 14:21

Skinthin · 18/06/2023 20:36

Im going to go against the grain and say I think you are both being a bit precious 😆. I could understand your concern if you were 35+ but 20 weeks is really the easiest part of pregnancy. Unless there’s a medical issue, there shouldn’t be any reason at all you can’t go about your day as usual at 20 weeks. On the other hand she’s a bridezilla for making you get up at 6am, and to insist on it when you’ve said you are struggling and pregnant- that’s def rude. Do you have form for being a bit precious about stuff ?

I disagree, I suffered with constant sickness and extreme tiredness in the earlier part of pregnancy. No way would I have been at the hotel for 6am, hope you are soon over the sickness OP, you have my sympathy, it's awful, I've never known sickness like it.

buttercupboots · 19/06/2023 14:48

I was a bridesmaid at 35 weeks pregnant and it was pretty miserable tbh. The bride wanted us to stay over the night before (sharing beds) so I did, and was up at 6am for hair & makeup. I barely slept & was starving by the time we got to the wedding breakfast late afternoon.

I would have refused but I love my friend and knew it was important to her. It wasn't fun at all for me though and I found little enjoyment in her day.

I'm getting married later this year and wouldn't dream of asking anyone to stay over/get up at a ridiculous time if they didn't want to - whether they had a 'good' reason or not. The day is about me getting married to my fiancé, not about how many photos I can get of us with croissants and Prosecco. I couldn't really care less what everyone else is doing as long as they arrive on time for the ceremony!

Why don't you ask your friend to explain what is stressing her out? If she's worried about timings or what you'll look like can you reassure her that you've got all that sorted and she doesn't need to turn her mind to it at all?

TrudyProud · 19/06/2023 17:43

@MargotBamborough I really don't think I am be. It's one day. If OP can't commit to what the bride wants OP should withdrawal.
End off.

What she shouldn't do is come to mn and complain presumably because she wants an excuse to make the bride look bad for wanting the day her and her groom want.

As an aside, I had 3 bridesmaids. We were round the corner from the venue and I hired 1MUA and 1hairstylist we still started around 7am. Not my (the brides) choice.
The ceremony time was booked my bridesmaids shared the hair and makeup they wanted done and the hairstylists and MUA then set the time.

Fact is being a bridesmaid can be a ball ache but you do it because you are a close friend to the bride. If you can't suck it up and Wale up to get your makeup done you are a bad friend. The OP hasn't mentioned HG or that she has a high risk pregnancy- she's being precious and seemingly forgets she had her day and chose to be a bridesmaid- she could have said no at any point instead of complaining weeks prior about the brides plans

Whataretheodds · 19/06/2023 18:02

What she shouldn't do is come to mn and complain presumably because she wants an excuse to make the bride look bad for wanting the day her and her groom want.

I'll bet my house the groom doesn't give a toss. Where on earth do you get the idea that OP wants to make the bride look bad?

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