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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Pregnant Bridesmaid

200 replies

Firstimepregnancy · 18/06/2023 19:42

I’m due to be a bridesmaid at 20 weeks in a few weeks time.
ive struggled with my pregnancy with bad morning sickness, tiredness and pelvic girdle pain.
I expressed to the bride that I will struggle the morning of the wedding as I’m feeling sick in the morning and finding my mornings are slower and harder. Having to have a 6am start ready for wedding at 1pm will be a real struggle. I asked if I could arrive later in the morning ahead of her getting dress on and photos I’d get my hair and make up done of course before hand but allowing my to come later will give me a better chance to last longer in the day!
she said I was causing her stress and I have to be there at 6am she knows a pregnant lady who same date as me and she is ‘fine’ which made me feel as though she thinks I’m lying about my struggles.
am I being unreasonable for wanting to come a little later?! I will of course do what she wants but I feel she is being a little unreasonable considering I’m coming to wedding rehearsal and dinner night before and am still doing a lot of duties on the day!

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Rosecoffeecup · 18/06/2023 20:41

Presumably the early start is for hair and makeup, which in my experience runs to a very tight schedule, particularly if there's alot of women to get through.

That being said, unless you're first on either list there may be some leeway for an hour or two, but I don't think it's unreasonable for to want you there for most of the morning.

surreygirl1987 · 18/06/2023 20:45

Im going to go against the grain and say I think you are both being a bit precious 😆. I could understand your concern if you were 35+ but 20 weeks is really the easiest part of pregnancy. Unless there’s a medical issue, there shouldn’t be any reason at all you can’t go about your day as usual at 20 weeks. On the other hand she’s a bridezilla for making you get up at 6am, and to insist on it when you’ve said you are struggling and pregnant- that’s def rude. Do you have form for being a bit precious about stuff ?

Yeh I actually agree with this... unless of course you are finding pregnancy much much worse than most women. Eg if you have hyperemsis you have my full sympathy! But otherwise, why is getting up early such a big issue? Don't you evwr have to get up early for work? I do find some pregnant women treat themselves like glass sometimes.

PurplePear7 · 18/06/2023 20:46

When I was a bridesmaid we were up at 6am for a 1pm wedding - and we stayed at the venue! There was 7 of us in total getting ready.

It’s amazing how quickly the morning goes when you all need to have breakfast, have hair and make up done, get into dresses and take a few pics.

The hair and make up people will be booked for a certain time and the bride needs to go last, so there might not be much leeway.

StaunchMomma · 18/06/2023 20:46

You do need to call er out on that 'other pregnant woman' comment - it's incredibly ignorant and bitchy!

Is she always like this or has she gone Bridezilla?

Either way, she needs a slap down and a reality check.

sunshineandstormclouds · 18/06/2023 20:47

I assume you are close friends as you are her bridesmaid. I just don't understand. If one of my bridesmaids were pregnant I would move heaven and earth to make sure being a bridesmaid didn't cause her any difficulties. I don't get it. At all. This is no answer in that it doesn't help you. But I wonder what the world is coming to when I read threads like this.

Ged94 · 18/06/2023 20:48

She's being an ignorant selfish boot. Hopefully she's not normally like that and it's just bridzilla vibes...

You might feel better in a couple of weeks so could be a non issue but her demands could be the difference between you miserable vomiting through her entire wedding and having a half decent time supporting her

continentallentil · 18/06/2023 20:50

KR2023 · 18/06/2023 19:51

"she knows a pregnant lady who same date as me and she is ‘fine’*

Well tell her you know a bride due to be married on the same day and she doesn't mind her bridesmaid being late.

This really.

You could just pull out on doctors orders? I would.

surreygirl1987 · 18/06/2023 20:50

When I was a bridesmaid we were up at 6am for a 1pm wedding - and we stayed at the venue! There was 7 of us in total getting ready.

Yeh, we got up at 5am. There were of us getting ready (also at the venue). We still struggled for time, despite having two makeup artists!

Serp · 18/06/2023 20:51

YANBU and if she is ever pregnant in the future I suspect she will be extremely embarrassed of her behaviour towards you.

Can you sort your own hair and makeup at a more convenient time/place for you and meet her just before you head to the ceremony?

StillWantingADog · 18/06/2023 20:54

I think she’s unreasonably for asking bridesmaids to be ready for 6am, pregnant or not

ActDottie · 18/06/2023 20:56

Pregnancy affects everyone differently. I’m currently 10 weeks and no way could I cope with a day like that. Like you say you it’s so tiring my whole pace of life has slowed down.

surreygirl1987 · 18/06/2023 20:57

If one of my bridesmaids were pregnant I would move heaven and earth to make sure being a bridesmaid didn't cause her any difficulties

See, I find this so weird. I'd have felt so uncomfortable if I was treated like glass while I was pregnant - and actually quite annoyed. It's pregnancy, not an illness! Why on earth should a woman with a normal pregnancy find being a bridesmaid difficult?!

Obviously if the bridesmaid feels particularly unwell on the day of the wedding, that's different, but she has no way of knowing at the moment how she will be feeling on that particular day at 20 weeks, and no reason to suspect that she may be feeling especially unwell. As the OP pointed out, that is weeks away. Therefore, there's surely no reason to think that a pregnant woman can't manage a 6am start, especially as a one-off! 🙈 If the bride was suggesting abseiling or rock climbing, then she may have a point, but a 6am start... really?!

surreygirl1987 · 18/06/2023 21:00

You could just pull out on doctors orders? I would.

What on earth?! Unless I've missed something where a doctor has actually advised this, you're suggesting that she lies and pretends there's an actual medical reason for her not having a 6am start...?!

Whataretheodds · 18/06/2023 21:01

Ponderingwindow · 18/06/2023 19:55

I suffered from hyperemesis that lasted until the baby was born. If I wanted to get through a few hours without vomiting, it had to be planned well. So that is my perspective, you are setting yourself up to be tired and likely to have problems and potentially cause a scene if you don’t address this in advance.

If it were me, I would tell the bride we have two options, both of which I am fine with and will do whatever makes her day easiest. You can bow out and attend as a guest or you can step back from some bridesmaid duties and focus on being in shape and presentable to walk down the aisle at the right time.

This

2bazookas · 18/06/2023 21:02

Just tell her that you can no longer be her bridesmaind because your health comes first.
If she mentions the other pregnant woman, say " I think if you ask her, she'll tell you her priority is the same as mine: looking after her unborn baby. "

Maireas · 18/06/2023 21:07

surreygirl1987 · 18/06/2023 20:50

When I was a bridesmaid we were up at 6am for a 1pm wedding - and we stayed at the venue! There was 7 of us in total getting ready.

Yeh, we got up at 5am. There were of us getting ready (also at the venue). We still struggled for time, despite having two makeup artists!

Why?!

SpringIntoChaos · 18/06/2023 21:09

tinyshoppingbasket · 18/06/2023 19:56

Hard one because if I was the bride this would definitely be stressing me out.

But also it's a lot to ask of you if you're feeling really rough.

I don't think either of you are unreasonable.

Personally I wouldn't have minded making some adjustments but my wedding wasn't a big production so it wouldn't have mattered. Sounds like hers is - which does require a bit more cooperation from everyone.

I think you just have to do your best and hope it's alright on the night so to speak!

But why??? Seriously...what on earth is there to be stressed about by one of the bridesmaids (a pregnant one who's feeling a bit grim btw!!) arriving ON TIME TO GET READY!

There is literally no need for her to be there at 6am!! That completely fucking nuts!! If she's there by 9 that's still 4 hours before the wedding starts!

surreygirl1987 · 18/06/2023 21:09

I suffered from hyperemesis that lasted until the baby was born. If I wanted to get through a few hours without vomiting, it had to be planned well.

Sorry, where did the OP say she has hyperemesis? That would obviously change everything if she did... but I didn't see that bit?

Ged94 · 18/06/2023 21:21

surreygirl1987 · 18/06/2023 21:09

I suffered from hyperemesis that lasted until the baby was born. If I wanted to get through a few hours without vomiting, it had to be planned well.

Sorry, where did the OP say she has hyperemesis? That would obviously change everything if she did... but I didn't see that bit?

She said she had bad morning sickness, PGP which can make it difficult to walk. Maybe you had an easy pregnancy?

I wasn't diagnosed with hypermesis but I couldn't go for a walk/ go up the stairs without vomiting for 3 months in my first pregnancy. Being up too early/ too late/ looking at alcohol or seeing the wrong colour would make me vomit repeatedly... I would not have been in a fit state at 20 weeks to do what this bride wants

Second pregnancy and I have had slight nausea for a few weeks and would be totally fine with the bride's request, have done 5am starts at work my whole pregnancy.

The poster hasn't said how bad she was but there is a huge scale and people have different issues.

TrudyProud · 18/06/2023 21:26

Tbf, I think the bride is fine to as for the 6am start - if you've more than 3 bridesmaids the time will fly by. Especially when you are taking professional photos/videos of the getting ready etc

If you can't make the requirements of a bridesmaid then step aside. It's not about you even though you are pregnant.

FYI my best friend was 7 months pregnant at my wedding and still did all her MOH duties. She left not long after the meal and I was fine with that as she'd obviously put me and my husband first on our wedding day.

As someone who married in their 30s and spent my 20s and lots of money (I was single) being dragged to multiple hen dos and weddings I'm so glad that when my time came the women who I'd invested in reciprocated instead of this nonsense of change your wedding morning to accommodate my pregnancy.

flowerchop · 18/06/2023 21:33

That's awful!! Don't go at 6am, you'll be shattered, don't think I could've done that at 20 weeks. Every pregnancy is different - really unreasonable to say that she knows someone else who is "fine"

MargotBamborough · 18/06/2023 21:53

I wasn't even up at 6am on my own wedding day.

Can you pull out of being a bridesmaid and just attend as a regular guest, or will that cause even more drama?

pimplebum · 18/06/2023 21:54

She doesn't sound very nice , even if I thought one of my bridesmaids was being a bit pathetic and milking it i would still agree to her reasonable adjustments, she is supposed to be your closest friend after all

Comparing you to someone else is v hurtful and would piss me off , I had super easy pregnancies but I know plenty of folk who has a terrible time of it ... karma will bite her bum

PurplePear7 · 18/06/2023 22:08

Maireas · 18/06/2023 21:07

Why?!

Show quote history

I can’t remember exact timings of the day but you need to allow 30-45 mins each for hair and make up for each bridesmaid and closer to an hour for each for the bride. And they have to be done separately, you don’t sit and get both done at the same time!

We wanted to be ready for midday, which meant all bridesmaids/MOB had to be ready by 10.30am for the bride to be worked on. Everyone had to find time to get breakfast before it finished at 10.30am too!!

AlligatorPsychopath · 18/06/2023 22:13

Fuck me, I got married at 2pm and I sure as shit wasn't up at 6am or even 7. My bridesmaids didn't arrive until about 10am and we all somehow miraculously got dressed, made up and coifed in the available time. Seven hours of getting ready, fuck me gently with a chainsaw.

I'd just bow out.

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