My mum wants me to have an abortion

[Pinkshamrock15]

I have two daughters aged 6 and 11 and I was with their father for 10 years (after a very abusive relationship). Since, I have met a lovely man who i have been with for a year but i have known him for 7 through a friend.

A few days ago I found out that I'm 4 weeks pregnant which was unexpected. My partner has no children and is very excited but my mum is furious. She said she is ashamed that I'm pregnant again and not married. She said that it is the wrong time and that I'm being unfair on my daughters. She said that I either take the tablets to terminate or get married - or she is finished with me. She also said this isn't how she imagined her 60s.

I'm 31 years old, in the middle of buying a house and just about to finish my masters degree as well as working full time. My partner said he would support me either way and that it is entirely my decision and he doesn't want to influence that. But I'm so torn 😩. Is my mum right? Is it bad timing? Am I taking too much on? Is it shameful?

I could be pregnant and these are my anxieties and worries, please help and advise.

Hi all, I can't believe I've got to the point of needing this, but anyway here I go, me and my partner think I may be pregnant and he's so caring and so supportive of me potentially being a mother, but my worry is my parents my mum and my dad but also my grandparents.

I'm so worried that if I am and if I tell them that I am that they will try to make me get rid of the baby, try to make me get an abortion, I had a miscarriage march 2022 and I can't even think of putting myself through an abortion, If I do turn out to be positive for being pregnant I would want to keep my baby and raise it, not get it aborted or anything like that, my anxiety is majorly high I keep thinking what will they say, and that they'll all want me to abort the baby and I keep thinking they'll try persuade me into it (an abortion) or that they'll disown me.

They have never really liked my partner due to personal reasons from the past but the past is the past as I see it and I seriously and utterly don't find it fair they keep holding the past on him, he's a new man and the man I love with everything in me, I'm terrified of telling them if I am I feel they'll say "oh your not fit to be a mum" or "oh you have too much of your own issues to be able to look after a child" or "oh your not in the right place to be having a child" or "oh it's not the right time".

I just don't know what to do😭😭😭we want a baby but that's my anxiety issue, if anyone could give advice or help I'm much appreciate it.

@Gracieann21 I don’t know what their reasons are (and you don’t have to share) but you can make a list of them just for yourself and write down your answers

like if they think you’re too young or too poor, let’s say - you can write down so many young and poor mums have children all the time and they are fine.

making a list will make you prepared, take a few days to get all their possible concerns on paper, you’ll be in a good state of mind when you do tell them, as eventually you’ll have to, or it will be obvious

• another thing - if they are so worried about you, could they help?

you can say, yes I’m young, don’t have enough money but could you help? I already love this baby and I will do my best and your reasons are valid, I do need help, and I appreciate any help

if they are worried about him, again I don’t know what could that be, but you can ask them to tell you if he still raises any red flags for them NOW, not issues from the past, and also, in case you’re too in love to see it or to see it if it happens again in the future (very common when you love someone) you can tell them they can bring it to your attention if and when it happens

it might not be the perfect time, but if it’s good enough time and you feel reasonably capable, then you’ll figure it out as you go, and they can help

this approach is non confrontational, you admit they might have valid reasons, but also there is no perfect time. be prepared and turn the tables on them to help you, if needed

good luck

Sounds like you've got a good solid foundation to bring a baby into the world, why listen to your mum? Enjoy your baby and your mum will eventually follow!