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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

My mum wants me to have an abortion

203 replies

Pinkshamrock15 · 19/01/2023 14:58

I have two daughters aged 6 and 11 and I was with their father for 10 years (after a very abusive relationship). Since, I have met a lovely man who i have been with for a year but i have known him for 7 through a friend.

A few days ago I found out that I'm 4 weeks pregnant which was unexpected. My partner has no children and is very excited but my mum is furious. She said she is ashamed that I'm pregnant again and not married. She said that it is the wrong time and that I'm being unfair on my daughters. She said that I either take the tablets to terminate or get married - or she is finished with me. She also said this isn't how she imagined her 60s.

I'm 31 years old, in the middle of buying a house and just about to finish my masters degree as well as working full time. My partner said he would support me either way and that it is entirely my decision and he doesn't want to influence that. But I'm so torn 😩. Is my mum right? Is it bad timing? Am I taking too much on? Is it shameful?

OP posts:
Mummyme87 · 19/01/2023 15:30

I would tell your mum you’re finished with her.

DottieUncBab · 19/01/2023 15:31

Ignore your mum! Do what you want to do

FT123456 · 19/01/2023 15:37

It's completely your choice, if your happy and want the baby then obviously keep it. It's not your mum's decision or anyone else's. I don't think there is ever a 'perfect' time to have a baby.

Anotheanon · 19/01/2023 15:44

The only issue I can see here is the childcare. Is she, in a very odd way, saying she isn’t willing or just can’t look after three children. If this is the case then you need to consider alternative childcare.
Apart from that, the decision has nothing to do with her.

BaileysforBreakfast · 19/01/2023 15:50

It's nothing to do with your mum.

Floralnomad · 19/01/2023 15:52

Ignore her and get alternative childcare for when she usually has your children

HallieHufflepuff · 19/01/2023 15:53

@Pinkshamrock15 I think it's got nothing at all to do with your Mum and it's your decision to make.
I'm younger than you and my Mum wouldn't dare speak to me like that ❤

Iamnothe1 · 19/01/2023 15:53

I want to just say a big congratulations to you, its ur bofldy ur choice, if u feel u want to continue or not u have a partner who will support ethier way, we cannot tell u the right decision whether to continue the pregnancy or not, however my advise is not to wait too long to make the decision to terminate the pregnancy x

ArrrMeHearties · 19/01/2023 15:55

Congratulations on your pregnancy and in the nicest way possible your mum is being a manipulative so and so. Your 31 and an adult who's more than capable of running her own life. If you do go ahead with the pregnancy and she cuts you off and misses out on you and her future grandchild then it's her loss

MintJulia · 19/01/2023 15:58

Congratulations.

You mum sounds like she has very old fashioned values. Her views are simply not relevant so don't listen to her ultimatums.

If she loves you, she will support you in whatever you decide, and if she doesn't love you then what she thinks doesn't matter. Your dp's attitude is the right one. He sounds nice. 🙂

Deadringer · 19/01/2023 15:58

I would be so proud of you if you were my dd. Doing a master's degree and buying your own home, that's amazing. I am sure you are a lovely mum too. Maybe the timing isn't perfect, but only you can decide that, not your mum. She needs to butt out.

HallieHufflepuff · 19/01/2023 15:58

@Pinkshamrock15 Congratulations by the way, OP! 😄

Favouritefruits · 19/01/2023 16:02

Congratulations, I’m sure your Mum will come around as soon as she sees the little bundle!

tsmainsqueeze · 19/01/2023 16:03

Swimswam · 19/01/2023 15:02

Congratulations on your baby. Your partner sounds lovely and supportive.
Ignore your Mum. She is being unfair and cruel. A baby is never shameful.

Congratulations ! i bet your daughters will be over the moon with this baby .
This totally sums it up .

pinkpotatoez · 19/01/2023 16:04

I don't understand mothers who think their childrens lives are theirs. Just because she birthed you doesn't mean she has any say in your adult life, I think it sounds like a blessing considering what you've been through and where you are now. Don't listen to her at all.

whattodo1975 · 19/01/2023 16:05

Is you mum aware that it is 2023?

Does she think you are going to put a lot of childcare responsibility on her? Does your partner have parents on hand to assist ?

WindUpPenguin · 19/01/2023 16:06

You say you are just about to finish your Masters Degree. Does that mean you will be finished by the time your baby arrives? If so that sounds like perfect timing from that perspective. You need to do what is right for you. The big question is whether you want to have the baby or not. Only you know the answer to that. It sounds like you have a supportive partner.

pointythings · 19/01/2023 16:10

You are building a career and you hav a supportive loving partner. You both want this baby. That is all that matters. What your mother feels is irrelevant and she should get her judgemental arse back to the 1950s.

shinynewapple22 · 19/01/2023 16:12

When your mum says this isn't how she imagined her 60s, I wonder if she is expecting that she will have to give you a lot of support with your children because she is not sure of the long term stability of your relationship with your new partner ? Whilst I don't agree with what she has said to you - and particularly how it's been said - I can understand if she is worried that what she envisaged as a time in her life to relax a bit may now involve more child care .

Zebracat · 19/01/2023 16:16

Tell your Mum that she won’t forgive you if you have the baby, but you won’t forgive her if you don’t, and therefore you have nothing to lose. Congratulations.

Dillydollydingdong · 19/01/2023 16:17

I'm in my 70s and I think it's outrageous what your dm is saying. Whether or not you're married is irrelevant. Most babies are born outside marriage these days. Who cares? It's no one's business but yours.

PutinSmellsPassItOn · 19/01/2023 16:18

Tell her to fuck off.

Wetblanket78 · 19/01/2023 16:18

Congratulations ignore your mum we are in 2023 not 1943. If it feels right with the right person and what you both want don't let her stand in your way. She has an old fashioned mindset.

HamBone · 19/01/2023 16:18

WindUpPenguin · 19/01/2023 16:06

You say you are just about to finish your Masters Degree. Does that mean you will be finished by the time your baby arrives? If so that sounds like perfect timing from that perspective. You need to do what is right for you. The big question is whether you want to have the baby or not. Only you know the answer to that. It sounds like you have a supportive partner.

I was thinking the same, @WindUpPenguin . If the OP is finishing her Master’s this June and will have moved into her new home, this is a good time to have another child.

OP, as long as your partner is supportive, emotionally and financially, you’ll be fine.

it’s none of your Mum’s business, you’re not planning to demand childcare from her. Some people just create drama, my Dad was like this when I had children (how will you manage, you don’t know what you’re doing, etc.). I was in my 30’s, married, and financially stable! Peopke can be ridiculous sometimes. Congratulations, OP. 💐

ThreeLocusts · 19/01/2023 16:19

OP sorry you have to deal with this. Your mum needs to butt out. Not bring married is no reason for anything so drastic. Ashamed, my ass. Do as YOU want.