Due May 2023 - thread two

[Flowersflowers121]

Hiiii everyone. Thread two as the first one filled up :)

@ru53 I was a bit silly, I didn't want to lose a year so I carried on in aim to take a break next term. My finally essay is due 3 weeks after baby is born and it's a big one.

Its hard to be honest, husband works from home but is pretty much locked in a room all day. My mums offered to have my eldest in 2 weeks so weve planned to go baby and hospital bag shopping. I'm trying to focus on positive things and looking for baby stuff to distract me. I've said now after reading your comments, if I feel like this at my 26 week appointment next week I'll have to tell her x

@MissNat13 It's not silly at all and you're not alone, I've worried about the 3rd but honestly I found the 2nd baby easier. The first few weeks I had mum guilt, my eldest was nearly 3 but we made lots of fuss and went slowly and our littlest just fit right in (he was covid baby too).

This one has given me some anxiety. We recently had the flu and my youngest was sick for 5 nights, I was washing sheets/duvets every day and I broke down thinking I wouldn't be able to cope but I know it'll be worth it.

Honestly I think I had the nicest time with 2nd baby and my eldest, take things slowly but they also share such a nice bond. I'm hoping 3rd baby will be just as close x

Anyone know when we're meant to start thinking about a hospital bag and what we might actually need to bring. Seen so many lists but very overwhelmed.

I'm 24+4 so still feels a bit early but not sure when would be appropriate

@wintersun21 I'd say week 32 or so?

I had the best day on Monday which ended so badly.. My 20w scan was great, everything was ok with the baby and that's all I wanted to hear. DH and I had a wonderful day, we talked a lot, he was so caring and loving ❤️

When we went to bed I was so excited and I initiated sex but he said he was tired and there was too much baby stuff in his head for him to get in the mood. He said he knew it was silly but he was going to think about the baby too much.

I get that, but it made me really sad 😔 I even cried a little (quietly). I feel he's not attracted to me anymore. I know he watches porn and masturbates and although it doesn't bother me much (I do it too sometimes) I feel like he is choosing it over having sex with me.

I honestly can't remember the last time he initiated sex.. It's been 90% me for the past few years. He said he was tired multiple times before, so what happened last night wasn't anything new. And when I didn't initiate, we'd just not have sex at all for a month or so. So I would just tell myself: just be yourself, don't force yourself not to do anything if you feel like having sex. But at times I knew he wasn't going to say yes and I would still initiate. It's almost as if I wanted to be hurt..

At some point when we were going through IVF I realised that the real reason for our struggle was simply not having enough sex. Before the pregnancy we'd have sex once every 2-3 weeks. I was open with him about it back then, I said that I felt like it was always me starting. He said he preferred it that way because he didn't want to start and then be rejected. Honestly I don't remember ever saying no to him. Never. I wouldn't, unless I had a diarrhoea or something lol. Mostly because I know how it feels to be on that side. It sucks.

We've only done it twice since the positive test, both times initiated by me. I don't feel super sexy but my libido is pretty high. I love him so much and I'm really attracted to him. I don't really know what to do. I'm shutting down, I've been quiet and sad all day today. I don't think he's noticed though.

How is it for you? How often are you having sex nowadays?

Partner wont have sex while I am pregnant. He cant get it out his mind that theres a baby in there

But, he has initiated sex before
Sometimes I turn down, sometimes I don't
But he has also turned it down when I have initiated before (he sometimes then initiates later in the day or the next day or so)

When we first started dating we would have sex maybe 2-3 times a week. Maybe more if we were in the mood

About 2yrs in it slowed to once a week or every 10 days ish

I played Tracy Chapman, fast car and my baby started kicking like mad (im 24weeks) Does anybody else have a song they play that gets the baby moving?

@OptimusPrime31
No song really, but its usually when I eat / if I get hungry

Around 8/9am he moves a little before I eat breakfast
Then again around midday a tiny bit
After lunch he seems to punch a lot (2-3pm)
After dinner, before dessert (7-9ish) hes become even more active and doing harder kicks
Before I go bed 10:30/11pm) usually feels like him turning

Then recently around 2am and 3am (so no sleep for me 😄)

@buuuka86 have you tried talking with your husband about it and how you’re feeling?? I think a lot of men find it difficult
and worry about harming the baby somehow so I would try not to take it personally, easier said than done I know but it sounds like you’re assuming a lot about what he’s feeling about you and it might not be the case at all!

Thank you @ru53 and @MommaSmith. I guess I will be more patient during pregnancy and see how it goes.. I'm just complete put off now and not planning to initiate. I might talk to him about it but saying it out loud just puts pressure on him - if he then wants to have sex I will think it's just because of what I said.. So I think I will just observe for now.

Just thinking about everything that needs doing before giving birth. Some classes, hospital bag, preparing baby room, buying baby stuff (bath, meficibe, toys, books, feeding, furniture, travel) booking a nursery, cooking some food to freeze for later.. Anything else you're doing or planning to do?

Also, I've heard it's nice to sing or play the same song to the baby as when they are here, they will calm down when they hear it. So we're trying to pick our song now!

meficibe=medicine lol.

Also birth plan.

@buuuka86 im sorry to hear of how you’re feeling. Have you thought about getting your husband a book about pregnancy and babies for men? My boss said his partner bought him one, and he found it really eye opening - not sure if it would cover things like sex during pregnancy but definitely possible. You can probably find one for pennies on Abe Books or Amazon.

I’ve actually organised a lot of things, it’s just how I am. I think I’ve got most things we need bought, and some just in case stuff like dummies, a couple of medicines etc. Childminder is sorted, Aqua Natal is booked, I’m booked onto a parent craft course run by my local hospital, I’m doing Pilates from a YouTube channel. I’ve not packed my hospital bag yet but I’ve got a list, and we’ve got a plan for the nursery but no action yet. We’re trying to use food from the freezer at the moment, to use things up and clear space, so I will probably do some batch cooking in the spring.

The only thing I’m worrying about is whether I’ve got enough clothes - I got 2 bags of hand me downs (boys, but girls can wear blue too), which I’ve separated into sizes, and there’s plenty of 0-3 but I don’t know if I need to also buy any newborn or up to 1 month clothes? I don’t want to buy loads as I don’t know what I’m having but obviously I want enough to get by. I can’t see me having a small baby, but equally I’m having a section at 39w so probably (hopefully 🤞🏻) not a huge baby either. Every list I look at online is different 🙈

@raffika I'm reminding myself that we live 15 mins drive from a huge supermarket open 24hr and 10 min walk from a retail park with a boots, Sainsbury's and Argos. We also live in a world with overnight Amazon shipping. So even if you realise "gosh, we don't have enough x" you or someone else could get it really quickly!

(This obviously assumes you aren't super rural)

@IWillBeWaxingAnOwl I’m a bit rural, about 30mins from the nearest place I could buy anything more than basic food and toiletries, and Amazon takes about a week to deliver, but I guess I also need to remember I’ve got a washing machine and a dryer - so if I haven’t bought enough clothes, I can have them clean and dry in a couple of hours. Trying to retain perspective when you’re excited is hard 🤣

Had a little trip to the assessment unit yesterday evening with no real movement all day. In and out in 20mins baby good strong heartbeat. Midwife felt likely related to my anterior placenta and change in position of baby. Thankfully lots of movement felt this morning. I did get a little telling off for leaving it so long....I don't want to be one of those women ringing all the time but feel more confident to do it sooner if needed again.

That's reassuring @lmw88 . How long did you wait for before you went in? What's the recommended amount of time? I'm curious what they would do if something was wrong and the baby wasn't moving much.. There must be something they can do if they want moms to go in asap.

@buuuka86 she basically said if I noticed a 'change' in movements. My baby hasn't established a pattern as such but usually would feel it kick in bed / chilling on sofa but couldn't be sure I'd felt anything from the night before. So if there's a change or general gut feeling then take a cold drink, eat something, go to a quiet room lie on left side and try and concentrate for 1hr on trying to feel movements. If nothing then phone in straight away. I had left it all day - went for a walk, ate food, kept busy then when I was chilling yesterday evening I still couldn't feel anything so phoned and was told to go straight in.

Ah interesting @lmw88 . When my baby wasn't cooperating during the last scan, the sonographer asked me to have a hot drink and then come back. I guess both hot and cold drinks can make a baby move..

@lmw88 that must have been a scary few hours for you, but I’m glad all is well. I find something sugary gets my alien moving. Maybe keep an emergency stash of Haribo or something nearby 😊

I had the glucose tolerance test last week (all fine) and the baby was going absolutely insane (I was buzzing as well, horrible feeling!)

@raffika how was the test? I dread it. Didn't have it with my first so have no idea what to expect!

I am also due my GTT test in a few weeks - I asked the hospital whether baby would go insane after the sugar as I have a scan straight after and obviously wouldnt want her to not stay still at all... they said it should be fine now i am nervous!

@Irishgirl55 I found the effects of the glucose solution unpleasant. I’m no stranger to sugary treats, but I’ve never had a reaction to sugar like that - my heart was racing, I got to work and I couldn’t speak to anyone as my brain couldn’t focus on anything and I felt like I was actually buzzing! As I’ve said the baby was going berserk. I really hope I don’t have to have it again.

@tiantian1005 My sister-in-law had the test twice and didn’t react to the sugar, so I guess it’s different for everyone.

Anyone experienced really itchy feet? It’s at night it’s worse, mainly one foot and it swells,
I read google and it’s really worrying me but I’m not at 28 weeks for it to be the lover problems

@raffika thanks for the message. I actually wasn't too worried until I was lying on the bed waiting for Doppler to pick up heartbeat. I can nearly feel the pressure where baby has moved. Good to get reassurance. These little ones causing trouble already! I must stock up on haribo.....any excuse lol

My mental health is really struggling, I had a midwife appointment today and she forgot to book me in so the lady who was seeing everyone was leaving me to last.

I just said I had to go I was so upset I couldn't wait to leave, took me alot to get myself there and want to tell someone how I felt. I've never felt like this before, it's really horrible.

The night sweats have got me. 😩it's so gross.

@lmw88 I have definitely been a bit more of a sugar fiend which is a problem because when I then have a day of less sugar Grogu gets quieter and I get worried about them. Perverse incentive to eat way too much sugar...

@TisforTucan I'm sorry to hear how you're feeling. I've found MH care (both from midwives and availability of specialist support) pretty underwhelming. I was told at first MW appt they were going to do a referral to perinatal mental health but it wasn't put through, and the next MW appointment the MW said that that was only to either refer to psychiatry (drugs) or to assess for safeguarding, whereas I was just hoping for slightly more frequent/supportive/MH-aware care. Apparently not an option, MW said go back to the GP and then went on about safeguarding and children's social care and I eventually had to tell her quite sharply to drop it and move on.

I emailed the public health midwife and she also said I should go to my GP/counselling and that pregnant women get priority, but I was already in a waitlist for counselling, since June (i.e. pre-pregnancy), and when I told them about being pregnant they didn't move me up the list at all. After a seven-month wait from self-referral I'm finally having my first counselling session this week. Given clear evidence of association between MH of mother and outcomes of child, I find this all pretty poor.

I hope you're able to get the care you need. <3