17 and pregnant

[G7yaia]

I recently found out I’m pregnant. It’s a total shock and is my own fault for not being on any contraception (I was on the pill but made me depressed). Me and my boyfriend have been together nearly a year he is a few moths younger than me but turned 17 this year too. I have always said I would never want a kid and he agreed. My mum knows and she is being very supportive and saying whatever decision I make she will support me. My boyfriends first reaction was to get rid of it. I’ve spoken about it to him since and he says he doesn’t want to speak about it. Which is very childish of him he is lovely and has never hurt me he does nothing but love me. I have decided that I’m going to keep it, I can’t go through with an abortion but my mind does keep changing. The reasons to get rid outweighs the reasons to keep. I will be 18 by the time I have the baby. I left school and had a year off due to not knowing what I want to do I’ve recently gone back to college to do a 2 year course then hopefully go to uni. But now I know it’s not going to be that easy. He is doing a 2 year course too. His family will not be as happy as my mum and he is begging me to get rid as his family will ‘kick him out’ I’ve told him I’ll do this with or without you. My head is just really all over the place, this doesn’t feel real. I just need some advice. I’ve already heard a million times from friends that I won’t be able to live my life and so on my mum had me at 17 so I’ve heard all of this. Now my mum has a better social life than me 😂. I do enjoy going out with my friends and know I will miss out on a lot but I also can’t bear to go through with an abortion I really struggle with my mental health and I feel like this baby will give me a purpose in life. Maybe I am not ready but I have a good support system and don’t want to get rid just because my boyfriend wants me to that will only end up in me hating him. He says whatever I choose he will support me but he obviously would prefer if I don’t keep it. I just don’t know I feel so empty right now and need advice ☹️

I've never had an abortion and I am 36 years old but I do know that I could never do it because it would haunt me for the rest of my life. I can see that without having to experience it and that's what you call foresight

Who is pretending 17 is the same age as 20s? Did you actually take your time and read my post well? I will say it again for you my own mother was 17 when she had me.

OP will not be watched closely FFS please stop this shit. If only.... there's a shortage of midwifes and health visitors you can barely see one even during labour. Stop exaggerating FFS.

What external agencies are these? 17 is young but it's not exceptionally young like 13/14. By the time OP may decide to give birth she will most likely be 18... sorry but you sound out of touch by far (scaremongering so and so).

Except I work in this area and have done for many years. So actually I do know what I’m talking about. Sorry

It's a hard decision, I was you almost 14 years ago, I had my daughter at 18 and it did all work out in the end, I'm still with her dad we are in our early 30s and now also have a 2 more children and a lovely home and Life but it took a long time to get here and if I'm honest a lot of family support financially until we "made" it ourselves which I'm extremely grateful for.

I was naive , I felt I needed a purpose too and of course now my daughter is here I would never regret her but as someone above said also I did my best for her but at the same time I feel extreme guilt now that she got born in the world to a teen mum that lived at home with her mum, that broke up and got back together constantly with her dad for a while, I loved her completely but I was still growing up myself , for the first few years of her life I felt more grown up than my peers but then they slowly they started graduating uni, getting careers , buying homes , getting married and then having children they planned and I felt left behind, I was a mum but now they were mums too providing their children with more than I could and that's why I didn't have anymore children for a decade and when I finally did I it really hit me how much of a gamble I took having a baby so young.

@Holidaydreamingagain nice gas lighting 😂 your making a spectacle of yourself.

Just give it up.

No you don't know it until you are in the situation.

My 2nd pregnancy had a high risk of DS and I had to go through invasive testing. When they first told me about my high risk, they told my first option was abort. They were willing to abort a potentially healthy baby at a drop of a hat if I had chosen to. Fortunately for me, I went onto have a healthy baby so I do know about such situation. The only difference is the OP is young and mine was on medical grounds but fundamentally the same choice.

Just to say good luck! Sounds like you've decided

Very lucky to have a mum willing to house you both and also young herself! Sure it will be fun.

@cornishLassie More fun than it must be being you with your jazz hands passive aggression.
She’s SEVENTEEN

I done it at 17, turned 18 before baby was born. Sorry but it was best thing I ever done. It actually made me have a better life and I have the best relationship with my soon to be 13 year old. We lived with my mum and dad until my son was 4 then bought our first house. Unfortunately but also fortunately his dad didn't stick around longer than 10 months but when my son was almost 2 I met an amazing guy who I just married in June and we are now expecting a baby. I felt at 18 I had a point to prove and I got a career, bought a house and we have a good life which I believe I wouldn't have had if I didn't have that push of having my son 😁 x. Good luck with your pregnancy xx

That’s great that your bf has told his mum now and that she seems supportive and so does he. If you choose to go ahead with the pregnancy that will be a massive help to you and it bodes well for the future relationship between the baby and that side of their family.
A good thing to look into next would be what training/university course you might like to do and what you need to get there. Look into what childcare help and financial help would be available while you study. It’s great you have a job but long term in might be good to take advantage of all that’s available for people your age in terms of training so that you can get a higher paying job. It sounds like your mum knows all about this since she did a masters degree after having her first child at 17.

To Your disappointment I am not gaslighting. And I’ve worked in the perinatal health area for many years.

There is an entirely separate ante natal pathway for women under the age of 20 and that’s for good reason. Whilst NHS maternity services are stretched, where they have put the resources is into increased support and signposting for pregnancy in under 20’s.

What this also highlights is the additional risks and outcomes for young mums. increased risk of SIDS / more likely to have. Baby in neonatal care, higher levels of poor mental health, higher levels of poverty and chaotic home life and multiple other factors. This is all available with a quick Google so you can see the data and evidence.

whilst as I’ve said before, there are exceptions and your mum obviously did a good job but the challenges for mums who are really young and 17/18 is really young are very very real and should not be taken lightly.

OP it's is your body and your choice whether you want to continue ie with your pregnancy

I had my son at 18 and my daughter at 21 o worked and also finished college took 5 months off after I had my son then started a nursing degree I do t regret a thing I'm now 31 and pregnant with my 3 rd baby having my children young has not stopped me from doing anything but I have a very strong mentality and a very determined and driven person I didn't have a great support system other than parents and was a single mum to 2 at 21 and a student but I did it it had its hardships but for me my kids where my driving force to be successful I did it for me but I also did it for them so I think your kids do become your purpose when you become a mother I am now married have a nice house nice car and we are financially stable and there is additional financial support when you go to university if you have children to help with childcare ect but it still challenging for me I love a challenge I suppose you just have to think about what is best for you and what you can cope with

I wish you the best of luck and I'm sure whatever decision you make you will be a wonderful mum whether that is now or sometime in the future x

Good luck with your decisions. I would say 100% have a TOP, get some training, improve your career options so that when you do decide to have a baby you can give him/her a better life. On £8 per hour you will forever struggle.