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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

He doesn't want the baby

193 replies

teenytims · 26/08/2022 19:46

I recently met up again with an old school friend. We 'dated' briefly in school. He had just split with a long term girlfriend due to her wanting to have DC soon, he wanted more free years.

It was just a bit of fun. Was nice seeing him. But I'm pregnant.

I've told him and he says I'm stupid to even consider continuing, but knows he can't stop me.

He says he doesn't want his name mention. To keep his name out of it all and never say on social media that he's the baby's dad

He doesn't want to be associated with me

I know he's got a deposit for a house and wanting to buy soon. He's also announced he's back with the long term girlfriend... and this evening I've just seen on insta, he's proposed to her

What on earth do I do? Do I tell her?

It's all such a mess

OP posts:
Skelligsfeathers · 26/08/2022 19:48

Do you think it is a good idea to continue with pregnancy?

Str8talker · 26/08/2022 19:48

Terminate of course.

Original poster
teenytims · 26/08/2022 19:48

I am continuing. Just wondered what peoples thoughts were about telling his newly found 'fiancée'

OP posts:
CloseYourEyesAndSee · 26/08/2022 19:49

Don't tell his fiancée but put in a claim for maintenance and don't keep it a secret

Skelligsfeathers · 26/08/2022 19:52

Why do you want to tell her?
Why do you want to continue?

Original poster
teenytims · 26/08/2022 19:52

CloseYourEyesAndSee · 26/08/2022 19:49

Don't tell his fiancée but put in a claim for maintenance and don't keep it a secret

Surely she deserves to know before everyone we went to school with finds out?

I don't live locally anymore. I'm a 1.5 hours drive away. But it's a place where everyone knows everyone really so seems unfair for her not to know

OP posts:
ReneBumsWombats · 26/08/2022 19:53

Skelligsfeathers · 26/08/2022 19:52

Why do you want to tell her?
Why do you want to continue?

Yes, I need to know the answers to these questions before I can say anything.

Original poster
teenytims · 26/08/2022 19:53

I wanted to tell her so she knows.. and isn't going into things with him blind

I don't know why I want to continue. I just don't want to terminate for certain, so that's that

OP posts:
ReneBumsWombats · 26/08/2022 19:53

So you are definitely keeping it?

ReneBumsWombats · 26/08/2022 19:54

teenytims · 26/08/2022 19:53

I wanted to tell her so she knows.. and isn't going into things with him blind

I don't know why I want to continue. I just don't want to terminate for certain, so that's that

How sure are you that she'll find out through the grapevine?

Violettaa · 26/08/2022 19:55

CloseYourEyesAndSee · 26/08/2022 19:49

Don't tell his fiancée but put in a claim for maintenance and don't keep it a secret

Exactly this, but only if you’re absolutely sure you’re happy to have a child absolutely alone. I would seriously think about whether I wanted to continue the pregnancy.

DarlingDarwin · 26/08/2022 19:55

Why would everyone find out?

GalactatingGoddess · 26/08/2022 19:56

1.) Decide what YOU want to do re the baby. Do you think you can raise it alone? Do you have support? An income ? Etc
2.) Tell the girlfriend. She has a right to know before she commits to him.

BeanieTeen · 26/08/2022 19:56

It’s not for you to tell her in my opinion. To what end?
Put a claim in for CS and leave it at that.

GrandSlamFinalee · 26/08/2022 19:57

Don’t terminate if you don’t want to.

Don’t mention his name on ‘social media’ (weird that he’s concerned about that the most…) but do mention him on the CMS claim.

Does he not realise he was a willing participant and contributed 50% to the existence of this baby?

Original poster
teenytims · 26/08/2022 19:57

Bit of backstory - I got pregnant by him when I was 16. Neither of our parents even knew we were sexually actively, we said we were staying at friends houses that night but I paid for a premier inn for us after our film in lakeside

I wanted to keep the baby but did get talked round into abortion. He never told anyone. I then miscarried before my appointment and never got over it

We never used anything

This time though I'm on injections!

OP posts:
GrandSlamFinalee · 26/08/2022 19:58

We never used anything

I’m assuming he knows how babies are made? He was clearly happy to take the risk.

Original poster
teenytims · 26/08/2022 19:59

@GrandSlamFinalee that was when I was 16

OP posts:
girlmom21 · 26/08/2022 19:59

Tell his girlfriend. She can't marry him without knowing.

Okeydoky · 26/08/2022 19:59

I would just say to him that's fine, he doesn't need to be involved. But assuming you're intending to claim maintenence, you might suggest he does the decent thing and let her know before she finds out via the fact his income will drop.

Original poster
teenytims · 26/08/2022 20:00

girlmom21 · 26/08/2022 19:59

Tell his girlfriend. She can't marry him without knowing.

That's what I think too

OP posts:
GrandSlamFinalee · 26/08/2022 20:01

teenytims · 26/08/2022 19:59

@GrandSlamFinalee that was when I was 16

Did he use anything this time round? Because my comment still stands. If a man doesn’t want a baby, he too can take precautions.

Wouldloveanother · 26/08/2022 20:01

I’m going to go against the grain and say tell her. I would want to know if the person I was marrying had got another women pregnant a matter of weeks(?!) before proposing. Plus if they share finances she will find out about any maintenance payments and might accuse you of being ‘the other woman’ etc. I would message her a simple summary of facts, lodge a CMS claim against him, then make it clear as long as he pays you need never speak to them again.

Wouldloveanother · 26/08/2022 20:02

Honestly if you don’t tell her I can see this all blowing up in a few years, total mess, accusations of cheating, half siblings involved etc. It wouldn’t be telling her out of spite, more to protect your reputation and have a clean slate to go forward with.

Alfixnm · 26/08/2022 20:02

Wow OP, I think the replies you're getting here so far are bizarre. Of course keep your baby if that's what you want to do! In the knowledge that it will be as a single parent, of course.

And why should you behave like it's some shameful secret? If he wants to keep it "secret" that's on him. I wouldn't get involved in his relationship - that's up to him really - but you don't have to keep it a secret from the people that you know.

And if he hasn't told his fiancee that he's about to be a father then that says all you need to know about him. Hopefully she will see his true colors though.