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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

He doesn't want the baby

193 replies

teenytims · 26/08/2022 19:46

I recently met up again with an old school friend. We 'dated' briefly in school. He had just split with a long term girlfriend due to her wanting to have DC soon, he wanted more free years.

It was just a bit of fun. Was nice seeing him. But I'm pregnant.

I've told him and he says I'm stupid to even consider continuing, but knows he can't stop me.

He says he doesn't want his name mention. To keep his name out of it all and never say on social media that he's the baby's dad

He doesn't want to be associated with me

I know he's got a deposit for a house and wanting to buy soon. He's also announced he's back with the long term girlfriend... and this evening I've just seen on insta, he's proposed to her

What on earth do I do? Do I tell her?

It's all such a mess

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 26/08/2022 20:23

Wouldloveanother · 26/08/2022 20:18

Yeah right if he can’t commit to his own flesh and blood what makes you think he will commit to his latest girlfriend of 5 minutes?

Show quote history

OP refers to his “long term girlfriend”, they split up and have now got back together. He’s saved up a deposit for them and they’re engaged. He sounds pretty committed to his fiancé.

And a lot of people don’t think of an early pregnancy as their flesh and blood, not least if it was the result of a casual shag.

But you know that if you even read the opening post…

girlmom21 · 26/08/2022 20:25

He sounds pretty committed to his fiancé.

But not committed enough to not contact, meet up with and shag an ex without a condom while they split up for a couple of weeks...

strugglingmum82 · 26/08/2022 20:31

I'm unsure why posters are telling you to terminate Confused

You don't have to tell her, just carry on as you are and put in a maintenance claim.

ReneBumsWombats · 26/08/2022 20:39

I can see why people think continuing with this pregnancy isn't wise, but it goes without saying that it's OP's decision.

I think you've got a right to tell her, actually, OP. I'm not massively convinced by your motives, but a secret love child with half siblings in the town is explosive and you have a strong personal connection to the whole situation. Alternatively, you could tell him you're going for CM (as you should) so he's aware of how it's likely to come out.

Failuretolaunch28 · 26/08/2022 20:39

Why should he have to pay for a baby that he openly says he has no interest in claiming or acknowledging the child. I hate that women are all get maintenance.. so your using your body as leverage to have a child who is not 100% wanted and then trying to gain financial support as a result from the other party who literally has said from day one that he doesn’t want a child with you.

on moral grounds in my opinion I do not agree with it and I think it is poor behaviour.

Skelligsfeathers · 26/08/2022 20:40

Op says she lives an hour and a half away not in the same town.

Lots of talk about people from school too. How old are you op?

Trying20 · 26/08/2022 20:42

This reply has been withdrawn

This post has been withdrawn by the OP

Namechange192727171 · 26/08/2022 20:42

How old are you both now OP?

MolliciousIntent · 26/08/2022 20:43

Failuretolaunch28 · 26/08/2022 20:39

Why should he have to pay for a baby that he openly says he has no interest in claiming or acknowledging the child. I hate that women are all get maintenance.. so your using your body as leverage to have a child who is not 100% wanted and then trying to gain financial support as a result from the other party who literally has said from day one that he doesn’t want a child with you.

on moral grounds in my opinion I do not agree with it and I think it is poor behaviour.

I only agree with this if the man in question used a condom.

BeanieTeen · 26/08/2022 20:49

Why should he have to pay for a baby that he openly says he has no interest in claiming or acknowledging the child.

Because parental responsibility starts at the point of ejaculation. Don’t want to pay maintenance, make sure you invest in condoms. I think it’s a perfectly fair system.

Ella28_ · 26/08/2022 20:49

It's not your responsibility to consider the fact that she could marry him without knowing about this baby and to be honest, it doesn't feel like that would really be your motivation for telling her. I would say nothing but if asked, tell the truth. Put in a claim for maintenance as others have said and she will find out eventually. But as I say, it's not your job to worry about how or when she finds out. You just need to focus on you and the baby.

GlueyMooey · 26/08/2022 20:54

Oh dear, what an awful situation. How far along we're you when you realised you were pregnant. Do you think you want to continue the pregnancy to make up for the abortion that you had with him when you were young? Would you be so determined to have a child if it was someone else who made you pregnant.
Is this how you imagined raising a kid? It seems very complicated. What if he decides to go for custody. If he genuinely doesn't want anything to do with the child then it's going to be very difficult for your child to know he wasn't wanted by his father.

AnneLovesGilbert · 26/08/2022 20:55

She didn’t have an abortion, she had a miscarriage. And it does seem like she thinks having this baby will stop him moving on with his life so she gets another chance to be with him.

ReneBumsWombats · 26/08/2022 20:56

Failuretolaunch28 · 26/08/2022 20:39

Why should he have to pay for a baby that he openly says he has no interest in claiming or acknowledging the child. I hate that women are all get maintenance.. so your using your body as leverage to have a child who is not 100% wanted and then trying to gain financial support as a result from the other party who literally has said from day one that he doesn’t want a child with you.

on moral grounds in my opinion I do not agree with it and I think it is poor behaviour.

I've just decided that I have no interest in or acknowledgement of my kids. Therefore I do not have to support them in any way.

I hate that women are all get maintenance

Well actually it's the children who get the maintenance but I expect you'll hate that just as much.

However, since I've no doubt of the appropriateness of your username, I don't think you'll have to worry. Believe me, nobody wants you reproducing.

Youcancallmeirrelevant · 26/08/2022 20:57

drpet49 · 26/08/2022 20:11

Bear in mind he may well change his mind later down the line and decide he wants to share custody etc.

Yep this! Be prepared that he can go after 50/50 at some point in the future if he decides to

ReneBumsWombats · 26/08/2022 20:59

MolliciousIntent · 26/08/2022 20:43

I only agree with this if the man in question used a condom.

Show quote history

And if it failed?

Blokes like this whinge on about women having the choice of terminating or not (because forcing women to abort or give birth isn't an issue at all) but they're never smart enough to realise they have a choice too. They just need to make it sooner, and they might need some tissues.

It's your child and your responsibility. CM is pitiful anyway.

ReneBumsWombats · 26/08/2022 21:02

This reply has been deleted

This post has been withdrawn by the OP

Your choice was not to ejaculate in a woman and take the risk. Especially if you took no responsibility for contraception.

I've missed out on shags I really wanted and I've given birth. Would you like to know which was worse and affected my life, mind and body more?

Milkand2sugarsplease · 26/08/2022 21:02

My opinion is that it's for him to tell her.

It's for you to do your best by yourself and the baby - so apply for CMS when the time comes - getting a dna if he insists and leave it to him to explain where the money is going and why (assuming as his fiancée she'll have some insight into incomings and outgoings, though maybe not). She's bound to find out one day but I don't think that's your problem.

Butitsnotfunnyisititsserious · 26/08/2022 21:03

Failuretolaunch28 · 26/08/2022 20:39

Why should he have to pay for a baby that he openly says he has no interest in claiming or acknowledging the child. I hate that women are all get maintenance.. so your using your body as leverage to have a child who is not 100% wanted and then trying to gain financial support as a result from the other party who literally has said from day one that he doesn’t want a child with you.

on moral grounds in my opinion I do not agree with it and I think it is poor behaviour.

See I do agree with you. The only reason I included financial in my post is because he will have to pay it. But I do agree that if he doesn't want the child, she's choosing to continue the pregnancy knowing this, why should he pay.

Milkand2sugarsplease · 26/08/2022 21:04

@Failuretolaunch28 50%not wanted - but by having sex he knew it was a possibility. If he can make a baby he should pay for one.

Birdie002 · 26/08/2022 21:05

What a selfish man.

  1. I don't think any man is worth you terminating the life of your baby.
  2. I definitely think his fiancé should know, and it almost comes across like he's trying to start this new life now that your pregnant / It will be much worse, if it comes out later. Let her make a decision if she wants to continue or not.
  3. If he has children with her now, what about your baby? Your baby doesn't deserve to be a secret.
  4. Since he's working and has enough money for a deposit, he can also support you financially since both of you created that child.
Failuretolaunch28 · 26/08/2022 21:06

I think you’ll find my username is the film 😂 and I’ve got two children who wanted by both mum and dad and we both provide for them.. and yes morally I don’t think it is right to bring a child into the world when the dad does not want them and then expect payment from that person.

also they got pregnant with each other before and he asked her to abort so why did she expect another outcome. The GF has not done anything either, he didn’t cheat so why are you going to wreck his relationship when he didn’t cheat and he was upfront with you.

Milkand2sugarsplease · 26/08/2022 21:07

I see we're heading back to 1950 - man can have sex and create a baby but absolve himself of any and all responsibility by saying "oh I don't want it". Leaving the woman to choose to have the baby but potentially struggle financially or put herself through abortion!! Jesus!

EllieRosesMammy · 26/08/2022 21:07

Tell her. And apply for CM when the baby is born. It's all well and good him saying he doesn't want the baby/isn't ready yet but the baby has already been made. If he absolutely, 100% did not want children he should of used a condom. Did he even know you were on birth control or did he just assume?

Been through all this with my ex. Forced his ex before me into an abortion because he "never wanted kids". Tried forcing me into one when we fell pregnant, eventhough he knew I wasn't on birth control and he refused to use anything. If guys really, really don't want to have kids they're welcome to use condoms, as well as the woman taking birth control, but once they hear a woman is taking bc they think they don't have to play a part in preventing pregnancy.

ReneBumsWombats · 26/08/2022 21:10

These whinging man babies. We're the ones who endure periods for 40 years, have our bodies potentially ruined by pregnancy and labour (worst case scenario is that we might even die), have a hard window on our fertility and have to have the most intrusive procedures throughout, and they think they're hard done by because they come and then they have to give a few percent of their income to support their own child until the age of 18.

I bet they watch Rambo and James Bond and imagine what hard, strong men they are too. Pathetic.