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I'm having another boy
200

missivey · 29/10/2020 05:46

Hello All,

Yesterday I just found out I'm having another baby boy. I already have a 3 year old son.
Iv come here to see if anyone is feeling like me or can relate.
I have been wanting a baby girl from before I had my first son. As soon as I found out Iv been crying and I have this feeling that my heart is broken and one understands me.
It's unlikely il have another baby as cost and living space is a factor.
I sound selfish as many lady's can't have children but I can't help how I feel.
I will love this boy as much as I love my other son but my heart is broken.

I stood there looking at dresses in a shop with my eyes filled up.

OP's posts:
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rottiemum88 · 29/10/2020 05:58

You feel the way you feel OP, but I've got no understanding of it. You really need to ask yourself what it is about having a girl that's so significant to you. So many women seem to have this stupid and false ideal in their mind that they'll have a daughter they're really close to in a way that just isn't possible with a son. As an adult who barely sees and has nothing in common with my own mother, I know from experience it doesn't always work out that way. DH on the other hand is very close to his mum and sees her often 🤷🏼‍♀️

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NorthGirl2 · 29/10/2020 06:12

Why do you want a girl so much? Perhaps list the reasons and then work through them. It may be you have an idealised fantasy in your head

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HarleyQuinn33 · 29/10/2020 06:13

Hi there. I understand what you are feeling but perhaps try to look at it this way. Gender/sex does not dictate how loving, kind, funny, cute, intelligent a person is. Therefore, when you think about it as a parent it is rather meaningless. Just think, your little boy will have a brother to love and cherish and grow up with.

Good luck

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Sansa87 · 29/10/2020 06:20

Your feelings are valid, & you will love this little boy just as much as the son you already have.

It’s always hard realising there is something you’ve imagined that will now never happen.

You’re not a bad person. Just think of how much joy this new little baby will bring to your life. ❤️

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Mummyoflittledragon · 29/10/2020 06:30

@rottiemum88

You feel the way you feel OP, but I've got no understanding of it. You really need to ask yourself what it is about having a girl that's so significant to you. So many women seem to have this stupid and false ideal in their mind that they'll have a daughter they're really close to in a way that just isn't possible with a son. As an adult who barely sees and has nothing in common with my own mother, I know from experience it doesn't always work out that way. DH on the other hand is very close to his mum and sees her often 🤷🏼‍♀️

This. It isn’t about the sex of your child. It is about connecting with your child. I am not close to my mother because she didn’t know how to be the mother I needed. I’m doing my darnedest to not repeat this cycle.
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Ilovecheese53 · 29/10/2020 06:43

Congratulations! Cry it out OP. There’s not a lot of choice it’s a 50/50 gamble. One big advantage is that having 2 boys they are more likely to want to hang around together as they get older.

It happens my aunt had 5 boys and was desperate for a girl. The 6th was a girl.

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Roselilly36 · 29/10/2020 06:51

I have two boys OP it’s fab, especially with a close gap. Many congrats it’s wonderful news that you are having a healthy baby boy, you will get used to the idea Flowers good wishes for the rest of your pregnancy.

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bert3400 · 29/10/2020 06:53

I understand your sadness in a way. I have 4 boys and my youngest being 12 and I'm 54. The grief is for a relationship you will never have with a daughter, the grief is also the relationship you won't have with your grandchildren. I'm really close to my mum, she is my go-to for everything, I know my boys aren't like that with me. But there is nothing I can do. I have a wonderful relationship with my boys but it's very different from the relationship you would have with a daughter. I would seek councelling if you can't move on. Please don't deny you have these feelings cause they are real. Good luck OP, I really now how you feel

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Branleuse · 29/10/2020 06:57

It actually makes much less difference with regards to personalities and relationship with you than you might think

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hollywoodhills · 29/10/2020 07:03

I know someone who felt the way you do op. She had 4 sons and longed for a daughter. She fell pregnant unexpectedly and to her delight had a healthy baby girl.

Forward 13 years and the arguments her and her dd have are crazy! She is often moaning to me about dd and her attitude towards her. Her sons on the other hand just get on with life.

Absolutely not the case for everyone and I love my dd and sons in equal measures. Just saying that not everything is like you imagine it to be.

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Tblock · 29/10/2020 07:03

Boys get a real rough time on here at Times. Don’t think I have ever seen an article claiming they are disappointed to have a girl.

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Diorissimo1985 · 29/10/2020 07:04

It’s tough OP Flowers you feel how you feel.
I can sympathise (I still dream of having a boy, and I had terrible guilt/disappointment when I found out I was having DD). Acknowledge your feelings and don’t feel bad about grieving for a future you probably won’t have.
That said, it doesn’t mean you won’t have an equally wonderful future with the DC you do have - they’re you’re reality, and it will be what you make it. I totally agree it doesn’t mean you will love them less than a daughter, you’re just sad about what won’t be.

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rattlemehearties · 29/10/2020 07:07

Fwiw my 4 yo son still loves playing dress up in dresses. That's what you want OP? To play dressing up? So buy a dress for your fancy dress box.

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Doryhunky · 29/10/2020 07:10

Boys and girls are different and so is the way we relate to them. I understand your feelings OP.

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QforCucumber · 29/10/2020 07:13

I have 0 relationship with my mum. I now have 2 boys, 4.5 years and 4.5 months she hasnt even met the 2nd yet only lives a 20 min drive away. Its not the sex of the child its the relationship forged.

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JenniferSantoro · 29/10/2020 07:15

I felt the same when I found out I was having a boy. My mother died when I was 2 and I think, looking back, I wanted to have that mother/daughter relationship that I never got to have.
I dried my tears pretty quickly though, went on to have my precious boy, who is now an adult. I love him dearly and we are very close.
You’ll get over it and all will be fine. Be kind to yourself and allow yourself time to get used to it 💐

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rattlemehearties · 29/10/2020 07:15

Boys and girls are different and so is the way we relate to them - or instead we could choose to not stereotype them and not "relate to them" differently?

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Ilovecheese53 · 29/10/2020 07:16

@Doryhunky

Boys and girls are different and so is the way we relate to them. I understand your feelings OP.

It’s the personalities of children that are different you could have 4 children and they won’t be the same.
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bumpyknuckles · 29/10/2020 07:17

OP you need to pull yourself together! There are lots of women on here desperate for a baby of any variety. Consider yourself lucky if the sex if your baby is your only concern in pregnancy.

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marthastew · 29/10/2020 07:19

You get what you get. I have boys and girls and their sex is not a factor in how much I love them or how I connect with them.

Think of your new little son with his mother crying like this about him. Think about those who are unable to have children. Be grateful for what you have and be a proud Mum of Boys.

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Ilovecheese53 · 29/10/2020 07:19

@bumpyknuckles if OP reads the sad stories on here I think she will get over it quickly. People should not expect or fixate on gender.

In fact there’s a sad story I’ve just read on here this morning I hope OP has read it.

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loutypips · 29/10/2020 07:20

This is why I think finding out the sex can be a problem. I really didn't want to have a boy, and I thought when I was pregnant that they told me it was a boy and I was so upset. If you find out at the birth the sex, it's so much easier as you'll love them forever, and just be happy that they are safe in your arms.

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Dontforgetyourbrolly · 29/10/2020 07:21

Op when I was pregnant I cried because do brought home and Indian and not a chinese ...... hopefully you will see this as just a hormonal reaction.
I've got one ds and no more childreb for me for various reasons out of my control but I'd give anything to have another baby and I'd love it to be a boy . Boys are great .
I have 2 nieces and love buying them clothes , dolls and make up now they are older. My sil wishes she had a boy ..... so its swings and roundabouts.
Enjoy your pregnancy and new baby

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eenymeenymineymo · 29/10/2020 07:22

I have 3 sons, all grown now, with another baby boy late miscarriage. Not a squeak of a girl for me.
After my 2nd son was born as I woke from the GA apparently I swore & muttered something about another bloody boy 🙁 My 1st son was born to my first marriage & this 2nd subsequent pregnancy was so different I convinced myself it was because it was a girl. Haha, not.
The next 2 babies were almost identical pregnancies again so no scans needed, I knew they were boys again.
But I remember being told by many - older people incl my darling MIL - that this delightful little girl we would/should have was just one more baby away.

Be sad for a short time, but do move on from this so you can enjoy your new little baby boy, I hope he brings you lots of joy & your 2 sons are great brothers together.

Maybe one day you will get that little girl but love what is happening for now.

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PatchworkElmer · 29/10/2020 07:22

I think you need to unpack what you think you’d be ‘getting’ with a girl- I bet a lot of it is stereotypical (you’ve already mentioned dresses). You child is more than his genitals- he’s a whole person, and could be completely different to his brother. It does make me sad that all the ‘disappointment’ threads on here seem to be about baby boys 😔

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