I'm having another boy

[missivey]

Hello All,

Yesterday I just found out I'm having another baby boy. I already have a 3 year old son.
Iv come here to see if anyone is feeling like me or can relate.
I have been wanting a baby girl from before I had my first son. As soon as I found out Iv been crying and I have this feeling that my heart is broken and one understands me.
It's unlikely il have another baby as cost and living space is a factor.
I sound selfish as many lady's can't have children but I can't help how I feel.
I will love this boy as much as I love my other son but my heart is broken.

I stood there looking at dresses in a shop with my eyes filled up.

Least it will give you some time to save up

Oh the saving is already ongoing!

It feels like some of these threads are a wind up.

How could anybody who is on MN not read the many various threads from daughters who want to go no contact with their mums? Stately homes is 90 percent daughters against mothers. Or the mother in law threads. Many, many relationships between mothers and daughters are, according to MN, shit.

People call it a fallacy, but women do judge the other females in their lives against a higher standard than the males.

I was absolutely over the moon to find out I was having a boy with my last pregnancy. I've already had a couple of people this time say 'oh hope it's a girl for you'. Why? I would love another little boy and would be thrilled either way as the fact my child is healthy is my top priority.

Your feelings are your own Op and you are entitled to feel that way. However as others have said I feel really sad when women are disappointed that they're having a boy

I have two boys and I wouldn't swap them for girls under any circumstances. As a PP has said, many get the idea a girl would become a best friend and you would be really close, the friends I have who have girls have had nothing but trouble from them, particularly in their teenage years. Boys are far less complicated. And just as loving.

I always thought I would have one of each as that is the family I grew up in. But I also say I can see the positive and negatives of both sexes so when I found out my second was another boy I was just oh right that’s that then.

I agree it would be good to get some counselling, work out why it’s such a big deal for you and work through it.

I think I actually got lucky not having a girl, the teenage years look horrific for many. My boys are so loving at 12 and 15 they’ve never said they hate me or had those type of rows. I do worry about a future MIL/DIL relationship I may have but if I can have what I have with my own MIL I’ll be fine (she’s like an extra mother)

In the nicest possible way I think you need to get a grip, I speak from experience.

I was pregnant with my second boy and like you, I was sad when I found out as I wanted "one of each". My sons heart stopped beating when I was 21 weeks pregnant and I can't tell you in words how much I wish that second boy was sitting here with me.

I will never forgive myself for being "upset" I was another boy.

Please be grateful he's healthy.

Hope you’re okay.

The emotions you are having are ‘grieving’ the life you thought you would be having with a daughter.

However, having two boys is fab. It may not be the life you perceived, but you still will have a great time.

It was*

loutypips

This is why I think finding out the sex can be a problem. I really didn't want to have a boy, and I thought when I was pregnant that they told me it was a boy and I was so upset. If you find out at the birth the sex, it's so much easier as you'll love them forever, and just be happy that they are safe in your arms.

I totally agree. I was desperate for a girl but knowing once the baby was here I’d love him/her anyway I didn’t find out the sex until the birth. Regardless of that I can’t understand why so many people want to know in advance. For me it takes away some of the excitement.

Boys get a real rough time on here at Times. Don’t think I have ever seen an article claiming they are disappointed to have a girl.

To be fair it's mainly women on here, I have heard plenty of men in real life upset at having a girl and not a boy.

I was upset when I found out mine were boys. I also had had multiple miscarriages before. Feelings aren’t always logical! That said, hand on heart years on now, I wouldn’t change it even if I could. I love being a mum to my boys. It’s fun and they have such a deep, intense love for me it’s overwhelming.

I think I wanted a girl because what I thought that meant. But most of the things I wanted to do with my imaginary daughter I have been able to do with my sons. We have heart to heart chats, we do crafts, we discuss ideas, sing, dance, dress up.

@PatchworkElmer

I think you need to unpack what you think you’d be ‘getting’ with a girl- I bet a lot of it is stereotypical (you’ve already mentioned dresses). You child is more than his genitals- he’s a whole person, and could be completely different to his brother. It does make me sad that all the ‘disappointment’ threads on here seem to be about baby boys 😔

This. My DD was never 'girly', didn't like dolls or having her hair done (in fact hated it). But then I brought both my DD and DS up knowing hey could be whoever and whatever they wanted to be and i would still love them.

My DD had the courage to come to me and her dad (separated) to tell us she is trans a couple of years ago so now we have 2 DS's and they are perfect, regardless of what is between their legs.

What I'm saying is, giving birth to a child of a particular sex doesn't guarantee anything. You might not get to do those things you dream of doing with a DD anyway.

*Boys are harder to raise correctly, imho. They are statistically more likely to have SEN or have behavioural problems. There’s little help for this.

You’ll see more of this in the future I suspect*

Opinions are like arseholes. Everybody’s got one 🙄

Theres a real fantasy pushed about having one of each. The ideal nuclear family. Its actually not that common.

@Emeeno1

It feels like some of these threads are a wind up.

How could anybody who is on MN not read the many various threads from daughters who want to go no contact with their mums? Stately homes is 90 percent daughters against mothers. Or the mother in law threads. Many, many relationships between mothers and daughters are, according to MN, shit.

People call it a fallacy, but women do judge the other females in their lives against a higher standard than the males.

Plus the women who are so desperate to imprint themselves and their likes on their daughters are exactly the people who will end up with a terrible relationship in the future. Your girls are not dolls. They are individuals.

My son is 3 in January and I've just found out I'm due another boy in April... I sobbed for the first couple of days as anyone that knows me knows I was desperate for a little girl. I love my son more than anything but I always pictured myself having one of each and this pregnancy has been so different to my first so I almost kidded myself that I was having a girl. After the initial shock I actually got really excited about having another boy, it's easier in sooo many ways and means I'm giving my little boy a brother. I now feel guilty for ever being so upset that I'm growing a perfectly healthy boy and I should thank my lucky stars that I'm able to do it all over again. I know exactly how you feel OP so don't listen to judgement as it's totally normal, lots of love x

I’m going through IVF and would be delighted to have a baby of any description. Can I say, in the gentlest of ways, that it’s a really odd way to react to an apparently healthy pregnancy?

Also, I’m one of 3 girls and none of us have an especially close relationship with my mum. Way too much family trauma in my teenage years for that to happen.

I understand how you're feeling. All I can think of is adoption as an answer, but you said your space and finances are limited. It's alright to have a cry right now and be gentle with yourself. However, one day, I suspect your heart will nearly burst out of love for your boys. Wishing you the best, OP.

These threads always bother me because people line up to say without self awareness, oh it’s terrible how people are biased against boys it’s so stereotypical, but in fact being a mum of boys is better because boys are amazing whereas as girls are .

OP, I also wanted to agree to other posters about stereotypes.
My son is very sensitive and "deep", he will also be the one who will hug me and ask what can he do for help when I have a headache. He is so incredibly understanding and truly empathetic. He is very good with learning and finds it a pleasure. His space is always tidy and he can spend hours just sitting and writing something.
As you can see, it's not something you imagine when you are being informed about having a "baby boy".

the grief is also the relationship you won't have with your grandchildren.

What utter bollocks @bert3400 That says far more about you then it might of any (poor) daughter in law you might have. You have the makings of the kind of mother in law that gets bitched about on here. I was very close to my MIL. She was lovely, and she had a close relationship with my daughter.

OP I'm sorry you feel this way, but there are no guarantees when it comes to pregnancy, so you might as well suck it up and get used to the idea.

They are statistically more likely to have SEN or have behavioural problems. There’s little help for this

More likely, or more likely to be diagnosed? I read many threads on here about ‘problem’ children and I’d say if anything it’s more often girls that people have concerns about. If we’re going to stereotype, parenting girls is just as challenging but in different ways (I have one of each). Girls are far more likely to suffer with other problems such as anorexia (which can actually kill you). No one says ‘oh I don’t want a daughter because she’s far more likely to have an ED’. I do agree that the attitude to boys on MN is quite upsetting. Op you know you will feel completely differently when your lovely little baby boy is here so just weather the storm of your emotions for now. There’s no logic to them.

I felt exactly the same as you OP when I found out I was having my second boy - I felt the need to find out in advance because I couldn’t risk feeling disappointed after the actual birth! I know that sounds awful...
My two boys (now 11 and 13) are the most loving and gorgeous kids. I couldn’t care less about not having a girl - in fact if I had another I would definitely choose a boy (I won’t, I’m too old!!)
You will feel good about this after your initial disappointment - you want what you think having a girl will be like but the reality could be so different. Children are totally individual and wonderful in their own unique ways regardless of sex.

List all the things you can do with a girl you can’t with a boy.

There’s nothing. You can take a boy to ballet, lots of boys like shopping.

It will be the child’s personality that determines how you enjoy spending time together. Don’t buy into stereotypes and think a boy means hours on muddy football pitches, while a girl is sparkly theatre lights and pretty dresses.

I don’t get on with my mum at all becauae she has always tried to force me into the “hair, nails, make up, heels and nice dresses” stereotype. When we spend time together she wants to shop- i hate shopping. She discouraged me from sport as it wasn’t “ladylike”- all those muscles and swimming gives you huge shoulders and you smell of chlorine.

Dh takes my dd shopping. They both like it, i don’t. She doesn’t like dresses, but they both have an interest in high end and designer fashion. I take dd to crossfit with me, dh takes her ice skating.

Dh is much closer to his parents as he doesn’t get the constant comments over his appearance, and vouchers for nails, make up and “nice clothes” as presents which are never used.

Forget boy/girl. Get to know your child and find things you both enjoy. It is possible for opposite sexes to enjoy the same things.

It is a sad feeling. I empathise. Too many people don't get it. Too many people say you need to be grateful you're having a healthy child which you know is true but being shamed for your feelings just makes you feel ashamed.

There are people who get it OP. But a lot of people won't get it and will try to shame you because of their own life experience.

x