I'm having another boy

[missivey]

Hello All,

Yesterday I just found out I'm having another baby boy. I already have a 3 year old son.
Iv come here to see if anyone is feeling like me or can relate.
I have been wanting a baby girl from before I had my first son. As soon as I found out Iv been crying and I have this feeling that my heart is broken and one understands me.
It's unlikely il have another baby as cost and living space is a factor.
I sound selfish as many lady's can't have children but I can't help how I feel.
I will love this boy as much as I love my other son but my heart is broken.

I stood there looking at dresses in a shop with my eyes filled up.

[soffiee]

Hey Op, I understand how you feel. I really wanted a girl but was blesssed with a beautiful boy. He is healthy, thriving and joyful. He is my first and now I wouldn't mind having another boy if I decide for a second baby. You will love your boy as much if this one was a girl. Now your son will also have a bestie and hang out with him. Boys can be icky but they are lovely and team mummy and imagine when they are older, you will have two bodyguards you will be proud of. Also they are less complicated and just get on with it whilst girls (not all but most) can be sometimes complicated and manipulative. Congratulations by the way and once you hold your son when he is born, you will have far too much love him 💙

[justanotherneighinparadise]

@Micah

*Ironically we used to worry about unmarried women but unmarried men are really .... kind of useless

Seriously? What a ridiculous statement*

I sort of understand. Dh is divorced and as usual his ex kept their house and therefore the children.

His parents are now focussed on his sister and her children, as there are no restrictions on access. The communicate with dh’s ex a lot to arrange seeing the kids as they provide her childcare.

In the middle of this Dh is kind of left. It’s him that makes the effort to phone or go round as their lives are now based around helping his sister out or childcare for his ex.

But this is the issue with boys. Many seem to see girls as providing the link to future generations. Divorce or similar and they may not see those grandchildren again.

Nooo this is the issue with parents who think the only worth their children have as they age is to provide them with grandchildren. Those people are arseholes and we’re most probably arseholes when they were raising their own children.

[Meepmeeep]

In Mumsnet land you can still dress your son in girls clothes - infact there are no girls and boys clothes. So start buying him pretty frocks 🙄

[NiceGerbil]

I mean that heap of bollocks right there.

Christ no wonder our society has so many issues with sexism.

Females being manipulative as a given. All of that. How does that feed into the fact that women and girls are seen as lying when they report sex crimes. Just a thought.

These toxic views have massive real life consequences when they are so widely accepted as seen on this thread.

[soffiee]

Btw forgot to say, two same sexes is always easier when it comes to clothing as it will get passed down, have similar interest in activities and also they can share rooms forever 😊

[NiceGerbil]

[SpeccyLime]

This is not an uncommon feeling OP but you owe it to your baby to do everything you can to change the way you feel about it. The baby deserves to be loved for who he is, not for what genitals he has.

I think many women have an idealised image of what having a daughter is like, but the truth could have been so different. She might have hated the cute dresses you love, she might have been a total tomboy or a teen goth or anything. And even if she had liked girly clothes and traditionally feminine experiences, that still wouldn’t have fundamentally dictated who she was as a person.

You need to consciously train your brain to be excited about your son, because he deserves to be truly wanted and not a poor second best.

[UsedUpUsername]

@NiceGerbil

I find the sexism on these threads really upsetting.

Posters saying one or the other is best and slagging the other off. Girls are spiteful selfish bitches. All of them. Right.

Why do people come out with this shit?

OP my mum hates me because I didn't want to be dressed up as a dolly. I'm still trying to come to terms with this in my late 40s. I hope that makes you and all of the others who despise female children on this thread a whole fucking ton better.

No wonder we have such a sexist society when so many women are so utterly entrenched in retrograde stereotypes. Boys are for action and girls are for looking pretty and behaving like total cunts. Awesome.

Poster have commented on why they want girls. You are really projecting your childhood experiences on them. They have reasons why they prefer girls over boys and it’s not so they can dress them up like fucking dollies 🙄

I wasn’t a girly girl but my relationship with my mum is very different than my brothers. It is what it is.

Also, as someone else pointed out, my mum will never have to worry about seeing my kids; you can’t say the same for men, really.

[Newname12]

Btw forgot to say, two same sexes is always easier when it comes to clothing as it will get passed down, have similar interest in activities and also they can share rooms forever 😊

I have 2 girls.

1.they have completely different taste in clothing. Apart from a few baby bits nothing was handed down. Add to that they are completely different builds, they are often in the same size at the same time as the youngest is tall and slim, while the eldest is small and strong.

1. Again, just because they are the same sex doesn’t mean their interests are determined by their genitals. One likes sport and competition, the other likes social activities.
   

1. I wouldn’t dare put them both in the same room. One would not survive. They don’t have anything in common and are at the age where they get on each others nerves. Although I’m not sure who the loser would be, one is strong and could inflict severe damage, but the other has no boundaries and would be more likely to actually inflict the damage...
   

Again, as pp have said, drop the stereotypes and lumping all boys/girls as having the same likes and interests. Treat them as individuals.

[iloveyoubutilovememore]

Why are there so many aggressive comments on here? Especially when it comes to treating sexes fairly. OP only posted because she's sad that she won't have a baby girl. Why can't it just be that SOME women would like to have a daughter. For whatever reasons they bloody well like.

[MaryMashedThem]

Your poor little boy. I'm afraid I've no sympathy for you, OP.

[KeepSmiling89]

Hi OP. I totally get your feelings as I always thought I wanted a wee girl...no idea why, I just did.
However, after having a MMC last month (found out exactly 1 month ago today), I now know I don't have any preference over boy or girl. I just want a healthy happy baby.

Boys can be a good laugh and lots of fun though and if he's got an older brother, even better as they can help each other out as they grow together.

I'd say it's important to look at the big picture and allow yourself to look forward to welcoming a new healthy baby into your life.

[woodyLdn]

I have 3 boys with quite a large age gap between them. They are great together and relate well despite the difference in ages as they bond over shared interests - football, cricket, etc
I'm sorry you're upset but I think you need perspective - so many struggle to conceive. I had multiple miscarriages and then my eldest was very poorly as a baby so I would focus on the positives, if I were you.

[Bbq1]

I'm socked by your reaction. Your poor unborn little boy. I'm sure you're not a bad person but I can't relate to your feelings.I have a boy, never particularly wanted a specific gender but
I wouldn't change him for the world. You're acting all shocked but unless you had gender selection you must have known there was a 50% chance you'd have another boy?? You obviously want a girl with the idea you'd play dress you etc. There's women on here who can't conceive. Get some perspective and be thankful.

[BigBigPumpkin]

Your poor little boy.

OP's foetus gives literally zero fucks.

[justanotherneighinparadise]

@iloveyoubutilovememore

Why are there so many aggressive comments on here? Especially when it comes to treating sexes fairly. OP only posted because she's sad that she won't have a baby girl. Why can't it just be that SOME women would like to have a daughter. For whatever reasons they bloody well like.

Because many of us have been on this site for years if not decades and the ONLY time a sex disappointment thread appears is when the woman is complaining about a male foetus.

It gets very wearing over time 🙄

[justanotherneighinparadise]

@BigBigPumpkin

Your poor little boy.

OP's foetus gives literally zero fucks.

It will be an actual real life person at some point and will absolutely start to give fucks if it feels like a poor replacement for a fantasy child that doesn’t exist.

[Ladybyrd]

It will be an actual real life person at some point and will absolutely start to give fucks if it feels like a poor replacement for a fantasy child that doesn’t exist.

How many people, here or in real life, do you know who continue to say they wish their child had been male or female years later? I haven't seen one post lamenting the sex of their child after the birth, it's just their initial feelings they're talking about.

People feel what they feel and can talk about it all they like - I don't see why they should be guilted for that.

I had 2 miscarriages. I am very grateful for both of my children. That doesn't mean I can't empathise with OP. She isn't complaining about what she is having, but is sorry for what she isn't. I think that's fair enough.

[NiceGerbil]

Threads on here are full of women whose mums don't like them and dote on their male siblings.

I suppose all the women who have this experience are 'projecting'

People are so wed to their sexist views that any other experiences are deemed invalid... Interesting.

[NiceGerbil]

OP says she is feeling sad about not dressing her imaginary daughter in pretty dresses.

Plenty of girls can't stand pretty dresses.

Plenty of boys are interested in fashion/ some (shocker) like to dress in dresses!

'Also, as someone else pointed out, my mum will never have to worry about seeing my kids; you can’t say the same for men, really.'

Plenty of people don't have kids.

If it's key for you that your children produce their own children and furthermore make sure you see them frequently... That's a pretty big gamble to be honest whatever the sex of the child.

All these expectations. No wonder so many people have difficult relationships with their parents.

[BigBigPumpkin]

It will be an actual real life person at some point and will absolutely start to give fucks if it feels like a poor replacement for a fantasy child that doesn’t exist.

Oh, come off it. Sex disappointment is very common- I'd say most people have a preference. There's nothing at all to suggest that OP is going to resent her baby because of its sex just because she's disappointed at the scan stage. A baby at ultrasound is a very abstract concept and the only thing we really know about it is its sex. This makes the sex of the baby seem like a huge issue. It's the second question people ask a pregnant lady- do you know what you're having? Hormones magnify any little disappointment or sadness beyond all proportion for many women. For the vast, vast majority of mums, once the abstract concept is replaced with the actual baby, they no longer care about its genitals. Odds are that OP will blithely tell her son that she didn't care either way and just wanted a healthy baby, as is the done thing, and he'll go on his merry way none the wiser. If he asks at all, which is doubtful.

[justanotherneighinparadise]

Sadly I do hear people wishing their child was an alternative sex.

I’m glad this thread has served to show the OP that her views are unacceptable. We are in an era of non binary youth who refuse to enforce sex/gender based stereotypes. They are actively pushing against being pigeon holed. So much so they are opting to take puberty blockers and binding their breasts. This shit helps no one.

[THATbasicWITCH]

Also, as someone else pointed out, my mum will never have to worry about seeing my kids; you can’t say the same for men, really.

I am female. My mother isnt welcome anywhere near my dc.

[Bbq1]

@BigBigPumpkin

Your poor little boy.

OP's foetus gives literally zero fucks.

Yeah, but her BABY will if he finds out he wasn't her preferred choice of gender. He will if he ever finds out she was "heartbroken" and "thought her life was over" at the thought of having him. Also, when a woman is pregnant the child is always referred to as "the baby/a baby" not "the foetus".

[FlyNow]

I get you OP. It's not about dressing them up like a doll, it's about wanting to raise a daughter and have a women in your family. Yes, all children are different obviously. But if women and men are on average exactly the same, what are we all doing here on this forum? Why isn't it 50/50 men and women?

The good news is, it will pass. By the time he is here you will have forgotten all this I'm sure.