Graduates of the TTC After Pregnancy Loss thread. Aka: The Penguin Huddle

[MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue]

This is a safe and supportive thread for ladies from the TTC after pregnancy loss thread who've had a BFP and are now negotiating the scary rollercoaster world of pregnancy after loss.

If you weren't on the original thread, have suffered a loss and are now pregnant please feel free to join the penguin huddle 🐧

Positive pants ON. Let’s get our rainbows ladies 🌈

Sorry I've been away for a absolute age; went back to work after ML.

Anatomy scan is on Tuesday which I'm hoping goes okay. I'm 20 weeks tomorrow, tried to be brave and bought a few little bits for the baby, and the last few days I think I've felt movement finally which is reassuring. How has everyone else been getting on?

@InDreamland the pops you are feeling are probably movements. I thought mine was wind at 15 weeks to start with. Had it fir about ten days, but just felt like something different to wind. Then when I was 16/17 weeks turned into definite swishes so it was then I realised the pops weren't wind. This time I've been feeling movements since 10 1/2 weeks thought I was going mad at first, but now those pops definitely seem like movements. I think second time round you just know what to expect so feel it earlier.

Awk @Avocuddles and @VenusStarr my heart breaks for you both 💔 look after yourselves and please don't lose hope xxx

So so sorry @VenusStarr and @Avocuddles sending you love xxxx

Devastated for you both @avocuddles and @VenusStarr life is so unfair

Woke up in the night and this morning with really bad stomach pain. It hurts to stand up straight. I'm hoping it's where she was pushing hard with the ultrasound yesterday (she couldn't get an image on the external scan) but can't help but feel worried. I have had this feeling before, once when pregnant and twice when not pregnant. It's like I did 1,000 sit ups last night. No idea what's causing it.

I'm travelling again this week, leaving now and back on Friday, so I really hope everything's okay.

Hope you're all doing well. Weathers miserable here today!

Thanks all for the reassurance yesterday - I just needed some reminders that it's all normal! Still just feel like I'm waiting for it to go wrong which is frustrating. Sorry not to reply individually yesterday, flying with a toddler took all my attention but we are now on holiday to hopefully relax for a few days.

@Dimblebimble hope the pain subsides soon, can you call the midwife for reassurance?

Ugh! Sorry in advance for the long and selfish post. I’ve just had an exhausting and quite upsetting two hour appointment to discuss birth choices. Which in reality meant listening to a consultant obviously pushing VBAC and me struggling to assert myself. Also felt really unprepared as I didn’t think I would need to given that I was told I could have another c section by the midwives and have spent the past few months (stupidly) assuming this was now a given. He ran through all the options and risks, which I understand they have to do, but clearly favoured VBAC and was quite dismissive of me and my feelings. Maybe I am naive or biased, but I also feel he went into more detail and dwelled way longer on c section risks than vaginal birth.

Anyway, he kept telling me I didn’t have to make a decision and he would see me to talk it all through again in a few weeks, which frankly I can’t face! I don’t want a repeat of that. It just felt like he didn’t want me to make the decision I wanted, but he wanted to try and convince me again for a VBAC. He kept saying we were running out of time and he would tell me more in another appointment so we could keep discussing it. So I told him to put it in my notes there and then that I want an elective section and that that is my final decision, which he eventually did.

I will now meet the surgeon at 36 weeks who will give me a date. Looks likely to be a few days later than I thought as won’t be bang on 39 weeks, but I’m now worrying it will be over new year and bank holiday hospital staff will be crap!

In fact I now just feel worried in general and like my decision isn’t the right one, even though I know it is for me. I feel disappointed, emotionally wobbly and pretty stupid for thinking I’d get given a date just like that! I feel like I’ve been so confident that this c section was going ahead and it’s really shaken me. I should have known I’d have had to push more and now feel like I will at my next appointment too.

In addition I feel like my anxiety has sky rocketed because I’ve had to listen to two hours of talk about all the negatives and potential bad outcomes of birth (whatever way it’s done!) Just feel like it was a miserable start to the day. All this is probably compounded by the fact that DD is ill so I haven’t been sleeping and have had two days off work to look after her. So I want to go and have a good cry but I’ve got to rush to work as I’m now way later than I thought I’d be and am worried about the fact I’m missing so much time.

@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue I just have to respond to you. His behaviour was completely unacceptable, and if I was you I'd put in an official complaint. It's your body, your baby, your choice. He should've given you unbiased information, and offered his opinion on the understanding it was his opinion but if you chose a different path that's your prerogative. I'd also mention to your midwife how anxious and stressful you've found it, and the impact his behaviour has had on your mental health.
Bloody consultants with a god complex make me so angry. If you are fully informed and know the risk that's up to you, if it wasn't a safe alternative nice guidance wouldn't be what it is. Sending you a massive hug. Xxx

Hello everyone. I apologise for being so elusive, I have been travelling a lot- funerals or flyfishing.
Hugs to all.
@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue definitely complain. I think we give doctors far too much lee way. They do great things but they need to be accountable.
I'm almost 8 weeks now and seem to get stretchy feelings at the bottom of my tummy, also if I bend down and get up too quickly. Good thing? Bad thing? I have also just spent an hour and failed to get hold of midwife for booking in appointment... grrrrr.....

@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue I think it's terrible you felt your choice wasn't being respected and that you weren't being heard. I don't have any experience with the birthing process myself, but can you speak to another doctor about it? Thinking of you xxx.

@Indreamland I hope you are feeling movement soon! That would be so exciting!!

Well I did go to the midwife at 13+4 yesterday and she found the heartbeat! We listened to it on the doppler and could hear movement too. She said I can come back and listen in two weeks time, to help ease my anxiety of going a month without scans.

Two quick questions for you all - did anyone have acne starting in the second trimester? I was ok for the first trimester this time around, but now around 13/14 weeks I am getting quite a few and not sure if this is a bad sign or what it means. Are hormone levels dropping a lot now and that could be why? I know my body is very sensitive to sudden shifts in hormone levels, more so than whether they are high or low.

Also, do you ladies feel guilty when you eat something less than healthy? I generally try to eat well, but I wanted some crisps today and then felt immediately guilty after eating a bit more than I should. Not a habit or anything, but is it ok once and awhile?

@sadtoday21 I've got really annoying acne at 8 weeks. Hormones always set it off but this is worse than usual. As for food - I'm probably eating more unhealthily now than I ever have before. Anything I can get down basically and nearly all carbs including crisps and biscuits. Going through infertility it was all home cooked, high protein, 5 a day, healthy snacks, low sugar etc etc and now I'm surviving on crap and can't do much about it!

@Flyfisherlady I had something like cramp this morning from loading the dishwasher!

@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue That sounds terrible but sadly I have heard it is often like this. Well dons did standing your ground but I would definitely bring it up with the midwife as it has undoubtedly caused you unnecessary stress.

I've just been for my booking appointment but it all passed in a blur really. She was very nice, dh made some typical jokes 🙄 and I didn't cry 🤷🏼‍♀️ She did really struggle to get blood out of my arm though and now it really hurts!

Dh is going out for dinner tonight as his mum has family visiting. For some reason he really exaggerated my sickness to her on the phone to excuse me from going. Not sure why but I've still asked him to bring me home a slice of one of their massive puddings. Thing is I'm not feeling that sick now most of the time but eating in a restaurant is still way beyond me...

@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue I went in on the 2nd Jan and had c section on the 5th. Was all good. I don't know if you're thinking you'll be in earlier, but you'll be fine they'll be a consultant there who can do the c section.

I too will be going for elective c section, we had similar experiences last time I believe. My midwife has already passed me a leaflet on vbac so I know theyll try and convince me too. I too will be telling them to sod off and insisting. It's all about money isn't it, that's why they're trying to encourage you to have vbac.

Oh my, just got to the end of this post and realised I'm talking like I'm having a baby. I haven't had my 12 week scan yet.

@sadtoday21 that's good news about your midwife, hopefully it'll stop you getting too obsessed about scans. 👍 Cant say I feel guilty about eating crap. I try to have a balanced diet so I guess the baby will get the good stuff and I'm just left with the shit. I'm having fish and chips tonight and I've not really had any veg or fruit today. Oooops. I'll eat some grapes after fish and chips

@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue @rubyroot I am going to have an ELCS this time too after traumatic birth last time.

Had booking in appt at hospital today which I was so stressed about. Got an appt early October with a doctor to discuss ELCS. I was surprised to get one so soon. Had a letter from the consultant who assaulted me last time (think he was forced to write it after I requested it, he gave me an instrumental delivery against my wishes and without my consent- didn't even speak to me beforehand or warn me before doing episiotomy either). I also lost over a litre of blood and thought I was going to die. Nobody communicated with me at all. It was awful and I had severe PTSD afterwards.

So I won't budge and won't be tricked in to doing a birth plan or any of that bollocks. I did one last time and wrote that I wouldn't consent to instrumental delivery and obviously that didn't work. Thankfully at a different hospital this time.

I feel a bit less stressed about being assaulted again than when I got pregnant the second time. Only because I am worrying if the baby will still be alive at the 12 week scan.

@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue sorry the doctor wasn't supportive of your opinion or decision, could you ask to see someone else next time?

The heart scan went well everything is looking ok so far. Unfortunately there isn't a way of predicting if the condition DD2 will develop but it's not genetic. Heart rate will be checked every 2 weeks.

Oh my god @ChikiTIKI ! What a horrible experience. Doctors really have a blind spot towards women and their needs. Well done for making him (?) apologise

It's so hard when you have a difficult birth isn't it @ChikiTIKI?! Sorry you had to go through that. I felt like I had a mild form of ptsd after my birth, there's actually a name for it that relates specifically to birth.
You'll get to your 12 week scan, don't you worry.

@ChikiTIKI I'm sorry your experience was so traumatic

@sadtoday21 that's great the midwife could see you and reassure you with the heartbeat. How did you arrange that, did you just phone up your midwife and explain your anxiety? I'm now 14+4 and gender scan is booked for 16+6 but not sure I can hold out that long! I got my trisomy screening results back, 1 in 20,810 for Downs and 1 in 50,000 for Edwards and Pataus so I'm pretty pleased with that

Feeling emotionally fragile today. It would have been my due date if I hadn't had the MC. I would have been off work but two people are already on holiday so I'm hoping if I go in the it'll distract me and I'll be ok. I have to see the midwife today again about my blood pressure hopefully it's ok. I think when the appointment and work is done I'll see if someone can look after my five year old so me and my partner can go to the baby garden of remembrance. I feel like I need to mark it in some way.

@ChikiTIKI sorry to hear that you had such awful treatment, I hope your appointment in October goes well and that you are treated better this time

@strawberrye yay on your results.

@tinatsarina my thoughts are with you today, it's important to mark it if that's what you feel is right for you

I'm feeling better today, been in a kind of fog for the past few days due to the heart scan. 23 weeks today, feels like the pregnancy is going fast and slow at the same time.

@janey15 sorry to hear you are struggling with the acne too, it's really the worst pregnancy symptom! I'd rather be throwing up than have this. Hopefully its just the changing hormone levels and will go away once everything settles down in a week or two. I'm trying everything, but nothing works!

@tinatsarina thinking of you today and sending you a virtual hug!

@strawberrye congrats on your results!! I just called up and asked for an appointment, I didn't have to explain why. If they had asked, I would have said I am making my 16 week appointment early or something like that. Once I got to the midwife, I just explained about the anxiety and how I felt I couldn't last between 12 and 20 week scans. Since they couldn't offer me any more scans, she offered to find the hb, with the caveat that it's difficult to find at only 13+4. I told her I am already really anxious so nothing she could do would make the anxiety worse that it is now. Still, I think midwives just say that - she really found it quite easily after only a minute or two. I recorded it on my phone twice. I am glad I didn't buy a doppler though - my hb sounded very similar to the baby's and I doubt I could have found it on my own. Anyway, I highly recommend trying to see if you can do this between scans, I am doing another check-in with her at 15+3 (this will actually be my 16 week appt.) and then a private scan at 16+3. Waiting to hear the hb was also less anxiety-inducing than waiting for a scan. Still, the scan does give me much more reassurance overall!

@rubyroot do you have a scan coming up soon? How are you feeling?

Thanks @sadtoday21 and @Bluebelltulip I work in a daycare with 2 year olds so I was right in the sense they are distracting me :) I'm at the midwife today so I'll probably talk to her about how I'm feeling.

@tinatsarina I hope today has gone as well as it can do. I used to work with children in the 2-3 age group and I know they can keep your mind off things as you have to have eyes in the back of your head.

Congrats to those who have received good test results. I hope mine are I. The same ball park if I get that far.

I have a quick question for anyone currently taking aspirin. Just had a call from my GP who has been liaising with the local hospital and I've been told to start taking 150mg of aspirin once a day (with my evening meal), he has warned of possible indigestion (I'm already suffering with this plus bloating and other tummy issues this time round). Is there anything I can do to prevent making it worse? Also I'm 5 1/2 weeks pregnant and only being asked to start this now, will i have caused problems by not taking it before now? I assume I'm on it because we are awaiting sticky blood test results plus I'm 38.