Graduates of the TTC After Pregnancy Loss thread. Aka: The Penguin Huddle

[MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue]

This is a safe and supportive thread for ladies from the TTC after pregnancy loss thread who've had a BFP and are now negotiating the scary rollercoaster world of pregnancy after loss.

If you weren't on the original thread, have suffered a loss and are now pregnant please feel free to join the penguin huddle 🐧

Positive pants ON. Let’s get our rainbows ladies 🌈

Thanks all, I really appreciate your kindness.
@VenusStarr i know your journey has been very very similar to mine, I hope we both have our rainbows before we know it x

@Avocuddles sorry to read your update

@Avocuddles so so sorry to read your news, look after yourself and take all the time you need to process it.

Can someone remind me that mild cramping is totally normal? I've had some all morning and it's really stressing me out. I keep trying to relax but I still feel like I can't!

@Avocuddles I am so very sorry to read your update. We all understand a bit about what you must be going through in our own ways so please lean on us for support if you want to. We are here for you xx

@Navy123 Mild cramping is usually just things getting bigger as your uterus expands but if you're worried, please call your midwife, just so she can set your mind at rest if nothing else. Hope you're okay.

@Avocuddles I'm so sorry to hear your news. I hope doctors can provide you with some way forward and answers so this doesn't happen again. Going through this once is tough enough, more than once is just life being so so very cruel. Be kind to yourself and remember you need time to heal mentally and physically. Make sure you take some time out of work to focus on you. Sending lots of love.

@Avocuddles there are no words that can make this better. I'm so sorry you're going through this again. Drink wine (or something stronger), eat a cheese board with all the fancy soft and blue cheeses, scoff patè and McFlurries! I hope you have all the support you need around you at home and that it doesn't drag on. Fx you can get some answers and are back here with your rainbow BFP very soon.

@sadtoday21 I think most places it's 16 weeks. I've not looked into it in any detail though as we had the Harmony test done at 10.5 weeks.............still not opened the envelope containing the details of the sex .........DH wants to when we get back from hols but I'm still undecided. I can't un-know something if I suddenly decide I want a surprise. I think he's allowed himself to get excited now. So far I think I've managed to convince him to at least wait until after 20w scan which is in 3 weeks time.

@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue thank you for the reassurance. It is so hard not to worry but glad I'm not unusual in not yet feeling movements and still knicker checking. The past week I've wondered if I'd felt something pop or push inside but then put it down to wind/gas instead.

@Navy123 mild cramping is definitely normal. I had plenty in first trimester. It can be worrying though but then as soon as you haven't had it for a couple of days you worry too.

@Avocuddles really sorry to hear about your loss. I had exactly the same - 2 mmcs that stopped developing at the same stage. It sucks, especially not having answers, and I hope you are doing okay 💕

I went for the scan the epu offered in the end, rather than postponing, and I'm glad I did because they are really helpful and booked me in for another scan in 2 weeks in the recurrent miscarriage clinic. At first she could only see a yolk sac but then she picked up a heartbeat via the internal scan. Baby measuring 6 weeks 6 days which is about right as I'm 7 weeks on thurs or Friday. Our babies have stopped developing at 8 weeks in the past so if everything is okay at the next scan I'll feel more hopeful 🤞🏻

Really hope I get that far!

@Frillyfarmer sorry to hear that you and dh are on different pages and it's causing some tension. Like @Bluebelltulip, me and dh are usually the other way around - he's of the 'positive mental attitude' variety whereas I feel like it's best to be pessimistic to minimise hurt/loss if something goes wrong. I think both are equally valid stances. Maybe you could agree a date (e.g. 20 weeks) after which you will try to put your losses behind you and progress assuming everything will be okay, and you could share the gender with him on this date? Would that help?

I'm so sorry @Avocuddles xxxx

@Dimblebimble glad your scan went well.

@sadToday21 I think most places only do it from 16 weeks but it's probably visible earlier but harder to be certain.

@Navy123 it is normal to have mild cramming and I hope it stops soon so you can relax.

@InDreamland when people feel movements varies a lot so don't worry at this stage.

I'm feeling low at the moment with the approach to the heart scan tomorrow and it has bought a wave of grief with it. Also we told DD1 about this pregnancy a couple of weeks ago and for a few days we had to explain that this baby isn't DD2, she then seemed to understand and was referring to this baby by its nickname. Today she asked if the baby was DD2 again so I explained again and she had more questions this time. It's so hard to know what she does and doesn't understand.

@avocuddles and @VenusStarr I'm so sorry for your losses, that's awful news. I'll be thinking of you both, and your partners, and sending you all love and strength to get through the grief. I hope there'll be happier days for you soon.

Thank you @DuvetCaterpillar

It's heartbreaking to have 2 mmc, our journeys are very similar @Avocuddles but I truly believe there is hope for both of us ❤️ we will get our babies in our arms xx @Dimblebimble, so pleased you are getting additional support following your experience and it gives me hope :)

Just home from the fertility clinic, went better than I could have hoped for. I'm being rebooked for the hysteroscopy but under general anesthetic this time 🙏 there is one fibroid he definitely wants out. More importantly, we're being referred to the recurrent miscarriage clinic, very pleased with that outcome. I know we won't necessarily get the answers as to why our babies didn't make it but hopefully some more insight and support into what can help us. Our consultant is happy for us to continue trying on our own, so once I've recovered physically we'll carry on ❤️

@Navy123 totally normal I had so many cramps and twinges. I'm 12 weeks now and don't get cramping. But still get twinges and stitchy pooh pains. God if you look back you'll find so many posts of me worrying about all the pains I felt. How far are you?

@Avocuddles @VenusStarr hope you're both as okay as can be. I know its extremely devastating and you are both still grieving your lost babies. Over time though, you will feel more positive and want to try again. I know someone who had two miscarriages and then baby had severe heart defect and now has a family of four... No cause or explanation and popped them out one after the other no probs. I know two others who have had two miscarriages at the same time and then gone on to have healthy babies. Again, no cause or explanation. Sometimes we are just unlucky or lucky with our eggs.

However, I'm no medical expert and of course there could be other explanations which can be explored through fertility clinics.

Sending you my thoughts

@Bluebelltulip all the very best for your heartscan tomorrow

@Avocuddles so sorry for your loss. I've walked in your shoes and understand exactly how devastating the situation is. Echo the comments of others about food, wine and looking after yourself. My other big piece of advice is clinically you have to be your own advocate. Push your GP for bloods and a referral.

@VenusStarr glad to hear that your appointment was supportive and that you can get a recurrent miscarriage referral.

@Frillyfarmer - sorry about your DH troubles. I have opposite problem of containing my DH excitement and optimism. Is must be so hard for them being one person removed. I hope you manage to talk it through. X

@InDreamland I bet it's the start of movement! Hoping it gets stronger quickly for you. It's such a magical feeling.Regarding the baby's sex, I understand you want to wait until 20 weeks. I love knowing because I think it helps me bond and I'm also a planner so I can start to prepare both mentally and practically.

Oh @Bluebelltulip that made me feel so sad! You're lovely little DD, bless her! I will be thinking of you tomorrow xxx

@Frillyfarmer I'm sorry I missed your update earlier. I hope DH is being a bit more optimistic tonight. It's so hard for us we sometimes forget it's hard for the men too. I'm sure he didn't mean to hurt you, it's just a bloody rollercoaster xxx

@Dimblebimble glad your scan went well and all crossed for you from here on xxx

@Bluebelltulip that must be difficult for you but kids understand in their own time. I would just keep answering her questions as best you can. My 5 year old wanted to know why granny can't have another baby because he wants a new uncle 😀 had to just tell him granny has had enough babies now and doesn't need anymore.

Had my 16 week appointment with the midwife (16 weeks tomorrow). My blood pressure was abit high and I mentioned I had abit of a headache so she said for me not to go back to work and rest. I've to go back in two days to check it again. Heard the heartbeat and baby is moving about so I think she just likes to be cautious.

So I've had an odd afternoon.

To give some background after my first three mc I was seen at my local hospital RMC - who did a suite of bloods which nothing showed and told me to Keep trying.
I then fought to be referred to St Mary's in London as I wanted to partake in research which with a little arm bending my GP did. St Mary's decided to run bloods and subsequently diagnosed my APS, which had previously been ruled out locally. So far all of my care in this pregnancy has been led by st Mary's, but now 12 weeks need to move back locally.

Today I was seen for the first time locally by consultant - following my midwife booking yesterday. It was the same consultant that failed to diagnose me!

Uber awkward moment that I had gone behind his back to St Mary's and that there bloods had persistently shown APS. But he didn't argue. Anyway we have agreed a clear plan for regular checks scans and monitoring. He had a very quick scan of baby (possibly just to check I hadn't made it up) and heartbeat clearly still going.

Anyway I had been really worried about seeing him again but all well.

Sorry for the selfish post just sharing to offload a little x

@fnej01 I can imagine that was awkward. Has anyone been able to explain why one test picked it up while another didn't?

@InDreamland I definitely want to find out the arc but not until later on. I just want to protect myself as much as possible from getting too attached although I'm not sure it would make any difference. I sadly know a couple who lost a baby quite late on and I can't get that worry out of my head.

@Frillyfarmer we are the opposite way around. My DH is certain everything will be ok now whereas I'm panicking over every twinge. Hopefully he'll come round when he's had time to calm down. They definitely don't think the same way we do sometimes!

@Navy123 I have had so many weird cramps and random pains. I had about a week relatively pain free and it made me worry! I've even been getting pains quite high up sort of between my belly button and hip bone on both sides which I'm wondering if it has anything to do with my laparoscopy scars? I've currently got a stitch like pain on the right side that comes and goes. I think it's due mainly to my endometriosis and ibs as things have apparently grown quite significantly already!

I've got my booking appointment tomorrow afternoon. My main concern is will I be able to lie down if I feel sick?!?

@Avocuddles I am so sorry to read your update. I too have been there with two in a row. Please feel free to drop me a message if you need advice about fertility and rmc appointments. They should listen to you. For now, rest and heal x
@VenusStarr very pleased that you had a promising appointment, that sounds like a good way forward for you. Keep in touch x
@Dimblebimble you must be feeling relieved! I definitely was when I saw the little heart beating. Fingers crossed.