Graduates of the TTC After Pregnancy Loss thread. Aka: The Penguin Huddle

[MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue]

This is a safe and supportive thread for ladies from the TTC after pregnancy loss thread who've had a BFP and are now negotiating the scary rollercoaster world of pregnancy after loss.

If you weren't on the original thread, have suffered a loss and are now pregnant please feel free to join the penguin huddle 🐧

Positive pants ON. Let’s get our rainbows ladies 🌈

Thanks @SunshineCrocodile. That's sort of what I did last year too.

Another question - do you think it would be upsetting/distasteful to mention I am expecting again in a post about my losses? I would never post a scan photo or anything like that, maybe just to acknowledge that a lot has happened since my post last year, sadly another loss (ectopic) but that in happier news we hope to welcome our little boy after Christmas? And maybe something about never forgetting those we never got to meet? I don't know if I want to do this but I am also not sure I am comfortable not mentioning it, although I can't express why! Really conscious that I don't want to upset anyone. I know Megan and Harry got blasted last year for their announcement!

@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue personally I wouldn't announce a pregnancy in a post about/during baby loss week, I would find it a bit insensitive to be honest. I think it's great to post on social media to raise awareness and reduce stigma - I did a post last year - and absolutely fine to post about losses whilst you are pregnant, as I agree this pregnancy doesn't take away from your losses. I just wouldn't announce a pregnancy/refer to an ongoing pregnancy at that time or in a post about pregnancy loss. Just my thoughts though and I'm sure other people may feel differently.

@SunshineCrocodile I agree with @strawberrye, it would be best not to post about both at the same time as it could be seen as insensitive. I personally don't have an issue with people announcing pregnancies this month, someone I know announced a pregnancy yesterday and tbh it didn't even cross my mind.

Thanks @strawberrye and @Dimblebimble. It's really great to get perspective. As I say I don't know if I will do that, I don't even really want to announce it! I just don't feel comfortable posting about losses and sharing that part of 'my story' when so many of my friends (and some family I don't see regularly) don't know I'm pregnant. Forgive me if I am not articulating this well. I don't post a lot on social media at all and I just know I will get loads of comments in sympathy and support and just feel a bit weird them not knowing my current situation. Like I'm not actually being honest or open or something. I think maybe the best thing I can do is just not post at all as the last thing I want to do is come across as insensitive or upset anyone.

Just had another thought - and sorry, as I am probably way over thinking this! - but I also wouldn't ever want this child to feel I'd told the world about him only in relation to loss/sadness. So that's made up my mind! I'm going to just keep quiet and stay off social media as usual!

@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue I wouldn't announce a pregnancy as such but I don't categorically think that a current pregnancy can't be mentioned either. I think it depends how it's done, for example if you are updating on what has happened to you since last year then I agree it would feel odd to leave this pregnancy out. Ultimately I think it's about the way it's written so that it's respectful but that you don't feel like you are hiding anything either.

That's it @Bluebelltulip, less of an announcement and more of a mention in relation to my experiences. But then I suppose it does rather 'steal the thunder' from the post and detract from what the week is about. I don't feel comfortable posting with a mention or without a mention of this pregnancy, and the last thing I'd want to do is upset anyone or come across as insensitive.

@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue could you just post a generic baby loss post without any mention of yourself?

I found the 15th really hard last year and I hadn't even lost a baby at that point. I just felt so flipping infertile coming up to the 4 year point and like I would never get the chance to be a mum. I won't be announcing this pregnancy on Facebook as I have always found them so difficult to read. It's not that I think people shouldn't make announcements but I know I never could.
We're going to tell my family on Friday. DHs family know because his mum blabbed but I'm not sure when to tell the rest of the people at work. I just can't stand the thought of the fuss and gossip but my friend said people will start to guess if I leave it too long which could make the gossip worse...

Thankfully all went well today and I was out pretty quickly after some prodding and a rather uncomfortable ultrasound. All the people I saw commented on my current pregnancy with my history and I felt rather emotional. They think the changes I have noticed are down to the previous pregnancy hormones.

I'm feeling pretty overwhelmed at work at the moment. By the end of today I was so tired and had a few tummy pains and started to feel really hopeless. Now DH is out, the house is a tip and I just want to get into bed 😩

I could @rubyroot but I like the whole idea of "breaking the silence" and actually talking and sharing experiences. I think that's what makes it so poignant and what makes others open up, the whole point being that women don't tend to talk about their experiences and there is nothing to be ashamed of. Although I suppose a general post would still help raise some level of awareness and that is still important. I still have time to think this through and really appreciate everyone letting me waffle on and giving their opinions xxx

On a different, lighter note, is anyone else STARVING lately?!?! I have just had a huge bowl of pasta and still feel like I'm hungry! Not sure if it's pregnancy or the weather or I'm just really greedy 😳 Hungry AT THE TIME!

@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue yes! I had no appetite for most of the pregnancy but since 27 weeks I've been hungry all the time!

@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue I'm currently thinking of doing a poem I had for DD's funeral but not sure yet. Like you and @Beaglemum93 I'm hungry a lot too.

Hi ladies,

Sorry I've not kept up to speed lately. The loss of my dog and that retched cold knocked me for six. That, and the fact that I now have a poorly rabbit.

I had my 16 week scan today and scanxiety was at a heigh this morning, as per. Both babies are fine and growing well. They're the same size at the moment too which is fantastic. The consultant who scanned me asked if we'd like to know the sexes/genders. We'd already discussed it at home and said yes, so he told us. I could barely see the screen as I was lying flat, and he was so quick I didn't get to see anything but a blur! Anyway, I'm not allowed to say what we're having yet... because DP wants to tell his mum first, which I fully respect. We're seeing her tomorrow so we're going to tell her in person. I told my mum on the phone today :)

Watch this space...

I'll catch up with you all soon, promise! for all :)

Good luck for tomorrow @Dimblebimble

Morning ladies. Sorry I missed the last couple of days. It's been busy since Monday morning.

Thanks for sharing all your DTD statuses, I feel so bad for DH. I think I'll give it a go soon and maybe avoid orgasm. That is if I am feeling less anxious. Anxiety has ramped up again. 21+1 today, the past couple of days I've not had the fluttering as much as I'd been getting. It's worrying me, but I know at 21 weeks it's still early for full on movements but I'm still anxious.

@janey15 lovely scam photo, glad all is well!

@Frillyfarmer definitely get a baby on board badge for your London trips, people respond better to them than a bump which they can pretend they didn't think it was a baby bump or don't want to offend if a woman is just overweight. Does everyone else carry their notes around? Am I supposed to?

@Dimblebimble sorry you've been made to feel like some others are thinking the previous losses were down to you. It's awful when that happens, my mum did same to me when I told her I was pregnant again with this one, she told me to stop going to the gym. I was so upset I told her the two losses were nothing to do with anything I did. It does hurt though doesn't it. All we can do is try to ignore and set them straight.

@Navy123 I thought that dating was from the measurements from the 12 week dating scan. Sounds like a boo boo to me.

@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue @rubyroot I am going to definitely post on Tuesday for WOL, I have 2 candles to light this year, last year we only had the one. I stay away from FB now as I find happy pregnancy and birth posts so painful after my losses, it was hard when going through 5 years of infertility but the losses really hit me hard and I couldn't go on anymore but I did post for BLAW and WOL last year. It was so hard last year, cried so much. Then Harry and Meghan announced their pregnancy on that day and I was so angry with them and since then have not liked them. I have no intention of announcing this pregnancy on FB ever, if Bubsy is delivered safely I may announce the birth a week later but no photo. I am finding it hard still to properly connect with this pregnancy as I'm so scared I'll lose this one too. There is no excitement. I think it is hard to know what to do about acknowledging your current pregnancy and there's no right or wrong answer but think probably would avoid announcing during BLAW and WOL. Emotions are higher at this time and those who would not normally be affected by a pregnancy announcement on SM might be on WOL day.

Sorry if I've missed anyone, trying to keep up.

@Bluebelltulip so sorry about your grandmother. Sending you lots of virtual hugs and hope you can stay strong.

@Squiff70 lovely news about the twins. Looking forward to knowing the sex(es).

@Indreamland you missed me! 😂 just joking, I have also been off MN for awhile to control my anxiety so I understand that it’s hard to keep up. I did want to ask you about movement though, as I’m almost 18 weeks and still haven’t even felt flutters. When did you first feel them? I heard the hb yesterday at the midwife, but can’t feel anything! So completely understand your anxiety. Do you have an anterior placenta?

@sadtoday21 I started getting the odd popping feeling which is like wind around 16 weeks but it could have been wind .....who knows. Then the odd fluttering feelings probably around 18 weeks but again I mistook for wind. Last week the fluttering was a little stronger and more frequent but the past couple of days I've not really felt much which is freaking me out. I was told that I should feel movements by 24 weeks. My placenta is posterior and isn't low lying - well that's what sonographer said at 20w scan last week.

Hey ladies, sorry I've been a bit absent but to be honest I've been a little scared about getting my combined test results back. Being 40 I was pretty sure I'd get high risk as I know false positives are more common.

My results just came in and I'm literally crying with happiness. It's 1 in 28,681 for downs and 1 in 100,000 for the other two syndromes.

I think I'm happy with those odds and just relieved we don't have the stress of getting the Harmony. Xx

Thanks @Indreamland, I remember you saying you hadn't had fluttering around 16/17 weeks, so I guess we only recognise them in hindsight really. I can't tell what a fluttering is, so I can only assume I haven't had them yet. Good to know that up to 24 weeks is normal though! I haven't had my 20 week scan yet, so quite anxious to feel something before then.

How about you @strawberrye @fnej01 and any other March babies I may be forgetting, any movement yet?

Massive congrats @Catconfusion! That is wonderful news Xxx.

Hi all, sorry for the lack of individual replies.

I've had a big argument with my partner and she has started smoking again. I'm so upset. How can she risk our baby like this?

Added to that things have been bad at work and I'm really struggling.

Any help/advice much appreciated. :(

Oh and I've got my 12 week scan tomorrow and I'm so scared about the screening.

@Squiff70 glad your scan went well :)

Great screening results @Catconfusion, hopefully you can relax a bit now!

Good luck for your scan tomorrow @TinyPaws, sorry you and your partner have had a fight.

Hi

Sorry I have been off the thread, have been working hard to focus on staying positive. I have started a pregnancy yoga class which feels a bit early but that and swimming was all my consultant was happy with. Trying to get into the zone that all is actually fine, baby is doing well and that come March I will finally be a mum.

@sadtoday21 I have felt some strange sensations but nothing I could definitely say was baby. I spoke to the midwife about it yesterday saying I didn't know if I could feel something, or if it was just wind 💨 and she said that's pretty common at this point. She checked baby's heartbeat and all was fine. At my dating scan they did say I had an anterior placenta.

@TinyPaws sorry you are having a rough time and good luck for the scan tomorrow.

Hope everyone else is ok. I will try and have a proper read of the thread later, but scanning down quick saw there were some lovely scan pictures x