Graduates of the TTC After Pregnancy Loss thread. Aka: The Penguin Huddle

[MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue]

This is a safe and supportive thread for ladies from the TTC after pregnancy loss thread who've had a BFP and are now negotiating the scary rollercoaster world of pregnancy after loss.

If you weren't on the original thread, have suffered a loss and are now pregnant please feel free to join the penguin huddle 🐧

Positive pants ON. Let’s get our rainbows ladies 🌈

@Coconutlatte44 great you are feeling lots of movement, I get taken by surprise sometimes too. I also seem to be finding smaller things overwhelming atm. I am having checks every 2 weeks, next one is next Monday.

@janey15 great scan!

Yay @janey15 I told you he/she would catch up. Lovely scan.

@InDreamland if you're silly for not wanting to DTD then so am I 😉

@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue that's so annoying! Why do people feel the need to say things like that? I've heard people make comments like that and it's so rude. Do they honestly think it makes you feel good about yourself?

@Dimblebimble I've had those pains too. You have described them perfectly as fleeting stabbing pains. I've had them quite a bit from week 11ish and it's woken me up a few times at night. I think it's just growing and stretching as my scan today was vastly different to my 10 week one. Definitely have a scan if it helps. I'm sure I'll start to worry again when the buzz from this one wears off...

@Dimblebimble @janey15 I've had fleeting pains I've also had quite prolonged double up on pain pains.. Just last week in fact at 15 1/2 weeks. Add that to the fact that I hadn't felt movements for five days I was pretty worried. Anyhow, baby is fine and I know theres just so many pains that are completely normal and fine on pregnancy, doesn't stop you worrying tho. I cometeky empathise.

@janey15 @rubyroot thanks for the reassurance ladies, it's so good to know that you've experienced the same thing and your little ones are doing fine. I really hope it's the same for me 🤞🏻

@Bluebelltulip @rubyroot I think I might have to book in for a scan this week. Just feel like I am throwing money away though! I can afford it, but obviously it's money that could have been spent towards something else. I hope you're right that I'll be able to relax after 12 weeks, although I think I'm going to book in for a private scan at 16 anyway as a lot of people seem to do.

So happy for you @janey15, what a great scan photo :)

@InDreamland we haven't dtd since either. Tbh I have felt like it, but I climaxed before I started spotting with both previous mcs so have a fear the same thing will happen again. If we do dtd again I'll avoid orgasm, just in case. I know it's irrational, but if it'll give me peace of mind...

@Dimblebimble what's the point of dtd without orgasm? 🤭😂 I would just refrain altogether!

@Dimblebimble I have actually felt much better after 12 week scan and nipt test, I know much can go wrong still, but I have relaxed much more. I know it might not seem that way after my toxomoplosis (god knows how you spell it) scare.

16 weeks was a good time for me and then I have my two anomalies. One which I'll be having privately and paying 150 for. For peace of mind, I find it worth it and it's not like you're throwing money away if you can afford it. The less anxiety you feel, the better it is for baby.

After that because I'm classed as high risk now I've turned 40 (no one cared when I was 39 or cares about the multiple pregnancy losses) I get three extra scans after 29 weeks which are growth scans, so I'm happy about that. 👍

@janey15 awww cute pic!! Glad it all went well 😊 xxxxx

@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue sorry about people's comments getting you down. I HATE how when we are pregnant people think they can make comments about our bodies, ask personal medical questions and comment on the choices we make. It's SO invasive and rude 😞

@Bluebelltulip I'm so sorry about your grandmother. What a horrible time for you without people bringing up your DD2 too. I know you'll get through it but we're all thinking of you 

@Dimblebimble I think it's really easy to associate particular things with a previous miscarriage. I had an early scan this time because I had really similar pain and it freaked me out. Turns out that's just how I feel in early pregnancy but I will probably always panic if I feel pain. I've been able to ignore the stabbing pain more because it goes away quickly and I know things are on the move at the moment! It does get to me when it happens repeatedly though. The other night it happened every time I rolled over in bed which was loads as I couldn't sleep!

@Bluebelltulip sorry to hear about your grandmother, sounds like you're going through a really rough time.

Sorry I've been awol so long, been really struggling to get my head around being pg and trying not to get completely panicked all the time. Midwife referred me to the perinatal mental health team but surprise surprise I've still heard nothing 3 weeks later.

Question for those who had early nhs scans - I had one which put me at 7+4 (I think) a while ago which would have made me 12+3 when I had my dating scan last week. At the scan I was measuring 13 weeks but she has just said oh baby is measuring big and kept me as 12+3 from the early scan. Is that right? I thought the dating scan was the one they used - and it matches up with my ov date (some of you may remember me posting that I was worried I was so far out from my original dates at the early scan).

@Navy123 as far as I'm aware they're going to use the date from my 12 week scan rather than the earlier ones. It probably vary from area to area or person to person. I doubt 4 days makes much difference but I know how hard it is not to worry x

@rubyroot haha, mainly so I don't feel bad for denying dh sex for almost a year (assuming we won't be dtd after the baby comes), though he hasn't mentioned it so far so well see how it goes.

Yes, I think 12 weeks is a big landmark. I guess if you've only had early miscarriages in the past, once you're past 12 weeks you probably have the same risk level as everyone else (I'm assuming, I haven't looked into it).

@janey15 yes, I don't think I'll ever be able to totally ignore it. Mines very fleeting pain, as soon as I notice it it's gone, but then I'm very early on. I'm hoping it might be wind 😳 but it just 'triggers' me into panic mode.

Just found out dh's cousin's expecting mid April, and I irrationally now feel more desperate than ever for this pregnancy to come to term. Dh's family have been pressuring me to have kids for years, even when I was still studying, and I don't know if I can put up with the constant baby talk I know is going to come 🙈

Dh's parents also keep telling me to take it easy, which I know is well intentioned but it annoys me as I feel it implies that miscarriages can be caused by overexertion and that therefore the previous ones could have been caused by my behaviour, which I believe isn't the case. I was literally on my driveway pulling up a couple of weeds and they were telling me they didn't want me bending over 🙄

I think I might book a scan for next week.

@Navy123 that doesn't round right to me from my experience. Dating scsn is always the scam they use and the earlier ones are ignored as they're less accurate. That's why they date at 12 weeks. Perhaps query this?

@Dimblebimble I completely get that. My MIL keeps asking if anything and everything I'm doing, eating, medication I'm taking etc can harm baby. Of course I am doing things to harm my baby - why ever would you think otherwise?! 😒

So it's baby loss awareness week from October 9th until October 15th. Let's all light a candle on the 15th at 7pm for all those babies and pregnancies that have been lost. I need to buy some candles!

Apologies for being AWOL for a month. Full of joy, advice, shared nerves etc. All the good stuff. Thank you posters. 12 week scan on Thursday and irrational Scanxiety. Added to by having not really pooed regularly for three weeks, I’ve had three daily poos and now feel empty and less pregnant. How ridiculous I am!

@Navy123 I had an early scan that put me at 9 weeks. They said I didn't need a 12 week dating scan but would obviously have a 12 week scan for nuchal test if I wanted one. When I phoned up to discuss the results of the nuchal test it turned out that the baby measured 2 days bigger at that point and that's the gestational age they used as part of the nuchal testing however they haven't changed my estimated due date... Doesn't make much sense to me really!!

@rubyroot great idea.

@Flyfisherlady I've been exactly the same with my digestive system finally getting back to some kind on normal! I can actually feel my hip bones this morning 😂 I'm seriously wondering if it's because I've been able to stomach a small cup of tea again the last few mornings?

I dreamt I had some bleeding last night 🙁 had to check when I woke up.

Got my breast screening thing today and I'm no where near as scared as I was for the scan yesterday which shows how irrational I am. I just feel certain they'll say it's nothing - I'll get the shock of my life if they don't! My boobs are still very sore so not looking forward to being poked and prodded.

Does anyone know how to post the list of due dates again? Thought it might be nice to update with a few of us getting to 12 weeks recently?

@rubyroot I was going to write a similar post, my blaw pin arrived at the weekend so will be wearing it from today.

I always thought that the date at the 12 week scan was what they used.

@rubyroot I did this last year and will definitely be doing again. Will have two to light this year

I also posted something on Facebook last year and would like to do again to highlight ectopic pregnancies. I think its so important to speak about loss but I am worried people will think I am "attention seeking" (actually last year everyone was lovely and I had some very supportive messages of women sharing their stories with me) but also because I don't want to announce this pregnancy. I feel a bit weird posting about loss and getting 'sympathy' from people when I am currently pregnant. Debating on how I could go about posting something... If anyone else is planning on saying something ideas welcome!

Great news on the scan @janey15 and good luck today.

@Dimblebimble I would get a scan in your position but that is because I am crap and had loads! If it helps keep the anxiety at bay and makes you feel better, then its money well spent I say!

That is strange @Navy123, I thought they used the date from your 12 week scan? Definitely worth checking with them, although due dates are only an estimate - I'd allow two weeks either side!

@Bluebelltulip I'm sorry to hear about your grandma and that you have so much to deal with right now. Sending virtual hugs and cake xxx

@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue it's not attention seeking it's raising awareness which is the point of this week. Being pregnant doesn't change the fact that you have lost and as we all know it doesn't make it better either. I might do a personalised fb post on the 15th but not sure yet, I have shared a SANDs post about baby loss awareness week though.

Great news about your scan @janey15!

Sorry about your Grandmother @Bluebelltulip.

Baby loss awareness week will still be difficult for us all even though we're pregnant again. These babies don't replace the ones we've lost. It also marks a year since my first loss :(

You are right @Beaglemum and @Bluebelltulip but I worry about what other people will think, which is stupid really because as you say the whole point of this week is to raise awareness. So I have made up my mind I will post, I just need to decide what to say!

I post every year @MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue. Not a big SM user but I do do this. Usually just a photo of the candle and a message along the lines of being grateful for my family but remembering the babies we never met, and how it's a sadness I share with so many people but it's never acknowledged - that it's important to talk about baby/pregnancy loss. And hashtags for BLAW and WoL, and a link to sands. I'm always utterly astonished how many candles appear on my fb/insta feed on the 15th.

Good point @MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue. I have caved and booked a scan for tomorrow morning. Keeping my fingers crossed that everything is okay🤞🏻I will be devastated if the same thing happens again :(

@janey15 argh, it's so frustrating! Maybe reply "oh no, I hadn't thought of that, do you think maybe I should avoid things that are bad for the baby and do things that benefit it? Thanks for the advice - I'll try it"