The Graduates of TTC after pregnancy loss thread #2 "The Penguin Huddle " 🐧🐧🐧

[InDreamland]

Hello Ladies

Starting a new penguin huddle thread as the first one is getting very full. This is for those of us who've graduated from the conception boards.

Getting a BFP after pregnancy loss is not necessarily a happy time so this is a safe place to vent, worry and share news (good, hopefully, or bad).

I hope you are all here for the long-haul. But you are welcome no matter how briefly.
Others who are pregnant after loss but who weren't on the original thread are of course welcome too.

Let's start the roll call:

Me:
No living children, 3rd pregnancy, currently 8+3. Had early scan at 7 weeks that showed baby measuring right for 7w with a heartbeat. Got another early viability scan booked in for this Tuesday at 8+6. Really scared I've lost this one again.
2 previous pregnancies ended in mmc at 12+3 (baby stopped growing at 5 weeks) in July 2018 and mc (CP but hate that term) in November 2018. Before then had been TTC for 5 years so our journey has been 6 years since starting to TTC.

@KnitKitty @Yukka @rubyroot @Bluebelltulip @MyHeartisBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue @Amanda81 @boboelephant @Newbie21

Who have I missed?

I woke up this morning feeling really positive - I hadn't got to 7 weeks with either of my early losses which were both before 6, and looking back to my pregnancy diary with DS, the symptoms are all almost exactly the same. I can't have anything completely broken as I've carried a healthy baby to term before.

But then the really negative voice creeps in and tells me how can this one be positive when the last two have ended in MC. What if I'm sat here all smug when something is really wrong inside? I've bled with both my MCs and so haven't had a MMC but the whole point of them is that you don't know.

How am I going to get to next Tuesday without driving myself utterly batshit?!

@Bluebelltip I'm sorry you're feeling ill, but all good symptoms of pregnancy. Your dream sounds horrible. I on the other hand had a dream the other day, that I had not one kid holding my hand, but two. God knows if that will ever happen.

@Frillyfarmer you'll get to Tuesday because you have to. I know its horrid isn't it after two miscarriages and a tfmr I too have convinced myself every egg much be past its sell by date!

The fact that I had a healthy 18 month old baby doesn't give me the hope it should.

@coconutlatte I think it is normal to pull things easily isn't it something to do with relaxin?

@InDreamland - this might sound a bit odd, but I did a bit of reading about Jizo who is a god that, amongst other things is a protector of the unborn.
I found someone on Etsy who painted sea pebbles with an image of Jizo. I have kept this at home for a while and just held it when I felt sad. Last night I thought of a name for my lost one that I wrote on the stone. Eventually I will put the stone where my mothers ashes are, for her to watch over. I have realised how much rituals help with grief and the culture I'm from has no ritual for miscarriage.

I did do a test this morning. I compared the thick and thin one step ones. The thinner one was much brighter than the wider one which was a bit brighter than yesterday PM. I only have one FRER left which I will save...

@rubyroot no need I went to the gp today to get booked in and explained my anxiety and got upset when I explained how far the baby got to last time etc and she phoned epu for me so waiting on them phoning me back to arrange an appointment.
She says I have low blood pressure but that can be normal at this stage, I'm 8 weeks today. Anyone else get the dizziness or head rushes?

@tinatsarina that's great news about the scan. I know dizziness can be symtoms of early pregnancy, it's not so etching I've had. But then I've never had sickness either! I just get very tired particularly first trimester.

@rubyroot I don't remember any of this with my 5 year olds pregnancy but they say every pregnancy is different so I'm trying to just go with the flow

@pinkoi your idea of a stone painted with Jizo and your baby's name to place on your mother's grave is a lovely one, and very poignant. I'm so sorry for both of your losses, but it's a touching idea that they're together and I hope it brings you comfort.

I know what you mean that there are no rituals for pregnancy loss - I've kept my notes and my pregnancy tests from my ectopic, just to prove they were here and loved, however briefly they stayed. I also bought myself this ring, which sits tucked under my wedding and engagement rings, so they'll always be close to me. It's about the size the embryo might have been, I think. We do whatever we need to to cope with the grief.

www.oliverbonas.com/jewellery/fine-knot-silver-ring-53019?gclid=Cj0KCQjwjrvpBRC0ARIsAFrFuV_mU8zISZD6J12w2rSZ8oD4S7_EZABWiE42PbnoDial4AZi8VWBfZUaAiRaEALw_wcB

Hope everyone is okay and dealing with their pregnancy anxiety better than I. So my pains went and now they've come back. This time they seem more period like, I'm also passing wind. To be honest I'm crapping it for my hcg test and results tomorrow.

@InDreamland

Oh what a lovely idea about the ring! I love that it ties in with the symbolism of "tying a knot in something to help you remember something" too.

I find it really comforting to hear about the ways people are creating their own rituals for a situation that doesn't have one.

Xxx

Folks,

Practical questions.

How long did you wait before letting your GP about the BFP?
For some I realise that you were on strict instructions to go straight away due to your histories.

The soonest appointment I could get was in over 3 weeks. I didn't know if I should phone and push to be seen earlier. also part of me is worried it won't stick again, so I'd like to be seen while it's still there! I feel so mixed... especially with the history of hyperemesis 😕

@pinkoi depends why you want to go? It's normally straight to the midwife here unless you have concerns. So for me I need to go to gp for early scan, but I can just ring for this and they'll refer rather than wasting time with an appt. I also went this time when just pregnant as I had actually made the appt to see if I could have some sort of referral for fertility tests since Chem preg, but in between got pregnant again. Turns out that they won't do tests as I can get pregnant and was refused hcg monitoring for current pregnancy. Went recently due to pains and given emergency appt and referred to epu straight away.

If that hadn't happened then I would have rung round about 7 week mark for referral to epu for early scan.

@coconutlatte44 I hope you're okay and it was just a pregnancy twinge that has subsided now. I sneezed yesterday and goodness did it hurt all along my lower abs where I'd been scanned.

@Bluebelltulip the dream sounds like a horrid nightmare. Food is awful at the moment, my tastebuds are all over the place. I couldn't taste the bacon in my bacon roll yesterday, DH assured me it tasted very bacony. Hope your headache has subsided now.

@Frillyfarmer you can do this, you will get through it to your scan. It is horrible waiting though.

@pinkoi the stone sounds like a lovely idea. I think you meant @DuvetCaterpillar about the ring though. Good news your tests arw stronger today, hopefully tomorrow they're even stronger.

@tinatsarina I've been getting some lightheadedness and dizziness but only occasionally. Apparently my BP was fine on Sunday at booking appointment though. Great you're getting a scan!

@moonpeace I've not had it in this pregnancy.....yet (don't jinx it) but did in my first pregnancy last year. Very uncomfortable, you have my sympathy! Do you work in an office so sit a lot? If yes yoy could ask your employer to provide a special pregnancy chair designed to support expectant mums. They have a cut out in the seat so the tailbone gets relief from pressure.

Sorry for the selfish post now ........I'm worried. I appear to be dehydrated but can't understand why. Today I've had 330ml of chocolate Alpro soya milk, about 1 litre of Ribena, 150ml of orange juice, about 500ml plain water, about 400ml of red bush tea. When I pee it's really dark! Plus I've not pee'd much today. Been similar for past few days now. What's wrong?

@Indreamland it's been warm today and you need extra fluids when you're pregnant. Keep drinking its not a sign of impending miscarriage or if it is I have never ever heard of that one.

@InDreamland just re read that that sounds like a lot of fluid actually! Are you out and about getting a bit sweaty etc?

Perhaps you should consult a Dr

Thanks @rubyroot just surely with that much fluid I should be peeing more and it shouldn't be so dark (darker than FMU). Worried about fluid retention or something and it not being good for baby. Have you decided about holiday and getting HCG tests again?

Cross posted. I've just downed another glass of water and will see what happens. If there's no change tomorrow I'll be phoning my GP. I've not been running about or anything today, just my regular commute in the tube but that's it.

I'm going for tests tomorrow @Indreamland we've adapted holiday slightly. I won't find out until late tomorrow evening abd as I said earlier I'm crapping myself about these period type cramps.

@Frillyfarmer focus on the positive points, take one day at a time I hope your scan next Tuesday goes well.

@rubyroot your dream sounds nice, your pain could just be wind which isn't uncommon at this stage.

@pinkoi the stone sounds lovely, I think it's important to acknowledge the children that don't make it no matter when their life ended. I have a ring with my daughter's ashes in and so does my DH @DuvetCaterpillar.

@tinatsarina glad your GP was able help you. I've had dizziness etc too and have in all my pregnancies, staying hydrated does help.

@pinkoi I saw a GP at 5 weeks in my first pregnancy as I was on medication that needed to be changed. Since then I've referred directly to the midwife.

@InDreamland that bacon roll must have been disappointing. My headache is much better thank you. You could still be dehydrated as it has been very warm, if keep an eye on it over the next couple of days.

@pinkoi I've only just saw the gp today couldn't get the courage to any other time

Everyone - thanks I'll call the docs tomorrow and see if I can self refer to the midwife, perhaps I won't need to see the GP.
I'm toying with the idea of paying for a 6w scan just to check it's in the right place.

@InDreamland @DuvetCaterpillar - apologies for my finger/brain trouble mixing up your user names!!

Xx

@pinkoi if you're paying I might go closer to seven weeks just to be sure you see a heartbeat. I know people who have seen yolk sac and had the longest wait of their lives to see heartbeat a week later on the NHS.

@InDreamland does the chocolate alpro or red bush have any caffeine in, as caffeine causes water retention so could be why?

I'm drinking so much more water now, I get a sore lower back if I'm dehydrated and I can't cope with that worrying symptom as it's how my previous MCs started so I'm just carrying a large glass water bottle and topping up.

@rubyroot hope your HCG doubles. Fingers crossed!
@InDreamland thank you. Booked an early scan at the end of the month. Hoping all is well! read your news about the scan and massive congratulations! What a relief! and everything will be just fine going forward! I'm sure of it! 🤞🏻🤞🏻🤞🏻