The Graduates of TTC after pregnancy loss thread #2 "The Penguin Huddle " 🐧🐧🐧

[InDreamland]

Hello Ladies

Starting a new penguin huddle thread as the first one is getting very full. This is for those of us who've graduated from the conception boards.

Getting a BFP after pregnancy loss is not necessarily a happy time so this is a safe place to vent, worry and share news (good, hopefully, or bad).

I hope you are all here for the long-haul. But you are welcome no matter how briefly.
Others who are pregnant after loss but who weren't on the original thread are of course welcome too.

Let's start the roll call:

Me:
No living children, 3rd pregnancy, currently 8+3. Had early scan at 7 weeks that showed baby measuring right for 7w with a heartbeat. Got another early viability scan booked in for this Tuesday at 8+6. Really scared I've lost this one again.
2 previous pregnancies ended in mmc at 12+3 (baby stopped growing at 5 weeks) in July 2018 and mc (CP but hate that term) in November 2018. Before then had been TTC for 5 years so our journey has been 6 years since starting to TTC.

@KnitKitty @Yukka @rubyroot @Bluebelltulip @MyHeartisBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue @Amanda81 @boboelephant @Newbie21

Who have I missed?

@rubyroot hope scan goes well this morning! Pee is still proper yellow but not as dark as it was on Wednesday. It is making me worry as I am drinking plenty of fluids.

@Amanda81 I hope you can enjoy the hols and not be too anxious. I'm seriously considering cancelling ours if we get to 16 weeks because I'm scared about mc abroad in Japan.

So tired and sluggish today. Didn't sleep great last night. DH snoring doesn't help. Kept waking up.

@moonpeace being active is great. Funny how you worry if they don't move and then worry that they do. I went into hospital to be monitored due to excess movements in late pregnancy as baby was non stop going mad. Scared me shitless.

My baby didn't have the pattern that midwives refer to. Sometimes he'd be going crazy at 9 am and other times I'd not feel movements til 7pm.

I mean they have no pattern when they're newborn, so why do we expect them to have one in the womb! Needless to say I went to hospital about four times in the latter stages. He also used to hiccup ten times a day sometimes for thirty mins at a time. That worried me too. God its just ongoing. Hopefully in between all the worry though you can enjoy the movements and bond with your baby.

Movements started with that popping gassy feeling with me too. Great isn't it! Mine was a bit later.. Around 15 weeks

God I did love being pregnant, even tho it was anxiety inducing after a mmc.

@moonpeace oh and the diarroeah I remember going from constipation to diarroeah around 12 weeks. I'm not sure if it'll be vits, they have iron in so if anything I think they'd nsje you constipated. It dies say rake on a full stomach tho. Have you been doing that?

I used to love the big movements with DD and I'm enjoying the little pops now, whenever I get them, but my god the hiccuping used to drive me mad!!! DD used to hiccup constantly and it was like twitch in my tummy! I do think once you e felt them those little pops are so distinctive.

@moonpeace I was really constipated last pregnancy and actually went to my Dr. I also had some other embarrassing and painful problems caused by the constipation (piles 😳)! Anyway, I was told it's really common and pregnancy vitamins have so much iron it often interferes with the digestive system. I got given a special sachet to drink every day, can't remember what it was called!

Birthday weekend sounds great @Newbie21! I hope you have a great tome with your family.

I've got a holiday in August, just in the UK with my family (my parents, sister and her wife, uncle and aunt) and I'm also worrying about it! I can't imagine going as far as Japan @InDreamland but I wouldn't cancel if I were you. You need to enjoy these trips before Baby Dreamland comes along as they won't be the same afterwards! But I do understand your fears xxx

@InDreamland - it's a difficult one re holidays. From my experience we have been on this journey for a while now, and I do occasionally think I should not do things just in case, but you do have to go on living and enjoying life as best you can. I won't lie, the anxiety has built up whilst I have been away, and I have been very careful about doing too much in the sun. I would keep your holiday plans, by then you will be feeling much better aswell.

I think I may have had some feelings last night after dessert @MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue - it felt like bubbles on my right hand side,. Although as this is my first I have nothing to compare it with, but am eagerly waiting to feel her. So pleased that you have some feelings, it's a special moment! Loving the placenta buddies!! 😂 I'm not sure if mine is to the left, right or bang on centre, but will get this confirmed at my next scan.

Hmmm @rubyroot your theory sounds interesting. Is that sex when you think you conceived?

I bit the bullet and joined the Feb thread. Somehow that's made me super anxious but think I just have to live in the now... Right?

Dating scan on Monday so hoping that goes okay. Going to have to take DD with us as no childcare which I really, really didn't want to do to the other people there in the waiting area. Not because she's bad but I remember many times waiting in the EPU and people having their kids there and feelings a bit awful, though I totally got why.

It's so damn obvious I'm pregnant now (thanks big belly 😂). We're out with some of the inlaws tomorrow for god knows how I'll hide it 🙈

@moonpeace no, not on progesterone. I was about to start all the recurrent miscarriage stuff - Clomid, progesterone if needed but then fell pregnant. I haven't had any bleeding since the initial bleed at just under 5 weeks which the doctor put down to IB plus my second progesterone test results came back just as I got pregnant which showed a fraction under normal but I had the test a day early due to the bloods dept not being open on the weekend. So it seems progesterone is ok although with my distinct lack of symptoms I do think I am probably on the slightly low side but, touch wood, hasn't been an issue so far.

Thanks @MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue hopefully the weather is ok. I'm sure it will be. DS will have fun no matter what I'm sure.

I think I may have raised this or seen this raised before but those of you with DCs - when do you plan on telling them about new baby? I am thinking after the 20 week scan. Although we have told my SIL and she has two DDs age 5 and 7 so there is the risk that they say something to DS so I will need to manage that I guess. We are seeing them in about a month so I might have to tell DS before that although it feels v early still but he should definitely hear about it from mummy and daddy.

@rubyroot hope the scan went well x

Yes @Amanda81 it's like bubbles popping! I'm telling myself it is movement anyway as it makes me feel better!

@Newbie21 I want to wait until after 20 weeks too before telling DD. And although sister in law knows, we haven't told nieces and nephews yet, but they are a bit older than yours at 10 and 12 so even if they know they should be better at keeping secrets! DD keeps me told to be careful of mummy's tummy as it needs special love and care, doesn't stop her clambering all over me though! We did ask her if she's like a little brother the other day, to which her answer was a firm 'no!' 😂😂😂

@UnicornsandRainbows1 I hope your scan goes ok Monday. Not to sound negative but have you checked whether your hospital will actually allow your DD into the scan? Mine don't allow children so maybe worth checking xxx

We got the news today that the baby is low risk for DS and everything else and that we are having a boy. It's our third boy and I'm delighted but have used all our favourite names. I had a very vivid dream when DS1 was a few months old (5years ago) where I was standing in my garden watching my 3sons playing on a wooden climbing frame and someone I was talking to in the dream commented on how fair my 2oldest were but my youngest was dark like me and DP. I have two blonde sons and a wooden climbing frame so wonder if my dream will come true. I don't really believe in that kind of thing but it is a strange thought.

@Newbie21 I'm planning on waiting until 20weeks like @MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue. Partly it's because I'm still worried, partly because I don't want the word to know yet and also because if you tell then early the waiting seems ages for them.

I also told DS to be careful of my tummy and he said 'why. Is it because you have a baby in there'. I told him I had eaten too much which was true. He told me he'd love a sister (bad luck) but would be happy with another brother if they didn't bite him.

@InDreamland I would go to Japan. It might be your last chance for travel for a while. I'm sure nothing will happen but if it did Japan has a good health system. I would love to go to Japan - it looks amazing.

@theAntsareMyFriends that's super news about your tests. Was it harmony you had?
Are you now able to relax a little. I feel like if I ever get to that stage I might relax a bit.
So scan today showed a gestational sac and given how early I am they said its okay that yolk sac not showing. They gave me a chance to go back in few days to see, but I'm off on holiday now and scan when I think I will be 6 weeks and 3 days. Don't know how I feel about that, I guess if I see a yolk sac I'll take that as good news.

I'm feeling very tired after all these tests and pretty anxious as we all are. One step at a time tho. Sending thoughts to all you ladies x

Great news @theAntsareMyFriends! And spooky about your dream! I find boy names hard too, I think I'm just lucky, so hoping DH and I find one!

Good news on your scan too @rubyroot. I had one this pregnancy at 5 weeks and maybe 2 days and all they saw was the gestational sac too. I then when back two weeks later and was measuring bang on with a heartbeat. So try not to stress, in the early days everything is so small and lots happens quickly! The waiting is horrendous though!

Not lucky - PICKY!!!!! I'm picky about boy names! Effing phone!

Oh boys names. I've used my one and only boys name up! So hard.

@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue thanks, that's good to know and I know its fine. But I think my missed miscarriage before my boy turned up may have been an empty sac pregnancy so it worries me. The sonographer wouldn't diagnose the miscarriage as she said I could have reabsorbed yolk sac etc.

Anyhow will stop being depressing now. X

@moonpeace I think I read somewhere that some women have had funny bowel movements when taking pregnacare. I take it too but don't think it's had any adverse effect on me. I also take Feroglobin because I've had low iron levels and also a vitamin D supplement. I tend to take the pregnacare after a meal so wonder if that helps.

@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue @Amanda81 @theAntsareMyFriends thank you, I know what you are saying about not cancelling but I'm petrified of mc abroad. Maybe I'm overthinking things. Let's revisit if I actually get to say 14 weeks and actually have to make a final decision. We've only booked half our hotels and the flights obvs but all flexible fully refundable/cancelable. Only one short haul flight to South Korea is non refundable but don't mind losing that money if I have to.

@theAntsareMyFriends that's really weird about the dream! Great news on the test results!

@rubyroot your scan sounds like a positive. Fx for the next one!

So ladies, have any of you had very thin clear CM in first trimester? Had some this afternoon when I wiped. I can feel the anxiety again. Also who has super greasy hair? Having to wash it more often than usual.

Boys names are hard. I shot myself in the foot in my teens/early 20s giving my horses my best blokes names - as a result everyone thinks my DS was named after some Irish sports horse I had back in the day 😂😂

I knew from the off that my first born was a boy, and all I focussed on were boys names. This time (although I've stupidly convinced myself I'm having twins) all I can do is think of girls names. This pregnancy is very different to my DS - I'm very sick and dizzy and a lot more tired and I think perhaps it might be a girl this time round? Obviously having gone through what I have this year all I want is a healthy baby of either flavour 🤞🏼🤞🏼

So - I'm roughly 7+3 and I'm so horrifically bloated I look about 5 months gone. I know they say you show earlier with subsequent babies but this seems excessive- does the bloat go down? I couldn't comfortably fit my jeans on this morning. I haven't but on any weight but the bloat is mad.

@yukka CONGRATS!!! That post made me cry! How gorgeous. Over the moon for you.
Haven’t caught up on the rest yet just saw that pic and had to post. Hope your all well

@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue On letter they've said it's okay, though of course they'd prefer it not to be disruptive so if she decides in that moment that now's her shinning moment to kick off then he'll just take her out and will just have to go and grab a coffee at Costa or something. We'd love for him to be there, and if she's okay then fab, but I just can't face making it difficult for everyone trying to work or for those who are on edge, you know? Hopefully that makes some sense.

@yukka I've only just seen this but oh my how gorgeous!! Congratulations! How have the last couple of days been?

How are you doing @milkjetmum? You've been in my thoughts all week. Cross on your behalf that the EPU can't see you until Tuesday, but hope the pain is manageable and you have people around you in real life to look after you - take care.

@rubyroot Great news on your scan - look how far Little Speck has come in a few days! Is it definitely in the womb / not ectopic, as I remember you were worried about this - a massive win if so?

@theantsaremyfriends Fabulous news on your scan too, and how lovely you're having another boy - I'm one of three sisters close together, and it's great to be in a proper little gang!

@Yukka How is the newborn chaos going? Hope you're feeling well and recovering swiftly, and good luck as the hormone rollercoaster settles out this week.

@InDreamland For what it's worth, I went to Japan last year and it is AMAZING, so I'd encourage you to travel if you think you'll be up to it. I sympathise hugely with the anxiety though - would it help to e.g. research and store the details of Japanese ob-gyn facilities in all the places you'll visit on your phone, so that if the worst should happen, you're prepared? I find that sometimes helps my anxiety, if I have a plan for coping with the worst case scenario.

I had my HCG blood results back - 66 on Tuesday, up to 175 by Friday. Based on when I think I ovulated rather than LMP, I'm just barely 5 weeks, so those numbers should be fine for now and it's a huge relief for DH and me. They've asked to scan me again on Weds afternoon so they can check embryo's location - fingers crossed we see the gestational sac in the right place, and I have had a word with DuvetEmbryo to get a move on and grow loads between now and then!

Oh, and @frillyfarmer - the son/horse name thing did make me smile! Hope your bloating eases soon - I haven't had any this time round but did previously, it's really uncomfortable, isn't it?

@theAntsareMyFriends so pleased the results came back low risk. That's fantastic. How funny about your dream, that's amazing. On the names, I'm such a traditionalist and as is DH so boys names I've found relatively easy - although DH insists on 2 middle names so a lot of names to think about. I am sure I'm having another boy but I've decided not to find out so will need to be prepared with name for both. Is it definitely true that pregnancies for one Sex are v different to pregnancies for the other? I'm pretty sure this pregnancy is just like mine for DS but I'd say the same for my MCs too which got about this far - maybe I can only carry boys or DH can only produce them.

@Frillyfarmer love that your child has same name as your horse. Everyone says I named my son after my boss! 🤦‍♀️ I didn't... to be clear... it's a coincidence.

Thanks for asking, I'm doing ok, I think the worst is over now, bleeding is slowing down and not in too much pain. Still feeling queasy but don't 'feel pregnant' anymore eg boob tenderness gone so plan to poas Monday ahead of Epu visit on tues to try and assess what's going on. My 1st miscarriage was a horrible slow rumble for several weeks of back and forth with HCG still high for ages. Have moved out of feeling angry now, have started to accept situation. Each miscarriage has been earlier so I keep ruminating on whether that means something in terms of why it is happening. DH has been very supportive and dds getting lots of extra cuddles!

@DuvetCaterpillar glad the HCG levels are progressing well and fingers crossed for your scan.