Convince my mate - there's no greater act of fiction than a birth plan - how'd u stray from yours?

[jaynehater]

My first birth plan called for whale noises and lavender and soothing massages, while real life coughed up four hours of induction, ventouse, epidural and gas-and-air.

Second birth plan, newly realistic me said 'drug me' - and I gave birth on the dining room floor leaning against the hoover playing jigsaws with dd1.

How badly did you all stray from your birthplans,(or am I alone here?!?) so I can convince my first-time pregnant list making deluded mate not to put so much store by hers (it's not how organised you are, Penny, it just happens!!!)

I was realistic to start - I presumed I knew nothing, and I was right

second one I said "Have the epi on stand by" but actually I ended up not needing it

Agree that it can go out the window, but tbh I wouldn't tell a first-time mum that. I'd prpbably tell her that it was a "best case scenario" and that things mightn't work out like that. REmember when it was your first pregnancy - all these things are exciting.....and scary. Humour her, support her, guide her, but don't slight her.

Didn't get a chance to write one with DS1 as he came 5 weeks early!

DS2 - had the ideal natural birth planned - prepared with antenatel yoga classes. Had excellent short labour (3 hours) to 8cm. Then midwife discovered he was breech during an internal exam and ended up with emergency c-section.

I actually stuck to mine but I was quite realistic about it.
I asked for gas and air and pethidine with a tens machine when I had dd.

In the end, thats exactly what I did.
The only thing I could say about it was I was probably a bit hasty with the pethadine and hated the effects from it.

With ds I did everything I wanted. I said no pain relief and that I would use just a tens and gas and air if it got too much.
As it happened, the day I went into labour my tens packed up, the gas and air tasted funny and I refused to have nothing else but ended up with legs in stirrups, and episiotomy and forceps.

Really looking forward to dc3 birth
Not!

There's nothing wrong with making one whatsoever. You just have to remember it's only a plan and not set in stone. I stand by everything I had in my first one even if it wasn't quite how I imagined; "I would like to be able to choose my own positions" and the position I chose was whimpering at the foot of the bed

I'm not making a list as such, expecting my first in december.
All i've said to DH is i don not wnt and epidural unless i have to for emergency reasons.
Other than that, they're apparantly the proffesionals, i'll be doing what they tell me to do. (i think)

Why would you want to convince her this? Let her have her birthplan! It is part of preparing for your newborn, at least she is making plans in her mind and visualizing what it may be like. Just advise her it may not go according to plan, and the main thing to focus on is that there is a beautiful little baby at the end of it, and then it wont matter if she was squatting whilst inhaling aromatic oils listening to whalesong or not.

Never even bothered to do one for either birth. It was clear after my 2nd health check during my pregnancy that I was never ever going to see the same person twice, forget about actually having any say in the birth process...And unfortunately I was completely correct. However, not sure that it is helpful to point this out to your friend. It may give her coping tools to think that she will have control.

You'd have to know Pen ... she's convinced the main reason birth plans fail is lack of proper organisation and failure to apply yourself!! She's here with me now, tsking at me for being unsupportive...thanks guys!!

Seriously, though, do you think the illusion of control given by a birth plan is helpful in labour? During my first, I just felt dazed and confused - I don't know if being forewarned about how very far from plan things can stray would have helped, as quite rightly stated, it's scary enough, but for me personally, it was just one more thing weighing me down, this failure to achieve the birth I visualised. Flaming Toms is probably closest to how I wish I'd gone into it - presume you know nothing, and you'll be right!!!xx

so far that I didn't even bother to write one for the second birth!!

Oh I made my birthplan allright when I was expecting my first! I even thougth it quite realistic, no lavender and whalesong stuff. I had been to antenatal classes and KNEW it might not go to plan, and I had been told what I could expect, I read all the books in the world, went to ante natal yoga, dragged my husband to a birthing partner weekend workshop for natural birthing... HA BLOODY HA! Nothing could have prepared me for the reality. And I doubt the midwife really looked at my birthplan other than skimming through it.

I did not write a birthplan for my second. BUT I can assure you, if i had written one, it wouldnt gone to plan either as I woke up during a contraction so strong I had gone to stage 2 without realizing I was in stage one and barely got to the hospital in time! They wanted to send an ambulance when my husband rang them judging by the sounds i was making in the background.

Dont worry, let your friend experience it, when you have gone to all the classes and read all the books, you think you know it all, lol....

I haven't written one as such. But i know that i want a HWB with some gas and air. The end.

DS1 was idealistic and it all went to pot (ended up with an emCS without any labour and my waters having gone).

DS2 was more realistic (wanted a VBAC - which I got - but but lots of "but if xyz occurs then abc is ok)

DS3 the only thing that didn't go to plan was I didn't delivery the placenta naturally - ended up having the jab - everything else was better than my birth plan

She thinks she just needs to 'apply herself'!?

Does she realise that she may spend several hours screaming that she genuinely thinks she is dying? I did, and that was with the easier of the two labours. The first, harder labour, my blood pressure dropped so low I woke up with a ring of faces round me and the nurse getting the Bic out.

I didnt want to do one at all as i didnt want to be disappointed if i didnt get what I wanted. Midwife pressured me into making one, and ended up writing, as little intervention as possible, as mobile as poss, no drugs apart from gas and air.
I ended up strapped to montor unable to move, ended in c section and so many drugs i lost count
Oh well i have no major plans this time round, just do what comes naturally and hope i dont need another section

L

DS1 nearly died at birth, which certainly wasn't on my birth plan .

i think it is a good idea as it actually makes you aware of the various scenarios and understand what you are being offered. i stuck to mine right up the point where i was rushed off for a section but glad i had it and was impressed that the midwife read it and took it seriously.

I pretty much stuck to mine (only G&A, keeping active, all that stuff). Thing is, once I was in labour, I really didn't want to! Screamed for an epidural but no aneasthetist around (14 other women in labour). And midwife kept making me get off the bed which was the only place I felt safe...

Have just interviewed a midwife who said she tells her patients to plan for all the possible journeys - so even if you end up having an emergency cs, you can still say you want the baby passed to you first before anyone else and to have them skin to skin (ie weighing and washing can wait).

I'm an obsessive list-writer and probably had the same mind-set as your friend with DS1 many years ago. However, I knew I had to go with the flow of things and the flow very quickly changed and I ended up in labour for 32 hours with a drip and epidural and ventouse!

I didn't bother with a birth plan with DD1, just made a list of 'preferences' (which is really what it is anyway!). Had a lovely birth with her with gas & air etc.

This time, my only preference is to not have an epidural if I can help it...

As long as she is aware that things may stray away from what she'd 'prefer' and that actually no amount of organising or applying yourself will affect the outcome, she'll be OK. You can't tell a baby how things are going to be any more before they're born than after!!

She's blessed to have a friend that is being honest with her, I can tell you're not being horrible or anything, you're just trying to prepare her to be flexible.

Nah, I'm pretty much just being horrible!xxx

my first birth plan was low lights, music, no pain relief , all natural

got an induction, ARM, synto drip, diamporhine, epidural, and emergency c.s

read and read and read and read all about the best way to help yourself have a vaginal birth....went into spontaneous labour, had straightforward, no intervention birth ...

i think birth preferences is a better way to look at it

Mine said 'Mother and baby fine at the end'

I think that while it is great to have preferences, it is good to be pragmatic and factor in some flexibiity.

This is really, really interesting. I've got a while (14 weeks and counting - not that I'm totally fed up or anything) and my MW midwife won't even discuss the birth with me until 36 weeks. I find this odd. And slighty scary (but then my whole pregnancy has been very much a case of stabbing in the dark so shouldn't really surprise me. I had to Google my notes). Apparently I won't have done any research yet and won't have a clue, which I think is a bit unfair on me as that one thing I'm good at is research and I have been doing just that!

So here's another question - apologies for semi-hijack - when should I start thinking about it?! Love the idea of birth preferences rather than plan though!!

I wanted a natural G & A only birth with DD, ended up with a GA and emergency section. Tried for a water birth with DS, ended up having a section again (planned but not wanted this time thanks to cholestasis) . On the plus side, my pelvic floor is lovely and tight and I rarely wee myself (only when I am a little drunk)

I wrote one for my first birth which involved lots of drugs (which I got), and apologised to anyone I swore at or crapped on.

Didn't bother second time and was faintly surprised when the midwife asked if I'd done one; we had a brief chat (given that I had opted for a home birth it was fairly obvious I wanted to try to be fairly earth-hippy about it) but in the end, in fact, I was quite happy to have my placenta injected out.