Convince my mate - there's no greater act of fiction than a birth plan - how'd u stray from yours?

[jaynehater]

My first birth plan called for whale noises and lavender and soothing massages, while real life coughed up four hours of induction, ventouse, epidural and gas-and-air.

Second birth plan, newly realistic me said 'drug me' - and I gave birth on the dining room floor leaning against the hoover playing jigsaws with dd1.

How badly did you all stray from your birthplans,(or am I alone here?!?) so I can convince my first-time pregnant list making deluded mate not to put so much store by hers (it's not how organised you are, Penny, it just happens!!!)

Mine was COMPLETELY different!

I ended up catherterised, on a drip, epidural, Episitomy, vontouse x2 and forceps!! Nice eh
No C-section tho! (sorry bout spelling!)

Was an emergency induction though due to pre-eclampsia, most peeps I know tho didn't stick with theirs at all!

Mine was..
Float about in a pool for a while and a bit of gas and air if it got bad.

The reality...
Gas and air,
pethadine,
few other drugs I don't know,
epidural and
hey presto just 48 hours later a section,

well having a 11lb7oz baby wasn't on my plan after.

But, it is good to plan, I had discussed with DH about sections and what that might be like what he would have to do etc, also discussed cuddleing baby straight away and breast feeding. Second time around they tucked dd into my nightie to warm her up and I appreciated that so much after another section.

My first birth plan called for whale noises and lavender and soothing massages too. It also called for plentiful supplies of gas and air and a nice bath whenever I wanted one.

The reality was that the hospital had this thing called a delivery WARD (rather than room) that they had carefully avoided telling us about in the tours. You get shoved in there if you are either (a) less than 3cm dilated when you get to the hospital or (b) if there is no midwife free to look after you properly.

This ward place thing had no facilities for whale noises, lavender, gas and air or baths. There were lots of people in there too, just having assessments etc.

I spent around 12 hours in there EFFECTIVELY IN PUBLIC, in unimaginable pain and without any form of pain relief whatsoever. Despite repeated requests, the midwives refused to assess me or provide any form of pain relief or let me into a delivery room that would be at least private.

They eventually supplied a midwife and let me into a delivery room when I screamed at DH that I would F*ing divorce him if he didn't get me into a fing room with some f*ing pain relief. I was already pushing by then.

I still remember the exquisite relief of that gas and air when it came.

The midwife then tried to falsify the medical records by claiming that my labour was 25 minutes. DH had to stop them and insist that they record all the time that I was screaming in agony without any form of pain relief in public.

Why I had to go through all that without any form of pain relief I do not know. Sheer neglect on the part of the midwives I think.

Well, my birth plan was for minimal intervention (isn't everybody's?). Booked into small midwife led unit, wanted birth pool, only gas & air. I had painful symphysis pubic dysfunction and read everything I could about it, esp warnings to keep knees together during birth - that was in the plan. Was convinced I was going to visualise a "happy place" and breathe through contractions etc etc..

Yeah right!

Arrived at midwife unit at 11pm - only 1 midwife on duty - pool was out of the question.
Waters had broken but it was green, so she told us we would have to go to the big hospital half an hour away. Ended up having pethidine, had 3rd degree tears so ended up having an epidural AFTER the birth just to be stitched up while terrified hubby bonded with ds - so no immediate skin to skin either!
However, I'd do it all over again because the end result is so precious, that my "plan" just seems so naive and unimportant looking back on it now.

Haven't read the whole thread but agree with WaynettaSpice. Think how exciting it is with your PFB, she is excited and, quite rightly, want to write her birth plan.

Yes they are a load of pap, yes you don't really stick to them but allow her the freedom to enjoy writing hers, give her some helpful hints and don't dismiss it.

I spent a day and a half in labour on a labour ward, normally you do go straight into a private room, or little lounge area if all full, I started there but took so long they stuck me in a ward overnight.

Everyone else was just in for checks and stuff, I felt bad for a 16yr old that had to watch me stomp about in agony while she sobbed her heart out when her mum went home, I tried my best to smile every time I stompped past her.

I was thinking I didn't have one, but a few things have jogged my memory ... the hospital got us to fill in some basics like vit K and injection for placenta or not. Other than that, I was inspired by a friend whose birth plan was a little like MB's - 'healthy baby, please'. And pethidine at the very bottom of the pain relief choices. I had gas and air until I puked, then an epidural - and then a healthy baby, so what little there was of the plan, I didn't stray from!

Re-reading my own post. it's evident that I haven't quite got over the experience ... Only fair to add that I did have another.

Also it is worth finding out about exactly what will happen to you on admission.

Didn't stray far from mine.
Hospital birth, tens in early labour, G&A, birth in pool.
Would have like to labour more in pool, but things moved faster than expected for a first birth.

Your friend is probably scared and excited in equal measure and a birth plan can help her/her birth partner focus on what she wants. So long as she's realistic about the "expect the unexpected" aspects of childbirth I think it could be a useful exercise.

Mine helped to show my medical-phobic DH what I would like to happen and to prepare him for each stage.

Mine was full of IF THEN statements - seemed to cover most eventuallities - including what actually happened (apart from swearing at DH)

Didn't stray too far, except had to have an emergency csection - the little bugger wouldn't come out - stuck at 5cm for 29.5 hours

First time around b plans didn't wxist. Second time around knew enough not to bother even thinking of writing one

1st elective section and never saw my birthplan after arriving at the hospital!

2nd (attempted vbac) was completely different from plan. Midwife briefly discussed it with me then proceeded to ignore it ie. I wanted an active labour to increase chances of normal birth - ended up with 2 drips, foetal monitor, catheter, epidural the lot. Don't think I got off the bed once and never even caught sight of a birthing ball. I'm fairly sure most of these interventions could have been avoided. And guess what the outcome was ........... emergency section because of failure to progress!!!!

3rd - didn't bother you're just ignored anyway but had best birth of all (another elective section unfortunately)

I stuck to my birth plan but in hindsight I'm not sure that was such a good idea. Nearly a year on I'm still traumatised. I think maybe an epidural mightn't have been such a bad idea.

I too stuck to my plan, had DD at home with a canister of Entinox at hand, went unused though!
Although did end up having DD in the bathroom rather than the nursery but don't tell her that!!

I guess I was just lucky, maybe.
Still not sure what I'm doing this time round though, and MW is pushing me for plans LOL
Maybe I'll just leave options open for everything LOL
Any recommendations?

here in andalucia there are no birth plans...you're just told to do what you're told. Most hospitals refuse to even look at them

Good on you, Jayne and Penny. Jayne, love the fact you care enough to let her know labour is insane and takes you to a very weird place where you're not your normal rational, choice-making self and things 'just happen'. Penny, I think it's fantastic to think through as many scenarios as you can so that you can ask questions of your midwives BEFORE you get into labour. Might also help to go through them with your partner - a friend of mine ended up transferred with blue lights from MW-led unit to big hosp and her partner was so traumatised he went into shell shock in a chair in the corner and was no support at all. Might also stop your DH doing as mine did - ie strapping on my TENS machine at 11pm then rolling over to get a good night's kip ! That's the best proof I can think of that you change completely while in labour - if you'd asked me beforehand what I'd have done if he'd tried to get away with that I'd have said he'd have been kicked out of bed quick smart and forced to spend the entire night massaging my shoulders as punishment. Instead I bounced meekly on my birthing ball on my own and eventually called the MW to hear the sound of another voice!!!

I think it is very important to have a birth plan.

Thnkgs that I found useful to write down were

1. Do not offer me pain control, I wil ask for it if I need it. (I wanted active birth at home and felt that by offering pain relief, this mihgt make me feel that I was not coping)

2. I do not want to have internal examinations

3. I would like to give birth in the pool

and some stuff about intervention which I cannot remember now.

and the reality was pretty similar to the way I had hoped

I wanted a home birth, had two birth plans 1 for home and 1 for if I went to hosp, which included birthing pool etc. I had no pool as I was not allowed! I did stray a little from my plan, however, what it did was make me feel like I had some control over the situation for the time that I cared enough! It also let my wonderful midwife know that I wanted it to be as close to natural as I could, pain allowing, and it meant that she pulled the stops out to help me achieve this, even tho we had deviated from the plan.

It also helped me focus in the weeks and days leading up to the birth, for me and my DP to think about what things I needed to consider, who I wanted there, what to happen if emergency situations occured and have it on paper in case we were not in an emotional state to discuss things rationally.

I needed a little additional care afterwards, and my birth plan meant that although I could not have some of it followed, the midwives and Doctors made sure it was explained to me the reasons for things not happening how I wanted, that I was happy with what was going on.

I felt in all it gave me greater control in making decisions when I needed to, as it informed those caring for me a litte about me as a person which is hard to figure out when you are in pain!

I never bothered to plan one! I heard so many stories, so I thought I would just go with the flow. Which Im glad I did because I had to be induced 2 weeks early as I had obstetric cholostosis and I had to have an epidural so couldnt leave my bed. If I did have a birth plan it wouldnt have been like that and I would have been disapointed!

So No birth plans for me in the future!

I do think it's good to have a general idea of how you'd like to cope with the event, but it's good to always have in mind that things can go in a different way than what you have planned.
I had my first child in Italy, in a big maternity hospital, birth plans aren't remotely contemplated. But all I wanted first time around was for my baby to be born safely, and that was one of the best place to be, regardless of patronizing doctors. This is what I felt was right for me at the time.
I had my second baby in England, I wrote in my bplan that I wanted to be mobile and feel more "in charge" of the whole event, which is exactly what happened, partly because I had a lovely midwife, partly because I was lucky enough to have a fast, easy, textbook labour.
All the best to your friend

dd1/plan 1: with a sneaking suspicion about their potentially fictitious nature I kept an open mind. plan a was try with just the tens machine (pah) and gas and air; plan b said oh alright I'll have an epidural then. in any case the whole thing never actually made it out my hospital bag. top tip: don't wait for your midwife to ask you for it. chances are she won't.

dd2/plan 2: stay at home for as long as possible; independent mw comes and sees me at home when I'm half way there; fixes up my gas and air; probably goes home for a while because we'll all be so relaxed; independent mw comes back; takes me to the birth centre; dd pops out

reality: I realise dd2 is imminent and swear rather a lot at my mum about getting dh the Miriam Stoppard book with its page on "what to do if you give birth without a midwife"; dd shoots out like a champagne cork while mw is still half way across south London; dh catches her on my pristine White Company white fluffy dressing gown, whilst holding my mobile to his ear with his shoulder so the nice lady at the 999 call centre can talk him through it. two ambulances arrive 5 minutes later and my room is filled with an inordinate amount of people wearing green who take great delight on being called out to what was essentially a happy event rather than some horrible road accident; mw arrives 10 minutes later and shoos green people away and runs me a bath. I feed dd in the bath whilst my mum sits with us in utter awe. we're all tucked up in bed by 11 pm. better than any birth plan - and much more fun for dinner party chat...

DS1 was an emergnecy induction, but with ds2 and ds3 I stuck to mine- and with ds2 the MW (wonderful poeple) fought like anything to help me do that, as he was posterior and things were stalling.

With ds3 I over rode my plan and werent home early but that was choice- the MW had already booked me the palce at the local unit requested.

Thee were different hospitals, different counties even.

I love birth plans- as long as you are aware that they're a guide not a rulebook.