Convince my mate - there's no greater act of fiction than a birth plan - how'd u stray from yours?

[jaynehater]

My first birth plan called for whale noises and lavender and soothing massages, while real life coughed up four hours of induction, ventouse, epidural and gas-and-air.

Second birth plan, newly realistic me said 'drug me' - and I gave birth on the dining room floor leaning against the hoover playing jigsaws with dd1.

How badly did you all stray from your birthplans,(or am I alone here?!?) so I can convince my first-time pregnant list making deluded mate not to put so much store by hers (it's not how organised you are, Penny, it just happens!!!)

Yes I'm not sure I'll make a birth plan if there is a next time (and that's a BIG if). My MW (the last one anyway, the first two were cr*p) was great and she was all for minimal intervention in any case. In fact I was begging her to do something, anything, to get DS out after 3 hours of pushing but she insisted I could do it and, in the end, I did. But blardy hell I think I needed more pain relief, and I wish I'd asked for it. Perhaps my memories would be better if I had. I think I'd been a bit too influenced by all the natural birth stuff that you read. If your baby won't cooperate there's not a lot you can do about it in the end.

No one looked at my birth plan and I didn't even think about it as I was asking for the epidural and quite happily okaying the episiotomy (the two things I said in my bp that I wanted to avoid). But hey, it gave me something to do and made me actually think about and research my preference before the birth.

If it makes your friend feel more in control then it's got to be good yes? When it comes to the crunch it'll likely be the last thing on her mind but hey ho!

Another lucky one here:
Like most 1st timers I had a plan - it was: labour at home as long as possible, call midwife, go to hospital, take whatever drugs offered and have a nice healthy baby with qualified proffessionals to hand should anything go wrong. Actuality was first midwife arrived at our house 10 mins before baby, and the second MW just about had time to put her gloves on & catch.

2nd time - planned homebirth this time, but 1st midwife didn't get here until 10 mins after baby was caught by my sainted brother.

Although plan was to have injection if prolonged 3rd stage again, which was what we did.

The most invaluable part of the plan 2nd time round was to chat through what to do if no-one's there with my MW (God bless Sure start MW led teams!!) So I guess we did plan for the second one...even though we departed from the majority.

I have a theory that midwives don't look at them. They pretty much know that any first timer who's written a birth plan will have the same sort of things on the list. No drugs, soft lighting, bean bags and/or birthing pool.

I had mine ignored (as was i pretty much!) by the midwife who came to my home birth, and we went to the birthing unit instead, as she was vile.

That was the only thing that was different, i got the pain relief and care i asked for. I changed my mind about the injection for the placenta too- when the time came i just wanted it out so i could have a wash and cuddle my son.

I'm DEFINATELY still doing one this, and i'm being very firm about decent home birth support being sent out. Otherwise DH is to send her away and ask for someone else!

and mine was for DH as much as the midwife- incase he got flustered and couldn't remember what i wanted.

the birthing unit midwife read it all and followed it.

didn't even bother writing one - just don't see the point when you don't know what the labour is going to be like!

i couldn't have predicted that i'd be sick the whole way thru the delivery and that g & a made it worse, that i'd have meconium in waters so would have to be monitored etc

load of rubbish imo

i think they are invaluble, simply because they give YOU a bit of time and space to think things through

i think MWs also peg mothers by their type (and existence) of a birth plan. Thusly if you have one it DOES show that you've thought about stuff. If you say "I like whale music and lavender" then hopefully they will at least peg you as the kind of mother who should be offered a birth ball.

I think what can also be helpful is to write down practical stuff. Who should cut the cord, etc?

The MWs prob WON'T look at your birth plan, but YOU will. It means YOU will have thought through stuff and have an idea of what you THINK you'd want.

I had one both times and am glad I did, though I prob won't bother this time, simply because i know the drill.

Saw the mw yesterday and she went through the birth plan for this time:

Gas & Air
Birth Pool
Cord cut when its finished pulsating
No injection for 3rd stage unless necessary
Skin to skin

Theres a lot more in it this time, so there is probably more to deviate from but hopefully, with doing it once already it should be ok.

She was laughing though at some of the plans they see. Saying they are printed off with lovely borders and have things like the whale music and even state what the women would like to eat during labour.

Eat, I was too busy screaming! Oh, sorry to all the first timers, don't think I should have mentioned that bit.

but i don't think anyone should be laughing at a woman for knowing what she'd like in labour. It disturbs me that mws are doing that, it'd be much better to point out the impossibles and give women a realistic idea.

actually, i pretty much DID follow my birth plan, both times.

My MWs (all three whilst in labour) all read my birth plan and did what I asked in it.

Although one was incredulous that I had put 'No Pethadine'. It was my only stipulation and she spent ages trying to convince me to have some. I stuck to my guns though.

I ended up having an epi but I had written in my birthplan that I was happy to have one if I felt I needed it.

Also mentioned about the Vitamin K and the injection to bring on the placenta so they didn't have to bother me asking about that whilst I was recovering from pushing LO out, they just got on a did it.

I also asked them to pass me LO so I could put him/her straight to the breast which they did.

All in all I was happy with my birth plan. It was only about half a page written and was more a list of points rather than a long winded essay.

I had my tens, birthing ball, aromatherapy blend, homeopathic pillules, magazines - visuallised birth in pool................

Reality 36 hours of labour - 5 very unproductive hours in birthing pool - hallucinating with pain, back to back baby, gas air, diamorphine, epidural, waters broken manually, syntocin drip, 8 buckets of vomit, snapped umbilical cord - theatre

Next birth plan - get the epidural at the ready!

Reading these messages has made me realise birth plans do work, my experience wasn't so good however....

Consisted of bath/birthing pool, no drugs, calming music, staying active, massage - all very beautiful. I may have even mentioned a meadow and sympony orchestra!! ;-))

Reality was induced at 42weeks, did manage to get in bath but stood up every time a contraction came shouting at the midwife to make it stop; cut to bouncing up and down on exercise ball inhaling gas and air and apparently "mooing", one epi that only went down one side of me, so attempting to hurl myself of other side of bed in effort to escape (literally) the pain, then full epi, and finally (24hrs later) into operating room - possibly to shut me up!!

Am preg now with second, birth plan will simply read:

Drugs please - as many as you can spare!!

I did have a beautiful little girl though!!

why don't people want the injection for the 3rd stage? what's the big deal?

bloody hell Loopy! that makes sense. I didn't know about any of that when I was asked if I wanted the injection so I said yes please, and luckily didn't have any probs. Might think again next time though.

Loopy, that sounds horrendous! I know that if you don't have it you can have increased risk of a big bleed, thats why I've put only if necessary.

I had it last time and it made me really sick. Not very pleasant having your new baby in one hand and a bowl to vomit in in the other.

One of the risks of having it is that your planceta might not be delivered before you close up so that you have to go to theatre for a retained placenta, not something I really want to do.

Read a piece about the 3rd stage and it said that putting the baby to the breast can be just as effective as the injection and like I say, haven't put that I don't want it just only if its necessary. Might find me shouting for it though after going through the 2nd stage

I'm sure I saw something on another thread here a while ago to say that there is a different injection you can be given which is less likely to make you sick. I'm sure it was mears (who's a midwife) who posted that... Might be worth investigating.

I had very few expectations for my birth. I kept an open mind and didn't know what to expect. I did a birth plan but only because it is sort of expected. I really had no expectations that things would go to any sort of plan.

I also think I saw some research somewhere (though please no one ask where) that said women who had the fewest expectations of labour tended to have fewer complaints about the birth process after the event than those expected the birth to be a certain way (either in that they expected certain things to go well and to plan or that they were dreading it and expecting it to be terrible)

BTW - that doesn't mean I didn't educate myself about the possibilites and form some preferences in advance. I just understood that after a certain point there was no point in planning or trying to control.

Lazyemma - it was in my birth plan that I wanted a natural third stage barring any complications. Well my second stage lasted three and a half hours and I couldn't care less about a natural third stage after that. The MW was diligently explaining to me why I should have the injection and I kept saying I didn't care. She thought I meant I didn't care about all the blood I'd lost already etc. when I meant I didn't care about my birth plan I just wanted the bloody thing out. I didn't feel the injection, had no side effects and the third stage was so easy it was sheer bliss. I reckon you'd have to be a sadist to want a natural third stage if you've already had a difficult labour.

I'm not surprised if people with fewest expectations are also the least likely to complain but having high expectations, complaining and trying to get better service and treatment is a good thing surely?
my mw team were great but i'd be to think (tho I'm sure it happens all the time) that mw's laugh at women's birth plans. or don't even bother reading them!! our notes had a whole section in it for you to write out your birth plan and mine was read several times before and during labour. it's pretty disrespectful not to bother looking or to just laugh at it.
i didn't do one for my first two cos I had them abroad and they really would laugh in your face if you turned up with one. I don't see that as a step forward tbh. I was really disappointed with ds1's birth cos induced and ended in c section, but I am very 'earth mothery' in my mind. ds2 I just stayed at home as long as pos and refused continuous monitoring but didn't write it down or anything in advance. as I said earlier, for dd I covered as many bases as I could cos I had lots of opinions about the kind of things I wanted/didn't want to happen. everything I had an opinion on, I wrote it down. I was very happy with dd's birth cos I felt listened to, looked after and treasured by everyone. whenever something deviated from my plan, it was always explained to me and I was fine with it. the only main difference was cord cut early cos of probs with dd breathing.

i can imagine some first timers are a bit over board (or idealistic!) but laughing is out of order. MW's are there to inform and support, not have a giggle!

i'm going to do mine today i think- i like to be prepared!

Have not quite read whole thread, but your mate could learn from my mate!!

It was her first and she put in her birth plan that she did not want an epidural...fast forward to labour and she is screaming "GIVE ME A F*KING EPIDURAL" and the midwife says, NO, your birth plan says you don't want it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!