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Original poster

Convince my mate - there's no greater act of fiction than a birth plan - how'd u stray from yours?

180 replies

jaynehater · 01/07/2007 15:46

My first birth plan called for whale noises and lavender and soothing massages, while real life coughed up four hours of induction, ventouse, epidural and gas-and-air.

Second birth plan, newly realistic me said 'drug me' - and I gave birth on the dining room floor leaning against the hoover playing jigsaws with dd1.

How badly did you all stray from your birthplans,(or am I alone here?!?) so I can convince my first-time pregnant list making deluded mate not to put so much store by hers (it's not how organised you are, Penny, it just happens!!!)

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MarsLady · 01/07/2007 18:20

Jayne Jayne Jayne...............

What you tell her is to be sure to plan for when things don't go to plan!

There's nothing wrong with having a birth plan of your dreams. It's a really good idea to set it all out. Then if you get it...fantastic!!!!!!!! First experiences don't have to be awful.

However, what should be factored in is a "what happens when things don't go to plan" plan. I get my clients to write a c-birth plan so that if plans A and/or B don't happen they have plan C to call on.

Loopymumsy · 01/07/2007 18:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

motherinferior · 01/07/2007 18:26

I have to say that it's babies who don't take to organisation very well .

Blandmum · 01/07/2007 18:26

MI, I got two shots of diamorphine with dd.....beat that

normabutty · 01/07/2007 18:33

TBH I didn't really have a 'plan' as such, I just had a few points about what I wanted. Mine just said

DH to cut cord if possible
Interested in water birth
Vit K to be given by injection
Would like injection to speed up placenta delivery
In case of em cs please use stitches NOT staples (allergic to a lot of metallic stuff)

Although I didn't enjoy my birth experience that much, I never felt like I hadn't lived up to my plan IYSWIM.

jabuti · 01/07/2007 18:42

i think it all depends on how you see it. im with the ladies here that said birth plans are more of a preference list. my partner will be there with me and he knows what i would like to happen during birth. if the midwife cant be bothered reading the notes at least he can tell her what i would like, in case im too drugged to say anything.

but i still will write a birth plan, i hope my midwife(s) reads it. so far, i have no reason to believe they will be dismissive about it (i've been seen at the local health centre + hospital).

now, to think you can control conditions because you wrote a birth plan, its insane. you might write yourself a one million pound check and believe you will get this money just because you wrote it down!

manchcestermummy2b, are you manchestermum? if so, hi there!

im 35+4, and my local midwife just requested my birthplan for my next visit when i will be 37 weeks.

Hulababy · 01/07/2007 18:45

I think birth plans are find, in theory. Great to highlight your presences. However you do need to take every birth as it comes and be prepared to be very flexible and go with the flow on the day IME.

Too strict a birth plan can put too much pressure on yourelf to perform to plan on the day, and if things go awry it can lead to feelings of failure and upset. Better to take the pressure off in advance.

Bouncingturtle · 01/07/2007 19:07

Well I looked at birth plan questions and thought to myself, WTF?? How the hell am I going to know what I want til it's actually happens? My birth plan will be a loose as possible (expecting my 1st!).

pollyanna · 01/07/2007 19:11

With my second baby, I had a really fast labour and after she was born I said "oh no I left my birthplan in my bag" midwife said "best place for it"

but with my 4th baby, the midwife studied the birthplan, and then when I had forgotten all about it started reading bits off it. It was really good actually, I had torn for my first 3 and all my birth plan said was that I wanted to avoid tearing, and after reading the birthplan, the mw helped me to stop tearing.

milfAKAmonkeymonkeymoomoo · 01/07/2007 19:11

Mine was followed to the letter, but that was more luck than judgement I think!

Blu · 01/07/2007 19:19

But birth plan isn't about writing the script for your fntasy birth, it's about covering all the eventualities and contingencies e.g if we need an emergency Cs I would prefer the baby to be delivered on to my stocmach if possible...or if possible, in the event of an intervention being suggested, I would like to be told why, what would be the benefits, what would be the result to doing nothing, etc etc. "

Even when my hoped for home birth in pool developed into ventouse birth in hospital, the mw still followed my preferred choices, up to 'would you like to see the placenta now?' ("oh ffs take it away...") but the fact that they continued to refer to it made me feel still part of the process, and positive.

jabuti · 01/07/2007 19:21

yup, agreed with blu. thats how im writing my birth plan.

rhubarb90 · 01/07/2007 19:32

Mine said I didn't want an epidural and that I wanted my baby cleaned before he was given to me. Lo and behold, I turned out to be absolute rubbish at dealing with pain and was begging for every kind of drug available and DS was dumped unceremoniously on my chest covered in blood and gunk. This time the only thing I know I will be writing down is that I don't want pethidine, it made me feel like I was drunk, and not in a good way. Basically until it's happening, you have no idea what's going to happen, so you might as well go in without any plans whatsoever.

dejags · 01/07/2007 19:35

3 babies

3 birth plans

3 pages wasted

I never really strayed from the fundamentally important things i.e. no pain relief beside G&A and no stirrups. But I did not need a birth plan to keep me focused.

I was lucky in that I was consulted on everything during my 2nd and 3rd labours. The first baby was a bit of a disaster but a birth plan wouldn't have made a difference (i.e. induced due to high BP)

DivaSkyChick · 01/07/2007 20:17

I'm with Blu, altho I haven't actually had the baby yet so will let you know how I feel afterwards...

But it strikes me that if you know the facts about the various interventions and possibilities, then you are more liable to get the treatment you want. I want to be treated as an educated woman who is actively involved in birthing a baby, not as a victim who must be saved from this awful experience.

Be nice if we could just write "Respect Me" and that would be enough. Nicer still if the presumption was that we'd be respected.

Maybe I'm naive???

Stargazing · 01/07/2007 20:38

I didn't stray from mine at all.... sorry if that sounds smug. Home, birth ball, pool, no pain relief, no episi, no stitches, all good.
Sorry - and good luck Penny, you stick to your guns lady!

flibbertyjibbet · 01/07/2007 20:48

I just didn't bother with a birth plan, I asked the midwife 'shall we just go with the flow on the day?'.
Just as well. If your baby is at risk you just do whatever they say.
2nd time was elective c-sect so my birth plan went 'put makeup on, do hair, go to theatre, have baby, look lovely on new baby pics'

mawbroon · 01/07/2007 21:48

Mine didn't actually ever get down on paper, but it was for an active birth with as little pain relief and intervention as possible with immediate skin to skin. Ended up with elective section for breech baby, who got wrapped up and dressed before being plonked on my chest as they sewed me up and dh ended up holding him for ages until they were finished.

I really didn't care though.

cece · 01/07/2007 21:52

1st baby - very detailed plan, went on for pages. Including stating that I wanted every kind of pain relief going! Ended up with G&A and TENS machine only which was taken away from me for the delvery.

2nd baby - only wrote down 2 things that I felt were important. I want pain relief. I want to bf asap after delivery. Got both.

My advice only write down the things that are really important and go with the flow for everything else

Ellbell · 01/07/2007 21:54

I am a control freak (around giving birth, anyway) and was trying for a VBAC, so keeping to the plan was very important to me.

I kept to everything on the plan except that I have no idea whether the cord was allowed to stop pulsating before being cut (dh didn't want to go near it, so a midwife did it, and by that stage I just wanted it to be over). Otherwise, kept to it to the letter! Sorry!

Must be said that it was quite 'technical', though - e.g. no continuous monitoring, no epidural, no induction, what I wanted dh to do if something went wrong and I needed a general anaesthetic, etc. No specifications re. whale music, etc.

The midwife who admitted me did comment, in my hearing, that 'I've got her birth plan here and it's very demanding'. So, my advice to your friend is ... be as demanding as hell. It may pay off!

TheArmadillo · 01/07/2007 21:59

My birth plan said no drugs if poss - rofl

Had very good midwife who encouraged me to write birth plan to mainly cover htings like the vitamin k injection and similar.

She made it clear that their aim was to get the baby out the best way possible without damaging the baby or mother and that if that didn't correspond with my plan then the plan went out the window.

She with another midwife ran very good antenatal classes on birth about how it was down to luck quite a lot of the time, and the thing to concentrate on was a healthy baby and mother however that happened.

My birth did not go to 'plan', but my m/w (although not there at the birth) was very good afterwards and helped me sort out all the problems in my head.

TBH she really helped both before and after. Lovely woman.

Blu · 01/07/2007 22:03

Oh, and I HATED people being all damning about my active birth approach and cackling on about how ridiculous plans were and it would be bound to be awful....

Everyone knows you can't dictate how your birth happens - but you tend to know whether you are the person who wants to know as little as possible, just be helped or whether you are the sort of person who likes to know details and be talked through a decision wherever there is time.

WideWebWitch · 01/07/2007 22:07

Ooh, I found my first one the other day, it pretty much DID go to plan:

Only midwives there and dh
dh to cut the cord, baby straight to me
no drugs if pos other than gas and air
injection for placenta
low lighting
no intervention if pos

and all happened, it was at home

The second time didn't write one but told dh I didn't want to transfer unless absolutely necessary and also said ok to injection etc, had birthing pool, all went to plan, also at home.

So they can be followed although prob as much luck as judement in my case.

Original poster
jaynehater · 01/07/2007 22:07

God, Penny's trotting about muttering 'it's not a plan, it's preference list' everytime I make eye contact!!! Thanks for all the input, it's been most constructive (even if it didn't give me the opportunity to point to the screen and say "SEE, I TOLD YOU I WAS RIGHT" (Yes, I'm a crap friend). I'm so wishing mumsnet had been available when I too was a list-making wide-eyed birth-planner!!

OP posts:
agnesnitt · 01/07/2007 22:10

Original birthplan was not too long. Didn't get what I wanted due to having far too long a labour.

New birthplan?

"Please can we avoid an epidural if at all possible? I'm open to discussion, baby comes first."

Agnes