Pregnant with 3rd child, husband doesn't want.

[JuJu2017]

I've just found out that I am pregnant with my third baby. Our eldest child is 3, and our middle child is 8 months. To say I've struggled being a stay at home mum to the two of them since my second son's birth is an understatement; I've been depressed, fed-up of being stuck in, and feeling like I've lost a huge part of my identity. Yesterday, I took a pregnancy test at the doctors before having the injection and found out I was pregnant. It was a complete shock. I've been on the pill and we barely had sex last month; all I can think is that I had a stomach bug and maybe that's how I caught but considering how long it took to get pregnant the first two times, it's just mind-boggling that it could happen so fast.
Anyway, my husband doesn't want it; he keeps pointing out the money situation (I've just handed in my notice at work after mat leave) and although he has a good wage, he'd stretched to pay bills and support me and three kids comfortably. He hasn't even mentioned the prospect of keeping it; he's pointed out the finances, my unhappiness on mat leave with baby number 2 and how he thinks it'd be exacerbated if I were to carry on with this pregnancy and have 2 under 2 at home with me.
I don't know what to do at all. I understand what he's saying and I know I haven't been a trophy mum/wife and I have struggled being at home, but the idea of having an abortion just ... I don't know. It's not that I'm against it, it just seems very wrong. I don't know what to do.
I'm sorry for the rant, because this is basically all this is, but my husband has asked me not to tell family/friends because he doesn't want them to know about the pregnancy and abortion. I feel completely alone.

OP I don't usually comment so much on a thread. But I cannot bear the idea of someone feeling they have to have an abortion for other people's reasons and not their own.

You do sound more positive now. But please remember that it's your feelings and opinions that matter here. You are entitled to make this decision for yourself, even if other people disapprove. And if they do, it doesn't mean you made the wrong choice, it just means they need to either mind their own business or learn to be more supportive.

How are you OP?

Hi all, I just wanted to give an update to all you lovely people who have supported me and offered your support and advise. This is a bit long, but bear with me.
I miscarried the baby on Thursday evening. I started spotted Wednesday evening but didn't really think much of it (I spotted with both my boys and they too were invisible on scans so I didn't feel particularly worried about it), but by Thursday morning the bleeding had got a little heavier. I called the EPU and they asked to see me. Even at this point I wasn't too worried; I genuinely thought that if they scanned me, we'd see the baby this time, and it might make DH want it more.
Sadly, the scan showed nothing except a thickened womb lining, but according to the sonographer, miscarriage bleeds do look similar to thickened linings on scans. After the scan, the doctor examined me and said my cervic was open and she was pretty sure I was having either a miscarriage, but because no baby had been seen on the scan, she couldn't rule out ectopic and would have to do some blood tests to see how my levels came down. We were sent home and later that day the bleeding got heavier and the cramping got a lot stronger. I called the EPU and they told me to take some paracetamol and get in the bath but they did say I could send my DH in for some codeine for me which was nice of them. At quarter past seven I felt a little urge to push and then I lost a huge clot, which I suppose was the pregnancy, because the bleeding slowed after that and the pain calmed.
I went back to the hospital yesterday and my HCG levels were down from 67 on Thursday to 10, so a miscarriage was confirmed.
I'm devastated. Over the past week, DH and I had come to the conclusion that we were going to keep it. I couldn't go through an abortion and he couldn't make me do something that I was so against. DH hasn't been that upset because of his feelings on it, but he has been very supportive of me and my feelings. I told my parents; my mum called it a 'blessing in disguise' which just broke my heart, but my dad was a lot more supportive than I expected, although he did avoid me until last night because he couldn't get his head around it apparently. Neither of them think I should be too upset about it but I am. I can't believe I've had a miscarriage after carrying two healthy babies to term and I think it must be my fault for being so stressed.

I am really sorry @JuJu2017.
for you.

So sorry to hear that OP. I'm glad your DH managed to be supportive of your position though.

Op, 1 in 4 pregnancies end in miscarriage is the official figure. It is believed to be much more likely to be 1 in 3 as many women don’t even go to GPs over early losses. Statistically speaking it is very common and youve had 1 in 3. Just saying this to show you how common miscarriage is and that is has nothing to do with your stress levels.

Hope you and your DH can recover your relationship.

I am so sorry to hear you have miscarried OP. I have been wondering how you are. It is certainly not your fault. Miscarriage happen all the time and are not due to stress. Please be kind to yourself.

It is good to hear that your DH is being supportive now. Please take care of yourself and allow yourself some time to process what has happened. I hope you have managed to rest

Sorry to hear this, OP. What a rollercoaster. I don't know if this is really the case but pregnancies conceived shortly after delivery often seem to end this way, as if the body is not quite ready for the task?

Thank you for thinking of me @wonderwoo, it's so nice to know you've been sending me good thoughts! thank you.
@Monny1, thank you.
@minipie, me too - it's about time. Although, in my saddest moments I do wonder whether he's being nice out of relief. But that's not going to get us anywhere. I've just been feeling a bit bitter about it all today, which isn't like me.
@c0untDucu1a - it's so awful that so many women have to go through it, isn't it, especially when you think the figure could be higher. I really do hope it wasn't my stress levels, because they were incredibly high. I just can't believe it, but I suppose everyone thinks it won't happen to them.
@heartsease68, i was wondering that myself. DS2 is only just 8 months and I have a mild heart problem anyway that means I do struggle carrying out a little bit (nothing too dramatic, just a little extra tired), so maybe my body just couldn't cope.

I just don't know what to do. I feel so sad. But then I feel like I don't have much right to be when I have 2 healthy children and there are women out there who haven't got any children and miscarry regularly. It's like I've been initiated into a whole other world now and I feel their heartbreak. I never really truly understood before I don't think.

I do have a couple of practical questions though if any of you would be kind enough to take the time to answer. The EPU have discharged me now, but they didn't give me much info about the following things:

• when will the bleeding stop?
• when can i take the pill again?
• when will periods return to normal/when can i expect to have a period?

thank you again xxxx

So sorry for your loss.

I had two miscarriages after my very health 2 big bouncing boys.

I found both really sad and distressing but I also felt that I should appreciate what I had and focus on them.

They are now 13 & 15 and we are all very happy.

It's all very sad, totally not your fault, just allow yourself to grieve.

Good luck.

Very sorry you’ve been through all this.

Emotional stress is v unlikely to cause early miscarriage.