Scan Gender reveal after asking not to be told

[CeeP]

Hi All, sorry if this is long but I am just so upset.

My partner and I went for our 20 week scan today. We were shown into a room by a lady who said she was a trainee, asked us if that was ok, said the department manager would check at the end. She then said she could tell us the gender if we wanted to know. We said absolutely not, we are very keen for a surprise etc.

She then proceeds to scan, and starts to get to the area where she can tell, we ask her again to please not tell us. Then she just blurted out the sex! I just burst into tears and asked her why on Earth she said that? She then tried back tracking saying it’s not always accurate etc.

We left the room then and went and spoke to the receptionist, who was very respectful and went out of her way to give us somewhere quiet to sit, and went and got the manger who finished the scan.

The manager then mentions that it’s not the first time this lady has done this and she will be spoken to again.
I feel I want to take it further to avoid this happening to anyone else.

I feel as if my whole experience of my first pregnancy has been ruined. I really wanted my partner to be the one to tell me what our child was, and am gutted this special moment has been taken from us.

Has anyone else had a similar experience and did you take it any further?

You need a serious reality check.

Some women get devastating and life changing news at their 20 week scan, and have reason to cry.

Consider yourself very luck.

Have you got a healthy baby? That’s what matters really.

We got a similar blurt at 36 weeks but decided not to worry about it and time would tell if it was right. We didn’t even tell anyone about the blurt out so we kidded ourselves it might not have been accurate.

I can see why you are upset, as I prefer a surprise at the end too, but please don't let it spoil your pregnancy for you. This is still an exciting time, and it is wonderful that no anomalies were found.

But as this is not the first time this has been done by this scanner, I would submit a more formal complaint via the PALS service.

Jesus Christ OP. My first pregnancy experience was ruined by miscarriage. As were the next five. As others have said is your baby healthy???? If so, calm down. It's an important health scan. There really are much more important things to get upset about. Focus on what you do have.

If it would help, I presume that a trainee would be more likely to get it wrong than someone more experienced? We didn't want to know till ours were born so I absolutely get where you are coming from.

Jeez I can understand you being annoyed but having to find somewhere quiet to sit!! You’ve got a healthy baby on the way just focus on that!

Yea baby Is healthy. It was just a shock and disappointment of a healthcare professional ignoring a repeated request that’s all. The reality check comment is unnecessary. I know how lucky we are, just feeling upset and asking if other people have been through the same that’s all.

Glad all was fine.

Now if I were you I’d rise above it, don’t tell anyone and see if they were right when baby arrives. This will only ‘spoil’ your pregnancy if you let it.

I think I'd feel the same way. I'd complain. You specifically asked her not to tell you, twice and she did it anyway. Obviously, the important thing is that your baby is healthy, but yanbu to feel that her ignoring your wishes isn't on, and that she took a special part of your experience away from you and your partner.

Does it really matter? Why were you so keen not to know?

PALS? For being told the sex of your baby? It's a baby not a surprise party gift.

If you think this has ruined your whole experience of your first pregnancy then I'm sorry but you really need to remove your head from up your arse.

Oh get a grip.

At my 20 week scan, I was told my baby had holoprosencephaly. One week later, the baby was induced, as he was incompatible with life. 20 week scans are for checking the health and growth of the baby, not for 'gender reveals'.

I had to go and sit in a little room and cry. For good reasons. Your post has made me very, very upset.

I get where you’re coming from and yes it’s a shame the surprise has been ruined but I agree with other posters that you are overreacting. The quiet places to sit are supposed to be for people who have received bad news so whilst it’s understandable you’re annoyed take a deep breath and count your blessings. I have a few friends that were also adamant they didn’t want to know the sex but it was very obvious on the screen that they were having boys. Not quite the same as actually being told but they didn’t want to know and it was still surprised ruined. And I suppose an experienced sonographer should have told them to look away when look at that area maybe?! I don’t recall one of them being upset though, more excited and relieved baby was healthy. I presume it’s your first so rest assured that knowing the sex won’t make it any less magical when you finally get to meet your baby.

While others have somewhat insensitively pointed out, the most important thing is the baby is fine. This is great!

But as a healthcare PROFESSIONAL, this person was grossly unprofessional in their actions. I would definitely complain to PALS. Bedside manner is so important and patients should not be leaving in tears after an uneventful 20 week scan.

So sorry you’re disappointed but in the great scheme of things this will pass and other things will be more important- even if nothing else does now. I’m glad baby is fit and well. You don’t need to tell anyone just because you know . Enjoy the rest of your pregnancy. X

I'd be very pissed off. Was she deliberately trying to go against your wishes or had she just forgotten?
If deliberate, then she shouldn't be working in health care and has some issues to deal with, definitely report. If there was any more serious issue found in the scan, I dread to think how she would deal with it.

OP, I've reported your thread as I think it's insensitive. This isn't devastating, it's not really a big deal, it was going to be one or the other either way.

Congratulations on your healthy baby but please consider how lucky your are.

So you got your surprise at 20 weeks rather than 40.

Some harsh comments on here, but it does not take away from how unprofessional this person was. I would report it and then try and move on OP.

Do you know what ruined my first pregnancy OP? No heartbeat at a scan.
A spontaneous miscarriage ruined my second.
Those, amongst other such happenings have ruined my current pregnancy and likely any future ones if I am lucky enough to ever concieve in the future. I now suffer constant anxiety expecting a further loss. Despite being well into the third trimester I still fret about telling people due to worrying I'll need to untell them and have to explain. I hate my partner and parents talking about the baby as it feels like it will jinx things.
I understand being disappointed but you've no idea how far from ruined that is!

And I know that I am lucky compared to some!

We had a blurt out with our DD2 that the sonographer tried to style out. It didn’t work- we all heard! Sorry OP but this is a nice problem to have. You need to take a deep breath and move on.

At 20 weeks they saw my ds had 2 club feet and faced 4 years of treatment...