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Original poster

Scan Gender reveal after asking not to be told

265 replies

CeeP · 13/04/2018 19:00

Hi All, sorry if this is long but I am just so upset.

My partner and I went for our 20 week scan today. We were shown into a room by a lady who said she was a trainee, asked us if that was ok, said the department manager would check at the end. She then said she could tell us the gender if we wanted to know. We said absolutely not, we are very keen for a surprise etc.

She then proceeds to scan, and starts to get to the area where she can tell, we ask her again to please not tell us. Then she just blurted out the sex! I just burst into tears and asked her why on Earth she said that? She then tried back tracking saying it’s not always accurate etc.

We left the room then and went and spoke to the receptionist, who was very respectful and went out of her way to give us somewhere quiet to sit, and went and got the manger who finished the scan.

The manager then mentions that it’s not the first time this lady has done this and she will be spoken to again.
I feel I want to take it further to avoid this happening to anyone else.

I feel as if my whole experience of my first pregnancy has been ruined. I really wanted my partner to be the one to tell me what our child was, and am gutted this special moment has been taken from us.

Has anyone else had a similar experience and did you take it any further?

OP posts:
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mehhh · 13/04/2018 21:18

Yes it's very disappointing and annoying, it may not be accurate, if you don't want people to know keep it to yourself and try and forget about it... but no I wouldn't take it any further, its really not worth the stress, as the manager says she will be spoken to again about it

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 13/04/2018 21:21

If you really do complain about this, op, I hope they laugh you out of the room. Get over yourself.

weasledee · 13/04/2018 21:24

This happened to us. Sonographer asked if we wanted to know, we said no. And then she proceeded to keep babies boy boys on the screen for ages!!! Grin
OP on the grand scale of things life can throw at you, this isn't a biggy Smile

Zcarter · 13/04/2018 21:26

So are you having a boy or a girl ...

Bea1985 · 13/04/2018 21:28

Stop being such a princess and grow up. Can't you just be happy that you have a healthy baby?

Laurilee · 13/04/2018 21:36

My first pregnancy was ruined by miscarriage, my second by miscarriage, my third by miscarriage... I'm now pregnant again and am absolutely terrified. If my baby is healthy, I don't think I could let anything ruin this pregnancy.

Is your baby healthy? I understand you are upset however it doesn't change anything. It is frustrating and you are more than entitled to put in a complaint. You need to look at the positives now however and treasure the previous life you have growing inside you.

Congratulations OP Thanks

QuantumPixies · 13/04/2018 21:38

babies boy boys Confused

Rawesome6 · 13/04/2018 21:39

Unbelievable, get a grip OP. I found out at my 20 week scan that my first child had a serious heart condition---- and was unlikely to survive birth. I think you should ask for this thread to be removed, or Mumsnet should at least add a trigger warning. Can't articulate how insensitive your post is to those who have had reality bite in an ultrasound scan.

SpanielFace · 13/04/2018 21:39

Another one here whose "devastating news" at the 20 weeks scan with our second baby was that he was dead. I was induced and delivered him three days later. You need to get over yourself and remember what the 20 week scan is actually for.

Izzadoraduncancan · 13/04/2018 21:41

I had a kinda similar experience, so can in some vague way empathise.

Last baby (DC6) I was again very clear with all HCP that I didn't want to know the sex. Brought in early towards the end for medical reasons and after telling obstetrician I didn't want to know sex she did an ultrasound hanging around the genital area for ages. It was obvious to me it was a boy. I was so upset I had found out, so upset I wouldn't have "that moment" of DH telling me.

Well. I had that moment, when DH told me it was a girl. I didn't believe him. Midwife had to check and told me off for doubting a very hands on nappy changing dad of 3 older daughters. That taught me not to interpret scans.

Honestly, it's upsetting. But, there is so much that is potentially so much more upsetting. Again... I would ask. Did she say it's a boy/girl? Or was she using he/she? Very different scenarios!

QuantumPixies · 13/04/2018 21:42

Mumsnet should at least add a trigger warning

On what basis? It’s entireky obvious what the thread is about.

I think this op is being utterly ridiculous in the way she’s described an understandably annoying situation but a trigger warning really isn’t necessary here.

llangennith · 13/04/2018 21:51

I think you’re being a drama llama OP but pregnancy hormones can make some women behave irrationally.
Glad you’re baby looks healthy and good luck with the rest of your pregnancy.

Baileys123 · 13/04/2018 21:55

Geez. Would any of you not be upset if this happened to you? She can't help how she feels. Rem it's her first and wanted a surprise. Its out of line ppl talking about dead babies etc.....saying she's over the top....all you ppl are way over the top Hmm

happymummy12345 · 13/04/2018 21:56

Some comments are unnecessary. I am understand that a lot of people get worse news at scans. But I can also understand why op is so upset. Professionals should not do that at all.
Pinky red rose some people just don't want to know. End of. I didn't. It would have ruined my pregnancy for me. I don't understand why most people are so desperate TO know.

SpanielFace · 13/04/2018 22:07

Baileys123 no it wouldn't have ruined my pregnancy. Even with my first, when I was oblivious to the risks because at that stage it hadn't happened to me or anyone I know. In the grand scheme of things, this is a minor irritation.

SparklyMagpie · 13/04/2018 22:09

@Baileys123 think it's out of order to be given a room which is there for parents who arnt disappointed about gender being revealed

Do you really think that's necessary they needed a room?

OldBandTeeShirt · 13/04/2018 22:11

Honestly, in what universe would knowing whether your unborn baby was a boy or girl have ruined your whole pregnancy?

TinkyWinky40 · 13/04/2018 22:11

Backinthetallgrass I agree with you. OP is allowed to be upset, it’s her first child and hormones play a part in things being magnified.

Some very harsh comments on here, it’s not a competition of who is entitled to be more upset Confused.

I’m very sorry for your losses but you’re venting at the wrong person.

OP please enjoy the rest of your pregnancy, you will feel less upset as the days go on I’m sure. All the best :)

Littlejayx · 13/04/2018 22:12

This is honestly a first world problem

niclw · 13/04/2018 22:16

I agree with @Backinthetallgrass and @TinkyWinky40. The OP is definitely allowed to be upset. I can't believe some of the comments other people have posted on here.

OP I wish you good luck with the rest of your pregnancy x

weasledee · 13/04/2018 22:30

Yes quantum I made a spelling error (possibly predictive text) I think most people could guess I meant "boys bits"
Thanks for the ConfusedConfusedConfused
🙄

Baileys123 · 13/04/2018 22:43

I can tell you I would have been very upset if this happened to me with my first. The op being distressed justifies a quiet room. What were they supposed to do with her ? Send her out like that ? I do believe in time it won't matter to her as much but as it's her first you can be a bit niave and don't expect to be told bad news which is why I think the comments are cruel. Everyone's story is just that. THEIR STORY !

PinkAvocado · 13/04/2018 22:48

Very few are saying OP has no right to be disappointed. However, I stand by what I said that it is ridiculous to say it will ruin your whole pregnancy and insensitive to say this-of course it’s not a grief competition but its not difficult to see why this would be insensitive. I also think it is valid to ask what the OP intends to gain from telling PALS after the trainee’s line manager has already been informed as then people can respond to her point about informing them better.

Colonelpopcorn · 13/04/2018 22:52

My first scan I was told the baby had died.
My second pregnancy at my 20 week scan I was told my baby had a very rare congenital heart defect possibly meaning a termination at 24 weeks.
Luckily for us the sonographer had it wrong.
I appreciate you didn’t want to know but all that matters is a healthy baby.

mehhh · 13/04/2018 23:10

Also just read another post about using "he", I didn't want to find out the sex of my baby, I didn't remove my eyes from the screen the whole scan, before and after the scan I knew she was a girl but whilst we were in there she said "he's got big feet" or something like that - I disregarded the comment, I had a girl

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