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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Scan Gender reveal after asking not to be told

265 replies

CeeP · 13/04/2018 19:00

Hi All, sorry if this is long but I am just so upset.

My partner and I went for our 20 week scan today. We were shown into a room by a lady who said she was a trainee, asked us if that was ok, said the department manager would check at the end. She then said she could tell us the gender if we wanted to know. We said absolutely not, we are very keen for a surprise etc.

She then proceeds to scan, and starts to get to the area where she can tell, we ask her again to please not tell us. Then she just blurted out the sex! I just burst into tears and asked her why on Earth she said that? She then tried back tracking saying it’s not always accurate etc.

We left the room then and went and spoke to the receptionist, who was very respectful and went out of her way to give us somewhere quiet to sit, and went and got the manger who finished the scan.

The manager then mentions that it’s not the first time this lady has done this and she will be spoken to again.
I feel I want to take it further to avoid this happening to anyone else.

I feel as if my whole experience of my first pregnancy has been ruined. I really wanted my partner to be the one to tell me what our child was, and am gutted this special moment has been taken from us.

Has anyone else had a similar experience and did you take it any further?

OP posts:

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Waitingonasmiley42 · 13/04/2018 19:30

Get a fuking grip. You left the room and had to get someone else to finish scan. Ridiculous

BrutusMcDogface · 13/04/2018 19:30

Ah, come on. Get a grip. She was out of order but for all you know she's kicking herself for her uncontrollable mouth.

You have a healthy baby. Now enjoy getting to know your son or daughter.

twer · 13/04/2018 19:30

OP I understand you being a bit upset but I agree with the previous posters that your OP was so insensitive.
Although some posts may be hard to read I hope you do take on board what others are saying and count your lucky stars for having a healthy baby.

And clear out of the bad news room in case someone who actually has received bad news needs it

AmericanBiscuits · 13/04/2018 19:32

So you want to potentially ruin someone's career because she ruined your surprise?! Grow up OP.

PatriciaHolm · 13/04/2018 19:32

Whilst I can see you are upset, I can't see what "taking it further" will achieve, other than continuing to blow it up into something far far more important than It really is.

You complained at the time, the woman will be spoken to. Move on from it now.

Onceuponatimethen · 13/04/2018 19:32

Op I’m very sympathetic because I think what has happened here is that you had a romantic idea of finding out the sex the traditional way and thoughtless has taken it from you. I actually think you should log it with PALS but then you should forget about it. I ended up finding out sort of accidentally (long story) about one of mine and felt very weird about it for a few hours but then let excitement take over - there ads pluses and minuses of knowing the sex and a plus is a slightly clearer picture of your future life with baby. Congratulations!!

I hope though that you are able to understand why to hose of us who’ve lost babies this is hard to read. My first pg ended in an insensitive scan so poor I had to speak to PALs but it was a scam telling me my baby had died and I’d had a missed miscarriage. Hopefully you can take from our posts how incredibly lucky you are to be pg with a beautiful baby you got to see.

haverhill · 13/04/2018 19:32

Same, zaalitje. I was petrified throughout my pregnancy. The result of that pregnancy is currently watching YouTube.
OP, try to put things in perspective. When your baby is here you really won’t give a stuff about all this.

yousignup · 13/04/2018 19:34

OP, my "devastating" news was that my baby was dead and would be stillborn. I just read a post from a mother who has just discovered her baby has no arms.

Backinthetallgrass · 13/04/2018 19:35

I understand people have had far worse 20 week scans but I think OP is getting a hard time here. It was obvious from the title what this would be about so I don't get why you would open it if you know you'll be upset or offended by it. Your stories sound horrific but it doesnt mean other people can't get upset about other things.

It's ok to feel upset OP. Give yourself a few days to calm down and I'm sure the pregnancy buzz will kick back in. Our first child was a surprise, second wasn't...both were just as special in their own ways x

Quartz2208 · 13/04/2018 19:36

To be fair to the OP the title is v clear as to what she is upset by and a professional clearly went against their wishes (and surely it’s not that hard not to say)

But OP I think take a moment to mourn the loss of your partner telling you and move on with the rest of your pregnancy

Starlight2345 · 13/04/2018 19:37

I had hyperemisis with my first pregnancy . That ruined it .

However I didn’t want to know . However my Ds insisited on showing me he was a boy on every scan . No doubt from the untrained eye.

What are you hoping to achieve by complaining further . They have already said they will speak to her.

IAmSproutycus · 13/04/2018 19:38

Hi there. One of my scans ended in finding no viable pregnancy. I can understand how hard previous experiences have been for some of the posters - some really sad losses and news- but also your own experience which was upsetting FOR YOU. It's not a loss in comparison to many of these posters, but it was the loss of a wee fantasy for you. May it be the worst that you face in an uneventful pregnancy. Cup of tea and best wishes x

AvonCallingBarksdale · 13/04/2018 19:38

What an awful choice of words from you, OP. Disappointing as it may have been, this, in the grand scheme, is really not a big issue (it was only ever going to be one of two things ). You may wish to get a little perspective quite frankly.

gamerchick · 13/04/2018 19:39

Seriously OP you need some perspective here. Your words of taking it further and has ruined your pregnancy really suck. Get a grip of yourself and be happy you have a run of the mill pregnancy to enjoy.

Wallow, acknowledge your feelings as disappointed then move on.

TheDinosaurRoars · 13/04/2018 19:39

If that was the worst thing I found out the last time I went to hospital when pregnant with my baby, I would have been delighted.

You’ve made your point by complaining so there is nothing more to do. Just leave it and appreciate the fact that, so far, your baby is healthy and well.

PinkAvocado · 13/04/2018 19:39

Why do you want to take it further? You’ve already told the manager who has said they will speak to her again so what else do you want to happen?

It’s understandable you feel disappointed but utterly ridiculous for you to say your WHOLE experience of pregnancy has been ruined. That was an insensitive thing to write.

letstryagainaaahhhh · 13/04/2018 19:39

I can see where you are coming from, and I understand wanting a surprise as I also chose not to find out the sex. You've complained which is fair enough, but I suggest you leave it there. I have been on the receiving end of devastating news at a scan, and I can't tell you how lucky you are to have a healthy baby. Yes medical professionals should pay attention to your wishes, but equally they are busy focusing on checking whether your baby is ok in there, which really is all that matters. So please don't let this spoil your pregnancy. You have a wonderful baby to look forward to... and you won't give knowing the sex a second thought once you get through labour end meet them for the first time.

MollyDaydream · 13/04/2018 19:42

It's very annoying that your surprise was ruined. You complained to the manager and the sonographer will be spoken to. I'd leave it at that.

Moltenpink · 13/04/2018 19:42

Aw OP, sorry that happened. What are you having?

SomeKnobend · 13/04/2018 19:42

I'd complain as the scanner was massively unprofessional and it seems it wasn't an accident or the first time, so she shouldn't be doing that job.

Do try not to let it ruin the pregnancy though. Congratulations on your baby.

Dobbythesockelf · 13/04/2018 19:43

I understand that it could have been a shock and a bit upsetting however you have complained to her manager and I think you should leave it at that for now. Just look forward to meeting your healthy baby and in a year's time you really won't remember this.

PetraRabbit · 13/04/2018 19:51

I really feel for you. You had a right to have your requests respected and complied with.

I don't really understand why some people have said you should get over it because nothing life shattering happened.
As it happens I just had a very upsetting miscarriage but that has absolutely no bearing on your situation.
I think you have a right to be very angry and to complain. It was a really simple request and not an uncommon one. I hope the trainee gets disciplined and learns to listen more sensitively in the future.

kirinm · 13/04/2018 19:53

I'm sure it's really frustrating and disappointing to have been told she you specifically asked not to be. BUT if being slightly disappointed is the worst you've got to go through, I'd say it's a really fortunate pregnancy. I think the suggestion that is has ruined your pregnancy is what is offending other people. As someone who has suffered multiple losses I think it's just quite naive and thoughtless.

Hopefully, you'll start to feel a bit more upbeat because it's seriously not worth worrying aboutx

Aspergallus · 13/04/2018 19:53

Feel very sorry for the ultrasonographer.

The 20 week scan is an anomoly scan.

They must try and get a clear view of the foetus, organ by organ, including the genitalia to see if there are any problems.

People who want to take advantage of modern medical science and ensure their child is healthy/ or any problems are addressed early AND think the sonographer can concentrate on the wanting to know/not wanting to know gender in this context are the height of unreasonable.

Yes, have a preference but be a grown up when that preference is accidentally over looked. It's just not the priority here.

Calling this unprofessional is hyperbolic.

And OP, do you realise how many people get genuinely bad news at this scan?

kirinm · 13/04/2018 19:54

@PetraRabbit I think it's the suggestion that this has ruined her first pregnancy that people are taking exception to.

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