Scan Gender reveal after asking not to be told

[CeeP]

Hi All, sorry if this is long but I am just so upset.

My partner and I went for our 20 week scan today. We were shown into a room by a lady who said she was a trainee, asked us if that was ok, said the department manager would check at the end. She then said she could tell us the gender if we wanted to know. We said absolutely not, we are very keen for a surprise etc.

She then proceeds to scan, and starts to get to the area where she can tell, we ask her again to please not tell us. Then she just blurted out the sex! I just burst into tears and asked her why on Earth she said that? She then tried back tracking saying it’s not always accurate etc.

We left the room then and went and spoke to the receptionist, who was very respectful and went out of her way to give us somewhere quiet to sit, and went and got the manger who finished the scan.

The manager then mentions that it’s not the first time this lady has done this and she will be spoken to again.
I feel I want to take it further to avoid this happening to anyone else.

I feel as if my whole experience of my first pregnancy has been ruined. I really wanted my partner to be the one to tell me what our child was, and am gutted this special moment has been taken from us.

Has anyone else had a similar experience and did you take it any further?

People are being pretty harsh on here!!! I’m sure you don’t mean/know that it’s not as upsetting as getting awful news at the scan. But you have every right to be upset by this also! It’s a shame that she ruined your surprise. But what your baby looks like, what they’ll be like, what colour hair etc will still be surprise

YABVVU

She has absolutely been vilified. The behaviour of some posters towards this woman would be laughable if it weren't a real person they were vilifying.

What got people’s backs up, was after the dramatic way it was handled at the time plus the complaint! The OP seemingly then wanted blood by taking it further. Yes it was a disappointment but what did she want... the trainee sacked?

Chirag are you using the word “vilified” in the same way the OP used the word “ruined”?

You know you're being ridiculous don't you? We had a 20 week scan and the midwife rang my husband at work after trying the landline and told him we were having a boy. I was annoyed that he knew before me but it only lasted for a few seconds.
If you get this wound up over something so trivial, god help you in the delivery suite!

Hmmm I'm kind of in the calm the fuck down camp too after having a pregnancy end in miscarriage and also my first pregnancy "ruined" by finding out my "d"p had been cheating and deciding to go it alone from then on Sooo I would have struggled to get worked up if that's all Id had to worry about but then again it's all relative isn't it ? This is clearly upsetting for you op and hopefully you can put it behind you and enjoy the rest of your pregnancy because it's still a special and exciting time . but I would still honestly say you may need to toughen up a little !

Sometimes when we run out of chocolate I feel like the world is ending. I wouldn’t come onto a forum for women who are going through much worse to tell everybody how my pregnancy is ruined though.

‘Oh but it doesn’t mean she can’t feel XYZ’ - no, it doesn’t. Feelings are feelings. But it’s down right inappropriate to come onto a public forum and say stuff like that, when the day she did it she had a miscarriage post above her and a post about a baby not having arms at her scan on the one below... and this one about finding out baby’s sex RUINING her pregnancy.

Say what you will, but it’s bloody stupid. I’m sure she’s calmed down now and feels sufficiently ridiculous, but should learn to keep such feelings off a public forum where people are enduring actual bad news and loss - not just that her baby is perfectly healthy but let slip the sex.

Time and place

Read the first hundred posts but not the full thread.

I've had 3 miscarriages and found each one, plus the fear that I would never have a successful pregnancy, incredibly traumatic and distressing. I had a lot of terrible scan experiences.

When I conceived again, I didn't want to find out the sex because all I wanted was a healthy baby. After years of waiting I had an idealised picture of what I wanted it to be like giving birth to my first child and it included finding out the sex once it was born (41+1 so remains to be seen if I'll get this!). I would have been devastated if I'd found out accidentally. Ok I probably wouldn't have expressed it the way the OP has, but privately I would have felt that something very special and precious to me had been taken away, and the fact that it had been done so thoughtlessly by someone who has form for it would annoy me even more.

So OP, I do sympathise. I think in time you will get some perspective on it however. Also, you never know - they could have been wrong!

So it would be acceptable to send her out the door distressed no matter what the reason you ppl are horrible

@crisscrosscranky wow... your reaction is WAY OTT. I can't believe that you reported her post, how petty.

OP, I would be pissed off too. I'm sorry that this woman was so incompetent. Especially after you told her twice that you didn't want to know. I wouldn't let it ruin your pregnancy, because in the grand scheme of things, while disappointing, it'll be OK.

A lot of the people commenting on this post are being very insensitive. If you're over-emotional about your own things, perhaps you shouldn't read the posts. OP is going to be disappointed, anyone would be, and on top of that the hormones from being pregnant make you feel worse. Have some sympathy, or perhaps just don't say anything!

Have not rtft but have read enough to know OP is Getting a bashing. I read the OP and felt really angry on her behalf - I’ve had four miscarriages so maybe that makes it ok for me to say that.
I do think so many people want to find out the sex that it is hard to see how much it can mean to someone who doesn’t. She sounded like a rubbish trainee so maybe she got it wrong anyway.

On the vague chance that the OP is still reading, I think raising the concern on the day is all you need to do. The trainee may be does need reminding on how to communicate information with patients but ultimately all that happened was that you got upset by receiving too much info. There was no negligence or physical harm caused to you or your baby. Congratulations on a healthy 20 week scan and do not let this ruin your pregnancy!

@Claire90ftm Regardless of how you feel about the OP and the replies, it is heartless and cruel to say that people are getting "over emotional about your own things", when people are posting about losing a child.

Oh man this post is brutal.