Pressure to breastfeed.

[Kitcat159]

This is prob going to cause arguments but I'm just looking for some actually advise....
I don't want to breastfeed. I never have. I have discussed my reasons with my husband and he is happy with my decision.

My mum however is constantly pressuring me to breastfeed.

I still don't want to BF but as a compromise, what about if I express for the first couple of weeks?

I don't know how that would work in the hospital tho. Will I be pressured to BF?
I don't know if it would be appropriate to want to express in the hospital?
Should I just stick to my guns and bottle feed instead?

The midwife said someone will help me to breastfeed and when I said I am going to bottle feed she said they will send someone to help me BF anyway. Feel a bit pressured.

Is expressing from the word go an option?

You can do whatever you want, it's your body.

But breastfeeding is the healthier option for both mum and baby so yes, they will try to steer you in that direction.

Saying "No I won't be breastfeeding" is an option. Not your mum's business. Not the hospital's decision.

If you don't want to, stick to your guns. I honestly can't understand why - when the only person whose decision it ever is, is the person owning the breasts - other people feel the need to stick their oar in!

Tell your mum you've arrived at your own decision and you will not be discussing it. If the hospital send you someone to help you breastfeed, politely tell the person you don't need assistance because you are formula feeding.

Of course you can express. Many people have to for the first days/weeks whilst they and baby learn to latch correctly and feed. The hospital will absolutely support you to do that. If they are a baby friendly hospital I would have thought they will encourage that over ff. However be warned if you’re expressing it will be much easier to just BF. Expressing is quite a lot of hassle and one of the big benefits of bf is you don’t have to bother with sterilising bottles and all that faff. If you are certain in your descison then you shouldn’t really be swayed by pressure form family and feel you have to compromise, if you are unsure and want to express until you make a final descison you will likely be supported to do so.

I didn't want to breastfeed. I made it clear to the midwife from the start. However there was a student at an appointment and she tried to write that I was happy to try it. I insisted I was not, and that if she said otherwise I would make a formal complaint to her uni.
Thankfully the midwife and student in the birth centre were very understanding and supportive.
Your mum shouldn't be making you feel bad at all. It's completely your choice.

My hospital came round and asked breast or bottle and if you said bottle then they give you some milk end of story and no pressure.

I wasn't able to breastfeed my first and I expressed my milk and combi feed for the first 6 weeks but it was tough work but doable. It's up to you what you do but do not feel pressurised. Your mental health is more important than what others want.

Will your mum be there when you are struggling to breastfeed or crying from the pain and feeling guilty and worrying of it doesn't go right. No she won't do tell her to buggar off

Personally as a big supporter of breastfeeding ... I wish more women would say they just don’t want to rather than giving a very half hearted attempt, stopping and then explaining to people and saying things about not having enough milk or the latch or whatever.

My friend didn't plan to BF but said she felt it was instinct and she just wanted to feed her baby naturally when she arrived. You never know. feeding for just two weeks can really benefit the health of your baby.

Honestly, the only reason I'm even considering expressing is because of my mum being very opinionated about it.
I just really don't feel comfortable BF.
I know "breast is best" or so i keep being told, but surely fed is best?
I have been told I am a disgrace because I don't want to BF and said I am punishing my child for my own selfish reasons.
Making me feel a bit overwhelmed about it all really.

I had problems with DD latching (she was tongue tied) so I expressed after the first couple of days and then when she had it cut I commenced BF again, so you definitely can express early on if you want to! Some people told me it would affect my supply (it didn’t) but if you’re not planning to BF that doesn’t matter. Don’t feel pressured to do anything you don’t want to do, you’ve spent 9 months growing this special person and it is up to you how you raise them. I’ve realised since having DD 4 months ago that someone will always, always have something to say about how you are parenting, so I just smile and nod and keep doing what I believe to be best for her. Best of luck with your LO x

You don't have to compromise at all.

You could express from the start if you want and in hospital it wouldn't be a big deal, they probably have machines for you to use. Advice is not to pump for 6 weeks until milk is established but my baby was taken to NICU for a week and I started to pump on day 3 when my milk came in. I hand expressed the colostrum in to a syringe and the nurses helped me do this at the start. I was encouraged to feed, especially as he was in NICU but he wasn't getting it and he would get home quicker if he was feeding regularly so I expressed while husband fed him. Sitting in the NICU or the HDU it was the most normal thing in the world.

Don't feel pressured though, it took my wee one a good few weeks to learn to take the breast and not the expressed milk and there was tears and tantrums from both of us. Once he got it tho it was easy. You don't want to start something then take it away or feel resentment as it wasn't your plan. As long as your baby is fed that's all that matters

It takes a while for the milk to come in in order for you to express so the baby will be given some milk I think to start with. I agree that you should do whatever you and your H want, but expressing is hard work especially to start with and it can be soul destroying at times. Good luck with whatever you decide.

I told them from the beginning I wasn’t breast feeding and wasn’t interested in learning. I asked the midwife not to put pressure on me, remain assertive. It is your body and your baby and do you know they were actually respectful of my decision.
Best decision I ever made for me. I had a serene and relaxed baby and I loved feeding her.
Do what is right for you

I had to express with my first as he was tube fed. The hospital will help you to do so. They will encourage you to breastfeed and there is a lot of info on the benefits such as leaflets and posters around the wards because it is the best for the baby but they absolutely won’t pressure you. On a post natal ward I was on recently, two of us were breast feeding, one was bf and expressing and one was bottle feeding. None of us were treated any differently. Good luck.

@howthelightgetsin I totally agree with you.

OP I don't understand your reasons, but I don't have to!! It's your body and your decision.

Try BF if you want to, try expressing if you want to or just FF from the get go.

No one else has to approve your decision.

FTM here!

The pressure to breastfeed is immense from health professionals and general public.

I always said I would try to BF but of I couldn't no biggie I would bottle feed because I had a breast operation years back that include the removal and re attachement of the nipples and pptentially would make BF much more difficult (it did).

But as I started to try to BF I wouldnget many conflicting advice from what seemed like 15 different midwives and nurses, having so many people force my baby onto my breast, telling me to wake her up to feed... no one cared when I told them about the op "ho should be fine" they all said. I would pump whilst my hungry baby was crying next to me, plugged onto the machine like a dairy cow.
Finally one night, after ds cried for 12 hours and both me and dp where about to snap we called the maternity ward.
The midwife said that she could get in trouble for suggesting giving her a bottle but she did.
We did and after an initial adapting to feeding her properly we had a lovely baby, she was happy and so should I but it took me WEEKS to get over the fact that I wasnt able to feed my own baby. I still feel guilty everyday and I blame the enormous pressure put on mothers to breaatfeed for it because nobody else cares but me.
I still have people telling me that BF is best but no, it's not for everyone.

I think you might also struggle to express from the start, as babies are much better at getting milk going than any other ways to express (ive done them all).

Happy mother = happy baby. So my advice really is be careful not to let the breast is best pressure get to you because it will ruin your precious moments with your baby.

You can also try BF later if you change your mind, there are ways to get your milk back (relactation).

I had a horrendous time with bfing last time. Hated it, I hated how it made me feel and I started to resent DD. As soon as I stopped and we went onto formula, everything was better.

Currently pregnant with DC2 and have already told the midwife that I will not be doing it this time. I may express for a few weeks like I did with DD, but I won't be bullied. We'll see how it goes when he's born.

You're in charge, OP. If you don't want to bf, you don't have to.

You're fully aware that breast milk is the single best thing you can feed your baby and formula will never come close to breast milk and so expressing is a great option if you don't want to breast feed.

However, expressing is such hard work! You spend the time expressing and then have to spend time after feeding not to mention all the cleaning/sterilising bottles it's double the work!

If you chose to formula feed, that's a great choice too. You are feeding your baby and you're doing it in a way that works for you.

Happy mum = happy baby be that breast or bottle. You are in control and you make the decisions that is best for you and the baby. All the very best of luck and massive congrats on your pregnancy!!

I wish more women would say they just don’t want to rather than giving a very half hearted attempt, stopping and then explaining to people and saying things about not having enough milk or the latch or whatever

How do you know they're making a "half-hearted attempt"? Most of the women who feel the need to explain why they didn't breastfeed tried their hardest. If they weren't fussed and made a "half-hearted attempt", chances are they just wouldn't engage in breastfeeding discussions.

Accusing women who've struggled to breastfeed and feel guilted into explaining why they formula feed of "giving a very half-hearted attempt" is unbelievably offensive.

Personally as a big supporter of breastfeeding ... I wish more women would say they just don’t want to rather than giving a very half hearted attempt, stopping and then explaining to people and saying things about not having enough milk or the latch or whatever

This.

Tbh o/p, maternity wards are very busy, and horrifically under staffed. They just don’t have the time or knowledge to deal with bf issues. So the chances are despite all the “breast is best” stance the minute yoi say you want to bottle feed they heave a sigh of relief and let you get on with it. It is considerably less work for staff.

A midwife once said to a group of us at an antenatal class 'I don't care if you bottle or breast feed, as long as you're feeding your baby' and I think that's the best attitude to have!!! I will be trying my best to breast feed because of the benefits but obviously everybody is different!

There are women out there who smoke with babies in the room, who do drugs while pregnant and all of the other awful things you see/hear these 'mothers' doing and honestly I think if people want to be concerned then that's what they should be concerned about, not that someone is choosing to bottle feed their baby

Sorry but bollocks to compromising for anyone. I bottle my dd1, I was like you and didn't even want to try bf. The mws were supportive and had ready made sma in hospital. Dd2 I breast fed though. Breast feeding was easier! My bottle fed dd is healthy, my breast fed DD has allergies, asthma, eczema and is always ill even at 8yo! I haven't decided how to feed my current bump yet! It isn't for everyone, so long as your lo eats it doesn't matter how x

I lied all the way through to mid wife and then at delivery said I changed my mind. Didn’t want to discuss, my child my decision. I know Breast is best, but have no regrets. Good luck

Yassqueen many women will have simply struggled, but there are in fact a large number who feel they simply can’t say they don’t want to or don’t like breastfeeding. I have know many women come to support group with babies off the scale of weight charts at 3/4 months old say they were giving up as they didn’t make enough milk. Coupled with giving into pressure from relatives the other way round about babies sleeping better etc it gives very confusing messages to FTM’s. It seems everyone feels pressured to start feeding, yet the moment baby is 2/3 months people start asking why they’re not on the bottle, saying they’ll sleep much better, you’ll know what they’re having etc. The truth is many women are just not prepared for the realities of breastfeeding, the cluster feeding, the frequency becasue it’s nit the norm in our society and there is still tone and tons of misinformation. But this is nothing to do with the ops post!