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Pregnancy

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Original poster

Pressure to breastfeed.

204 replies

Kitcat159 · 03/04/2018 17:11

This is prob going to cause arguments but I'm just looking for some actually advise....
I don't want to breastfeed. I never have. I have discussed my reasons with my husband and he is happy with my decision.

My mum however is constantly pressuring me to breastfeed.

I still don't want to BF but as a compromise, what about if I express for the first couple of weeks?

I don't know how that would work in the hospital tho. Will I be pressured to BF?
I don't know if it would be appropriate to want to express in the hospital?
Should I just stick to my guns and bottle feed instead?

The midwife said someone will help me to breastfeed and when I said I am going to bottle feed she said they will send someone to help me BF anyway. Feel a bit pressured.

Is expressing from the word go an option?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

ClareB83 · 03/04/2018 21:18

There is definitely pressure to breastfeed @Grandmaswagsbag. I get asked by every healthcare professional at every appointment (except sonographers) if I plan to BF. And I'm expecting twins so I have loads of appointments!

And when I say 'yes' they still try and sell it to me. Then I tell them I've already done a course on BFing multiples and they still keep going.

And they're not chatting they're trying to convince me.

It's only when I tell them my SIL is a breastfeeding coach that they finally stop.

TeddyIsaHe · 03/04/2018 21:28

Fed is the absolute minimum. Breastfeeding is the biological norm, and it’s wonderful that formula exists now for mothers who can’t or won’t breastfeed. But ‘fed is best’ is an absolutely ridiculous term.

Op would you consider giving say 1 or 2 breastfeeds, just so your newborn baby gets the colostrum? It’s an incredible fluid (not called liquid gold for nothing!) It contains masses of antibodies that will really protect your baby in his or her’s first few weeks and nothing else compares. And then straight to bottles and that’s that! Best of both worlds there

AGuiltyFeminist · 03/04/2018 21:43

Contrary to what many are saying on this thread about how difficult BF is I think it is much more faff having to think about bottles and bringing them everywhere and sterilising and making up feeds.
BF is so much easier, you just need nappies when you go out!

Bakedappleflavour · 03/04/2018 21:48

Well for me bf was much easier than bottle feeding but I'd hazard a guess that if your baby cluster feeds night and day and your nipples are bleeding and you have mastitis you might find bottle feeding easier no?

My baby didn't cluster feed and breastfeeding never hurt at all.

However I am not so self centred as to think everyone has that experience. And it's not my bloody business either way anyway!!

Quietlife1979 · 03/04/2018 21:50

Fed is best!

My mother had inverted nipples and could not BF - I’m 39 and never had any serious illness, don’t have asthma or skin complaints, I’m a size 10/12 so not obese.

The world doesn’t end if you don’t want to breast feed. I don’t know why so many women have an opinion on other women feeding their kids it’s bizzare!!

When I was breast feeding my last one I joined a few facebook groups and quickly came off them as the attitude to women who formula fed was awful.

Bakedappleflavour · 03/04/2018 21:54

And if we're going by anecdotes, well, I was bf til I was 2.5 and have a serious overeating problem, so.

Bakedappleflavour · 03/04/2018 21:54

When I was breast feeding my last one I joined a few facebook groups and quickly came off them as the attitude to women who formula fed was awful.

Me too.

Quietlife1979 · 03/04/2018 21:55

Grandma I’ve always thought it was regional, I thought the south would be more inclined but when my midwife visited she said I was one of two women out of my entire village breastfeeding

ILikeMyChickenFried · 03/04/2018 22:00

But ‘fed is best’ is an absolutely ridiculous term.

Yes, definitely. Much better to breastfeed to the point of breakdown than give them some formula.

Sushirolls · 03/04/2018 22:01

My DD doesn't want to BF. She is thinking of expressing and trying combination feeding.

As someone who has BF all of mine (my youngest until she was 3.5yrs), I am of the firm belief that happy mum = happy baby! If that means bottle, then you are mum and what you say, goes!

I have bought my DD the Aptamil new born starter kit so that she has something quick & easy to take into hospital, incase she doesn't feel she can/wants to BF or express. I'd rather my daughter was happy x

GummyGoddess · 03/04/2018 22:01

See how you feel at the time. I didn't want to, I said I wasn't going to up until the day before I went into labour. I'd already bought the perfect prep before TTC.

Ended up breastfeeding until after he turned 1. I just thought I'd give it a go after he was born and he kept trying to feed. It was horrendously painful for a few days until I got some shields. The shields were a pain in the arse until I managed to wean him off of them. During that time I was mix feeding because I had no idea what I was doing. I did begin to enjoy feeding once I saw how happy it made him and am planning on BF DC2 due next month.

I would suggest you keep an open mind but ensure that you purchase the premade bottles with the already sterilised teats for your hospital bag in case you don't change your mind. Some hospitals will refuse to help you formula feed, and by the unhelpful attitude of your midwife yours may be one of them.

Tinkobell · 03/04/2018 22:01

I think you actually need to just have your baby and see what happens. You might still feel as you do now or actually you MAY feel differently. I think birthing plans and feeding plans in theory or on paper are all well and good...but anyone whose actually given birth and fed kids will tell you that in reality ANYTHING can happen.
If you can bear to, it might actually help to explore your reasons for not wanting to BF with MN. Lots of experiences out there in both ways.......

TeddyIsaHe · 03/04/2018 22:11

ILikeMy if you actually read what I wrote instead of getting instantly furious you’ll see that’s not what I said at all. Don’t be dramatic.

Quietlife1979 · 03/04/2018 22:13

gummy what a great measured post, that was my experience too

Zeze247 · 03/04/2018 22:15

Did your mum breastfeed? Sounds like it was important to her. I’d be really disappointed if my daughter wasn’t going to breast feed. That said my friend could have written your post she formula fed until day 3 her milk came in and she put the baby to the breast and nursed for 18 months.

K9pal7 · 03/04/2018 22:17

You do whatever you want it's your baby and your body. Do not let anyone tell you different. I don't want to breastfeed (for personal reasons) and i won't let anyone tell me my decision is wrong. Millions of children have been bottled fed and have turned out healthy.
Lucky my midwife has respect my decision and haven't but pressure for me to change my mind.
Congratulations on your pregnancy and all the best

BakedBeans47 · 03/04/2018 22:23

I’d be really disappointed if my daughter wasn’t going to breast feed

Why?

(Not being snippy, I wasn’t BF myself and have only sons who I didn’t BF so just curious)

OP if you don’t want to BF then don’t. It’s absolutely none of your mum’s business. Although i must admit I always wondered if I’d been BF if I’d have found it easier to do it with my mum having some understanding. I remember going to BF classes when I was pregnant with my first and there were a few women there with their mums and their mums were chatting to the daughters about their experiences. I only managed a week with my first and my mum supported me getting him on a bottle when I was really struggling.

BakedBeans47 · 03/04/2018 22:26

Oh and as for expressing I tried that and found it bloody awful. Worst of both worlds IMO.

When I had my second I told the MW at booking in to put on my notes I wouldn’t be BF and wouldn’t be engaging in further discussion about it and no one mentioned it again. When I had him the MW said she was obliged to offer me assistance with a first BF and I just said no and that was that.

Grandmaswagsbag · 03/04/2018 22:37

Honestly I too would be really sad if my dd didn’t want to try to b/f her babies as I’d feel she was missing out on a beautiful experience (sorry for the cheese). I would try to persuade her otherwise in truth. It’s one of my favourite memories of her babyhood and after the initial difficult week I loved every minute of it. I’m sure most mums come from a place of wanting the best for her child even if they don’t go about it in the right way.

loopylass13 · 03/04/2018 22:39

I would say INFORMED is best.

You said you never have wanted to breastfeed. I just wondered what about it that is off putting? Maybe we could dispel a few myths for you. Not easy whatever route you take to feed but couldn't hurt to have more information/support. My sister absolutely did not want to BF but at the last moment changed her mind, did three week and then went to FF. She did that also with a further two children. Sometimes the reality of something is a whole lot different to what we imagine.

BakedBeans47 · 03/04/2018 22:40

Thanks for explaining grandma. Do you not really think though that it wouldn’t be any of your business really?

Smellyjo · 03/04/2018 22:45

@BakedBeans47 I didn't make the original comment but feel the same. Although I hope I could support my daughter with any of her choices and certainly wouldn't call her a disgrace for having a different view to me, I'd just be sad for her that she and her baby weren't getting the chance to enjoy breastfeeding together. I respect that it is not for everyone and that it is an individuals choice how to feed their baby. I don't want anyone to feel judged and want mums to use their own instincts. And I know it's bloody hard, I went through mastitis and bleeding nips, shit sleep the lot, but it was such an incredible experience to nourish a person from my body, and powerful parenting tool I'd never change a thing. I'd be sad for my dd not to experience that.

Tailfeather · 03/04/2018 22:51

My situation is different as I had breast cancer and had a double mastectomy. I was overjoyed to become pregnant having been told it would be very unlikely after my chemo, so I was happier than I had been in a long time when I gave birth. However I was made to feel awful by the midwives and then health visitors who immediately launched into the 'breast is best' lecture without even asking why I wasn't breastfeeding. I was made to feel like an inadequate mother and as though I was harming my baby.

I hope you get more support than me. Nobody even helped me with how much I should be feeding and how often etc.

BakedBeans47 · 03/04/2018 22:56

I'd be sad for my dd not to experience that.

Thanks for explaining smellyjo

But then she wouldn’t know what she was supposedly missing - I for one don’t feel I missed out on anything through not BF. It’s nice to read of other people who had good experiences but I’ve never wished I’d had that myself

ILikeMyChickenFried · 03/04/2018 23:02

It's interesting hearing people chat about enjoying breastfeeding together. I FF my first child after a disaster trying to nurse him and am BF my twins. I don't feel there was any difference in the bond from feeding. I don't feel any closer cradling a child attached to my nipple than I did cradling a child drinking from a bottle. Each have their own benefits in terms of costs and convenience but there is absolutely no difference in the bond formed with my babies or my relationship with them or my overall enjoyment of feeding.

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