Pressure to breastfeed.

[Kitcat159]

This is prob going to cause arguments but I'm just looking for some actually advise....
I don't want to breastfeed. I never have. I have discussed my reasons with my husband and he is happy with my decision.

My mum however is constantly pressuring me to breastfeed.

I still don't want to BF but as a compromise, what about if I express for the first couple of weeks?

I don't know how that would work in the hospital tho. Will I be pressured to BF?
I don't know if it would be appropriate to want to express in the hospital?
Should I just stick to my guns and bottle feed instead?

The midwife said someone will help me to breastfeed and when I said I am going to bottle feed she said they will send someone to help me BF anyway. Feel a bit pressured.

Is expressing from the word go an option?

I do find it irresponsible to make claims about it being wonderful and magical without the caveat that you only know that is true in your own single experience

I’ve never claimed otherwise. I’ve simply said that’s my experience and I’d tell my daughter that if she had a baby in the future. Is that really a problem? The truth is people just take offence in anyone saying anything positive about it because of this ridiculous notion that you are guilt tripping people. We don’t adopt that approach to any other aspect of infant nutrition. Breast milk is optimum nutrition for a baby and to claim otherwise is just false. Formula is adequate, babies will thrive on it but it is not optimal or the biological norm. No one can deny that and to do so just seems like a weird type of Censoring. I’ve fed my dd a very less than optimal diet for the last week, shes not biologically designed to live off chips and chocolate, but I don’t view anyone else saying that their kids are eating all their veg, having lovingly prepared home cooked meals as ‘guilting’ me. If public health tell me I should exercise for optimal health are they guilt tripping everyone who doesn’t? No, they’re just giving you all the information you need to make a choice.

Quiet sorry you’re completely twisting facts. I didn’t say that infants die from correct and safe use of formula and I think you know that. I was refuting the claim that ‘formula saves babies lives’. Worldwide unsafe ff and marketing of formula unethically has killed millions of infants. This is a well known fact.

@BertrandRussell that’s really not true. People are free to say they found breastfeeding however they found it FOR THEMSELVES- easy and convenient included. What is not ok is for people to make sweeping statements saying it is easy and convenient full stop, implying that there’s something wrong with those who couldn’t do it.

I'm with the pp who said it would be nice if women were a bit more honest about this type of thing. We are in a funny situation now in which everyone talks about how great it is but hardly anyone actually does it. It seems like most people don't bf but feel embarrassed or can't be bothered to engage so just lie and say that they had supply issues etc. And i don't blame them - after you give birth isn't the time you feel strong enough to change the world. You feel like getting everyone off your back and having a rest.

I look at it like the midwives have their job to do and their hospital policy. No point trying to talk them out of it. Just go along with it, say "yes maybe, I'll see how I go", then when the time comes say "oh well it isn't working, I'm now choosing to ff".

I'm also preg and planning to ff, after the hundreds if not thousands of posts I've read on mn about how horrid bf is. Agonising pain ("worse than labour"), no sleep for years, infections, bleeding and suicidal thoughts are apparently par for the course.

My mum bf her three babies for two years each. She is extremely disappointed that I won't be bfing. But she had her choice and I have mine, so she ll have to get over it. She should know by now that being disappointed by your children is part of life!

So, bakedapple, why did they die then if it wasn't poor nutrition etc? Because the mums decided they couldn't bear to use their breasts for what they were intended, to feed their child? Or why else??

Because I'm sure being breastfed didn't kill them?

I'm also preg and planning to ff, after the hundreds if not thousands of posts I've read on mn about how horrid bf is. Agonising pain ("worse than labour"), no sleep for years, infections, bleeding and suicidal thoughts are apparently par for the course.

Honestly if that’s the only reason you’re not trying b/feeding than I find that really sad. What about the millions of women feeding world wide who don’t experience problems? It’s not news so they don’t harp on about it and if you do write something positive on a forum you’re shut down. So you’re only really hearing one voice and it’s damaging to many women rather than helpful. Despite every woman in my immediate family b/feeding, witnessing all my younger siblings cousins being b/feed I’d still bought bottles before my babys birth. Why? Why was I convinced that I probably wouldn’t be able to b/f? Because I’d got the message from a society where it’s an abnormal practice. To think I could have missed out on the experience I had because of that actually makes me really upset.

@Thursdaydreaming

"I'm also preg and planning to ff, after the hundreds if not thousands of posts I've read on mn about how horrid bf is. Agonising pain ("worse than labour"), no sleep for years, infections, bleeding and suicidal thoughts are apparently par for the course. "

People rarely post about things going well though. Why would you? MN is s support board in many ways so many people come to it only when things go wrong.

I was really sorry to stop breastfeeding. Was really glad I'd done it, genuinely one of the best experiences of my life.

It's entirely your decision though and should not have to justify it or be made to feel bad. Your body and your baby.

It's

The power of viral marketing!

Worldwide unsafe ff and marketing of formula unethically has killed millions of infants. This is a well known fact

Grandma your doing it again. It’s not a fact it’s completly untrue. Unsafe water kills humans. Mothers watering formula down because they are so poor may cause babies to not thrive and get sick.

But formula it’s self when used correctly and advertising DO NOT kill babies.

In terms of the bad side of breastfeeding of course on support boards that's what you will read about cause people are looking for help. I found breastfeeding quite easy and enjoyed it but obviously I never came on mumsnet to say that.
If you don't want to breastfeed that is fine but to claim it's cause it won't work, will lead to pnd etc isn't fair.

bobster those studies shown that unsafe water and watered down formula was the cause for infants not thriving or dying.

NOT the formula it’s self. The studies Are from the bloody 50s up to ten years ago!

Quiet life the point is that these are baby’s who would have been breastfed if formula wasn’t marketed aggressively in certain places. Formula is not sterile, so no it’s not just about unsafe water. Babies have died in Europe too from contaminated batches. I’ve just this morning seen a thread about specialised stay down formula marketed in the U.K. where it’s instructed to make it with cool water, contaminated batch? Baby gets very sick, why sterilise a bottle to put a non Sterile product inside? Please inform yourself. Luckily most parents here know to make up formula safely with hot enough water, it’s freely available info on NHS website so babies getting sick is rare. It’s not something I’d raise as a particular issue with ff here, but to claim that formula saves babies lives just isn’t correct. You can’t ignore something because it happens in another country. And Before formula was invented most babies who couldn’t feed from their mothers would have been wet nursed, that’s why it was a profession, but that’s not really relevant to anything being discussed here.

Quietlife ther has been a very recent report by ibfan on unethical formula marketing. Sadly many people think it’s a problem confined to the 80s. It’s not. It’s still going on and babies are still being put at risk because of it. I’m not sure why you are so intent on proving that I’m making things up. Or do you work for nestle?

Grandma* still no link then to this one million deaths by formula ?

Your scaremongering. And as you said you up thread that your will talk your daughter in to it (submission) I bet you will

Sorry the recent report was by save the children. It’s 66 pages long but if you’re interested it’s worth a read

www.savethechildren.org.uk/content/dam/gb/reports/health/dont-push-it.pdf?

Quietlife it’s a figure estimated by WHO. I suppose you know much more than them though having conducted you’re own comprehensive studies on infant feeding around the world? You seem like you’re in denial, I’m not sure what vested interest you have.

What about the millions of women feeding world wide who don’t experience problems?

True. I'm scared of the pain, I don't want to suffer any more than I have too. So many posters on here have said how they were assured it wouldn't hurt, but it was actually agonising.

I support bf women of course, but I'm fine with my decision to ff. I don't mind discussing my reasons, but OP may not be. That's why I recommend she just fudge it and say to midwife/mum/whoever "maybe, we'll see" while remaining internally confident with her decision.

It’s not scaremongering to say that formula is not sterile. Jesus. I’ve said repeatedly formula in the U.K. is safe if made correctly. But that doesn’t transfer world wide.

grandma Still no link on these one million infant deaths ??

www.unicef.org.uk/babyfriendly/lancet-increasing-breastfeeding-worldwide-prevent-800000-child-deaths-every-year/

Latest report was form the Lancet, you know that crappy non peer reviewed publication that likes to print propaganda for a past time?

Thursdaydreaming the majority of women who breastfeed don’t find it painful and have nothing to post about on Mumsnet. Your approach is a bit like saying you won’t drive a car because you are scared of crashing. It’s your decision, of course, but it does seem like you are allowing yourself to be convinced by a skewed set of data. I found breastfeeding painless, straightforward and convenient. Yes, that was lucky, but it is just as valid an experience as that of those who struggled.
And I am not an earth mother, far from it. I jumped at the chance of an epidural because like you I was afraid of pain. Also interesting that you say hardly anyone does it when I’d say that over 90% of the women I have met with similar age babies to mine (18months now) breastfed for at least 6 months.
Best of luck with your pregnancy and birth.

Please don't decide to not BF because of what you've read on Mumsnet. That's incredibly short-sighted.

I do think breast is best (I don't think you can really argue that point, although I'm sure people will try) but breast is not only and there are plenty of reasons why someone might not BF and why FF would be a better option in those circumstances. But personally I'd at least give BF all I got before deciding to stop as the health benefits for the baby alone are worth it. I wouldn't feel good about not giving it a go and I can't really understand women who wouldn't at least attempt it if they've never done it before. It seems bizarre to me.

grandma it still doesn’t state or prove that one million intant deaths are due to being specifically formula fed. I’m sorry but it doesn’t.

I do sometimes think that we've gone a bit too far the other way in trying to reassure women that FF is fine. Of course it is, but I don't think that means the instant response to anyone asking about it should be 'Fed is best!'. I believe all women should at least try breastfeeding if they are able. It seems weird that some women can be so paranoid about their baby's health in other ways but not be willing to do one thing that will make a potentially huge difference to their baby's health (and yes, I know there's always lots of anecdotal evidence on here along the lines of 'I formula fed my child and he's never even had a slightly runny poop in his life and he's now 45!', but science shows us that breastfeeding has huge benefits for both baby and mother).

If you try it and it's not for you, then at least you gave it a go. And if you can't breastfeed for whatever reason, then there's no shame in it. I think the only shame is in not ever giving it a go, personally.