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Original poster

Pressure to breastfeed.

204 replies

Kitcat159 · 03/04/2018 17:11

This is prob going to cause arguments but I'm just looking for some actually advise....
I don't want to breastfeed. I never have. I have discussed my reasons with my husband and he is happy with my decision.

My mum however is constantly pressuring me to breastfeed.

I still don't want to BF but as a compromise, what about if I express for the first couple of weeks?

I don't know how that would work in the hospital tho. Will I be pressured to BF?
I don't know if it would be appropriate to want to express in the hospital?
Should I just stick to my guns and bottle feed instead?

The midwife said someone will help me to breastfeed and when I said I am going to bottle feed she said they will send someone to help me BF anyway. Feel a bit pressured.

Is expressing from the word go an option?

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Sprinklesinmyelbow · 03/04/2018 17:50

Well fed isn’t best. Fed is the absolute minimum you should be doing.

Your body isn’t public property and no one should be telling you what to do with it. Sadly society does and I know it’s hard under pressure to say no. Stay strong and tell her you don’t want to discuss it any further

Anatidae · 03/04/2018 17:52

I breastfed mine for 18m and I’m very pro-bf.

IF the woman wants to. If you don’t want to them don’t. Be firm with the MW and your mother. You do not need to justify your descision - it’s YOU who has to do all the breastfeeding, it’s your body and it’s your choice. No, as we say here, is a complete sentence.

Is BF better for health? Yes on a population level. At the individual level what’s best depends on a number of factors - a Mum hating it and stressed out will be prone to PND and so a happy FF mum is better on balance.

reallyanotherone · 03/04/2018 17:54

I agree with grandma- i think the pressure to bf is so massive people think it’s more acceptable to say “i couldn’t”- it puts the “blame” out of their control.

This means the amount of bf misinformation about supply etc is actually increasing.

If people could say “i don’t want to” then it stops the explanations and justifications of why they “couldn’t”- which in many cases were solveable issues.

RoryHatesCoffee · 03/04/2018 18:00

You don't need to compromise. It's nothing to do with your mum.

My mum was obsessed and would have tried to force me if I hadn't have wanted to. It actually put me off doing something I intended to do all along as it wound me up so much.

I was fairly nonplussed until I had the baby and then I just really wanted to. You might feel differently when baby arrives so don't necessarily write it off, but if you don't change your mind then that's nobody else's business.

Bear2014 · 03/04/2018 18:11

It's none of your Mum's business- she gets no say in the matter and she should respect your choices. Just ignore her.

I love BF and have fed both mine but it's such a personal choice and I believe everyone should do what is right for them. It might be easier to just be vague about your decisions with the midwife for now as then you won't have to fend them off as much. In hospital I would give the colostrum as it's amazing for baby and then go to formula when you get home.

ClaryFray · 03/04/2018 18:15

The hospital I had DS in said "would you like to breast feed"
I said no.
They said "I'll nip and get you at bottle for babies first feed"

No judging. You do what you want to. Not your mums business.

reallyanotherone · 03/04/2018 18:21

The hospital I had DS in said "would you like to breast feed

I said yes. As i latched her on they asked if i’d brought bottles. I said no. I got an almighty row for not having formula because didn’t i know it wasn’t always possible to bf, not everyone had milk, how could i be so arrogant as to assume i’d be able to bf....

I continued bf. Every single time someone saw me bf they offered to go and get me a bottle.

Like i said. My experience of maternity wards is they much prefer bottle feeders.

Sprinklesinmyelbow · 03/04/2018 18:23

It depends on the hospital- ours has breastfeeding friendly status and doesn’t support “artificial” feeding at all- not supplying, assisting or even Storing it for you (obviously this won’t be the case in NICU or similar)

seethesunaftersnow · 03/04/2018 18:25

I didn't want to breastfeed and didn't feel pressure from anyone to do so. Do what feels right for you and your little one.

PotteringAlong · 03/04/2018 18:34

Just don’t assume the hospital will provide milk for you - my local hospital won’t.

Dobbythesockelf · 03/04/2018 18:34

I think they are obliged to give you all the information of the pros of breastfeeding but when my dd was born I was the only one on the ward breastfeeding so I think that when it actually comes down to it on the postnatal ward they don't actually care. I fed for 9 months and I definitely got the impression that this was unusual.
Just tell them you understand the benefits but it is your choice and you don't want to even try. In regards to expressing I hardly got any out when I tried even though I made plenty of milk so expressing might not work.

MsJuniper · 03/04/2018 18:37

I've had people turn their nose up at the fact that I mix fed DS - after 11 weeks EBF in the face of failure to thrive, convinced if I could only turn a corner it would be ok.

6 years later I am sitting in hospital with another ftt baby having been readmitted at 5d - this time we have accepted the formula top ups much more quickly so I expect I can be judged for giving it a "half-hearted go" but at least I'm trying not to let her get to the state DS was before accepting that EBF was the only possible option.

I'm sure you're right that lots of people should just say if they want to bottle feed, but your remark is particularly painful to read today.

ILikeMyChickenFried · 03/04/2018 18:38

I wouldn't worry about pressure in the hospital. They don't have enough staff to help the women who want to BF never mind those who don't.
If I were you I'd ignore my mother. If you want to BF then that's great but don't do it to please someone else. The decision is about you and your baby only. If you're not happy breastfeeding then formula feed instead.

Dinosauratemydaffodils · 03/04/2018 18:45

I'm pregnant with my second and I told the midwife when she asked that I would be formula feeding from day 1. She said okay, wrote that down and hasn't mentioned it since. That's despite knowing I breastfed ds.

I'd definitely check if you need to bring your own in advance.

I also agree with the other posters pushing honesty. A friend felt bad about saying she just didn't want to do it and ended up with a ton of support she neither wanted or needed which could have gone to someone who did want to breastfeed.

They are likely to show you how to hand express as standard in hospital though (or at least ours does).

Ickyockycocky · 03/04/2018 18:51

I'm a massive fan of BF and fed all three of mine. Having said that, I think it's your decision and you should tell your mother to do one. It's none of her business. Don't even think of doing anything to keep her happy. It's your body, your breasts and your baby.

If you try and keep her happy about this, she'll be in there when the baby is born with more "advice". Put a stop to it right now.

FranticallyPeaceful · 03/04/2018 18:51

I just feel like these posts are started so people can tell everybody how awesome bottle feeding is.

Who cares? You know the answer is do whatever you want to do. Breastfeeding is better for mother and baby, but bottlefeeding is fine and honestly I’ve never met a single person who judges somebody for bottle feeding yet seem to meet plenty who judge for breastfeeding

putputput · 03/04/2018 18:52

It is absolutely your body, your choice.

Have a look at hand expressing some colostrum before baby is born (lots of videos and instruments if you google). Colostrum is liquid gold for your baby, packed full of antibodies. If you can have a couple of syringes ready to give then you give your baby a great start.

ForkIt · 03/04/2018 18:52

Expressing is hard, if you want to bottle feed personally I wouldn’t bother. I’ve breast my younger ones and I still couldn’t express. Plus I felt like a cow and it was time consuming when I didn’t need time consuming.

TBH though, having done both, breast is WAY easier. Your choice though

ILikeMyChickenFried · 03/04/2018 18:55

I’ve never met a single person who judges somebody for bottle feeding yet seem to meet plenty who judge for breastfeeding

Easter Grin

Seriously, are you a hermit?

Also the OP's post is about her mother judging her for NOT breastfeeding

Buxbaum · 03/04/2018 18:58

Be aware that hospitals with UNICEF 'baby friendly' status (and those working towards it) will not provide you with formula unless it is medically indicated. The starter packs of ready-to-feed glass bottles are useful to take into hospital with you so you don't have to worry about finding somewhere to make up a feed.

Breastfeeding has a benefit at a population level, and as a socialised healthcare system the NHS therefore promotes it. However, once you have stated your wishes then HCP should respect them. Sadly, as PP have said, resources are so thinly stretched that all the promotion in the world doesn't necessarily translate to genuine support.

FranticallyPeaceful · 03/04/2018 18:59

@ILikeMyChickenFried I know what she said, hence why I said what I said

Am I a hermit? Weird comment. You probably need to get out more to train yourself to not make shitty comments to strangers

emily199027 · 03/04/2018 19:00

Please don't feel like you need to breastfeed because your Mum is opinionated about it!
I'm the same as you OP, I just don't want to breastfeed, I didn't with my first, and I don't want to with my 2nd due in a few weeks.
Although my MIL is pressuring me to do it this time. It's no ones choice but yours.
The midwifes I've had haven't had an issue with it either and the hospital didn't. And if any of yours do, so what? It's your body, your baby, your choice!

AnnaT45 · 03/04/2018 19:02

Ill start this off by saying I'm really pro breastfeeding ... but seriously why are you letting your Mum influence you so much. You don't want to breastfed and there is nothing wrong with that. I believe more people formula feed than not so you're hardly a rare case.

Please stand your ground and don't give in. It's your body and giving birth and having a baby brings a loss of control as it is without this. Stay strong and stick to your guns

bobstersmum · 03/04/2018 19:18

I agree with @howthelightgetsin. If you don't want to, you don't want to, that's that. I wish I could understand more though why some women are adamant they don't want to bf their baby? Before formula was invented, aside from wet nurses, what would happen then if a mother just didn't want to bf? I am not bashing I really am curious!

ILikeMyChickenFried · 03/04/2018 19:18

It wasn't a shitty comment. I was just pointing out how naive you are on the subject.

Sadly women judge on either side. I would know as I've been on each.

It was silly so claim to OP started this thread to chat about how awesome bottle feeding is given everything that she then went on to say.

One could say your response to her was very shitty

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