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Original poster

Pressure to breastfeed.

204 replies

Kitcat159 · 03/04/2018 17:11

This is prob going to cause arguments but I'm just looking for some actually advise....
I don't want to breastfeed. I never have. I have discussed my reasons with my husband and he is happy with my decision.

My mum however is constantly pressuring me to breastfeed.

I still don't want to BF but as a compromise, what about if I express for the first couple of weeks?

I don't know how that would work in the hospital tho. Will I be pressured to BF?
I don't know if it would be appropriate to want to express in the hospital?
Should I just stick to my guns and bottle feed instead?

The midwife said someone will help me to breastfeed and when I said I am going to bottle feed she said they will send someone to help me BF anyway. Feel a bit pressured.

Is expressing from the word go an option?

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ClareB83 · 04/04/2018 15:04

@Grandmaswagsbag isn't making stuff up. I didn't even think it was controversial that globally formula use vs BF causes deaths because of dirty water etc. It was covered in my economics A Levels many (too many) years ago.

The screenshots are from the report linked to already.

Pressure to breastfeed.
Pressure to breastfeed.
Grandmaswagsbag · 04/04/2018 15:12

Quiet life I’m sorry you have been living in a cave for the past 30 years, it’s well known info as clareb says. I’m not repeating anything remotely controversial. I was however very shocked to see that formul cos can still print on their tins that it’s ok to make up feeds with cold water, it’s such a simple preventative. I think it was just last year or early this year that tons and tons of formula had to be recalled after 26 infants fell sick in France.

Thursdaydreaming · 04/04/2018 15:13

It's great to read some good bf experiences. But anyway this isn't about my or your reasons, it's OPs. Hers are valid, whatever they are. She doesn't have to justify herself to the doctor, midwife, mums group, etc, if she doesn't want to.

There are a 100 great reasons to bf but imo "my mum nagged me in to it" isn't one of them.

Grandmaswagsbag · 04/04/2018 15:20

And I’m honestly not sure what point you are trying to make. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to work out that attempting to ff with no access to clean water/ability to boil/sterilising equipment is going to result in serious risk/death to infants. It’s also doesn’t take a rocket scientist to work out that a non sterile dairy product must be heated to appropriate temps before being given to tiny baby with no immune system. Formula marketing continually flouts regulation on these matters, but you just keep believing the nice people at SMA have babies best interest at heart if you wish. I’m mean it’s not unreasonable to think money making corporations are always totally ethical with their marketing strategy. Oh wait...

mintich · 04/04/2018 15:26

I did a mixture of expressing and bottle feeding. The hospital didn't pressure me but I was quite firm from the start. I think if you don't know what to do, they perhaps steer you towards breastfeeding so stand firm!
Im currently getting pressure from my MIL about breastfeeding my second baby (3 months pregnant and ready to kill her!)

bobstersmum · 04/04/2018 15:27

I can't believe women are scared of the pain of breastfeeding? Comparing the pain to labour pains? Really? Any pain like that would mean something was really badly wrong. At first it can be uncomfortable especially if cracked nipples but if lansinoh used from the start it really helps, it's just a case of adapting to breastfeeding, it doesn't take long, and after the first few weeks which may and may not be difficult, it gets so much easier that it makes formula feeding seem harder! It's so sad that we as a nation as so misinformed about breastfeeding and the support and education just isn't there.

Sipperskipper · 04/04/2018 15:30

I bf for 6 weeks but found it increasingly difficult. When I decided to switch to formula, I found my HV, GP etc were really supportive.

Anatidae · 04/04/2018 15:49

I can't believe women are scared of the pain of breastfeeding?

I think this happens because women are told it’s al fluffy and wonderful and as long as you’re trying hard enoigh it’s ok.

I BFd my son for 18m but I damn nearly gave up because it was SO painful - apparently the latch was Ok (I disagreed amd i suspect he had a tongue tie but they don’t believe in TT where I live.)

I think I have a high pain threshold - the spinal during my c section wore off halfway and I coped with that well. But the ongoing, constant pain of BF was grim in a whole other way. It was not being able to get away from it I think. Plus the guilt.

I carried on through sheer stubbornness but yes, I can see why women would stop, and frankly not do it again. I’m planning on mix feeding my next one because for me, exclusive BF had quite a few negatives (Dh unable to feed, I had rheumatic issues etc.)

That’s what is right for me. All women choose what’s right for them, and that can be Bf, FF or a mix. I don’t judge or feel superior because I managed to BF mine.

JessieMcJessie · 04/04/2018 16:16

Sorry you had a painful experience Antidae. However I think what is causing concern here is that so much is written about painful experiences that some women assume that it is more likely than not to be very painful and are afraid of the anticipated pain, rather than being deterred by an actual painful experience.

BertrandRussell · 04/04/2018 16:18

It's not a matter of trying harder. But it is sometimes a matter of trying differently. But it is very hard to say that on here without being accused of applying "pressure". Or worse.

Anatidae · 04/04/2018 16:18

Yes I see your point but just to play devils advocate... to me if so much is written about painful experiences then maybe it means that a lot of women do find it painful?

BertrandRussell · 04/04/2018 16:19

The expectation has shifted so that women now think there is a high chance that they won't be able to bf. This is quite new and damaging.

JessieMcJessie · 04/04/2018 16:23

Sure Antidae there’s no denying that a lot of women do find it painful. However I don’t think they are in the majority overall, they are just the majority who write about bf experiences because painless ones are not worthy of writing about (and can seem smug).

Grandmaswagsbag · 04/04/2018 16:35

You cannot say anything with 100% certainty when you haven't tried the alternative.

Ironic that you can say this to someone who is certain their choice to b/f was the right one but not to someone who has chosen to ff without having tried breastfeeding ilikemychickenfried.

Hypermice · 04/04/2018 16:52

You cannot say anything with 100% certainty when you haven't tried the alternative.

Of course you can. I haven’t tried bestiality or swinging but I’m pretty sure I like my sex life how it is.

I haven’t tried loads of stuff because I’m pretty sure I don’t want to do it (tattoos, bungee jumping, dogging, etc etc.

The problem with the ‘you must try it’ attitude is that if someone doesn’t want to that’s their choice. No one else has a right to force them to do something they don’t want to do when there’s a perfectly safe alternative. You would t tell a vegetarian hey had no idea about food if they didn’t want to try lamb, would you?

BF OMG needs to be promoted by normalising it and positive encouragement- NOT by demonising bottle feeding or implying that women need an excuse to ff.

ClareB83 · 04/04/2018 17:04

I would definitely tell a vegetarian that. And waft a roast chicken at them! 😆

Quietlife1979 · 04/04/2018 17:08

grandma you don’t have to feel sorry for me - even though it was said patronisingly, which has been you the entire thread.

That post did not state that one million babies died because of formula - like you stated. There would have been many many factors that would have contributed to those deaths - that’s why it’s worded 800,000 deaths COULD be avoided if more people breasted. That is not the same as ‘one million deaths DUE to formula’ it really isn’t.

My point is EVEN though I breast fed ALL three of mine - I still don’t look down my nose at women that dont - I don’t offer snippets of judgmental advice because it’s fuck all to do with me. - just like it’s fuck all to with you.

And this is genuine - I do feel sorry for any of your daughters that may not want to BF because the amount of pressure you will inflict on them is awful

Grandmaswagsbag · 04/04/2018 17:13

Trust me I don’t feel sorry for you, I said I was sorry that you seem to have no concept of a commonly known about world issue. I’m sorry there are people so ignorant.

Quietlife1979 · 04/04/2018 17:14

Ha! You can’t help yourself !! Grin

Grandmaswagsbag · 04/04/2018 17:17

I’ve not judged anyone. I’ve said to the op that she can pump from the start if she desires, she asked. I’ve said I loved every moment of b/feeding (Is that seen as judging on MN?) and I’m simply refuting a claim that formula feeding saves lives, when world wide it does the complete opposite. I’m not sure why you jumped on such a minor part of my posts it really was an after thought but maybe you’ll be aware of some issues you weren’t before now?

Grandmaswagsbag · 04/04/2018 17:18

You’ve made yourself look a bit silly really, so maybe I do feel a bit sorry for you actually.

Pumkins · 04/04/2018 17:27

After my initial response I have followed this thread as I was interested in the BF vs FF debate.

Turns out there shouldn't be one at all...

1- Some women try BF, it works for them and it's easy, cheap and convenient.
Oh my I envy younso much!

2- Some women try BF, it's difficult amd painful but they persevere, improve and thrive eventually.
I admire your perseverence and wish I had talked to some of you when I was in need.

3 - Some women try and want to BF but they eventually switch. There may be many reasons, pain, PND, stress, lack of support and information, illness, previous medical condition, traumatic birth...
That's me and for anyone who shares that situation with mine, I empathise because the guilt of " being unable to feed your pwn child" is crippling and doesn't fade with time.

4 - women who FF from the get go whether by fear of pain of also and nobody mentionned this by lifestyle obligations... or even choice.
To them I say good for you. I always thought an informed decision was the right one and yes- a happy mum means a happy baby.

So bottom line? To each their bloody own. I just wish for my part I had been more prepared to the reality of BF, talked to more people before hand and that the NHS wasn't so understaffed and agenda driven that they could have given me that little extra support I needed to get through it.
It's too late now, that's a shame as I am now left with the never ending "what if"...

notacooldad · 04/04/2018 17:31

Well this thread has been well and truly hijacked!,
OP. Do what is right for you.

FusRoDah · 04/04/2018 17:33

If you try it and it's not for you, then at least you gave it a go. And if you can't breastfeed for whatever reason, then there's no shame in it. I think the only shame is in not ever giving it a go, personally.

The problem with this is that when people go on about how much better breastmilk is than formula milk nutritionally/ethically/any other way, those statements shame both groups of women, those who can't feed and those who won't.

JessieMcJessie · 04/04/2018 17:37

Not sure how stating facts about breastmilk is “shaming” those who can’t bf? Why should someone be ashamed of something that is beyond their control? I know it’s better for children to have grandparents but I don’t feel ashamed that my parents are dead, just sad.