Pressure to breastfeed.

[Kitcat159]

This is prob going to cause arguments but I'm just looking for some actually advise....
I don't want to breastfeed. I never have. I have discussed my reasons with my husband and he is happy with my decision.

My mum however is constantly pressuring me to breastfeed.

I still don't want to BF but as a compromise, what about if I express for the first couple of weeks?

I don't know how that would work in the hospital tho. Will I be pressured to BF?
I don't know if it would be appropriate to want to express in the hospital?
Should I just stick to my guns and bottle feed instead?

The midwife said someone will help me to breastfeed and when I said I am going to bottle feed she said they will send someone to help me BF anyway. Feel a bit pressured.

Is expressing from the word go an option?

My mum was very opinionated about me breastfeeding.

Apparently it is dirty, unhygienic, immodest, i was “starving” my baby because how could i tell she had had enough? I was making her ill because poo shouldn't be runny like that/they shouldn’t feed so much/wake at night.

Smile, nod, and do what you want to do.

And honestly, learn to do it now because it will continue. Why aren’t you weaning? Why are you weaning? You need to puree and spoon feed, you can’t feed big chunks like that. You need to stop giving milk and put water in the bottle so they learn not to wake at night. Why can’t i give your 5 month old chocolate buttons, it’s only a couple, and they’re white chocolate. Why aren’t you toilet training? You were trained at 7 months. Still wetting the bed at 2? You need to stop letting them drink. Of course they can have x or y, if i buy it. You should be making them read every night after school, no wonder they’re behind. Don’t let them do ballet, hardly anyone makes the royal ballet. Don’t let them run around, they need to sit quietly. Why don’t you get them out in the fresh air for a change?

It is never ending.

Interestingly I had the opposite problem with my mum who I wouldn’t say is anti BF (if that’s even a thing) but she has some extremely strange feelings surrounding BFing. To her it’s grotesque and would have made her feel like a prized cow if she had done it. She often made various comments about me BFing my DC, it was all very odd and upsetting with my first especially.

Anyway, I heavily dispute the comment about people making ‘half arsed attempts’. Breastfeeding isn’t as easy as it’s made out to be AT ALL. I found it really fucking difficult. Bleeding nipples, latch issues and growth spurts as well as not being able to share the night feeds with your OH (unless you express which is also a twat and not all babies take a bottle)... It’s not easy at all. So I don’t blame anyone for quitting.

Tbh, as long as your baby is fed that really is all that matters. I was formula fed and it really hasn’t had even the slightest effect on me.

How why is it any of your business how mothers feed their child. How do you know If their attempt is half hearted?

I’d rather breastfeeding fanatics would just get on with their own kids rather than watching every one else tbh..

I think the “half hearted” comment was a bad choice of words.

If you don’t want to bf, but feel pressured, chances are you will give up as soon as you can. You are likely to grab at any “reason” to justify it too. So the point is these women are more likely to cite poor supply etc- perpetuating the idea that it is very common.

Not talking about people who want to bf, but those like the o/p who choose not to. It should be a choice, and women shouldn’t feel they have to try until they can say it isn’t working..

Hard to explain.

YassQueen
I don’t mean to be offensive. Before I had my son it felt like everyone I’d spoken to had issues feeding and it seemed so unlikely I’d be able to feed. This is a terrible message I’d been sent! Why did I think it was almost inevitable I wouldn’t be able to feed? THIS is a huge problem.
Actually now I know plenty of women who put in huge amounts of effort, frankly more than I would have done in their positions (I’m talking tube feeding and finger feeding for months so the baby never got used to a bottle!) but we also know there are plenty of people who go into it saying “I want to breastfeed but I know it often doesn’t work out so I’m buying a perfect prep as back up.”

I believe in body autonomy so no one should breastfeed if they don’t want to. I also believe in changing the conversation and being more honest about what it’s really like to feed in the early days.

Before formula was invented, aside from wet nurses, what would happen then if a mother just didn't want to bf? I am not bashing I really am curious!

You're curious what happened if a mother didn't bf before the invention of formula? Surely it doesn't take a genius to work out that babies died.

Thankfully we have formula, so that isn't something mothers need to take into consideration these days.

Quietlife1979 I don’t care, I care how I fed my child end of. Actually not end of, I also care that you didn’t feel you had to use your body in a way you weren’t comfortable with.
Lots of people can’t breastfeed who try very hard. Let’s be honest though and say that a lot who give up quickly give up because of the relentless of it or the fact that a baby feeding hourly is normal and not much fun for anyone. People should just be more honest. I know people on both sides. I don’t think it’s fair at all that pregnant people get the story that breastfeeding fails for the majority because it simply doesn’t.

If you don't want to breastfeed you don't want to breastfeed!
My little boy was born 6 weeks early in August and was in neonatal for 2 weeks. I felt pressured into expressing and trying to get him to latch on but my milk didn't come through at all-a combination of him being early, emcs, being apart from him and me being really poorly too.

I felt ridiculously pressured to keep on trying to express and it really stressed me out on top of everything else. I eventually stopped trying after I broke down a few days if getting home. I was gutted I couldn't breastfeed but I truly believe 'fed is best' and it's your decision.

I'd highly recommend you keep an open mind 're the expressing and if you don't want to then don't do it! It's not your mum's body it's yours and your decision.

Good luck x

Tell your mum and mw to get to fuck. Entirely your choice how you feed baba. Anyone calling you a disgrace should be ashamed of themselves, family or not. Bf is not for everyone and bloody hard work at the start. This they don't tell you at the ante natal classes. It's all sunshine and rainbows and bonding blah blah blah. (I did bf first and plan to again with this one) I would never put down any other mother who chose to ff. Why do that?? Baba is fed and happy. That's the main thing, no matter if bf or ff.

Before formula was invented, aside from wet nurses, what would happen then if a mother just didn't want to bf? I am not bashing I really am curious!
I assume it was much like childbirth. The majority of births wouldn’t kill the mother. The majority of women could breastfeed (but then the child of course might go on to die of god knows what horrible childhood disease). But some would die in labour and then some babies would die because their mothers couldn’t feed them, but the overal success rate was good enough for evolution. But now we’re able to greatly reduce the risk of either awful thing occurring which is amazing.

Honestly whatever you choose is fine, and you’ve had some very sensible and balanced replies. Except for the arsehole who made the jibe about ‘halfhearted attempts’ - they can fuck right off.

Your body, your choice. Nobody else’s.

You must do what is right for you. Please do not ruin the start of motherhood with fretting about this.

My personal opinion is breast, and I could waffle on about how easy and fabulous it is.... But you aren't asking that. You are saying you don't want to. So don't. And feel no shame for that. You also don't have to compromise.

Do you. Be awesome. Enjoy your early days of motherhood. Take no shit.

Good luck!

I didn't breastfeed and made it clear to midwives,HV etc. I took my own bottles and formula to hospital but they provided some anyway.

Being able to share feeding with my DH not only saved my sanity but meant he was involved with all aspects of care from the very beginning which worked well for us. He loved being able to feed DS and so did MIL....which was great as it was relatively easy for me to get a break.

My 4 year old is showing no ill effects for being FF. He's hardly ever ill and is exceeding all milestones in pre-school.

You do what is best for you and your family and don't feel guilty one iota.

My MiL was given cow's milk from birth. Not 100 percent sure of the reasons but she was born on a farm in the early 40s and clearly did okay on it. So I imagine back before formula worse case scenario if you had access to farm animals, that might do if it was a choice between letting the baby starve or giving cows, sheep etc milk and seeing what happened.

How your coming across as incredibly smug and patronising. You assume that I didn’t/couldn’t breastfeed. Your wrong. I BF all three of my children. Don’t make sweeping assumptions about women who bottle feed or the reasons why some women changed to formula.

I just can’t understand why some women are so over invested (or ‘care’ ) in other women’s baby feeding when it’s actually fuck all to do with you.

Try genuinely supporting women rather than pretending you ‘care’.

‘Give up’ breastfeeding needs to stop being used. It implies the mother couldn’t complete the task = failure. (Often used by smug breast feeders)

Mothers take the decision not to breast feed anymore because they have autonomy over their bodies. That’s it. And they shouldn’t feel shit about it.

It's your body, you choose.

I breastfed DS1 initially but stopped when I developed PND. Stopping helped me to recover so I felt that on balance, having a mentally healthy Mum was more important for him in the short term than breast milk.

DS2 was born very ill and was not able to have any form of milk for two weeks via mouth or tube (he was on IV fluid and IV fat/nutrients). My milk came in on day three, whilst he was in the middle of an eight hour surgery. I had said goodbye to him that morning in case he didn't come back. I absolutely could not pump/express, even though I'm sure the NICU staff would have supported me had I felt able to. But I just couldn't face it, especially in the first few weeks when we weren't sure if he would make it. He's formula fed and I don't regret it, I did what I needed to do to cope with the situation. I know other NICU Mum's who felt that expressing really helped them, but I couldn't do it. The very thought of it made me anxious and full of panic. Even in our situation I've had people judge me for not bf 😡

Do whatever you like, but FWIW I wasn't going to either then when DS was born he began rooting and trying to find my breast about 10 minutes after he was born...it was amazing! So I gave it a go and I'm still breastfeeding him 15 months later!

Don't let anyone pressure you to do anything that you don't want to do. Put a breastfed baby next to a bottle fed baby and you'd be unable to say which is which.
I ebf my first until she was 17month and it was bloody hard! Rewarding and I wouldn't change it for the world but it was so hard.
I ebf my second for two weeks but he just wouldn't latch properly I killed myself and upset him just trying to bloody breastfeed him because I'd never bottle fed and I didn't want to.

However it's amazing 😂😂 you don't have to watch your diet (spicy food, the odd wine etc) your hubby can help out. They tend to sleep through the night from a younger age.

There are so many pros and cons to both. If I was to have another I personally would try to ebf again but just because I love it so much. It really doesn't make all that much difference to the baby or the bond.

You do what's right for you and baby and you'll be the best mummy

Also in hospital I wanted to bf and one of the midwives gave my baby a bottle to try help him to sleep better on a night because he was so hungry and my milk hadn't come through enough.

Just tell the midwives to bugger off, they are there for you and your baby not to judge. And they 9/10 times won't.

Also take the pain relief

Good luck

Thanks for your advise everyone.
Spoke to DH about it again and I'm gonna stick to my guns and bottle feed.
You are right, I shouldn't have to compromise because I'm being pressured. I'm going to stand my ground (which is what I have been doing so far).
The midwife have told me that they won't provide formula to encourage BF. Fine, I'll take some with me then.
I'm happy with bottle feeding, DH is happy with it. Nobody else's opinion matters.

Also for the record. Dh wasn't BF at all. I was bottle fed breast milk as I was in an incubator for 6 weeks. He has no allergies or anything. I have loads of allergies, asthma, IBS. Etc.
Thanks all. I feel better about my decision now :)

There was not any pressure to beastfeed when I was in hospital a couple of years ago having my son. I said I wanted to breastfeed and the baby wasnt latching and actually I felt under a lot of pressure to give up and formula feed so I could go home. They would not let me leave until they thought theyd seen the baby latch on unless I said I was formula feeding in which case they would let me leave any time.

So i just lied and said I was going to formula feed to get out of there!! Once Id said that there were no more comments about it at all.
Luckily as soon as I got home I was able to continue breastfeeding and had no further problems with it.

I dont think that from my experience you will get much if any pressure put on you by medical professionals.
They will probs just ask you what you want to do and maybe give you a leaflet.

Windchimes it’s odd. Amongst all the mums (some b/f some ff) I know no one has ever felt pressure to b/f from health professionals and neither did I. I’m not sure I even discussed feeding choices with my MW! And we are a baby friendly hospital. I can’t understand how it can vary so. It must be regional? Or do some people feel so sensitive about it that anyone promoting any benefits of b/feeding coms across to them as pressure? Hpcs can hardly go round telling people that breast milk and formula are equal can they? OP I’m glad you seem confident in your own decision and I doubt that in hospital you will feel much pressure, because like others have pointed out they don’t really have the resources to worry about it!

Your body your choice OP (and I say that as a bf mum). Fed is best, and a happy mum is great for a baby. In fact i’d wager that a happy mum is overall better than a stressed out mum feeling miserable while struggling to bf. It’s easy for some and when it’s easy it’s great, but motherhood is hard enough without piling on additional guilt on women struggling with latch or emotional struggles etc!

Fed is best! I am undecided in what I am doing to do. We’ve bought bottles. However I have other health issues and feel that due to sheer exhaustion (I’ve been told I will have) post birth I just want everyone to be happy and healthy so I will probably end up bottle feeding pretty quickly. Whatever you decide it’s up to you, your body, your baby, your rules.

My DS wasn't breastfed. He's 3 now and doesn't seem to have any allergies at all. No significant illness - touchwood. Half of his BF NCT contemporaries have milk or egg allergies.