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Original poster

M.I.L wants to be called Mamma!!

212 replies

Sarah1087 · 30/03/2018 12:42

As it says

I don't understand what is wrong with old fashioned Nanan or nana my mum will be being called Nana.
Mamma to me is the definition of mummy I've told Fiance I'm not happy with this, he said what about Mommar but im not happy with that.

Without sounding cruel and not doing into everything personal at the min I feel as though the whole situation is being monopolised this is my first baby after suffering with infertility and I stand by myself in thinking I've every right to disagree with this and even ask for This not to happen.

Does anyone agree with me ?

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Chocolateanddiamonds · 30/03/2018 21:19

I refer to myself as mamma quite a bit....... But I am my child's mother. I'd never stand for a grandparent calling them self something that could be confused with the parent.

You can control it to some degree, when baby arrives instantly refer to her as Gran and your self Mamma/mam/mammy. This nips it start in the bud. Just little things like "oh look baby meet your granny she's Ben desperate to meet you" "aw you hungry? come cuddle mammy and have a wee feed'

2furbabies · 30/03/2018 21:38

How rude! You could try suggesting Omar which is South African for grandma or Nona ? Would be offended too if my mum wanted to be called mamma!

8SaltandVinegar · 30/03/2018 21:45

Teach your baby to call her by her first name Grin That'll teach her.

Seriously though, lay your bounderies down now!

BertrandRussell · 30/03/2018 21:47

"Seriously though, lay your bounderies down now!"

Or just have a conversation like a rational person!

ineedwine99 · 30/03/2018 21:57

I’m Yorkshire, as is my family. I’m mamma/mummy, my mum is grandma, MIL Nanna (their choice) they wouldn’t have dreamt of calling themselves mamma!

Thatsquiteenough · 30/03/2018 21:58

Ours use mama and papa.

Nanny is the paid help.

I am not a bitch to my MIL so again, feeling at odds on here somewhat.

RumbleMum · 30/03/2018 22:08

My parents are Mama and Papa to our DC. It evolved from Grandma and Grandpa, and DH and I are fine with it. It very much depends on context - my parents aren't at all interfering or overbearing but if they were I might feel differently if they insisted on those names.

MyKingdomForBrie · 30/03/2018 22:28

I love that my mum has a dedicated little room for dd with a cot and rockin chair etc. There’s no where for her at MIL’s just a travel cot (Not her fault, no space) and I’d love if she had a room.

As for the name - you can’t let your child choose, they don’t make up ‘mama’ themselves they hear you call yourself mama! You can’t just ‘guess’ a name for a person you’re taught what to call them.

Why can you not just say to her ‘oh that sounds a bit too much like mama, dc will get confused!’ It really doesn’t need to be a row.

cindersrella · 30/03/2018 22:29

I call my nan Momar, not quite sure why but I love it. I also called my great Nan it and my children call my mom it too.

It is ultimately up to you both as parents though... a word of warning if she has grandchildren already though and they call her that then you children will follow suit and copy.

I know this as my sister wasn't to keen on my nephew saying Momar but because the other 6 grandchildren do he does too

NewImprovedNinja · 30/03/2018 22:42

Mom-mar or Nanny were the most common names for grandmothers in the S. York’s/Derbys border when I was a child, although mine was called grandma (and I hated her).
I think you’re being a bit mean OP.

DextroDependant · 30/03/2018 22:58

I would ask if FIL intends to be Dada too.

Firecarrier · 30/03/2018 23:10

This is tickling me!

Aggressive uppity post after aggressive uppity post with Bertrand saying, "" but why not have a conversation about it ?""

Grin

My twopence worth,
My mother is called mama prounounced ma-mar as like others the eldest grandchild couldn't pronounce Grandma and it followed on. My own children call their other 'Nanna' even though I wouldn't personally choose it as I think it sounds a bit tacky. (Crucially though I would never say this Wink)

No wonder some people constantly fall out with their in laws it is such a shame. Even though I have had to bite my tongue A LOT over the years I'm glad I have as most things aren't that big of a deal in the long run.

Oh I'm actually in the Midlands although I'm not sure that is anything to do with it in this case.

IlikemyTeahot · 30/03/2018 23:12

is she carribean?

TRALALALALALALALALAAA · 31/03/2018 00:25

Its a shame but the tone on here, its as if some people just want their mils to disappear, to simply not exist in their lives or their dc's life Sad. Hence all the 'let the dc decide'..how on earth will the dc decide without being taught.

paranoidpammywhammy2 · 31/03/2018 05:01

My colleague (who was sacked due to being rude, difficult, argumentative and unreasonable) got her granddaughter to call her 'mummy' and to call her mummy by her christian name. The actual mum was not impressed and paid for childcare at a nursery instead.

Not long after that she went low contact then non-contact. 'Mummy' still says she doesn't understand why.

8SaltandVinegar · 31/03/2018 06:16

@BertrandRusell

Isn't that the same thing?? She needs to put her foot down and speak out. I was in her shoes and I didn't and it caused one hell of a backlash.

ToriRay · 31/03/2018 09:25

This is a midlands thing. Mamar is used more often than not!

peacheachpearplum · 31/03/2018 09:28

I'm from the West Midlands and have never heard this in my 60 odd years. Grandmothers were always granny, gran, nan, nana, nanny or grandma. Where is it common in the midlands?

ToriRay · 31/03/2018 09:33

@peacheachpearplum East Midlands. It doesn't sound like Mama. It's more Mamar. I have 40 year old friends who have called their grandmother this, as well as my children's friends calling their grandparents this. I don't like it personally, but I do think it's colloquial. Smile

BertrandRussell · 31/03/2018 09:37

The point is that some people h@ve heard of it, and a quick google shows that it is not uncommon. So before the OP takes any of the aggressive action everyone is suggesting is appropriate, she should ask her mil why she particularly wants to use it. If it’s because it’s the name used in her family, or some other simple explabation , then all the Op needs to do say kindly that she would rather another name was chosen- and discuss options. However, if the mil says that she is intending to take hormones so she can relactate, then kidnap the baby at birth and lock the OP in the attic for the next 16 years then definitely bring on the big guns.

Establish the facts first. Generally speaking things aren’t conspiracies.

DevilsDoorbell · 31/03/2018 09:37

I grew up in the midlands. None of my friends called their grandmothers mamar

peacheachpearplum · 31/03/2018 10:38

BertrandRussell, I was interested in where in the midlands this is common. ToriRay has given me the information, thanks ToriRay, that's how conversations/discussions go. So the point to you might not be relevant to me, how tragic.

PeterIanStaker · 31/03/2018 10:47

In the East Midlands (Notts/Derby), most kids call their grandmother Mammar, Mommar or, less commonly I think, Nannar. It's nice to have something a bit different, and none of these kids is getting their mother mixed up with their grandmother Grin

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 31/03/2018 11:01

That's interesting Peter. I wonder how the DILs there feel about that!

ToriRay · 31/03/2018 11:08

@peacheachpearplum you're spot on. Colloquialisms are interesting. Love talking about them, and the fact they aren't 'right' or 'wrong' just geographical!