Pregnancy after MC Part 6 - supporting each other through the highs and lows

[Daisybump]

I thought that this one sounded really good!

Message withdrawn

Ejt - glad the scan went well. Huge relief!
Glimmer - ditto the tests.
Rubles - OMG I started as 32 E/F and frankly I'm terrified to get measured. Guess I'd better get it over with. G for Ginormous, I'm guessing (or H for ma-Hoosive?)
Uki - I'm afraid I also overdosed a bit on the sad stuff which led to horrible nightmares. It is really hard not to panic - and to be honest I'm saying this on a good day - but I'm trying to stick to the birth announcements at the moment, unlikely as they currently seem for me.
Everyone else, hang in there. Eight days till the scan. Not that i'm obsessively counting.

Morning all!

Rubles - I agree that it is actually quite easy to get away with drinking very little without people noticing, unless they are topping your glass up!

Glimmer - I don't think there is any point when you are obliged to tell your work that you're pg other than for the purposes of starting maternity leave, so I'd just see how you feel. I've told my management, but none of my colleagues yet.

Princess - it's hard dealing with a stressed out dh and pg hormones, isn't it? Mine is mega stressed with his workplace this morning and was really impatient with ds who is very daddy-orientated with his current separation anxiety! Doesn't make for a good combination... Hope things settle down for you both shortly!

Uki - I know exactly what you mean. A couple didn't turn up for the dinner on Saturday night and even before I asked why not, I wondered if the wife had had a m/c. I knew she had had one before and it turned out she had had her 12 week scan and they diagnosed a mmc... I don't for a minute think I am psychic, just paranoid about other people's pgs...

Firststar - what did you decide in the end about when to start maternity leave and how long to take? Sorry if we've already had this discussion, but my memory is the worst it has ever been at the moment...

Fingernails - I remember the week or so leading up to my scan was horrendous. I think it was knowing that I was finally going to know whether or not things are okay that seems to bring the anxiety to a feverpitch! Hope you're doing better than me at keeping calm...

Not much to report. Had a solicitor come around last night to talk about wills and have realised that it is much more complicated than we imagined because of dh's children from his previous marriage. Joys of parenthood...

Mumpbump- that's really sad, about dinner couple, now I feel for them

Fingernails -I think I need to stick to the birth annoucement thread only too. I've even found another m/c website that is alot more full on than mn.

Firstar- thanks for asking, I have lots of energy atm, but "as above" a few little head issues, a bit sad/snappy/anxious about the future. Must go read that "feelings in pg" broucher from the hospiatal again, i think it's probably all very normal.
How are you doing?

Uki - you're pretty much in the last trimester aren't you, if you're due in early August? How many weeks are you now?

I'm 26 weeks mump, how about you?

I think i became a bit emotionally frazzled about this time too.

19 weeks and counting. I just try to avoid any sad stories at the moment because I can't deal with them at all... Last time, I took the view that ignorance is bliss and am trying to maintain that state of ignorance this time around! There are too many horror stories and you rarely hear about the good experiences, unfortunately. Does the fact that you had pre-eclampsia before put you at a greater risk of having it again?

Mump -theortically no pre eclampsia is more common in first pg, but my last m/c resulted in high blood pressure straight away, so it might have even caused it. I think the asprin and calcium i am taking at the moment are working wonders, I have Lowist BP i've ever had, though I have to come off asprin at 37 weeks. The horror stories I read were alot of second cases, so that has made me a little paranoid, not that i want to worry. i just want to be realistic that i might not get my natural happy birth, as that's what i got down about after ds.

Hmm. I can understand you being concerned about managing your expectations of birth. I was irritated by my NCT antenatal classes because they gave you the idea that childbirth should be a happy, natural experience. Of the 6 of us, 4 were induced, one had a c-section, one ended up with a third degree tear and only one person managed a "normal" childbirth with only an epidural.

Whilst I think it is possible for some people to have a safe and natural birth, you have to bear in mind that lots of women used to die in childbirth regularly. Obviously, now we have advanced medical care, that is a fairly remote risk, but I think the reality is that childbirth is in fact a risky business and if you have a "normal" birth, you are probably not in fact the norm! Mind you, it doesn't mean you have to be one of the horror stories...

Hey everyone, now officially booked in with the Midwife.
She did offer to send me to see a consultant but I've said no for the time being. I'll wait to see if any probs develop after then.
Starting to feel a little paranoid, guess coz scan now only 6 days away, not had any m/s today but now odd pains on both sides of abdomen. Keep telling myself it's sprog making its present known. Plus been eating little and often, well okay a lot and often! Maybe that's helping me to not feel sick! Have been feelign very tired today and slightly headachy as well..

Now I'm worried that I've scared Uki off with my reference to mortality rates - sorry!!! I hope you have simply gone to bed given the time in your part of the world!

Furrymummy - I can't stop you worrying about all the comings and goings of your different symptoms, but I'm going to try! We all of us on this thread have at some point or other said the sickness/boob pain/tiredness had gone and we thought that it was all over. I certainly did - you could probably go through the archives and find some of my more hysterical postings. The symptoms do wax and wane (it seems), and it is probably being helped by your eating often. You're probably just having a good day and it will come back with a vengeance over the next couple of days.
As to the pains, I think those are just normal growing pains, another thing that so many of us complain of that mean nothing. But when they are happening to you they can be scarey. I remember having cramps at the beginning quite badly and then I had what I described as 'twanging' on my left and right side just in from the hip bones for the next few weeks. Don't know what it was, but it kept me on my toes and made sure I never relaxed.

Mumpbump, interesting what you say about expectations in antenatal classes. It seems to be a case of striking the right balance. I think women need to go in with a positive mindset to try to help them to cope so they need to feel that they can do it and it is a natural thing. But then again, that needs to be done in a way that women don't then feel like they have failed if they have c-section or other interventions.

I agree about worrying now for all pregnant women. A woman I know to stop in the street and speak to told me she was 4.5 weeks pregnant recently. I said congratulations etc, but I did feel a certain amount of worry that at the age of 41 she is telling passing acquaintances (sp?) like me so early on. Maybe she just 'knows' everything will be alright..?

Uki, that sounds very good about the aspirin etc. If it is not too intrusive are your worries and anxieties related to you & the baby's health and the birth or are you worried about other general life issues? Please stick to the happy threads from now on. I have been reading the ante-natal threads for May as I can't wait to be at that stage and they are all starting to pop. I have in the past lurked on the ttc after m/c thread but I do find that there are just too many sad, sad words & thoughts there that I can still remember too well that it is best to stay away.

Evening all,
Well went back to work today - dephead was her usual charming and sensitive self - and I ended up in tears again! Eventually though, we came to a compromise that if I have a 'free' lesson 1st or last lesson of the day, then I can not be there. Life is made easier as I don't have a form - I have my community languages gang - and they're all into exams now, so are easier to supervise!

Have been to acupuncture tonight - fell better already - have promised acupuncturist that I will go to bed early tonight - I need to - I'm knackered!

Glimmer - very on your behalf about your 'treatment' on our lovely nhs - it just seems bizarre that different areas have such different rules - I have been fortunate in my gp I think as she has obs / gynae training!
Just on the subject of an im - if you want to have babs in hospital, then it will be cheaper to have a doula there with you instead of an im ... I can't remember where you are exactly, but IMs are few and far between in some areas of the UK - there are only 2 in the whole of Wales for example!

Purple - you feel free to rant, girl ...

fingernails - thinking of you - the waiting for that first scan is just horrible ... if you look at my hysterical posts around that time, then you'll get a good idea how I was ... a mess!

mumpbump - hang on in there about your wills - it's not a nice thing to have to think about, but it's a good feeling when they're done and dusted.

uki - pats to you ... I'm not getting that irritable - I just keep bursting into bloody tears the whole time!

furry - you hang on in there too ...

Uki / Mumpbump & others - I've banned myself from reading the mc threads - I also used to post on a site wholely for women who had suffered mc and stillbirth - but I've had to stop as I can't deal with seeing tickers showing pictures of eternally sleeping babies ... it's a shame as I found that community to be wonderful when I was ttc, but just can't cope with it now.

Right, going to eat the tea which dh has lovingly prepared, and thence to shower and bed!

Hi All

How are you all? Sorry, that I've not been posting very regularly - real life is getting away with me! Shocking, I know!

Haven't had a chance to catch up properly, but just wanted to say to Furrymummy, that Rubles speaks a lot of sense. We've all had worries about symptoms disappearing - I lost all mine at around 9 weeks, including the sore boobs! As for the stomach pains, I still get them from time to time at 19 weeks and they still worry me. It's not long now until your scan, try and hang on in there!

Glimmer, I have no experience of IMs. I have to say that my antenatal care with DD was brilliant, particularly the consultants dealing with my obstetric cholestasis - did think the hospital midwives were overstretched, particularly when I'd had DD, but they wouldn't let us out as she was technically premature. But they weren't very nice to me then, which was awful, considering neither me nor DD actually wanted to be there either!! Anyway, I hope you have some luck finding some support. I've not seen enough of my MW yet to know what the care is going to be like down here (live in a different place for this pg!). How long til DH is here permanently?

Rubles, great to hear from you - how are you getting on? Feeling movements yet? I think I do, then I'm not sure, wish it was all more obvious though. Someone please tell me that at some stage in this pg, I will stop worrying about losing it!

Daisybump - exciting, not long to go now!

ejt - your deputy head, sounds awful - for a manager, she needs some managerial training, I would think - I hope you sleep well tonight.

Anyway, sorry not to have caught up properly, love and hugs to all, particularly those, I've not named personally.

take care
xxx

Fettle & Rubles & Mumpbump - thanks for all your kind words, what ever would do without you all!
EJT -Glad you got your concessions, but I would still keep making records of conversations you have had with the dephead, hopefully she back off anyway but just in case she starts getting nasty again it would be helpful to have.
IKWYM with regards to avoiding m/c threads, that's why I'm going no where near the Dec 07 AN club. I was on the Aug 07 AN club and there was a flurry of m/c within the space of a week ending with mine, it was so awful. Don't think I could cope with all that this time around, so staying well away at the moment.
Anyway m/s reared it's ugly head on the way home from work and spent most of the evening feeling and being sick! So yey!?!
I did have a bad night, kept waking up with various bits of me aching, first my leg, then my arm then my ear and then my back! I think I was lying funny on bits of myself!!

Hi All

Flurry- good idea staying away from "due in" threads it's a bit like a game of russian roulette for a while, I decided not to ad to that with my last m/c and left silently.

Mump- sorry yes, got overwhelemed by tiredness last night was having a good chat though.

I have just worked who sent me a baby text from few days ago, (what a puzzle, thought it was a wrong number) it was an international number, and i just couldn't think who it was!!! Glad i worked it out though an old yoga friend from ds's antenatal class.
Also visted 37 week pg friend today, so exciting, she doesn't seem prepared in terms of baby names and stuff at all though .

Hi all.

Yes, it's interesting to see some of the post-mc dynamics. I was completely out of it before my 12 week scan. Only thing I could do (and only Mumpbump knows) was hang out at the MC threats and grieve for a baby I hadn't even lost yet and hopefully won't (it's called anticapatory grief reaction and it helped to find some books that mentioned it as a copying mechanism). Since my scan I have been much more optimistic and agree with the reports of some that time has flewn since. Didn't join my antenatal thread before then either and am amazed by how much ahead some women plan. I seem to be able to take only one step at a time.

Thanks for all your feedback about the independent midwifes. There is one that serves my area and is avlailable in November and I will definitely talk to her. Problem is that in case there are complications I would end up in the hopsital that has done the f**cked up surgeries before. The only way to avoid this is to go somewhere completely different, e.g. London. The irony is, that my
insurance would probably pay a private hospital (!!!) but not an independent midwife. But private hospitals tend to have very high Cesarian rates, the one I looked at had one of 98%. Come on.

Husband will move here for a year, then we will both move back together (I got a job there starting summer next year). This way and -pssst- I will try and get my maternity leave here (in the US I would get only 3 weeks shortterm disability). So I have started to look at houses for renting...

Sorry this is a all-about-me-psot. Will catch up later.

Just thought I would pop by very briefly to tell you my pg friend had her 20 week scan and she's having a boy

Glimmer-That sounds very intesting about the copying mechanism or is it coping? would like to know more about that.

Wow, can't believe how busy its been on here! Only been away for a day! Hi to everyone, hope you are all okay. I totally sympathise with people hanging round the m/c threads and such, I am still lurking on the ttc after m/c thread I was on and also the other ttc thread too - partly to keep an eye out for good news but partly keeping up in case I need to go back. I have, however, been brave enough to join a "due in" thread although did worry I would jinx it! What you said Glimmer about greiving for a baby you hadn't lost and hopefully wouldn't really touched me, that is just how I have been feeling too and I do think it is how some of us cope. If we don't get excited, we won't be disappointed.
Well I had my scan yesterday and so far (touch wood) baby is doing well. Am 7 weeks today which puts me slightly closer to my estimated date and am due on 27th December! Baby looked like tiny tadpole and we saw a nice heartbeat too. Took ages to get a pic tho so was starting to panic, my bladder was so full (because my appt was running late) I had to go and let some out a couple of times until eventually she said let it all out! Had to be tipped upside down too as baby is very low (Which I suspected as am SURE I felt implantation (altho was prob just wind or something!) and that was very low down). They did not give a reason for why I may have bled but told me to avoid sex (grr) until thrush treatment has finished (10 more days) and I have been thrush and bleeding free for 2 weeks. I am still worried but that is the first 'danger' point passed for me (phew!) - yesterday this baby became a tiny bit more real for me. Very very tired today though as went to see Bryan Adams in Birmingham last night (couple of hours drive from my home) and didn't get to bed until 3am! Was worth it though - he was superb!

HI everyone gald we are all well ,apologies for not being on but i seem o read the threads but never have much time to post!!! as beckle said this thread seems to fly so hoping that eveything is well.
gald that your scan went well yesterday, it such a worrying time in them first 14 weeks, i am now 25+1 (cant belive it myself ) and still worry, dont think it will ever stop until i have the babe in my arms fit and well!!!

I also go back to the past threads, i still pop into the "post natal" march one as that where i should have been, it is hard but we get through it!

im well, had midwife yesterday, everything good, me and dh are going to choose wallpapar for babes room on saturday and have had a visit from nappie lady, the weekend after we are going to do some more shopping as we havent got anything yet!!

take care everyone!

Pinkranger - wow you sound organised...all very exciting though!!

Fettle - HELLO!! You have been hiding haven't you. I'm a bit confused about your dates as I thought you had 'overtaken' me due to the size of your baby at the 12 week scan. I am 19 + 6 (scan next Tuesday...) so I was expecting you to be 20 weeks. I have been getting definite movement now, I have even seen it. I saw dd really early (like around 17 weeks) so maybe I have paper thin stomach muscles or something??

Becklespeckle - well done for getting past that first milestone. Getting to 7 weeks and seeing a heartbeat are good, so all the odds are in your favour now.

Glimmer - 98% Oh. My. Word. That's dreadful!

Beckle glad to hear your scan went well
My friend had the same problem with her bladder when she went for her dating scan...

Yeah, Beckle, yeah!!! A HB is very very good.
Congrats to the first milestone.

How interesting that others have experienced anticapatory grief (and yes, Uki, I meant 'coping' mechanism - -thanks for allerting me).
I thought it was just me and I hesitate a little admitting it (and obviously nobody in RL understand it). The book that mentioned it (have forgotten which one but it was about pregnancy after loss) reports of a woman and husband who buy christening clothes and comment
that they could also be used to be worn in the casket in case the baby dies (I believe they had a stillbirth previously). Sorry, I do not want to bring in negative vibes here, but reading about it helped me accept my feelings, which I found very weired. It's powerful how much sharing can help, and we are the best example...

Beckle - great news on the heartbeat - one more hurdle over. Definitely how I've coped with this pg, each day/week at a time.

Rubles - I've been arounda little bit on the TTC graduates thread - you should come over, as you are a TTC graduate. There is only going to be a few of us left come Sep/Oct as most will have given birth by then! My due date is now 29th Sept - had it returned to nearer my original due date by my consultant as I really disagreed with my 12 week scan dates! Anyway, have another scan on Tuesday next week, so I'll see what they say!! Bit nervous, but as I say I'm pretty sure i'm feeling movements, so hopefully all ok.

I was far too scared to post on TTC after mc threads or my antenatal thread at the start, but now I find that everyone seems to "know" eachother too well on the antenatal thread, so I find it hard to fit in there now - glad I've got you all! I sound like the lonely child in the corner of the playground, don't I?

anyway, at work, so must concentrate!
take care all
xxx