Active discussions

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

F***ity f*** f***, is 49 too old for a child?

225 replies

Salubrious · 20/12/2017 21:26

I never swear but jeez I’m in shock. DH and I never had kids due to my endometriosis and in the end we just gave up...we do however have two beautiful step-children who I class as my own flesh and blood.

Today I found out I am pregnant. Missed my period and knew something was up as it’s like clockwork. Decided take a test just to rule it out and both tests had a big blue line! My DH is away on business and I’ve spent the day in a daze....I’m worried I’m too old and there’ll be a mass of medical complications...please someone tell me this can work out....

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Set a reminder
zippyswife · 21/12/2017 09:18

Congratulations!!

It will be hard but having a baby at any age is tough I think. I think you need to look after yourself to help you have the energy and patience that’s required. I find the better I look after myself (running, meditation etc) the more energy and patience I have. Though we’re all different.

You really want this baby and that’s the most important thing. I wouldn’t even consider the age a parent dies. My dad had me in his early 20s but died before I was 30. On the other hand his parents are fit and healthy in their 90s.

Just try to enjoy everything about this magical experience. I think you will. I really hope this all works out for you.

flimp · 21/12/2017 09:21

oh blimey! Shock Flowers

CosmicCanary · 21/12/2017 09:21

SIL was 48 when she had her DS.
She is an amazing mum.
So much more chilled out than I was when I had my first at 25.

Yes she is a little more tired than me but tbh she was a lot less stressed than I was too.

There are pros and cons to every situation in life OP. Dont waste time trying to even them out.
You are pregnant and as long as you want to be then all is good.

Congratulations to you both Flowers

BigBaboonBum · 21/12/2017 10:09

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with being a mother at this age (depending on how she feels) as I said, but also people do become grandmothers at 42 (my mother was 43 when I had my eldest at just shy of 20) and shaming those isn’t exactly helpful either. It happens on both end of the scale and there’s no shame in either, it is what it is, planned or unplanned. Very backwards to congratulate one and speak low of the other.

Sorry we don’t all fit the perfect age mold, oh wonderful perfect aged for giving birth people.

MrsWooster · 21/12/2017 10:21

I was 43 and 46 with the dc and 50 now and it's fine! Permanently knackered and longing for more sleep but i doubt there's a parent who doesnt feel like that most of the time. Congratulations.

Hannabee123 · 21/12/2017 10:28

Wow this has turned negative and depressing quickly. I'm sure the OP has enough on her plate than now having to think about death, doom and gloom.

If your happy then great! Congrats and I really hope it all goes well :)

MargaretCavendish · 21/12/2017 10:31

I completely agree that we shouldn't judge either young or old mothers, but there are now a lot more comments complaining that people being nasty about the grandmother at 42 than there are where people are nasty about this!

Cockmagic · 21/12/2017 10:32

Congratulations! !

Obviously your body doesn't think you're too old 😉

AutumnalTed · 21/12/2017 10:51

Congrats!!!!

Hannabee123 · 21/12/2017 10:53

People judge other for anything and everything. People suck.
If you lived life trying to please everyone you would be miserable So what s the point.

As long as she is happy, healthy and feels up to it then I wish her every bit of luck and hope it all goes well. Flowers

RestingGrinchFace · 21/12/2017 10:54

Well apparently not! Congratulations!

TheLuminaries · 21/12/2017 10:56

You can be a great mum or a shit mum at any age. This is a wanted baby that has been conceived in a loving relationship - you don't really get a better start in life than that. Congratulations and good luck OP.

JacquelineChan · 21/12/2017 10:57

congratulations , it's a little miracle. what a lovely thread , and happy news amongst all the doom and gloom x

hmmmmm · 21/12/2017 11:04

Where's OP?

ArbitraryName · 21/12/2017 11:09

Grandma at 42 - Hardly something to aspire to.

This (and similar) has been said several times on this thread.

Could we please stop being judgemental arses about the ages at which people (and women in particular) have children?

Have you told your DH yet OP?

coastalchick · 21/12/2017 11:21

Amazing news! Congratulations and what a lovely Christmas present!!

Having miscarried my first (missed miscarriage at 10 weeks in August) and turning 39 since without getting pregnant again having tried for 3 cycles since, your post rather selfishly gives me hope that I still have time.

I am not one who has purposely left it late (not that there's anything wrong with others making that choice), I just didn't meet anyone until 3 years ago and it's only been the last 6 months we've been at the point where we could genuinely say this is it for us.

So at 39 and 3 months today I'm panicking, but your post (and lots of the responses) has really given me renewed hope.

Best of luck with it all and I am sure you will be a fantastic mum!! x

Rebeccaslicker · 21/12/2017 11:28

Coastal - sorry about your mc Flowers. if positive stories help you, here are a few: I am 40 and conceived my second v quickly; my friend just gave birth to her second at 45; and I have 4 friends from my group of old school mates all due with various first, second or third babies at age 40. So you can definitely have plenty of time at your age! However if you are worrying, why not go for an ultrasound - my friend was worrying after a year TTC and was really reassured to see lots of follicles and an egg about to pop. She's now 12 weeks pregnant. Lots and lots of luck!

Nurse15 · 21/12/2017 11:30

Very exciting. Massive congratulations!!

DontCallMeJohnBoy · 21/12/2017 11:34

Best of luck OP. I've just discovered we're expecting. I'm over 40 and DH will be 49 when the baby arrives.

The risk of miscarriage is higher over 40 anyway, and increases with the dad's age, so my risk is about 40 - 45% because we're both over 40. We're just taking each day as it comes as another one the pregnancy has made it through and I'm limiting what physical exercise I do until I've run it past the midwife; no sit-ups at present.

Get some decent pregnancy multi-vits but don't be surprised if the GP won't see you. At our practice they just book you in to see the midwife eventually at the first free appointment after you're 8 weeks. I guess the MW is felt to be more of a specialist than your bog-standard GP.

This isn't how DH saw himself spending his 50th birthday but he hadn't expected to become a dad for the first time at 40 either, and I keep doing these weird "here, have a baby" things to him. Wink

Best of luck OP; I hope it works out successfully for you.

DontCallMeJohnBoy · 21/12/2017 11:39

Coastalchick, if it helps at all, our DS is 8 and we'd presumed that boat had passed and we were just going to have the one child, so booked foreign holidays, extra clubs for DS, the sort of things you do when you've only got the one, older, child.

Suddenly finding I was upduffed at 41, 8 years after he was born and a good 2 - 3 years after we'd given up actively trying to get another one, was a stunning, but nice, surprise. Having seen DH's face that day, I can truly say I know what "pole-axed" looks like.

Allthechocolate · 21/12/2017 11:42

Congratulations! It's happened, so you clearly aren't too old.

I had a mid 40's surprise which I thought was early menopause. I terrified myself googling but then the pregnancy was easier than my first in my 30's and I felt younger than I had in years.

He's now 5 and exhausting, but so worth it.

sinceyouask · 21/12/2017 11:47

There will be extra challenges and difficulties that there wouldn't be if you were having a baby at 25- higher risks in pregnancy, parenting a teen right through to your 70s, and so on. But there will also be a whole lot of things you can offer that you probably couldn't if you were having a baby at 25- not least almost a quarter of a century more life experience, probably far greater financial stability, etc. It's all swings and roundabouts.

I can't stand it when people are unpleasant about young mothers and it's equally nasty to be so about older mothers. If you are pregnant and happy about it, then huge congratulations and I hope it all works out wonderfully well for you.

QueenAmongstMen · 21/12/2017 12:25

Congratulations OP - there are downsides I believe to being born to older parents BUT, as has been said you are pregnant, that can't be changed and you just need to embrace it.

It will be difficult for you too I imagine for reasons that have already been mentioned BUT why dwell on that when the baby has been conceived.

I'm 34 and my DH is 35 and he has said no to any more babies as in his age, 35 is the top cut-off point to be a new parent. To a lot of other people having a baby at 35 is completely normal and would think my DH was being crazy.

It's all relative.

It doesn't matter what we all think, it only matters what you and your DH think. If you think you can continue, whilst being aware of the possible downsides, then the best of luck to you both as babies really are a blessing and stories like yours make me believe there is still some magic in the world sometimes.

User45632874 · 21/12/2017 12:39

My dh is in in his late 50's and we have an 11 and 4 year old and I am currently expecting again ( I am in my earlish 40's) and have had fertility issues plus a late loss. There are a lot of pros to having children later as well as disadvantages. My husband keeps himself fit and (and sometimes runs circles around men much younger than himself), he looks younger than he is, I have also been mistaken for being younger. No-one has a crystal ball but having young children does motivate you to try and keep healthy. My anxiety has been through the roof with this pregnancy (currently 26 weeks) but I have received excellent consultant led care and this is what you will hopefully receive too.
Congratulations!

MrsGrindah · 21/12/2017 12:40

Woo hoo! That’s made my day and I don’t even know you. How lovely