Slightly controversial, but are you expecting a gift after you give birth?

[allthecheese]

Appreciate the concept of 'push presents' is a little tacky. But after 9 months of carrying your baby, dealing with sickness and piles and varicose veins and weird cravings and people commenting on your body...are you expecting a gift from your partner? And if so, what?

I have to admit I'll be a little upset if my DH doesn't get me anything, but I'm not after an eternity ring with massive stones or anything crazy. Something like a simple gold pendant necklace.

I didn't expect anything but my husband did take me to buy a large signed framed photo by a local (but quite famous) photographer taken on the morning of the birth. It's beautiful and really for all of us and has a signed message to our son.

@Electromagnetic Life would be very boring if we all agreed and I think you're entirely entitled to your opinion :) I'm not a fan of Baby Showers for example for similar reasons to you not liking this tradition- but i'm also not going to stop others having them or penalise them for having one if that's what they want. I just avoid them unless I really have to!!!! I have some creative excuses.....

Yes I agree traditions shouldn't be blindly followed and I can see how some people disagree with this concept. In this case, I don't think they're a reward anymore per say (although back in the 'bad old days' when women had little choice in bearing her husband's heirs they almost certainly were I'm sure!!) but they are for many a nice token from their partner that is a keepsake they can remember.

Should they be expected? That's a different story I agree....

I haven't had babies yet, but my DP often gets me presents, sometimes relatively expensive ones, for literally no reason. I had thought it was quite nice but now I'm wondering if I should log it with 101.

Push presents do seem to be a controversial topic. I have a friend who is adamant her DH should be getting her a present and another whose DH bought her an expensive watch. I got...a bunch of flowers and a box of Milk Tray

Yeah, I wouldn't mind if DH decided to mark the fact that I've given birth to our two DC, preferably with a piece of bespoke jewelry. But there's no way he'd think of that by himself and I wouldn't want to ask him. Tbf, he's very generous when it comes to birthdays and Christmas, plus Mother's Day, more so than me, so that's his way of expressing gratitude. And we are really having to be careful with money right now so I'd rather he didn't make any extravagant purchases.

That said, if roles were reversed I'm pretty sure I'd have got him a push present. But that's just how I am....

DD was early and took us by surprise. I'd didn't expect or receive anything. This time all I want is for him to look after DD, bring me food and let me spend a lot of time in bed cuddling baby and getting to grips with feeding.

The world is going absolutely mad.

I got:
An orchid
A carton of innocent smoothie
6 pairs of tescos largest knickers to accommodate my emcs wound
A baby

Pretty good haul all round

That said, I don't think it's unreasonable to expect a present. I mean, we're not just talking about being preg and giving birth. There's also taking full responsibility for feeding (if you're EBF) and all the sleepless nights that entails. I'm going through it all again with DC2 while DH gets his 8 hours a night.

Don't get me wrong, my babies are definitely gift enough but now I'm thinking about it I'm wondering actually where the fck are my diamonds...

I'm totally upping my game this time I'm demanding Chinese food and Chardonnay. I'm salivating at the thought of chow mien.
(Maybe I'm doing the push present thing wrong)
I'm always ravenous after having babies, material shit just doesn't cut it!

I didn't get anything and didn't even know it was a thing 2 years ago when I had dc1. It was only when friends and colleagues started asking what dh got me I was a bit like '"??errr".
Now 5 months pregnant with dc2 and still not expecting anything

I just can't imagine giving a stuff about anything material at the point a baby of mine were to arrive. Everything I could possibly want at that moment (apart from a shower and a decent coffee) was there when DD was born. Somehow, for me, being given a material object would cheapen the event.

I thought an Eternity ring was de-rigeur on the birth of the first child...I am however assuming you are married.. Apologies if that's controversial..no offence meant. PS: I never got one...😉

A year off work!

Don't get too fixated on a piece of jewellery OP. The things you'll actually want from your partner immediately are things like:

• Making sure there is a pristine freshly made up bed waiting for you to crawl into when you get home from hospital

• Lovely nourishing food ready and waiting

• Tea and many drinks of water

• Doing his share of everything that isn't breastfeeding

-Sorting stuff like carseats, paperwork without having to be asked and making sure the house is warm and clean and removing all evidence of your burst waters

• Basically just being yours and the baby's servant for the first while.

If he doesn't get you a piece of jewellery you might be disappointed but you'd get over it. If he doesn't do any of the stuff above you'll find it hard to forgive.

Noooooo each to their own I didn’t get/expect anything when we had our 1st and same this time I just want our healthy baby to complete our family oh and no heartburn, hip pain and to enjoy a cup of tea without it knocking me sick 😂
But it’s individual to the couple I guess so just because it’s not for everyone doesn’t mean you can’t. When are you due? xx

I didn’t think that I needed patronising in that way.

I had a baby, I don’t need a bloody trinket to demonstrate how well I’ve done. I know how hard it was, and what a good girl I was to do it. No material thing is really going to cover that.

No, definitely not. My husband is self-employed. He's taking two weeks off to be home with us full-time after the birth, basically shutting his whole business down (no paternity pay when you're self-employed) to make us a priority and have bonding time with baby, and take over running the household so I can rest and recover. Then he'll go back but only part-time for a few more weeks so he can do all the school runs for our older one and do anything I need around the house until I'm back on my feet. That's a gift enough to have that level of support for the first month or so. Though I have told him I want a specific chocolate cake from a shop I like after, so he better go get me some cake too.

Best present was an equal partner who pulled his weight. I read stories on here and thank my pheromones that I chose i good one.

I think of it more as a celebration of my DS birth

But my DH didn’t get me anything for Mother’s Day or my birthday so I told him I am expecting something big and sparkly for my Christmas present

Nope. I bought my self a bodum drink flask though, best new born present ever!

You get the post birth toast best things anyones ever given me.

Iirc, Dh went out and bought one of those Orla Kiely smelling stick scent things. The most inappropriate present ever, by I liked the box and now use it for tampons.

Oh so many people on their high horses. My husband bought me some earrings. Not massively expensive, but something to mark how difficult pregnancy and labour is, and to celebrate a new chapter in our life. No I don't feel I needed a medal, no I didn't expect a gift and wouldn't have been annoyed if I didn't get one. But for all those calling the OP grabby I bet you expect anniversary / birthday gifts. And for what? Surviving a year, rather than growing an actual human, and pushing it out of your actual vagina.

I didn’t even know this was a thing!?! Feel like I’ve missed out now. All I got was a cup of tea, toast and a baby. (Tea and toast provided by midwives - baby provided by myself). Second time round I’ll be clued up.