Slightly controversial, but are you expecting a gift after you give birth?

[allthecheese]

Appreciate the concept of 'push presents' is a little tacky. But after 9 months of carrying your baby, dealing with sickness and piles and varicose veins and weird cravings and people commenting on your body...are you expecting a gift from your partner? And if so, what?

I have to admit I'll be a little upset if my DH doesn't get me anything, but I'm not after an eternity ring with massive stones or anything crazy. Something like a simple gold pendant necklace.

[CL1982]

Come on people.....EVERYONE ON HERE WANTS HEALTHY BABIES. We're all in this together and we all want to hold those babies in our arms and for things to be ok. None of us are monsters.

I know every woman who has posted on here will OBVIOUSLY chose a healthy, happy baby over a flipping necklace - that wasn't what OP was saying at all and I actually don't understand how it's spiralled out of control this much. Please stop seeing the negative in posts like these and then encouraging more hatred spreading :( It gets us all no-where.

Maybe one to close down Mumsnet admin.....? Can't remember the tag.....

[juneisthemonth]

@CL1982 I completely agree with you xx

[INeedNewShoes]

If you need to use capitals to get your point across...


Of course everyone wants a healthy baby first and foremost, but after that there seems to be a divide into two camps: one camp for whom the baby being here is their only thought whatsoever and those for whom there is room to be wondering what material object they might be given.

Maybe it depends what sort of journey a woman has had up to the point of giving birth. My only thought approaching my due date was praying that this baby would make it whereas had I had a smoother journey to having my baby I would have had the capacity to think about some other things in the latter part of pregnancy.

[CL1982]

@INeedNewShoes You literally read my message about being understanding, peaceful and supportive of each other and then decided to make a snide remark about my use of capitols.

I have to use capitols mate! None of you are freaking listening to anyone else; you're getting your teeth into the jugular and loving every minute of ripping another person apart for a minor and not particularly offensive reason. I have stood up for Mumsnet and its users on so many occasions but this sums up the worst of these forums.

There are not two camps here. No-one ever said they only thought of a material object. I have no idea where you're getting this from - all they said is yes, they do expect a little present from their DH or partner which is between the two of them and none of anyone else's fricking business frankly.

And so what if someone is thinking of jewellery up to giving birth? Maybe that is their own, small way of coping? If OP uses the thought of a nice present at the end of all the blood and pain and shit and horror of childbirth (that she may be really worrying about for all we know) to keep her going up, well good for her. Some of us haven't done this before and we have no idea what to expect. What is wrong with focusing on the nice things if that's what gets you through - it harms no-one and it certainly will never impact on any of us outside this ever increasingly ridiculous thread.

I have had x3 miscarriages after a prolonged period of infertility and I honestly had taken offence to nothing in this thread. And if I did, i'd have done what I do when something on gender disappointment comes up and just ignored it.

[JediStoleMyBike]

@CL1982
I think you are being extremely flippant when there have been posters who have expressed their upset in the thread because of their bereavements. Have a little heart for them rather than lambasting everyone who thinks this idea is tacky because of 'sisterhood' or whatever.

[AKP79]

Well said @CL1982!

2 MMC, one DS born with meningitis and I have taken absolutely no offence in the original post. I have found the unpleasantness, shaming and self righteous attitudes far more offensive.

[Strokethefurrywall]

I'm 100% behind @CL1982 - well said.

The insinuation that those posters who would have liked a gesture after they pushed a baby out of their vagina (from as small as a bunch of flowers, to a watch/ring/necklace) don't love their babies as much as those who don't want a material gift, is what is insulting.

Yes, of course we all want healthy babies, but the shaming of those who received a gift or would have quite liked a gesture after they'd given birth is bloody ridiculous.

Fine, you don't want or need a "gift" after you've given birth. No need to be a wanker about it or belittle those that do. It's like scoffing at someone who would still like a birthday gift or an anniversary gift because you don't feel the need for one.

[CL1982]

@JediStoleMyBike I have had three miscarriages. I am a massive campaigner for baby loss and miscarriage awareness. I have had friends experience still birth. You know absolutely nothing about me but if you did, you'd know I am in no way belittling anyone's experiences in life and I never, ever do. Once again i ask you to read my answers back and stop using emotive language to accuse me of something that is unfair and has no basis.

Why on earth would i ever react like that? No reasonable human being would ever belittle someone's suffering and I'm disappointed that this is where you go straight to when i'm asking for reason and understanding in treating the original question as it was intended.

I am in no way flippant about any of this. I'm not lambasting people, I am trying to call attention to reason and calm. You have every right to think it's tacky. It's your opinion which i will add you have stated already. I'm not arguing with that and as i said to you earlier in this thread you have every right to your opinion. But being overly judgemental, rude and frankly incendiary has got this thread no-where but a hysterical mud sling.

I have requested to have it shut down as has the OP. Frankly nothing reasonable is coming out of it now but hate and anxiety.

[BigBaboonBum]

I think for the most part people are just misunderstanding what’s been said, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with people getting gifts etc, I think it was the fact that OP would have been upset if she DIDNT get something and then went on to say “just a simple gold pendant” lol, I mean each to their own! But it just sounds very childish to me, it isn’t really a gift if he has no choice to give it... it’s just an exchange for your services for whatever it is you’re expecting it for (this being baby making).

I genuinely feel like if there was any gift giving happening then it would be far better received on mother’s day, because after I’ve had a baby I honestly cannot imagine so much as wondering what’s on tv let alone be hung up on if I’m getting a gift and finding brain space to be resentful for not getting one.

Anyway I just think it’s the EXPECTING part rather than the actual gift itself. But it isn’t a big deal either way