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Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

Slightly controversial, but are you expecting a gift after you give birth?

209 replies

allthecheese · 12/12/2017 18:12

Appreciate the concept of 'push presents' is a little tacky. But after 9 months of carrying your baby, dealing with sickness and piles and varicose veins and weird cravings and people commenting on your body...are you expecting a gift from your partner? And if so, what?

I have to admit I'll be a little upset if my DH doesn't get me anything, but I'm not after an eternity ring with massive stones or anything crazy. Something like a simple gold pendant necklace.

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rackhampearl · 12/12/2017 22:14

Haha yes! Cleaning up the kids vomit is the greatest gift for me as I really can’t stomach it, and on the other hand I do the poo as he can’t stomach that! Agree with the charity shop books too, I’m a massive reader and they cost literally pennies. My DD (6) always makes me like a photo frame out of lolly sticks or something and it’s just priceless seeing her wait for my reaction, I would never swap that with her Dad buying me a beauty pallet or something alike ‘from her’ and her having no idea what it is.

PinkRose24 · 12/12/2017 22:23

No im not expecting anything. We'll hace the best gift anyone could ask for and despite all sickness,cravings and pain its all worth it 😍.

skippykips · 12/12/2017 22:26

My partner does not buy me anything, I wouldn't expect him to either. Whilst I was suffering crazy hormones, he suffered. Whilst I was being sick, he was holding my hair back. Whilst I was practically falling to sleep standing he was looking after the children.
What he did do for me though, after I gave birth was being me some of the food I wasn't allowed and really missed. Pate sandwiches were my favourite.
No, a push present would not be expected. A kiss on the head was just perfect!

After the birth, when we were home, my DP changed bums, sent me off to relax in the bath, got up and passed me the baby in the night to feed, settled baby back off after feed.
A good daddy, a good partner does not need to give a present to validate your pregnancy. It is what he does throughout parent hood that counts - from conception to birth to child turning 18 and beyond!

SheGotBetteDavisEyes · 12/12/2017 22:30

Nope. Wouldn't have occurred to me. That kind of thing just isn't on my radar. DH is bloody marvellous, all the time and for me, that's what counts.

scottishdiem · 12/12/2017 22:36

Only if the child was just his idea. Entering into something as a partner and bemoaning had bad it was seems odd. I do get confused that there are so many women who want children yet also so many women bemoan the effects of having them.

Mind you, DP and I decided early on in our relationship kids were not for us.

Need2morehands · 12/12/2017 22:37

Going against the grain here ladies but I asked my dp to pay for me to have my eyebrows microbladed the only make up I wear day to day is pencil so that way I wouldn't have to do anything other then slap some moisturiser on and go. I did get a beautiful squishy baby too Smile

AnnaT45 · 12/12/2017 22:43

I got made a drinner of pate starter, blue steak and a glass of veuve. And a gorgeous baby girl. Both times GrinNot sure what else I'd need!

TammySwansonTwo · 12/12/2017 22:44

scottish yep - with respect, that sounds like something someone would say when they haven't had children. It's probably what I would have said before having children. It's only when you have them that the massively disproportionate responsibility and effects of pregnancy and motherhood become clear.

I still think this is a bloody stupid idea, but let's not pretend that pregnancy and childbirth are equally difficult for both partners.

ArcheryAnnie · 12/12/2017 22:52

I didn't know getting presents for giving birth was a thing until mumsnet. I find it a weird mixture of patronising and transactional. I don't think I'd want one.

I did want a DP who did his fair share of baby-related work, but sadly I didn't get one of those.

GreyMorning · 12/12/2017 22:57

Both times he's bought me a decent lunch into hospital. What more could you want!

Strokethefurrywall · 12/12/2017 23:16

I didn't know getting presents for giving birth was a thing until mumsnet

It's been a "thing" for hundreds of years. My dad got my mum flowers and a necklace when she gave birth 40 years ago. My grandpa gave my nana a gift when she gave birth to my mum in 1950.

Only on mumsnet can a gift to mark such a special occasion be seen as transactional or patronizing...

ninnynono · 12/12/2017 23:19

Where I live almost everyone gets a ‘birth present’. It’s in the culture. It’s almost always jewellery or a watch. Unfortunately for me, my DH doesn’t like buying jewellery so I’m still waiting! I did get flowers in hospital though and I certainly wouldn’t ask outright for a gift.

I don’t see anything wrong with it. Pregnancy and birth are tough on women, why shouldn’t our DH’s treat us? Just as we might treat them to a present for something?

ArcheryAnnie · 12/12/2017 23:21

It's been a "thing" for hundreds of years. My dad got my mum flowers and a necklace when she gave birth 40 years ago. My grandpa gave my nana a gift when she gave birth to my mum in 1950.

Maybe I just come from a long line of tightarses? I'd never heard about it before here.

thecolonelbumminganugget · 12/12/2017 23:22

I have asked for a cheese board with the stinkiest, runniest, moudliest cheese he can find and a blue steak.

Strokethefurrywall · 12/12/2017 23:24

thecolonelbumminganugget - now that is a fantastic gift! Well chosen... Grin

littlepoppett · 12/12/2017 23:26

I don’t know why everyone thinks a gift is weird. My DP got me some perfume and some nice makeup and other bits I liked when I had DD. I wasn’t expecting it at all and it was actually quite wonderful and sweet that he had thought of doing something nice for me.

juneisthemonth · 12/12/2017 23:28

Some people get so salty on here. I won't be expecting anything but a cuppa tea and an intact vagina...

However my sister got a white goldenternity diamond ring when my niece was born which would be passed down to her, and when they had my nephew they got a Rolex to be passed down to him. Each to there own... some families are different to others

thingymaboob · 12/12/2017 23:51

My DH has been wonderful throughout pregnancy. I've been so ill with hyperemesis and he has done absolutely anything and everything for me. Even if I had a craving in the night after I hadn't eaten for days he would go out in the car and get that one thing. He has cleared up my vomit and piss (peed myself a lot when being violently sick) countless times. He was also working full time and project managing a build on our house. I bought him tickets to Anfield because I wanted him to know how much I appreciated him. He had a great time and I'm not expecting anything from him as he is going to be the most wonderful father to our baby girl and I know he'd do anything for me. I think that push presents are tacky and awful.

PinkAvocado · 13/12/2017 06:57

June-an unexpected gift is lovely and I don’t think anyone has got ‘salty’ about that but expecting a ‘push present’ is different.

wednesdayswench · 13/12/2017 07:26

Gifts after childbirth were not something that ever occurred to me.

I got my beautiful baby, I've never felt more re blessed.

juneisthemonth · 13/12/2017 07:57

We all have different opinions, and with some of the messages on here, my opinion is they are 'salty'. Like I said in my message, each to there own...

LaContessaDiPlump · 13/12/2017 08:04

I expected nothing at all and got nothing at all!

With DS2 I did say I'd like a helium balloon saying 'It's a boy!' and got the saddest, tiniest, worst helium balloon in the world (onna stick). I was sufficiently disappointed with that to be relieved that I never asked for anything bigger.....

Iris65 · 13/12/2017 08:20

What an infantilising idea - that an appropriate response from the father to the mother’s giving birth should be to give a present.
It reminds me of a six year old doing well at Sports Day and getting an ice cream. The other thing it makes me think of is performance related pay or piecework.

I think that after a successful ejaculation men should get a cup of coffee and a lie in. A positive pregancy test should mean they get a present of their choice. What a good boy they were!

We’re adult women. We don’t need trinkets and ice cream. What we need is equality.

Cupcakey · 13/12/2017 08:50

Iamchanging totally agree with you.
I’m so so sorry for your loss. xxx

JediStoleMyBike · 13/12/2017 08:54

@iamchanging
I am so deeply and utterly sorry. Both for your loss and that you've been hurt by this thread too. You are right, a healthy baby is all we should hope for. All my thoughts and love Flowers

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