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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

My mum is not happy I'm pregnant

139 replies

061678719x · 18/07/2016 10:57

I am 17 and my boyfriend is 23. I recently found out I am 4 weeks pregnant and my mum is so unhappy and keeps on pointing out the negative points which is making me really angry. I didn't have a second thought about keeping the baby. I have a steady full time job and my boyfriends mum is so excited and happy for us and said she will support us. Any advice on how to deal with this situation?

OP posts:
dowhatnow · 18/07/2016 11:00

Sorry. I'm with your mum. Obviously its up to you and I hope you will be a great mum but I wouldn't be happy and would be pointing out the negatives too, because there are a lot of negatives and you should not be tied down at your age.

Spandexpanties · 18/07/2016 11:03

Your mum will most likely come round when the baby's born. Who can resist a snuggly newborn? It will be hard graft and will effect your lives deeply in a positive and negative way. Your mum needs to respect your decisions and support you regardless of her personal opinion

JudyCoolibar · 18/07/2016 11:04

Have you been in your job for two years? If not, it won't be secure.

PurpleDaisies · 18/07/2016 11:05

It's totally your decision op, and congratulations.

You can't control how other people react. You are young and your mum is probably still in shock. Try and give her time to come to terms wil the news-she probably didn't think she'd be a grandmother for a little while yet! You don't have to listen to her being negative if you don't want to-just tell her politely you've made your decision and while you value her input you're not going to change your mind.

The best thing is to show her how mature you are and get as organised and planned as possible. Where will you be living? Can your boyfriend's wage support you both while you're on maternity leave?

bibbitybobbityyhat · 18/07/2016 11:08

You have a steady full time job at 17? Are you an apprentice?

I'm with your Mum too. I think it would be a terrible decision to keep this baby, you are far too young. It will impact hugely on your life. It is early days and we are lucky to have relatively easy access to safe abortions in this country. If I were your Mum I would want you to think about this more thoroughly.

Don't be angry with your Mum. She loves you and she knows best.

AyeAmarok · 18/07/2016 11:09

Did you post a few days ago about thinking you might be pregnant as your colleague told you you were ovulating?

Congratulations on your pregnancy.

HeteronormativeHaybales · 18/07/2016 11:10

Tbh, I wouldn't be happy if my 17yo got pregnant (or made a gf pregnant) either. But it sounds as if you have already left education? Being able to continue with that would be my main concern.

I wonder if your mum is thinking you might expect her to take on childcare?

I also wouldn't be happy with the age gap between you and your boyfriend. How long have you been together? What does he say about the baby? I presume he'll be supporting you?

Try to understand your mother is acting as she does out of concern for you. Parenthood is bloody hard at any age. You are about to give up your freedom without even having entered adulthood. And you do have choices.

Sameoldiggi · 18/07/2016 11:11

It is easier for the mum of a 23 year old to be happy about a pregnancy than the mum of a 17 year old.

Rainbowqueeen · 18/07/2016 11:11

Another mum who would not be happy.
My ideal for my DC to start a family is when they are married, for legal protection, in their 20s when they have travelled, dated lots of different people and understand what makes a strong relationship and when they are financially secure
However that might not happen and I would do my best to be supportive
Please don't compare your mum to your partners mum though- her son is more likely to have done some of the things that I would want my DC to have done before babies and she is probably only too aware that a baby will have a much bigger impact on your life than his. Give her time to get used to the idea. If she's always been supportive she will probably adjust and be there for you
Congratulations

NeedACleverNN · 18/07/2016 11:13

I wouldn't be happy if my daughter came home pregnant at 17 either.

I would sit her down and really make her think how life changing it is.

I would support her no matter what but I would be very disappointed at first too

PotteringAlong · 18/07/2016 11:13

Is she pointing out all the negatives or trying to make you see the reality of a baby at 17?

PurpleDaisies · 18/07/2016 11:13

Were you and your boyfriend trying to get pregnant or is this a surprise baby?

paxillin · 18/07/2016 11:13

Congratulation.

I wouldn't be thrilled, either. Supportive of course, as I'm sure she will be once the baby is born. But I can understand her misgivings. How "steady" can a job at 17 be? You are too young to have been working for very long. It is easier to return to work having a lot of qualifications and experience, employers are much more prepared to be flexible to accomodate a hard to replace employee. A job easily gained by a 17 year old can be handed to another, childfree, 17 year old. You may or may not get the flexibility needed by a parent.

Cosmo111 · 18/07/2016 11:15

I wouldn't be happy if my 17 DD was pregnant I would be livid with her 23 BF he should know better. You should be out enjoying yourself your not even old enough to drink yet but you will have a baby which is a life time commitment. It's going to be hard even for mums who have stable homes and jobs.

museumum · 18/07/2016 11:16

I might be secretly a bit worried if you were my daughter but I would keep my feelings entirely to myself!!!

I am pro choice but I think the only women who should ever have abortions are those who think "I absolutely cannot have this baby".
A woman who is unsure or as you have never considered not having it, whatever their age, should never be persuaded otherwise IMO.

So congratulations OP! Your mum is mostly just worried cause she loves you. I hope you can understand that and I hope she comes round :)

Felyne · 18/07/2016 11:19

Your boyfriend wasn't pleased either a few days ago www.mumsnet.com/Talk/pregnancy/2686712-how-to-change-my-boyfriends-mind-about-the-baby
His mum may be happy but if he's not prepared to help out or be involved then his mum's happiness isn't going to mean a lot to you in real terms.
I think your Mum is being practical rather than emotional about your pregnancy. You need support but I'm not sure you can count on that from your boyfriend. All the best.

Pinkheart5915 · 18/07/2016 11:21

Your Mum is doing what Mums do making sure her child is making the right decision, having a baby and being a parent is hard and it's a serious life change.

Don't you have to stay in at least part time education until 18 these days?
Your and your be both have secure jobs? With a decent income? Babies are expensive.

I'm with your Mum I wouldn't be happy if my daughter when she's grown up came home pregnant at 17. I would support but I would feel like she's going a head with something she has to deal with for the next 16-18 years of her life.

ladybagpuss · 18/07/2016 11:22

Don't be angry with her - she's coming from a good place of wanting the best for you. Nowadays being pregnant at 17 isn't seen as positive overall, children cost money and you haven't had much life experience gerenally. Easier for the mum of the father who is 23 - he's older and she knows he won't be left holding the baby if it all goes pear shaped. Give your mum time to come round to the idea, she probably had lots of hopes and dreams for you that she feels will never happen. But they can happen, they'll probably just be delayed.

Lorelei76 · 18/07/2016 11:24

OMD I'm with your mum
she's probably really angry at herself too, she will be thinking "how could I let this happen to MY baby".

I am not blaming her - obviously it's down to you and your partner and I assume it was an accident - but if you were my child I'd be hugely upset.

You will have to cut her some slack. As for whether or not she helps - I do think she should, you are her child after all, but she may feel it's vital you, with your partner, deal with it yourselves so you have the full responsibility.

bibbitybobbityyhat · 18/07/2016 11:25

If my daughter became pregnant at any age I would not help her out with childcare unless in an emergency or a bit of evening babysitting. Looking after babies and young children is not my idea of fun (although I mainly enjoyed it with my own) so perhaps your mum feels the same way? It is incredibly thoughtless and selfish to have a child when you are not in a position to look after it properly.

How would you pay for the cost of childcare out of your wages? What do you earn in your secure full time job?

PeppaAteMySoul · 18/07/2016 11:25

I was 19 and still at university when pregnant with my first child. My family were as supportive as they could be but worried- I understood why. Ultimately the decision is yours and if you keep the baby and are a good mum who puts her child first your family will come a around.
Being a young parent is hard- made even harder by the judgment of other people- but is also incredibly rewarding. It's the best thing I have ever done.

Stripykitten · 18/07/2016 11:25

People manage. Regardless of age, job and financial circumstances, people manage one way or another. Even if you don't get maternity pay, you'll get maternity allowance. You're super young and you've got your life ahead of you and the fact that you're going to be mum does not mean your life is over. It's just going to be a bit different from most other 17-year-olds. But hey, you'll also have loads more energy than 40-year-old mums when it comes to staying up all night or running after a wild toddler. Wink

I agree with with Purple daisies, your mum is probably still in shock. Don't let her freak you out too much. Being young does not mean you won't be a good parent at all. It's easy to say 'you don't know what it takes to look after a child', but that's true for every first time mum!! Also, there are plenty of support groups for young mothers and you and your little one will be just fine as long as you're willing grow and learn with him or her. My advice would be do lots of research, show your mum you can be responsible and organised and that you'll do whatever it takes for your baby. Invite to go a baby sale with you, nobody can resist tiny little shoes!

Btw, have you spoken to your gp yet?? Your local midwife will soon explain everything you need to know at this stage.

Good luck and congratulations!!

bibbitybobbityyhat · 18/07/2016 11:30

Oh this thread is making me cross, I shall have to leave.

I do want op to answer the question about her job though.

PurpleDaisies · 18/07/2016 11:31

Oh this thread is making me cross, I shall have to leave.

Why?

WibblyWobblyJellyHead · 18/07/2016 11:31

On your other thread you say you and your boyfriend had been trying for three months. And then your post the next day was to say he wasn't happy about it.

Did he know you were trying? If I were your mum I would feel very disappointed in you I'm afraid.

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