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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

My mum is not happy I'm pregnant

139 replies

061678719x · 18/07/2016 10:57

I am 17 and my boyfriend is 23. I recently found out I am 4 weeks pregnant and my mum is so unhappy and keeps on pointing out the negative points which is making me really angry. I didn't have a second thought about keeping the baby. I have a steady full time job and my boyfriends mum is so excited and happy for us and said she will support us. Any advice on how to deal with this situation?

OP posts:

shazzarooney999 · 18/07/2016 11:32

I was 17 when I had my first child, if i had my time again i would not do it, live a life, see the world, have children when your older.

bibbitybobbityyhat · 18/07/2016 11:33

Because I am on the side of the Mum! Her dd is angry with her, I expect her Mum is equally angry with her dd for not thinking straight.

WibblyWobblyJellyHead · 18/07/2016 11:34

It's one thing to be caught out with an accidental pregnancy as a teenager, happens to the best of us.

But if I found out my 17yo was actively trying to get pregnant (to her adult boyfriend) I'd wonder where the fuck I went wrong, frankly.

bibbitybobbityyhat · 18/07/2016 11:34

Anyway, we've had a string of "pregnant at 17" threads on here for years, they usually end up deleted for one reason or another.

catscratchingpost · 18/07/2016 11:34

Sorry do you really not see why your mum would be unhappy with you having a baby at 17, with a man 5 years older than you?

It's your life and you can do what you want, but she's not being unreasonable to not be over the moon about it.

Lorelei76 · 18/07/2016 11:35

well bibbity, so am I.

But the decision is for the OP. She has decided to keep the baby and that's that. I was just hoping she could see her mum's point of view.

NeedACleverNN · 18/07/2016 11:35

I think everyone is on the side of the mother bibbity but ranting and raving isn't going to change the fact the OP is pregnant.

In fact it could make her more determined to do it to prove you wrong

catscratchingpost · 18/07/2016 11:35

And yy to bibbity

MunchCrunch01 · 18/07/2016 11:35

what ladybagpuss said - your boyfriend's mum isn't the one who's going to end up holding the baby and struggling to support her DD if your relationship breaks down. Your bf's mum might be one in a million and pitch in even in that event, and I hope she is - can you ask her about that specifically? I'd be torn between being delighted at being a granny, and not wanting to be over-enthusiastic in case my DD decided it wasn't a good idea to go ahead, your mum might also being careful to make sure it is YOUR choice so that might be a factor.

PeppaAteMySoul · 18/07/2016 11:35

bibbity why is it making you cross? As my grandmother said when I was in the same situation as the op-"there are worse things to happen in life than babies- you cope." And you do. Financial security is important but not as important as love or being a good parent.

PurpleDaisies · 18/07/2016 11:36

I expect her Mum is equally angry with her dd for not thinking straight.

How patronising. The op is totally incapable of making a reasoned decision because she is young?

I understand why the mum is upset, but the op has to make her own decision.

Lorelei76 · 18/07/2016 11:37

oh I hadn't seen the other thread - if a 17 year old is trying to get pregnant, then yes, I'd feel even more of a failure as a mother.

OP I have to ask - do you realise what a mission this is? I take the point one poster made about no one knowing how hard it is till they get there, but let's face it, there are people who start with enough brains to know it will be fucking hard, then there are people who just go "oh it will be fine". I really hope you understand how hard it will be and didn't just go "ooh, baby, fun!"

PeppaAteMySoul · 18/07/2016 11:38

Cross posted. Yes the OP should try and see were her mother is coming from and it is only natural to worry for your child but the OP also needs support. It's a terrifying time.

Cosmo111 · 18/07/2016 11:39

Judging by your other thread about you're DP I doubt your relationship will last and you'll be a single parent. I speak from experience although I was 21 when I had my DS.I lost my career as I was university and ended up holding the baby whilst ex has the life of Riley. I missed out on so much. I love my DS dearly but sad he doesn't get to have both parents under the same roof as his siblings. I would be devasted if my DD had to go through what I went through. It's such a difference to experience a happy stable pregnancy with a loving partner, stable home and income.

Notthecarwashagain · 18/07/2016 11:39

I'm with your mum I'm afraid.
My DD is 17 and I'd be gutted.
I had her at 17, and thought I was grown up and ready.
I look at her, now, and can't imagine her bringing up a child. It's so young!

There's no turning back time, and I'm glad you are happy and secure, but your mum is not trying to be cruel, or spoil your news.
You're her little girl (sorry!) and she's worried.

When your baby is born, I'm sure your mum will be delighted and love him or her unconditionally.
Give her time.

All the best to you all.

catscratchingpost · 18/07/2016 11:39

I had a termination I was unsure about at 19. Best decision I've ever made. I've just had a baby now at 27 and in the light of that I'm even more relieved I made that decision!

bibbitybobbityyhat · 18/07/2016 11:40

I've just spent the weekend with my in-laws. Dh's mum had him at 18. He has turned out ok, although there is a lot about his upbringing that he was unhappy with. But he left home when his mum was 36 and she has spent the rest of her life doing nothing but work in minimum wage jobs and retire. They live in the same house, in the same village, have never had any money for travelling or luxuries or even to go out for meals. They are still badly off now and can't even afford a dog although they would dearly love one. They were in too much of a rush, could easily have waited 10 years to start a family.

dowhatnow · 18/07/2016 11:41

I think the fact that the op can't understand why her mum is acting as she is, just demonstrates her immaturity.

You can believe you are doing the right thing for you, but still undertand why other people might react in a less than positive way.

MunchCrunch01 · 18/07/2016 11:44

also the comments about how lovely her BF's mum is are immature, she might be, but it's very unlikely she's got op's best interests at heart or will be with her through thick and thin. I struggle to think well of a woman who would be overjoyed to find out her 23 year old DS had gotten his 17 yo girlfriend pg.

paxillin · 18/07/2016 11:44

Hang on, you were actively trying to get pregnant whilst your boyfriend doesn't want a baby? I can understand your mum is pointing out the pitfalls of this plan. It is done now and I'm sure she will support you in time. I wouldn't necessarily plan on his continued involvement though, check how you will cope financially and with the workload without him, you might have to.

Gowgirl · 18/07/2016 11:44

A baby at 17, I would be bloody angry with the pair of you let alone unsupportive. I expect a 17 yr old to be pretty irresponsible but would be expecting you to get drunk and throw up on my stairs, or phoning from holiday asking for a money transfer not expecting me to be pleased about an unplanned baby.
Waves to bbb.
Your mum wants you to acknowledge the enormity of this children are hard work at 30 let alone in your teens.

bibbitybobbityyhat · 18/07/2016 11:44

Sorry, I'm not cross about the op or her situation. I'm not that involved! I am cross at what I see as active encouragement to keep the baby on this thread - to the posters who are saying congratulations, congratulations about what?? The op has conceived, it is hardly a congratulations matter (imo)

Cosmo111 · 18/07/2016 11:45

It demonstrates the level of maturity that you had been trying then your BF decides he doesn't want you to be pregnant

P1nkP0ppy · 18/07/2016 11:46

I'm with wibblywobbly on this, I'd be furious if my dd thought this was sensible. You're going to be relying heavily on others (and the state if you haven't been working for two years.
I presume from your other thread that your bf's not happy either?

PurpleDaisies · 18/07/2016 11:47

The op is happy she is pregnant. She is not considering a termination. It's pretty off to be telling her that she shouldn't keep the baby imo. No one else should be making that decision. It's only hers to make,

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